Tag: personal growth

Hero in Progress

Establishing the Lair: Levelling Up the Home Base

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell, in her black-and-purple superhero suit, stands at the center of a living room split between an unfinished, box-filled space and a calm, blueprint-like vision of an organized home. Diana, her black cat with golden eyes, sits peacefully at her side.

The Lair in Progress

Every hero needs a home base of operations. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, Batman has his Batcave. I have a home.

Since I moved into my new place on January 2nd, I’ve been busy. The move itself was exhausting and took me awhile to recover from the sheer exhaustion. For the last few weeks, I’ve been unpacking and slowly setting up systems.

It’s very important to me to have a neat, tidy and organized home now. As someone with ADHD, I often struggle with keeping places neat and tidy. I want to change that. I still have a long way to go, but I can finally see the beginning of the end.

The Work No One Sees

As I live alone, I only have myself to rely on to get things done. With my crazy schedule, I decided to turn my to-do list to a “what I feel like doing today” list. The first thing I wanted to establish was a quick daily tidy. This includes putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher (running it when full and emptying it when clean), clearing counters and living room surfaces of pop cans or garbage, and taking out the recycling when needed. For the most part, I have kept this routine, with a few meh-days mixed in when my energy was low.

One thing about me is I’m a deadline-oriented person. I can’t pre-plan things, per se, as once I do that, suddenly my mind says “that’s too much work!” and it never gets done. Remembering there will be an inspection from the landlords 3 months in, I’m realizing that that is a due date.

Last week, I wrote down all I had left to do in the living room and kitchen, and began spacing them out to certain days. As I work Sunday nights to Friday mornings, and sleep at roughly noon to 8 p.m., finding time to work is a little difficult. I save more heavier tasks for the Friday and Saturday, with some overflow to Sunday morning, and on work days, I try to add one to two tasks to accomplish in the mornings around 9:30 a.m. So far, this system seems to be working.

Living Room

The biggest thing to do with the living room was to finish unpacking, and figure out what goes on the storage racks in the big closet. I knew I wanted to have 2-3 shelves for kitchen overflow items that aren’t used regularly and I don’t have space for in the kitchen cupboards or drawers. I also have a lot of books.

I found Dr. Anxiety lurking around in the shadows telling me this task is impossible and I should just give up. The Procrastinator also made many appearances here and there, distracting me with all sorts of things. The Taskmaster was also trying to tell me all of the tasks that have to be done, and was ordering me to get certain things done by such and such a date. Unsurprisingly, I found it overwhelming.

I enlisted the help of The Navigator and The Groundskeeper to help me sort out how to accomplish these tasks. Once I wrote down the list of things left to do, and divided them into days, I decided to give myself a deadline last weekend to have the living room and kitchen completed by the end of this upcoming weekend (which also happens to be a long weekend).

I got through the books by first unpacking them and putting them randomly on shelves. Then I figured out I would need 4 of the shelves in the rack to accommodate them. I began sorting them into categories, realized stacking them like a library wouldn’t work with the spacing in the racks, and had to stack them vertically instead. After that, I organized the board games on the bottom rack on the other side, which left space for 3 kitchen shelves.

Kitchen

I had 4 boxes left to unpack that I wasn’t sure where to put things that hung around for a while. After I was done sorting through the living room shelves, it became much easier to tackle one box per day as my goal. Yesterday I went through two small boxes and one large box as I had the momentum to keep going. Today I finished unpacking the boxes.

Finishing Touches

All that’s left is finding homes for the remaining random objects, ensure items like knick-knacks and figures are positioned to where they will live, and clean the place. I’m still gearing towards finishing this living room and kitchen by Saturday. I want to take a break on Sunday as it’s a day off of work and I am planning on just relaxing.

Why This Matters More Than It Looks

This might sound like a boring thing to post about, but it is so satisfying completing a project like this. I made it my resolution this year to keep a clean, tidy, and organized home. I’m working towards that goal, one small step at a time. Keeping daily cleaning and tidying rituals is also very helpful. I find it doesn’t take very long if I do it at least once a day.

Because I have a naturally disorganized streak, the messier things get, the more overwhelmed I feel. Then I just put it off and it never gets done. When I finally do get off my butt and do something about it, it always surprises me how fast it takes to get it done. I don’t want to keep doing this.

There’s also this side of me that puts off doing other things I want to accomplish because I have to clean or organize my home first. It is so exhausting to keep putting things I want to do off.

This is part of what I call Emotional Cartography—learning how my environment affects my emotions and adjusting accordingly.

What’s Still Unfinished (And That’s Okay)

I have given myself the deadline of early March to try to have the place in order, or at least mostly in order. After I finish the kitchen/living room area this weekend (and take a day off), I will tackle the rest of my bedroom next week, and finish with sorting the second bedroom—which is a lot—for the remainder of the month.

The good news is there is an end in sight. My bedroom shouldn’t take too long to do, but I’ll tackle it like I did the living room and kitchen. I will make a list of what needs to be done and figure out when, then add it to my What I Feel Like Doing Today list for the week.

As the name of the list implies, I can change the order as I see fit if I feel like tackling something else. Or if I want to push something more difficult to a weekend night to work on. And I space it out just in case I have a meh-day somewhere in the middle of this.

A hero isn’t just born a hero. It’s a journey of thousands of small steps. As with RPG-types of video games, heroes need to level up. I finally feel like I’m about to reach a new level.

Diana’s Wisdom

Diana has two modes:

  1. Notice the human is doing something and try to help by batting her toys around.
  2. Go into the second bedroom window and sleep.

I’m sure she would appreciate a nice and tidy home as well. Just so long as she can still locate her favourite toys.

Final Thought: The Lair Is Live

I’m looking forward to establishing my home base as a place of comfort and relaxation. I certainly hope this renewed energy continues to show up. But if there is a meh-day in-between, I’ll simply rename it a “me-day”.

How do you keep things neat and tidy? I’d love to hear your tips or tricks, especially if you also have ADHD.

Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Who’s Who: Heroes, Shadows, and Wild Cards

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands on a hill beside her black cat Diana, facing a line of shadowy silhouettes representing the heroes, shadows, and wild cards of her inner world.

Who’s Who in My World

Along with myself and Diana, there are thirteen constant companions in my inner world. Some are heroes, some are shadows, and some are just wild cards. I thought it would be fitting to give each of these characters a brief bio, just in case you were curious what I’m talking about.

It’s no secret that sometimes I struggle with my emotions. While I don’t necessarily think of emotions as good or bad, some are more helpful than others. What follows are the characters I’ve created (with a little assist from ChatGPT) to try to explain them to everyone who reads this.

I’ve already introduced three of these characters. I hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The Heroes

These are the more helpful of my emotional allies:

LADY OPTIMISM

Lady Optimism

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Hope
Primary Role: Keeps morale alive during difficulty
Shows Up When: Things feel heavy, but not hopeless

Lady Optimism radiates encouragement and forward momentum. She believes that things can improve, even when the path forward isn’t clear yet. At her best, she brings lightness, reassurance, and the reminder that effort still matters. When overextended, she can drift toward denial, but her true strength lies in offering hope without erasing reality.

THE NAVIGATOR

The Navigator

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Clarity
Primary Role: Helps choose direction based on values
Shows Up When: Facing crossroads, big decisions, or identity shifts

The Navigator helps sort what matters from what’s merely loud. They don’t rush decisions or offer easy answers, but instead bring focus to values, priorities, and long-term alignment. When everything feels possible and overwhelming at once, The Navigator slows the moment enough to see a true path forward. Their guidance isn’t about certainty—it’s about choosing with intention.

THE GROUNDSKEEPER

The Groundskeeper

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Regulation
Primary Role: Maintains routine and stability
Shows Up When: Life starts to feel scattered or overwhelming

The Groundskeeper tends to the basics that keep everything else functioning. He focuses on sleep, food, tidying, and simple systems that prevent small issues from becoming crises. Patient and consistent, he works in the background rather than seeking attention. His strength lies in maintenance, reminding me that stability is built through care, not force.

THE TRANSLATOR

The Translator

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Emotional literacy
Primary Role: Interprets feelings before reactions take over
Shows Up When: Emotions are strong but unclear

The Translator helps me understand what I’m actually feeling instead of reacting blindly. He identifies the emotions beneath the surface, turning confusion into language that makes sense. Sometimes he goes offline when things are too overwhelming, but he always comes back online once clarity is possible again. His work turns emotional noise into understanding.

THE WATCHER

The Watcher

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Awareness
Primary Role: Observes patterns without judgment
Shows Up When: Confusion, overwhelm, or repetition becomes noticeable

The Watcher notices what’s happening without trying to change it. They observe patterns, timing, and reactions, gently turning chaos into information. When clarity is hard to reach, The Watcher offers perspective rather than answers, allowing understanding to emerge naturally. Their presence removes shame by replacing self-criticism with curiosity.

The Shadows

Not all of these characters make things easier. Some complicate things—but they still have something to say. These are the shadows:

DR. ANXIETY

Dr. Anxiety

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Fear
Primary Role: Scans for danger and worst-case outcomes
Shows Up When: Uncertainty, pressure, or loss of control appear

Dr. Anxiety is always analyzing risk, forecasting what could go wrong before it happens. He presents himself as helpful and protective, even when his warnings spiral into overwhelm. At his best, he highlights real concerns that deserve attention. When unchecked, he turns possibility into catastrophe and urgency into paralysis.

THE DEPRESSION BEAST

The Depression Beast

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Despair
Primary Role: Pulls energy inward and dampens motivation
Shows Up When: Prolonged stress, loss, or emotional exhaustion set in

The Depression Beast moves slowly but with great weight, making even simple tasks feel impossible. His presence dulls motivation, flattens emotion, and wraps everything in heaviness. While deeply uncomfortable, he often signals that something has been pushed too far for too long. Ignoring him rarely works—understanding his message is the first step toward relief.

CAPTAIN RAGE

Captain Rage

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Anger
Primary Role: Defends against perceived threat or injustice
Shows Up When: Boundaries are crossed or frustration boils over

Captain Rage reacts fast and loudly, charging in when something feels unfair, unsafe, or overwhelming. His anger often masks deeper emotions like hurt, fear, or grief, but his instinct is always protective. When channeled well, he can enforce boundaries and demand change. When unchecked, he escalates conflict and burns through energy without resolution.

THE ARCHIVIST OF REGRET

The Archivist of Regret

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Regret
Primary Role: Preserves memories of past mistakes and missed chances
Shows Up When: Looking backward instead of forward

The Archivist of Regret carefully catalogs what went wrong, replaying moments that feel unfinished or unresolved. She believes that remembering mistakes will prevent them from happening again, even when the cost is self-forgiveness. At her best, she offers insight and hard-earned lessons. When she dominates, the past becomes heavier than the present, making growth feel out of reach.

THE TASKMASTER

The Taskmaster

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Control
Primary Role: Enforces productivity and high standards
Shows Up When: Fear of failure or falling behind takes over

The Taskmaster demands action, structure, and results, often without regard for capacity or rest. He believes that constant effort is the only way to stay safe and successful. When balanced, he can drive focus and follow-through. When unchecked, he turns progress into punishment and mistakes into proof of inadequacy.

The Wild Cards

Then there are the ones who don’t fit neatly anywhere.

THE FOG

The Fog

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Dissociation
Primary Role: Blurs awareness to reduce overload
Shows Up When: Things become emotionally or mentally overwhelming

The Fog softens everything—thoughts, feelings, memory, and urgency. He doesn’t cause harm directly, but his presence can be disorienting, making it hard to focus or feel fully present. Sometimes he acts as protection, stepping in when experience becomes too intense to process. Other times, his lingering signals a need to stop pushing and gently re-enter clarity.

THE TRICKSTER

The Trickster

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance
Primary Role: Redirects attention through humour and distraction
Shows Up When: Discomfort, boredom, or emotional tension appear

The Trickster deflects seriousness with jokes, scrolling, and sudden side-quests. He isn’t malicious and often believes he’s helping by lightening the mood. In small doses, he brings playfulness and relief. When left unchecked, he pulls focus away from things that matter, turning avoidance into delay.

THE PROCRASTINATOR

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance (with guilt)
Primary Role: Delays action by downplaying urgency
Shows Up When: Tasks feel boring, overwhelming, or emotionally loaded.

The Procrastinator shrugs off urgency with a casual “later.” He soothes discomfort in the moment by postponing action, convincing me that the task can wait without consequence. Sometimes he’s genuinely helpful, creating space when pressure is artificial or energy is depleted. More often, he leaves behind guilt, regret, and the uncomfortable feeling of having let myself down.

Team-Ups and Tensions

These characters don’t exist in isolation. They react to one another, amplify each other, and sometimes work at cross-purposes. Understanding how they interact helps me recognize what’s actually happening in the moment—not just which character has shown up.

Common Team-Ups

The Translator + The Watcher

The Watcher observes patterns over time, while The Translator interprets emotions in the moment. Together, they turn experience into understanding without judgment. When confusion hits, this pairing brings clarity and context.

The Groundskeeper + The Navigator

The Navigator helps determine direction, and The Groundskeeper ensures the foundation is stable enough to move. One chooses the path; the other makes sure it’s walkable. This team-up turns intention into sustainable action.

Lady Optimism + The Groundskeeper

Lady Optimism provides hope and encouragement, while The Groundskeeper keeps things practical. Together, they balance morale with realism, preventing positivity from becoming pressure.

Productive Tensions

Captain Rage vs. The Taskmaster

Both demand action, but for different reasons. Captain Rage reacts to perceived injustice, while The Taskmaster pushes for productivity and control. When unchecked, they can escalate each other into burnout.

Dr. Anxiety vs. The Navigator

Dr. Anxiety floods the system with worst-case scenarios, making decision-making feel urgent and overwhelming. The Navigator slows things down, filtering fear through values and long-term perspective.

The Archivist of Regret vs. Lady Optimism

The Archivist looks backward, preserving lessons from past mistakes. Lady Optimism looks forward, focused on possibility. When balanced, they offer wisdom and hope. When misaligned, they can cancel each other out.

Wild Card Interference

The Fog and Everyone Else

The Fog blurs signals, making it harder for any character to function clearly. While sometimes protective, prolonged fog disrupts communication and decision-making across the system.

The Trickster vs. The Taskmaster

The Trickster avoids discomfort through humour and distraction, directly undermining The Taskmaster’s drive for structure and completion. Sometimes this brings relief. Sometimes it delays what needs attention.

The Procrastinator + The Trickster

The Procrastinator often pairs with The Trickster, trading humor for indifference. One distracts, the other delays, and together they can quietly derail momentum. What begins as relief can turn into lost time before anyone notices.

The Procrastinator vs. The Taskmaster

The Procrastinator and The Taskmaster are locked in a delayed conflict. Avoidance invites pressure, and pressure invites more avoidance. When The Taskmaster finally takes over, the response is often guilt-driven rather than productive.

Why These Interactions Matter

No single character is “the problem.” What matters is who’s leading, who’s reacting, and who’s being ignored. These interactions offer clues—about capacity, unmet needs, and when it’s time to slow down, step back, or ask for help.

Diana

Of course, a proper Who’s Who wouldn’t be complete without my lovely sidekick, Diana.

DIANA

Diana the cat

Type: Ally
Core Emotion: Comfort
Primary Role: Grounds and soothes through quiet presence
Shows Up When: Stress is high, emotions are heavy, or rest is needed

Diana offers calm without commentary. She provides comfort through closeness, routine, and gentle companionship, reminding me to slow down and breathe. Her presence softens intensity and brings the focus back to the moment. Without trying to fix anything, she helps regulate the system simply by being there. She doesn’t belong to any category—she simply belongs.

Final Thought

I hope you have found this as entertaining—and informative—as I have. For me, it helps to characterize the various emotions I tend to struggle with so I can gain better control over them. I may refer to these characters from time to time—as shorthand, as insight, or simply as part of the story I’m learning to understand.

So tell me: Who’s Who in your inner world?

Hero in Progress

Not Every Day Needs a Quest: SuperMell Takes a Breather

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell reclines on a couch in her black-and-purple superhero suit, eyes softly open as she rests and watches gentle shadows on the wall. Diana, a mostly black cat with a small white chest tuft and golden eyes, lies calmly beside her, capturing a quiet moment of rest and companionship.

🛰️ Opening Log: Permission to Pause

Honestly, I’m quite exhausted today. I have been doing a lot for the last month or two:

  • Packed up the old place
  • Moved
  • Slowly unpacking and organizing the new place
  • Creating systems that will ensure I keep the place neat and tidy
  • Working full-time in the evenings, and sleeping during the afternoons

That’s a big list, believe it or not. And I’m not as young or as agile as I once was. Therefore, today I took a day off to just sit with myself. SuperMell takes a breather.

⚠️ The False Villain: “If I Stop, I’ll Fall Behind”

Yes, my old arch-nemesis Dr. Anxiety is showing his ugly face once again. He’s trying to tell me that if I don’t finish everything all at once, I will fail at keeping my resolution to keep a clean, neat and tidy home. This makes me feel somewhat guilty for listening to my body while it yearned for a break.

The truth is I might be putting too much pressure on myself to do it perfectly. For instance, I was trying to set up my figures in the glass display case I have, but the bottom two rows kept falling down, so I had to stop before the anger set in. That moment knocked me off my rhythm, and Dr. Anxiety was quick to declare it a failure. But did I really fail? Or did I recognize my level of frustration was raising, and I needed to take a break from it? I prefer the latter.

This pressure I am adding to myself to do it all perfectly might be the problem. As a person with ADHD, there is that desire to be perfect at it, but that is simply not possible. I should aim for 80%, not 100%. Rest is necessary, especially when putting a place together. There’s no real deadline. If I keep at it, even slowly, it will all get done eventually.

In the past, this type of bait Dr. Anxiety waves in front of me would work. I’d feel like a failure for not doing my daily to-dos and give up. But it’s only a day. I can just get up and try again tomorrow.

🧠 What a “Brain Break” Actually Means (For Me)

Everyone is different and handles things differently, I suppose. For me, a brain break is a day where I don’t do much and almost lose myself to my thoughts. It happens every once in a while, where I revisit old memories, imagine how I’d handle it differently, or just space out for a time. That was what happened yesterday.

I’ve come to realize these brain breaks are absolutely necessary for me to move forward. It’s directly related to my emotions at the moment, so if I pay attention to what it’s trying to tell me about how I’m feeling, acknowledge that I’m feeling this way, and deal with it accordingly, then I can move on.

What a brain break isn’t is giving up. I’m not telling myself I have failed at life therefore I shouldn’t try. It was just one day. I need some days that are just reserved for these breaks every once in a while, otherwise I would definitely fall off into the abyss. Then the Depression Beast would show its fangs.

🛠️ What I’m Actively Not Doing Right Now

Right now, I’m not panicking about not doing anything on a day off. I’m not forcing myself to be productive despite my exhaustion. The plan is simply to do what I feel like doing today, not plan every single detail and schedule those. That way has never worked for me. In fact, I’ve actually titled my chore list as a “What I Feel Like Doing Today” list.

I am also not judging myself for needing to take a day. Even athletes can’t be performing for an entire game. They also need breaks.

Incidentally, I’m also not turning a much needed rest day into a perfectly rested day either. Hence, my decision to write this blog post.

Most importantly, I’m not telling myself I have failed. One of my favourite lines from a He-Man cartoon back in the day was:

The only time you fail is if you give up before you even try.

I haven’t given up and I’m going to keep trying.

🧭 What I Am Still Holding Onto

Above all else, I am still holding onto my new relationship with Lady Optimism. I haven’t quite figured out what my emotions were trying to tell me today, but I know I will figure it out.

I’m still holding onto routines and strategies for coping with this mountain of work ahead of me. The intention is to keep working at it, even slowly, so I know eventually I won’t have to do much. I’m getting in the habit of clearing spaces, tidying up the spaces I’ve already gotten to, putting dishes away, wiping down the kitchen counter, and trying to unpack one box per day (at least). This has been a successful approach so far. When these habits no longer need to be put into my daily What I Feel Like Doing Today list and I just instinctively do it, then I know I will have succeeded.

Even if I don’t, and still need the daily lists, that’s still okay. Maintaining your mind is just as important as maintaining your home, after all.

🐾 Diana’s Approach to Non-Quests

As anyone who’s ever been owned by a cat can tell you, they sleep and rest a lot. Sure, they can get up and bat a ball around for a while, or cozy up to you, demanding to be pet, or fed, or both! Does Diana feel guilty for resting as much as she does? I doubt it. She doesn’t optimize her naps. She just chooses to nap. Watching her rest reminds me that rest is a beautiful thing, and her presence is productive in her own way.

🌱 Final Thought: Rest Is Part of the Journey

SuperMell needed to take a breather today. That just had to happen. My emotions were a little raw, and I needed space to sort through them. And honestly? Even superheroes need a break. Not every day has to have a quest or a battle. Some days exist to refill the map, sharpen the compass, or simply sit by the fire. SuperMell isn’t disappearing. She’s breathing.

Where could you allow yourself a pause? Tell me how you handle off-days in the comments.

The Ones Who Shaped Me

🐦 Fly, Robin, Fly: A Hero Who Grew Up With Me

Mell D'Clute
A semi-realistic comic-style illustration of SuperMell standing confidently in a black and purple Nightwing-inspired superhero suit with a stylized “M” on her chest. Behind her, a glowing, abstract silhouette made of star-like light echoes a dynamic acrobatic pose, symbolizing inspiration and legacy rather than a specific character. At her side sits Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white patch on her chest. The scene feels cosmic, reflective, and heroic, representing growth, mentorship, and becoming one’s own hero.

The Song That Was Playing When My Story Began

Many moons ago, on the very day I was born, the number one song at the time was “Fly, Robin, Fly!” by Silver Convention. It almost seems predestined that one of my all-time favourite heroes is Richard Grayson, a.k.a. Robin, and later Nightwing. This is a post dedicated to him—indeed, SuperMell wouldn’t exist without Nightwing’s inspiration with the costume.

This isn’t just a post about a superhero though. I grew up with him, and in many ways, grew alongside him. He’s always been a part of my life in some way, shape or form. This is the story of how one fictional character can impact the life of one girl. That idea—of evolving rather than escaping your origin—is something I’ve explored before in Origin Rewritten: Becoming the Hero I Needed Back Then.

Finding Robin: My First Hero

As early as I can remember, I quickly became a fan of Robin. Watching old reruns of the 1960s Batman TV show, and the Super Friends cartoon was how I was introduced to him. In fact, I think he may have been my first crush. I didn’t know the difference between live action and cartoons, so I thought he was the same person. He was so cool, so smart, and, honestly? Every time he said, “Holy [whatever], Batman!”, the young me thought he was swearing, which made him seem edgy as well.

The rest of my early formative years, I spent watching more of Robin in the various DC cartoons, In fact, you could argue I grew up with Robin as he was growing up. The thing that set him apart from all the other superheroes was that he was a kid. A teen sidekick. He was closer to my age and had no real superpowers, but was incredibly athletic and could always solve riddles like they were no big deal.

Growing Up Alongside Him

When I became a teenager, Robin had grown up into a young adult and took on a new persona as Nightwing. I struggled as a teenager due to many years being bullied at school. That period shaped how I saw myself for years, something I later unpacked more fully in End of Arc: The Year I Reclaimed My Power. I wasn’t allowed to play with toys anymore, because I was too old, yet not old enough.

In Junior High School I developed epilepsy in my teens and had a huge seizure that had me hospitalized. On that fateful day, I was given two comic books: one of which was Secret Origins featuring the Teen Titans.

Even though it was a spotlight on the Teen Titans, this story was all about Robin becoming Nightwing, growing up, making mistakes, becoming a leader. This issue reignited my love for him, and I became a comic book collector soon after.

Becoming Nightwing

His journey from sidekick to a hero in his own right didn’t happen gracefully. He had a falling out with his mentor/father, Batman. He struggled with his feelings about Bruce a lot in those days. I suppose that’s what happens sometimes when kids grow into young adults. They suddenly don’t agree with their parents or want to do things their own way. Not necessarily to be argumentative, but because you have to figure things out yourself. And sometimes parents make mistakes, too. Maybe their way isn’t necessarily the right way!

Becoming Mell

In a strange way, I found myself relating deeply to this chapter of Grayson’s story. Watching him navigate the complicated space between guidance and independence mirrored something I was experiencing in my own life at the time. Seeing a hero choose his own path mirrored something I was slowly learning myself—what it means to become a hero of my own choosing.

Early adulthood is often a period of friction—not because of conflict, but because of growth. You begin to question who you are, what you believe, and how you want to move through the world. Sometimes that process comes with tension, even in loving families, simply because becoming yourself requires redefining old dynamics.

Seeing that struggle reflected in a fictional hero helped more than I realized at the time. It was comforting to know that uncertainty, disagreement, and distance didn’t mean failure—they were part of becoming something more whole. Even in a comic book, it reminded me that growth doesn’t happen without a little discomfort, and that relationships can evolve rather than break.

That realization stayed with me.

Why Nightwing Still Matters to Me

Other iterations of Nightwing have also been nice to watch, namely in the DC animated universe, and even the Titans live action show, which was awesome, by the way! I like how his character evolved in Young Justice. I loved how his character handled dealing with an unknown son of Batman in the Son of Batman animated movie, then later with the Teen Titans cartoon of the same style and voice actors.

Nightwing evolved from a spunky extroverted acrobat, to a troubled young adult, to a hero of his own choosing. Sure, he still gets inspiration from Batman (I mean, Nightwing is directly related to Batman), but he does things his own way. He refused to be just like Bruce and became more of what he used to be before the trauma. In other words, he actually healed from his trauma—and he has made some amazing friends along the way.

While I am not an extrovert, nor an athletic beast as Grayson is, I always found his character to be captivating. He grew up, became his own person, and found a way back to having a healthy relationship with his adopted father. Where Bruce embraced the darkness, Robin excelled at the limelight. I mean, he grew up in a circus, performing as a young kid of 10 years old on the trapeze. He was born to be a star.

When I chose my SuperMell moniker, the costume was directly inspired by Nightwing’s costume, only changed the blue to purple, and the exaggerated bird on his chest to a stylized M. He’s been such a huge influence to me that I couldn’t have imagined another type of costume. Blue is Grayson’s favourite colour. Mine is purple.

Rockin’ Robin

Richard Grayson has been a huge influence on my life since I can remember. Besides Fly, Robin, Fly, there was also Rockin’ Robin by Jackson Five that always made me think of the superhero and not the bird (I do love the bird, too, though). I decided to write this post about him because I wouldn’t have grown into the person I am today without seeing his journey into a hero of his own design.

Who is your favourite superhero? What about that hero inspires you to be a better person? Share in the comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Hero in Progress

Standing at the Threshold: One Last Night Before Launch

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell walks forward in a calm, confident stride through a glowing, mystical threshold of light. She wears a black Nightwing-inspired superhero suit with a purple “M” emblem, purple gloves, belt, boots, and glasses. Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white chest patch, perches calmly on her shoulder. The space behind them fades into cool shadow, while warm golden light opens ahead, symbolizing transition, courage, and a new beginning.

🛰️ Mission Log: The Space Between

Happy New Year! 2026 is set to start with a bang for me. A brand new adventure awaits—I move into my new place tomorrow.

This chapter of my life is coming to a close. I finished my last shift before I move. I’m in the process of cleaning and packing my place. There’s still so much left to do, but I know I can get it done in a day.

This threshold isn’t a metaphor, incidentally. It’s real. It does feel like I’m about to start a new chapter in the Book of Mell.

⚠️ Status Report: Dr. Anxiety at the Edge of the Door

Yes, that dastardly evil Dr. Anxiety is starting to whisper in my ear. I can’t deny his presence. He does thrive on last day jitters, after all. And he absolutely loves liminal moments like this.

Anyone who has moved knows what I’m talking about. It’s completely normal to feel some anxiety on the threshold of a move such as this. The evil doctor is using this perfectly normal feeling to try to exert his influence. The types of messages he’s sending me aren’t very helpful.

While I can sense his presence nearby, I’m doing my best to counter his attacks. Just because anxiety is here, it doesn’t necessarily mean danger. It means there’s a transition afoot.

🧭 What’s Locked In (No Rewrites Allowed)

Nevertheless, I will move on Friday. That’s already a given. This wasn’t rushed. I methodically planned it out, step by step, task by task. I refuse to give in to his fears.

It’s not like I haven’t moved before—I’ve done this many times. This one feels different because most of my old life was still packed away in the garage. While I have appreciated having a roof over my head and am grateful my parents helped me out a lot, I have missed my things. I know it’s just stuff, but it’s part of my identity in a way.

Dr. Anxiety thinks he can use my fear of things going back to before I moved into their house. But the thing is I have changed a lot since those days. I have rebuilt my life back up from scratch. It may not be perfect or what I imagined it would look like, but my attitude is what’s changed.

🛠️ How I’m Holding the Line Tonight

The future hasn’t been written yet, so what’s the point of worrying about tomorrow? Tomorrow never actually arrives. While I’m acknowledging the presence of Dr. Anxiety, I know how to keep him at bay. Every time he whispers a doubt in my mind, I counter attack with “I’ve got this!” That silences him for a time.

For now, I’m only concentrating on what I have left to do in the next 24 hours. It’ll be busy, and I’ll take naps here and there so I can transition my sleep schedule to be up and raring to go on Friday morning. I have built some reliable systems and so far they seem to be working. I have to have faith that the Universe is guiding me precisely to where I belong.

🐾 Diana, Keeper of the Present Moment

As I prepare for the move, Diana appears to have two modes:

  1. Accompany me and knock over a few things while I’m packing (including an unopened pop can that sprang a leak and sprayed everywhere).
  2. Sleep.

She is a master of zen, after all. She may not have any idea we are moving in a day, but she seems happy to be living in the moment. Diana doesn’t recognize thresholds. She only focuses on the now. Sometimes I think she sees home as portable as she is—and that’s okay with me.

🚀 Final Thought: You Don’t Need to Leap—Just Step

The infamous line “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” is interesting. While a step on the moon can feel like a leap, it was a metaphor for all the hard work it took to get there. In some ways, I feel like an astronaut, on the eve of a new launch into a new horizon.

This launch doesn’t require fearlessness. I certainly don’t have to have everything figured out as I turn the page on my new adventure. All it will take is one small step.

Tonight, I stand here. Tomorrow, I step forward. That’s the whole mission.

How do you keep Dr. Anxiety at bay?

Mission Logs

End of Arc: The Year I Reclaimed My Power

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands full-body on a stone platform at dawn, raising a glowing pen like a symbol of reclaimed power. She wears a black, Nightwing-inspired suit with a purple “M” emblem and purple accents, while golden light spirals from the pen into the sky. At her side, Diana the black cat with a small white chest patch and golden eyes stands alert, reflecting the light as the horizon opens ahead.

The Moment the Arc Closed

It’s that time of year when a year is coming to a close and a new one is beginning soon. As I do believe I am the hero of my own story, it seems like the perfect opportunity for me to restart my old Year in Review post tradition.

This year has been interesting, to say the least. After battling through some stormy weather, I finally feel like I’ve landed on a new path forward. This is radically different from how I felt at the end of last year. So much has changed… I feel it’s necessary to recap the highlights. This year may not have ended perfectly, but it definitely ended differently.

The Arc I Was Trapped In

Since I lost my job a few years ago, I was struggling to dig myself out of a very dark pit. It seemed like I would be stuck forever, with no way out, for the longest time—a couple of years of feeling this way to be precise. In fact, I began 2025 with those very feelings about my life. I was working a crappy job, feeling pain in my wrist at night, scrimping and saving, but quickly realizing there was no way I’d be able to afford rent on the meagre amount I was making each month. It was hard to find even a shred of hope.

I was stuck in survival mode. Self-doubt was running the show, and I was living small. In fact, you could say I was reacting instead of choosing my path. I was miserable.

Something did start to happen though. A change was in the air, whether or not I was able to see it. I could definitely feel it. As luck would have it, it all started with the pain in my wrist.

When My Body Drew the Line

The pain in my wrist turned out to be carpal tunnel syndrome, which I got from using vacuum cleaners that barely worked to clean a huge office building, and carrying heavy loads of garbage as well. The job was destroying my health and making me wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain shooting up and down my right arm. I got evaluated for carpal tunnel, which wound up being diagnosed as “pretty severe,” and surgery was scheduled. They sliced open my hand, released a compressed nerve, and then resealed the incision. The recovery process took almost two months, during which I had to take time off work. This marked the beginning of the change.

The First Step Into a New Arc

During the lead-up to the surgery, I started thinking about where I was in life. Working a crappy and unfulfilling job, living in my parents’ basement, barely making enough to get by. I thought to myself, “This isn’t where I want to be anymore!”

It dawned on me that I needed to take some charge of my career. I decided to seek out a career counsellor for advice and work on looking for options to get back into my old career. While I didn’t find that door, a different one opened up for me—one I didn’t expect to see.

Writing Myself Back Into the Story

Also during this time, I made a decision to start up this website. I felt I needed to put myself out there in order to find a way back to my chosen career. I deleted my old blog (which I found to be too negative) and started this new one. At first, I used ChatGPT to help me write the blog posts, aiming for one post per day to keep interest in my site. However, when that started to feel like it was more of a ChatGPT blog than my own, I decided to scale it back and write these posts myself. I still use it to help me come up with titles and possible outlines, as well as improving readability and SEO scores, but I wanted—no, needed—to write again.

The Breaking Point

While working with a career counsellor and trying to find a way back to my career, I decided to go back to work once my wrist healed, but I even remember telling my boss I wouldn’t be overdoing it for awhile yet, as I didn’t want to risk re-injury. As it turned out, the people I worked for were being even more neglectful in paying some of their workers on time. This worried me somewhat, but this happened before, so I thought it was just temporary. That is, until it happened to me.

At the end of July, I was supposed to get paid, but they delayed paying me, citing that a Fortune 500 company hadn’t paid them—a small family contracting business. I found that hard to believe, but when this pay wasn’t happening around a long weekend, I got nervous. According to employment standards, workers are to be paid at least on a monthly basis, which the employers did, so seeing as I wouldn’t get paid until August 6th, I finally got upset enough about it and filled out a complaint against the company for failing to pay me on time. I had every right to do that.

Suddenly, the “we really appreciate all your hard work” friendly attitude I was always getting turned into the opposite. Seeing as I had that complaint registered against them, they couldn’t really fire me as that would have been illegal and I’d have every right to sue them. Instead, they found many supposed problems with the way I was doing my job, even threatening to fire me. They decided to give me one more chance to prove myself, cut back my hours even more, still expecting the same amount and quality of work, and wrote up some official report of my supposed offences.

For me, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I no longer wanted to wait to find the perfect career anymore. I just needed to get the hell out of there.

Choosing Myself

I began applying more steadily to any job I could find so I could get out of that situation as soon as possible. They made me feel like I was a bug. I hated feeling that way. An opportunity came by for me to work full-time at a local print hub in Calgary—only it would be working the night shift, but they’d pay an extra $3 per hour compared to the day shift. As I was never really a morning person, I took the opportunity.

At this time, it started to dawn on me that perhaps the reason I felt so “stuck” in the first place was because I was always telling myself that. “I don’t think I’ll ever have my own place again!” “My life is over!” “I had a great career and flushed it down the toilet” “This is the life I deserve for being a moron!” Is it really all that surprising that that’s how life was showing up for me?

The minute I decided to stand up for myself and fight for myself, I got a new job. Suddenly, hope began to come back to me. I could see a way out of the dark tunnel.

The Power I Reclaimed

🔹 Owning My Inner World

These are not by any means new powers. They’ve always been there. I realized a while ago that a person’s thoughts and attitudes shape who they are. There is truly power in positive thinking, and, likewise, there is also power in negative thinking. I feel like life reflects the kind of energy you put into it. I’m choosing to see life in a positive light now, and things are shaping up.

First I had to take ownership of my thoughts and challenge them. I had to remember that everything that happens to you is by choice. You may not be able to control other people or sometimes situations you fall into, but you can choose how you respond or react to them. Recognizing how long I had endured in survival mode required compassion rather than criticism. Patience kept me going—but surviving was no longer enough. I wanted to live.

Trust became the next lesson. Trust in my own judgment, trust in doing what felt right, and trust in the principle that what I focus on shapes what I experience. From there, healthy boundaries began to form—not only with others, but with my own thoughts as well.

🔹 Naming the Villains Changed the Fight

Over time, depression and anxiety stopped feeling like flaws within me and started to take shape as something external. The Depression Beast was a metaphor I had used before, but naming Dr. Anxiety as a separate presence was new—and surprisingly powerful. Having an affinity for all things superhero in nature, labeling them as a beast and a Dr. Evil type of creature has helped me out enormously in fighting them. But one entity needed to be there that I haven’t seen since I was a small child—Lady Optimism.

I don’t know if I can explain this well enough, but to a person with such admiration of superheroes and villains, and with this blog evolving into the SuperMell persona… for some odd reason, this is working for me. I’m able to hear the crazy thoughts coming from Dr. Anxiety and I start to laugh at the absurdity of it all. While I’m still getting to know Lady Optimism, The Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety are beginning to fade into the distance.

The Tools That Helped Me Turn the Page

🔹 What Actually Helped Me Change

In order to change my thought patterns, I needed some tools to help me turn the page:

  • Job Stability – This was a huge thing. I needed not just a way out of the bad situation I was in, but I needed it to be full-time. Landing the new job, and passing probation, getting benefits again, etc., were huge steps forward that I needed.
  • Routines – Admittedly, I’m still working on establishing some healthy routines, I needed to get used to working full-time, overnight hours, keep my overnight hours on days I don’t work so I don’t throw my sleep schedule out of whack. I still need to work on healthy eating, exercising, and organizing my surroundings, but I’m starting to see how having a stable routine is in fact helping me to see the light.
  • Systems – Also this year, I started to change the way I was doing things. Before I would make myself a chore list and when I wouldn’t do one task or even one day, it would throw everything else off schedule and I’d feel like a failure. I started to organize my tasks in work blocks instead. That changed how I did things.
  • Writing – As a creative person, I’ve always enjoyed using my imagination to fuel something. Feeling inspired by Wil Wheaton over the many years as he’s been blogging, I felt the need to go back to it as well. This helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings—which is key to loosening the grip Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast have on me.
  • Trust – Woof. This one is a big one. I have to trust that life will work out for me now. That’s really the only way it can. I must believe that everything will work out fine and I’ll build myself up by thinking it will happen. Whenever the villains decide to make an appearance, I need to find Lady Optimism and ask for her assistance. I don’t want her to take over… I just need her help to defeat them both.

The Constant 🐾

Every hero needs a trusted sidekick to help them in their journey. Diana’s consistency as always being there when I need her is very instrumental in fighting the battle. She represents continuity, presence, quiet companionship, and life that happens alongside the story. Even when I write her sections, she lays down quietly beside me, as if she knows her presence serves as an inspiration to me, which it does. Everyone should have a lovely pet that does this for them.

What This Arc Taught Me

It feels important to emphasize this point: Evolution takes time. I’m striving for progress, not perfection. The fact that I’m still here fighting the good fight means that my survival is my super power.

The Next Arc

I have no idea what this next chapter will look like, but I know it’ll be vastly different from how this chapter shaped up. I’m going to strive to continue my partnership with Lady Optimism, battling the villains with much more gusto than I’ve ever had before. I want to work on keeping a clean and orderly home, and improving my health through proper diet and exercise. It’s time I take care of myself.

Final Thought: The Story Continues

As I turn the page to a new chapter, I have no idea what it will shape up to be, but I am looking forward to finding out. With Lady Optimism helping me, and my faithful sidekick at my side, this battle finally feels winnable. This wasn’t the year everything changed. It was the year that I did.

What would your year in review be like? Have you begun to see something positive shaping up in your own storyline? Do tell in the comments below. I love a good story.

Hero in Progress

Origin Rewritten: Becoming the Hero I Needed Back Then

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands full-body in a glowing hero’s armoury as purple and gold armour pieces assemble around her in midair. She wears a black Nightwing-inspired suit with a purple ‘M’ emblem, purple gloves, belt, boots, and glasses, looking calm and confident. Beside her sits Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white patch on her chest, unfazed by the transformation. The scene is warm, cinematic, and symbolic of growth and self-chosen strength.

The Rewrite Begins

Origin stories alone don’t make the hero. Sometimes we evolve and change as life forges on. Something has happened with me as of late. I’m not entirely sure where it will lead. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see where this new path takes me.

For many years, I remained stuck to the past. I obsessed about being bullied in a small town to the point that it took over too much of my life. I’m at level 50 now. It’s time to put the past where it belongs, and travel onwards towards a new horizon.

I need to become the hero my younger self needed so desperately. But becoming the hero doesn’t require time travel. It requires awareness—or perhaps self-awareness is more appropriate. This post is all about my continuing evolution into the hero I’m supposed to be, and not what others imposed on me. A hero of my own choosing.

Something has shifted as I prepare to move forward in a very literal way. Stability, clarity, and self-trust are no longer abstract concepts — they’re active choices.

The Original Origin Story (Unarmoured)

I’m certain I’ve mentioned my past before. When I turned nine years old, I moved to a small town outside of Calgary, where I wasn’t welcomed by the people there. I was different, after all. I was a geek girl, back when that wasn’t really a thing. Then I failed grade four, and that began the many years of being bullied.

As I already alluded to, I spent way too much of my time obsessing over the pain that treatment caused me. Being isolated, ignored, insulted, and being treated like an outcast brought me a lot of emotional turmoil. It introduced me to The Depression Beast, and, not long after, Dr. Anxiety. I allowed the years of cruelty to take over most of my adulthood. I wanted to prove to everyone that I would be a major success and be a big shot. That desire fuelled some really bad decisions.

I was also struggling with this little thing known as ADHD. No one knew how it affected girls when I was a kid (still don’t, really), so it wasn’t diagnosed. I had much difficulty with reading or paying attention to conversations. Many teachers assumed I had reading comprehension issues, but that wasn’t it. It’s hard to comprehend what I’m reading when my mind travels to far and distant lands mid-sentence.

But I wasn’t broken. I was merely under-equipped.

🔹 The Villains Were Never What I Thought

Honestly? The depression beast scared the hell out of me. Dr. Anxiety made me nervous. I thought for the longest time those two would rule over my life with an iron fist forever. Together, they convinced me that I was in fact a loser. If I didn’t get a good career, a good marriage, a good family, a good house, I wouldn’t add up to a big shot, and I wouldn’t be able to prove to everyone that they didn’t break me. But the thing about that is: they did break me.

They convinced me I was broken. In reality, I was reacting exactly as a human does when pushed too far for too long. Obsessing about the past as I did for too long only got in my way. Did I really need to be something huge? Most people on this planet are everyday, normal people, who just try to do the best with what they’ve got. Besides, obsessing over becoming a big shot only leads to egomania. Did I really need a marriage to be happy? Kids? A house? (I’m still not sure about that last one…) If I got those things, would I be happier?

For a while, I had a great career, but that didn’t bring me happiness. The depression beast had its razor sharp claws dug deeply within me, and Dr. Anxiety kept manipulating me to act now on [insert this impulse] before it’s too late. But… Too late for what? When is too late? When you’re dead, I suppose.

Did I really want any of that? Or was that what I thought society wanted for me?

🔹 The Rewrite: Armour Built Over Time

When I realized that the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety were ridiculous creatures to listen to, I decided to put on my superhero mantle with pride. My origin story may have forged me for awhile, but there were some truths about myself Dr. Anxiety failed to realize: I survived. I am the hero of my own story.

The past taught me some things about myself. I like who I am. I’m nice and kind, but don’t take any crap from anyone anymore. Reaching level 50, you realize some battles are worth fighting for, and some aren’t. Knowing what you can change—and just as important what you can’t change—is really the key here. The past isn’t something I can change, and neither are the thoughts, words, or actions of others. What is within my control is what I choose to say, think, and do. Boom! Mic drop.

I have learned some valuable skills over the years. I’m resilient, strong, brave, kindhearted, trustworthy, dependable, reliable, loyal, and I never surrender. There have been many instances when I felt like life might be over for me, but the fact is I’m still here, fighting the good fight.

I also finally convinced a doctor a couple of years ago to get me assessed for ADHD, and from there, got on a medication that I wish I had tried ages ago. I feel stronger and more aware of myself than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I’ve also learned the power in saying no. Being a people pleaser was tiring. Trying to prove myself to everyone was exhausting. Setting up boundaries is the only way to show oneself self-compassion. Instead of acting with urgency, I should act with intention. The armour may not be flashy, but it’s functional.

It’s time to bid Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast a final farewell.

Becoming the Hero I Needed

Who is SuperMell? What can I give myself now that I couldn’t do back then? Let me break it down for you:

  • Protection – I wasn’t able to find a protector as a kid, but I have since realized I am my own protector. There was something inside me that kept me going and protected me from serious harm. I had my armour on without even knowing it was there.
  • Patience – The last couple of years have taught me a lot about patience. Losing my job, moving into my parents’ basement, working a crappy job — it all taught me this was a temporary setback. Now that I have a better job and will be moving next week, I feel like all that effort has finally paid off.
  • Validation – It’s important for me to say this as strongly and poignantly as I can. Every emotion I have felt over the years are valid. I am valid. I am a person, and I matter. Whenever the Depression Beast would show up and growl into my ear that I wasn’t important and didn’t matter to anyone, it didn’t erase the fact that I am important and I do matter. (In fact, I just got a gift of a cup from work saying as much…)
  • Choice – This is the big one! Everything that has happened to me, that is happening to me, and what will happen to me is my choice. I can choose to act, or not act. I can choose nothing and still come out ahead. My own choices are what’s guiding me right now. I’m no longer listening to the Depression Beast, and Dr. Anxiety’s influence is also waning. I won’t say he’s gone for good as of yet. Life will continue to thrown curve balls along the way. But knowing I am in charge of my own decisions sets me free.

I’m not going to erase my origin story. What’ the point of that? It made me the person I am today. I own it, and I honour my past. Even the bad decisions taught me something about myself. Choosing to show up differently changes the path.

The Power Isn’t Perfection

I don’t want to come across as though I’m a completely evolved person who will never listen to the Depression Beast or Dr. Anxiety again. That’s naive. I haven’t arrived. That’s a myth. There is no destination.

Growth doesn’t mean you’re invincible. Things can still hurt me. I have no idea what will happen after I move. There’s a certain Dr. who is whispering in my ear about that. I’m doing my best to laugh it off, but I know with such uncertainty, anxiety will happen. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I just need to remember to slow down, breathe, and think things through thoroughly before I make a decision or act. Is this really me talking, or Dr. Anxiety?

I’m still human. I’m sure I will make mistakes along the way. No one is flawless. What I plan to take with me is the lesson any mistake teaches me. That’s what real growth looks like. I no longer care about proving myself to anyone other than me. I’m still learning.

True power lies in adaptability, not dominance. Even though I’ve proclaimed I’ve changed, it’s what into that I’m not sure about yet. I just feel different now. Maybe it’s a wisdom that comes with hitting level 50. I know as I continue to grow into the hero I know I’m capable of being, life is about progress over performance.

🐾 Diana’s Perspective

Diana is true purr-fection. All she knows is she is a happy cat, and that’s good enough for her. When she sees me sitting too much, if not joining me, she’ll pick up a random toy and fling it about, signalling to me to not take things so seriously and enjoy myself. Not to mention, it’s time to get off my lazy butt and do something. Sometimes I wonder if cats are the true masters of zen.

Final Thought

The rewrite is ongoing. There is no set time limit, and I no longer care about trying to impress anyone else. I don’t need to go back in time to change its meaning. Becoming the hero I needed back then is a necessary evolutionary change—one that I’m excited to see where it takes me. My origin story didn’t end. It evolved into something better.

Tell me something: how are you the hero of your own story? Has your origin story haunted you? Did you learn something new about yourself in the process? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Hero in Progress, Mission Logs

The Universe Says Yes (…But Telus Says Hold, Please)

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands at the threshold of a glowing open doorway filled with warm golden light and cosmic swirls, wearing a black and purple superhero suit with an “M” emblem and purple glasses. A phone or internet cable loosely wraps around her leg, symbolizing a small delay, while Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft playfully bats at the cord. Storm clouds part behind them as light breaks through, creating a hopeful yet humorous scene about progress with minor obstacles.

Mission Status: Clearance Granted

It’s official: The Universe says yes! I’ve passed my probation at work and am now a full-time employee. My plans can now go into motion. I have already gotten an invitation to the RRSP program to sign up for, and will soon be getting health benefits. This is fantastic news! My sense of optimism has increased threefold!

I feel like I’m finally rebuilding my life back up after the poor choices I made a few years back led to derailing my life for a time. Nevertheless, I persevered. I did what I had to survive, crawled myself out of my pit of despair, got a better job than I was working at before, and feel like I’m finally getting back on track again.

January 2nd Is Locked In

My plan to move into the new apartment has officially been given the green light. The tenancy was pending successful passing of my probation period at work. Now that I received word from my boss that it is going forward, I can officially move in.

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting my own place again—with control over my own thermostat! (Which is something I haven’t had in over a decade.) It feels absolutely terrific that I’ll be independent again. I feel just like I did when I got my very first apartment… possibly because I’ve been living at my parents’ house in a distant location from the city, which has been exhausting travelling back and forth to work. The grocery stores and malls will be much closer to me as well. Yay!

The other day I arrived in Calgary a half hour early and decided to swing by the new apartment to test how long it would take me to get to work. It literally took less than 10 minutes! Holy moly! That’s going to be a much better commute than the 45 minutes it takes me to get to work now. And I won’t have to wait for Walmart to open to get groceries first thing on Fridays anymore! I can shop whenever they are open and I’m awake. Life is finally working out for me! After everything that’s happened over the last few years, this feels like reclaiming a piece of myself I thought I’d lost.

When the Universe Aligns

For far too long, I thought my life was pretty much over and done. Being on the wrong medications, losing my job, and my apartment, moving back in with my parents, dealing with crippling depression that caused me to lose a ton of weight as I stopped eating, getting a worthless job cleaning an office for a company that didn’t seem to appreciate their workers at all—I thought this was going to last forever. I had a good career, a good job, great work environment, a nice apartment, but didn’t appreciate it when I had it.

It took me launching a complaint about late work payments to the Government of Alberta for the bad company I worked for to show me how they really are like. All of a sudden they found problems with how I was doing my job. After being treated like scum, having my hours slashed and still expected to do everything to standard in a shorter amount of time, I decided that was it. I had to act to put my life back together again. That was the first sign I needed to start putting the broken pieces of my life back together.

Ding! Come On Down!

I really do feel like the Universe has said yes to my plans. When I finally decided to get out of that toxic working situation and landed a full-time job, suddenly all the shattered pieces of my life started to fall back into place. I knew I would plan to move for January as my probation would end mid-December. That’s working out. When I had decided on a place to live but wasn’t sure about all the extra costs, I checked out the rentals website and found a gem that’s all inclusive—and cheaper. The fact that the name of the street is the same one I live at but closer to work was such a huge signal that the Universe was flashing all sorts of lights and sirens—almost as if I won a new car on The Price is Right!

Awhile ago, I had a belief that there was this Universe thing that works like a mirror. It reflects back what you put into it. I guess I forgot about that for a time, or never fully embraced it as a concept. It’s basic karma — or if you prefer science, for every action there is an equal reaction. What you put out you get back at you. I was too busy putting out “my life is over” vibes that it indeed felt that way. When I decided to let go of that pity party and actually get myself out of this situation, all the pieces started to reassemble. It might look like a different picture than I had before it broke to a million pieces, but it will still be a work of art that I will cherish.

Side Note…

This isn’t to say that I think the Universe is an intelligent life force or god or anything. I just think that whatever you spend your time, focus and energy on is what you get back. Embracing optimism was a long and winding road for me, filled with bumps and potholes, but I do believe I’ve finally gotten it. The real secret to life isn’t about how much you have or how much you are loved by others—it’s about how you treat and love yourself. Only then can you find true happiness.

Side Quest Unlocked: The Telus Saga

The only extra costs I needed to work out once the apartment got the go ahead was getting tenant insurance hooked up and internet. The tenant insurance was easy to get and put into place. The internet thing proved quite the challenge.

Choosing a Provider Shouldn’t Be This Hard

I thought I would go with Oxio, as apparently it’s a top rated service from PlanHub, but it kept saying they didn’t have service in the area I was moving to. I usually go with Telus and wanted fibre internet again, as I think cable or satellite is ridiculous that it can get cut out with a little wind. Usually I have good experiences with Telus…

Trapped in the Bot Dimension

First, trying to navigate their website with the auto things was a nightmare. Their AI system is terrible and it took me way too long to find an actual phone number to call someone and talk to a real person. I was trying to get their deal of 3G PureFibre for $95/month, but every time I went to the check-out page, the price went up to $110. It was frustrating trying to chat with their bot, so I finally found a phone number and called. More automated things on the phone, that wasn’t hearing what I was saying, so I finally said “Can I talk to a real sales agent, please?”

Victory… With a Glitch

Not only did he manage to help me sort out my issues, but he also managed to be able to knock $10 off the bill price for $85/mo + taxes, with this price locked in for 5 years. I gave him a good review.

Plot Twist — The Modem Goes Rogue

I had originally intended the service to be hooked up starting January 2nd and was under the impression the sales agent I spoke with arranged for the modem to arrive on that day. The Universe does have a sense of humour, I guess, as not only did they send me the modem to the new address early, but they used the wrong address! Oi… He put my address incorrectly so Puralator sent it to the other side of the 4-plex. I have emailed my landlord about it but they are on vacation and out of town at the moment so I have no idea if it was returned or if someone has it. Had I known all of this, I don’t think I would have given him this good of a review.

Funny thing is, even though I changed my phone number when I moved to Alberta, I noticed when trying to correct my address that Telus still had my contact number as my old BC number. You would think Telus would have updated that a long time ago… What a pain this company has turned into! It almost makes me want to try Rogers of all companies, which I would hate. (Tried them once for mobility and was charged 3 times the amount of money that was promised on the first bill—no thank you!)

I’m sure it will all work out eventually. But moves can be chaotic and unpredictable. Hopefully this is the only setback to my move.

Progress Isn’t Linear (Even When You’re Winning)

Even though the Universe has said yes to my plans, there are still hiccups that occur from time to time. I think I was starting to have some anxiety or doubts about ever finding a reliable internet provider, so perhaps that’s why the Universe threw me a curveball. As John Lennon put it: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans!”

What is life, really, if not a mix of wins and inconvenient plot twists? Things happen to test us, I suppose. I’m sure this situation with Telus will resolve itself, and hopefully I get some kind of a deal, like a free month or a gift of some kind, out of this ordeal. This is just a test to see if I really am embracing optimism, for which I almost fell back. I’ll bounce back!

Ha-ha! Nice try, Dr. Anxiety! I’m keeping an eye on you and your tricky ways!

Diana’s Perspective: Still Winning

You can learn a lot about how life works from observing a cat. They approach new situations with caution—but if you give them a treat, they are your best friend forever! Diana is a grounding force in my life that I’ll always be grateful for. She’s curiously sniffing an empty box at the moment, and wondering when I’ll actually clean my place up so I can prepare to move, which I told her would be this weekend, but so far, haven’t done anything, so yeah… She’s trying to keep me on my toes!

Final Thought: Forward Is Forward

Despite the slight hiccup to my plans, the Universe has said yes to my plans. Full steam ahead! (I’m currently watching the anime One Piece on Netflix, can you tell? Ha-ha!) We must celebrate the wins, and embrace the bumps along the way as merely learning opportunities. I believe life will work out for me. I’m not just saying this as some kind of mantra. It really is quite amazing when you embrace Lady Optimism and begin to look forward to a new life and a new chapter in the evolving story of your life.

Thanks for reading, for those who do such things. Tell me: have you had any hiccups to moving situations before? How did you handle them? What are you telling the Universe these days about your own life and how is that working out for you? Let me know in the comments.

The Ones Who Shaped Me

The Movies That Shaped Me: A Hero Forged in Stories

Mell D'Clute
A retro 1980s-style movie-poster illustration of SuperMell standing confidently at the center, wearing her black superhero suit with a purple “M” emblem, purple gloves, boots, belt, and glasses. Warm golden light glows behind her as symbolic motifs from beloved childhood films float around her: a giant metallic robot hand, a glowing red amulet, an open book radiating light, an old treasure map with a key and coin, and distant railroad tracks lit by a small flashlight. Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits at her feet, looking up at the magical symbols. The overall mood is nostalgic, heroic, and dreamlike, with sparkling cosmic light surrounding the scene.

Why Stories Shape Us

It’s probably no surprise to anyone reading my blog that I’ve always loved stories on the screen. Whether it’s cartoons, sitcoms, compelling TV, or the big screen—visual storytelling has always spoken to me. As an undiagnosed ADHD kid, watching movies was much easier than reading (hello, wandering mind). These are the movies that shaped me.

The Iron Giant — Choosing Who You Want to Be

This movie was absolutely terrific. The animation style (2D really should make a comeback!), the characters, the story—all very real to me.

A brief description of this movie:

In this animated adaptation of Ted Hughes’ Cold War fable, a giant alien robot (Vin Diesel) crash-lands near the small town of Rockwell, Maine, in 1957. Exploring the area, a local 9-year-old boy, Hogarth, discovers the robot, and soon forms an unlikely friendship with him. When a paranoid government agent, Kent Mansley, becomes determined to destroy the robot, Hogarth and beatnik Dean McCoppin (Harry Connick Jr.) must do what they can to save the misunderstood machine.

What resonated deeply with me was the unlikely friendship of a boy who had a vivid imagination with a giant metal robot who couldn’t remember anything about himself. The characters were well-thought out, and seemed very realistic to me for a time period movie.

Absolutely my favourite line in the whole movie is when Hogarth tells the robot: “You are who you choose to be.” Boom! Mic drop. That one line shaped me. It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are or your surroundings—you get to decide who you are, no one else!

And who doesn’t tear up when the Iron Giant decides to be Superman and sacrifices himself to save everyone? Certainly not me, as I continue to cry a lot at that part.

The Secret of NIMH — Courage in Darkness

I think this has to be my all-time favourite animated movie. I’ve seen it hundreds of times and still find the story and characters quite compelling. There’s no doubt Don Bluth was a freaking genius of an animator, and this was his masterpiece as far as I’m concerned.

The plot:

Mrs. Brisby (Elizabeth Hartman), a widowed mouse, must move her children out of their home in a field before the local farmer starts plowing. Unable to leave because her son is ill, Mrs. Brisby seeks the help of nearby rats, who have heightened intelligence after being the subjects of scientific experiments. She receives an unexpected gift from the elder rat, Nicodemus (Derek Jacobi). Soon Mrs. Brisby is caught in a conflict among the rats, jeopardizing her mission to save her family.

This movie began my interest in animal rights and I fully credit it for introducing me to the dark realities of animals being cruelly used in laboratory experiments. This movie started my whole mentality around animals and how much I hate how humans treat them, eventually even becoming a vegetarian for my New Year’s resolution in 1997. It still sickens me that we use them in this manner. I mean, I think—by now—we know how cosmetics affect us. What’s the point in causing rabbits to go blind by spraying it in their eyeballs? They don’t have tear ducts. It’s just cruel.

I think what I also enjoyed a lot about this movie was the voice of Mrs. Brisby. She was sheepish and not quite sure of herself when talking, but her actions certainly spoke louder than her words ever could. She’d clearly sacrifice her own life to save her children, and cared enough about the rats to decide to help them when she learned NIMH was coming to the farm. I still bawl my eyes out when she thinks she’s lost her kids to the mud. This was the most emotional movie I have ever experienced, and I deeply resonated with it.

The NeverEnding Story — Surviving the Swamp of Sadness

I know some of these movies I’ve mentioned before in some other posts. This one tops the list as one of my all-time favourite live-action movies.

On his way to school, Bastian (Barret Oliver) ducks into a bookstore to avoid bullies. Sneaking away with a book called “The Neverending Story,” Bastian begins reading it in the school attic. The novel is about Fantasia, a fantasy land threatened by “The Nothing,” a darkness that destroys everything it touches. The kingdom needs the help of a human child to survive. When Bastian reads a description of himself in the book, he begins to wonder if Fantasia is real and needs him to survive.

Can you guess why this movie affected me deeply? A kid who loses himself in books and imaginary worlds to escape the harsh reality of his life felt so deeply personal to me that it was almost like I was Bastian. He has it pretty rough: his mom died, his dad’s on his case to face responsibilities and keep his feet on the ground, he’s getting bullied, and he’s having issues with school. Except for the dead mother, this was me as a kid!

Every single time I watch this movie, I gain new insights into it that I didn’t see before. As an adult, rewatching it hits even harder. Fantasia was a direct reflection of his life at that point. Everything was symbolic. Losing Artax in The Swamp of Sadness was a direct link to him losing his mother and the depression that took place after. The Nothing was symbolic of him losing his imagination and the G’mork was essentially his father. The whole conversation between Atreyu and G’mork was the best scene:

G’mork: Fantasia has no boundaries.

(A storm grows closer to the city, slowly shaking it to pieces… Rocks fall here and there.)

Atreyu: That’s not true. You’re lying.

G’mork: Foolish boy. Don’t you know anything about Fantasia? It’s the world of human fantasy. Every part , every creature of it, is a piece of the dreams and hopes of mankind. Therefore, it has no boundaries.

(There’s a crash and more rocks fall.)

Atreyu: But why is Fantasia dying then ?

G’mork: Because people have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams. So the nothing grows stronger.

Atreyu: What is the nothing ?!

G’mork: It’s the emptiness that’s left. It’s like a despair, destroying this world. And I have been trying to help it.

Atreyu: But why ?

G’mork: Because people who have no hopes are easy to control. And whoever has control has the power.

So much symbolism in that conversation. I deeply felt connected to the story and the character of Bastian.

The Goonies — Misfits and Found Family

They just don’t make movies anymore like they used to, do they? The Goonies and various other movies of the 1980s were not only geared for kids, but adults found them equally entertaining. The Goonies is one of those timeless classics that had a profound impact on me. The story goes:

Old-fashioned yarn about a band of adventurous kids who take on the might of a property developing company which plans to destroy their home to build a country club. When the children discover an old pirate map in the attic, they follow it into an underground cavern in search of lost treasure but come up against plenty of dangerous obstacles along the way.

Full of excitement and adventure, danger and intrigue, and a sense of magic that timeless stories always seem to have. I continue to enjoy watching it to this day. It was my introduction to Sean Astin (who also played my favourite character in Lord of the Rings). I loved how this small group of misfits found a sense of community by trying to survive both the Fratellis and the various booby traps along the way. Very funny, very exciting. Always a classic and one I never fail to watch whenever I get the chance. I always wanted to be one of the Goonies…

Stand By Me — Truth, Trauma, and Growing Up

Yes, I definitely mentioned this movie before in my The Ones Who Shaped Me post about Wil Wheaton, but the movie deserves a shout out on this post as well. The plot:

After learning that a stranger has been accidentally killed near their rural homes, four Oregon boys decide to go see the body. On the way, Gordie Lachance (Wil Wheaton), Vern Tessio (Jerry O’Connell), Chris Chambers (River Phoenix) and Teddy Duchamp (Corey Feldman) encounter a mean junk man and a marsh full of leeches, as they also learn more about one another and their very different home lives. Just a lark at first, the boys’ adventure evolves into a defining event in their lives.

I don’t think this brief description I pulled from Google does this movie justice. This movie made me interested in Wil Wheaton, and his costars as well. It was interesting how very different they all were from each other onscreen as characters, but also the actors really fit their characters to a tee. What resonated with me was the character of Gordie Lachance and how he was dealing with grief, being ignored by his mother, and bullied by his father. Unlike his brother—the athlete—he was the creative kid; the writer. His father didn’t understand any of that. It still breaks my heart knowing how close Wil Wheaton’s real life was to his character’s story. Nevertheless, I can’t say this movie didn’t profoundly affect me as a kid.

How These Stories Forged My Hero Path

I have always been an empathic type. I feel things very deeply and get affected by what I see onscreen more times than I care to admit. (Seriously, why do all cartoon movies have some sad thing that happens that makes me cry?!!) Through the various adventures I have seen through these movies, I transform into a different version of myself. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the impact of these movies that I continue to enjoy to this day.

It’s true that every person you meet writes on the slate of who you are. You take a piece of them and add it to yourself. For me, I feel the same way about these stories and characters. Each of these movies—and countless others—have impacted me and shaped me in some way, shape, or form. Sometimes it’s a particular character, sometimes a line, or even the thrill of an exciting adventure—but there’s no doubt it has profoundly shaped who I’ve become.

Diana—The Fiercest Warrior Yet

I know for a fact that Diana likes to watch tv as well with me. I can always count on her laying on my lap, watching the screen with her head up. She absolutely loves cartoons—the sillier the better! I’ve seen her on more than a few occasions watching a scene with great interest. Even the last episode of Stranger Things caught her attention—she sat upright and watched with full focus. I don’t know if she likes any particular character or if any of them mean anything to her, but I do know she enjoys them as much as I do.

Final Thought

Empathy and a vivid imagination can go a long way in shaping who you are. These are just a few examples of some of the movies that shaped me. Each one taught me something about myself—that it’s okay to be shy, geeky, unsure of yourself. Despite these apparent “flaws”, you are who you choose to be. Once you accept who you are—and that you are in charge of your life—things get a whole lot easier to handle.

What are some of the stories that have shaped you in your life? Did any of mine impact you as much as it did me? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Hero in Progress

Levelling Up to Level 50: The Evolution of SuperMell

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands confidently in a black and purple superhero suit with a large “M” emblem on her chest, surrounded by glowing pixel-art icons representing her earned powers. Above her, pixelated text reads “LEVEL 50 — EVOLUTION UNLOCKED.” A warm halo of light forms behind her like a skill-tree ring. Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits proudly at her feet, next to a pixel “+50 XP” symbol. The background blends cosmic colors with subtle pixel texture, creating a nostalgic video-game level-up screen.

The Level-Up Moment

Today marks a major life milestone for me:

I have levelled up to 50!

Yes! You read that right. I am now 50. Wow! It seems like just yesterday I was turning 40. Honestly, the 40s were kind of a blur for me, as so much shitty things happened that I’m now very happy they are over and done with. Things are already starting to look up as I’m working to rebound from the terrible hit I took a few years ago. I’m hoping the 50s will be much better for me… But what do I get to look forward to? *Checks notes* Menopause… Time to get a colonoscopy… yay…?

When I was younger, I assumed 50 would officially make me an ‘old lady.’ Ha-ha! Do I feel like an old lady now that I have finally gotten there? Not really… I don’t feel as spry as I used to, and I don’t feel like an old hag either. In fact, I don’t really feel anything about 50… Which is weird, as usually I panic when I reach the milestones.

My Hero’s Origin Story (So Far)

Don’t worry… This will be brief.

From childhood, I learned to appreciate the finer things in life, like watching cartoons, playing with toys, and my vivid imagination, I found that I had a creative drive in me and really wanted to pursue something in that field—In fact, I still do!

The Depression Beast™ was introduced to me during and many years after I was bullied in a small town. (I honestly don’t like small towns. Too much gossip, and if someone decides they don’t like you, no one else is allowed to like you either.) At least that’s been my experience. I also went most of my life without officially being diagnosed with ADHD… which was the source of so many issues, particularly with school and concentrating. They didn’t know how to diagnose girls with it at the time—still don’t, really. I struggled in school, struggled with reading, and was an average student. Ritalin has changed so much for me in the last three years that I wish I had tried it so many years ago.

My adulthood was marred by the Depression Beast™, and its super-fun friend: Dr. Anxiety™. I made some very costly mistakes as a result of these monsters, including being on the wrong medications, a failed marriage, and not realizing how great I had it until I threw it all away. I’m still rebuilding from my mistake three or four years ago. I’m now on the right meds, the right dosage, and feel more optimistic about my future than I ever did before. Now I’ve got a better job than I had before, and am looking forward to moving in a couple of weeks.

For many years, that bullying haunted me. Now I’ve come to see it as my hero’s origin story. Every superhero has one. This just happens to be mine.

Plot Twists I Never Saw Coming

Dr. Anxiety is such a sinister villain. He arrives out of the blue and steers you in one weird direction or another. It seems to everyone around you like you’re impulsive and tend to make rash decisions. They don’t know how often Dr. Anxiety talks to you about it. How you ruminate on the thing for days, weeks, or even months or years.

The old Doc showed itself in my life when I decided out of the blue I wanted to get married—and didn’t seem to care who to. It told me I needed to be married by 30 or I wouldn’t prove to everyone that I’d be a success despite what they did to me. That marriage was brief and quite painful, but it made me realize a few things about myself:

  • I’m not suited for marriage, and much prefer being on my own with my cat.
  • I had some unresolved trauma that led me down that path.
  • I deserved better than this.
  • I am both the hero and the writer of my own story. I get to decide what path I choose.

At least, I thought I had learned those lessons. Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast showed up yet again when I turned 40, to yell at me to fix myself and my issues or I wouldn’t prove to everyone that I’d be a success. It’s when I went on the wrong medications, became lethargic, and the Trump thing really affected my mental health in not-so-good ways. I’m considering a lawsuit against him some day…

Anywho… the pressure built until the inevitable explosion, taking my job as the first casualty. Attempts to course-correct failed, even though the desire to do better was there. The losses stacked up—career, home, stability—leaving me back in Alberta in my parents’ basement, earning shit-pay and fading under the weight of the Depression Beast. Appetite vanished, pounds disappeared, and surrender felt dangerously close.

After awhile, I decided to see about getting on the right medications, and convinced a doctor to let me see a psychiatrist. This has worked out beautifully! The Depression Beast has now officially gone away on a trip hopefully far, far away. Dr. Anxiety still pops up every once in awhile to tell me things, but I’ve chosen to not care about proving myself to everyone anymore. I really am the hero of my own story.

But somewhere along the way, I met someone new—Lady Optimism™. I honestly never thought this creature existed due to the lies the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety told me. But she’s there! It’s really nice to have her in my life now.

Skills, Powers & Traits Earned Along the Way

It turns out I’ve earned more than scars along the way—I’ve collected superpowers. Through the stumbles and roadblocks, I have managed to discover some superpowers I didn’t know I had:

These are great powers to have. Sure, flying or running really fast would be cool, but how realistic are they?

What Comes Next on the Journey

I’ve decided not to get too much ahead of myself and enjoy things slowly, one moment at a time. I’ve told the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety to take a hike. I no longer care about having to prove to anyone that I am a success. I know I am a success. It was silly having those beliefs at all. Who cares what any of them think of me, if they even do! I haven’t seen any of them in the couple of decades since I graduated from high school, so they mean nothing to me. All that matters is what I think of me, and I’ve finally come to a point where I like me.

A real shift is taking place, and it’s nudging me toward trusting the Universe a little more—especially when those old monsters try to resurface. Letting go, rather than gripping tightly, was exactly what led to the new home appearing like a beacon in the fog. Call it synchronicity or intuition, but life seems to respond to the energy you put into it. Challenges can feel cruel… or they can be the training arcs that reveal the powers you never realized you had.

The Calmness of a Purr

Diana is just the best. She’s currently resting her head on my knee, laying beside me on the couch as I’m writing this. It’s as if she knows I’m writing about her now, as a soft, gentle purr is emitting from her. I don’t know if she knows what levelling up is, or age for that matter, but she still seems like the same sweet, playful, and destructive cat she’s always been. She and Lucy were two of the best decisions I ever made.

Final Thought

Levelling up doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, often in video games, it’s seen as a good thing. You get new abilities, or more coins, or something. I’ve chosen to view aging as levelling up. The path before me was full of zigs and zags, but each one taught me something about myself and made me more resilient. Thanks for reading, for those who do. It’s appreciated.

What are some of the major shifts that have taught you more about yourself than you ever thought was possible? I’d love to hear all about it! Share your story in my comments, or comment on a post on social media.