Category: Hero in Progress

This is where growth happens in real time—through small wins, daily systems, and the ongoing effort to move forward. It’s not about perfection, just progress.

Hero in Progress

Course Locked: Staying on Track After Choosing a Direction

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands at the helm of a wooden sailing ship at night, wearing sleek black and purple superhero gear with a stylized wing-like M across her back, a purple belt, gloves, and subtle purple glasses or mask. She gently steers the ship across a calm ocean, where a faint drifting path trails behind and a brighter corrected course curves forward. To the right, a lighthouse on a rocky shore shines a strong beam of light across the water, guiding the way. The Navigator stands nearby, calm and observant, offering quiet direction. On the deck, Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes, black paws, and a small white tuft on her chest, watches the sweeping lighthouse beam like a playful red dot. The scene is softly lit by moonlight and stars, with a peaceful, reflective mood focused on course correction and steady progress.

After the Decision, Before the Drift

Choosing a direction is often the easy part. Sticking to it is where things get harder.

Once you’ve chosen a direction, it usually feels right… at first. Unfortunately, that feeling doesn’t always last. Doubt begins to creep in, and you start second-guessing yourself.

Choosing the path is one moment. Staying on the path is many different moments.

The Drift Begins

I sometimes wonder if this is my ADHD, or if everyone experiences this. You decide to take a certain course of action. But as soon as you decide to do it, you suddenly lose your momentum. Where do I begin? It seems like too much work. Oh! I know! Maybe I’ll write another blog post instead.

The Procrastinator likes to have his fun with decisions like these. What? You want to actually do something about it? That sounds exhausting. Let’s play Arkham City instead.

It’s almost as if the second I declare my intention, it vanishes. Then I have to come back and choose the path once again, only maybe take a different route. Sometimes I wish The Navigator was clearer about the direction.

I tend to get easily distracted. There’s just so much entertainment at hand these days that I find it sometimes hard to stick to my goals. Sometimes I tend to declare a “brain day” and want to relax and veg out. Sometimes it comes from not knowing what happens after I reach the goal. Or even worse, what if I fail to achieve the goal? What will I do then? That’s when the self-doubt starts creeping in.

The Navigator Doesn’t Steer the Ship

The Navigator’s job is to give me a direction to sail in. I still have to do the work. I have to show up, act, and decide repeatedly. It’s still up to me to follow through on the decision. It’s not always easy to listen to her. But I know she knows what’s best for me.

The Navigator points the way. She doesn’t hold the wheel. That’s my job.

Course Corrections Are Not Failures

Psychologists tend to frown when you speak in absolutes. They call it “faulty thinking” – when you believe in all-or-nothing thinking, for instance. I have to finish this goal completely before I can start my next one. This has been my frame of mind since I moved in and have been organizing and cleaning my home. Once I finish cleaning the home, I can declare this task done and figure out what to do next.

That is an example of all-or-nothing thinking. And it also serves as a handy excuse for why I don’t move on to a new goal. This way, I won’t try it and fail miserably at it. I know this is why I tend to stall at finishing cleaning my apartment. I’m scared of what happens next.

It’s important for me to remember that staying on track doesn’t mean I have to do it consistently. I can always pick it back up when I’m ready. Also, just because I make a decision to do something doesn’t mean that I have to do it perfectly. Sometimes course changes are required. That’s still The Navigator guiding me toward a better path. Small adjustments are part of the process.

And so what if I do drift from the goal? Does that mean I’ve failed? Of course not. I can pick it back up where I left off. I can steer this ship back on course. Even Voyager took detours along the journey home. No matter what detour they would take, they’d always find a way back to their journey home… sometimes even finding a quicker way to do it than they knew about before.

How I Stay on Track (Most of the Time)

I still go by what I feel like doing in the moment. If I feel like tackling a cleaning project, I’ll do it. If I’m tired, I listen to my energy level and rest. Sometimes I ask ChatGPT to give me a “realistic” schedule for cleaning with a specific due date, and space it out so I don’t overdo it. Like last weekend, I had two main goals to achieve, one in the morning before sleep and one in the evening after sleep. I would even set alarms to go off at the time I thought would work. I don’t always start right away, though. Sometimes I need more time to ease into it.

When I break things into small steps, they feel much easier to complete. Then I actually feel like I’ve achieved something, almost like finishing a level in a video game.

I do find it difficult to do tasks after I work though… I’m still trying to figure out that balance. But I know I’ll figure it out. I can’t do everything everywhere all at once. Who can? (That’s a great movie, by the way…)

My stardrive is still online. I get these microbursts of energy and use those to tackle a small thing with a time limit of no more than one hour.

When I Don’t Stay on Track

Of course, there are still days where I don’t feel like doing much of anything useful. But I’ve decided that that’s okay. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I already know I’m capable.

I did organize the whole apartment (except for the paperwork… but that will come later.) I thought organizing the closet racks in the living room was going to take forever, and it didn’t. It was quite intimidating to see all those boxes in the second bedroom, but I eventually crushed it and even turned the second bedroom into a room with a purpose (a.k.a. my Creative Studio).

So I know I’m capable of great things if I put my focus on it, and do one item at a time. That’s the same approach I took towards cleaning my home over the weekend. Now all that’s left is dusting the living room, sweeping, and mopping. That’s it.

It’s okay if I have a day after work here and there where I’m more inclined to sit down on the couch and stream for a while. Because I know this isn’t permanent—I always find my way back.

Diana Doesn’t Drift—She Just Chooses Again

Diana is the queen of following her instincts. If something is going on outside, she has to run back and forth from the front of the house to the back to let me know something’s afoot! (Or aflight, as the case may be…) She doesn’t overthink direction. She just goes. And if she’s decided she’s had enough bird watching and just wants to take a nap, then she follows that instinct as well. She doesn’t feel bad if she doesn’t catch the red dot. That just makes her more determined the next time it shows up. I know some day she’ll catch that thing!

Final Thought: Staying the Course Isn’t About Perfection

Choosing a direction is the easy part. Following through can be tougher to do. It’s important to be realistic in what you can achieve and schedule in lots of padded time for those days when you feel like couch surfing. I’m learning that listening to the Navigator is the right path for me to take.

Staying on track isn’t about never drifting. It’s about noticing—and choosing the path again.

How do you follow through with a decision? What’s your approach? Please feel free to share it in the comments. I’d love to hear about it.

Hero in Progress

Stardrive, Not Spiral: How I Keep Moving After a Hard Week

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands just inside her apartment door after a long day, wearing a purple-accented superhero suit and mask, looking tired but relieved as Diana the black cat greets her, with a cozy couch and warm lighting in the background.

Captain’s Log: The Week That Tried to Pull Me Off Course

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been dealing with a run of difficult challenges:

  • My car didn’t start and needed a new battery
  • I felt under scrutiny at work
  • I’ve been dealing with lower back pain that may even be a kidney stone

Needless to say, I didn’t accomplish much of what I had planned for last weekend. I cleaned the kitchen, but I also redirected my energy into other things—like creating a new page on my website where readers can choose their path through the blog, and writing another post. It wasn’t the cleaning spree I intended, but it also wasn’t nothing.

The Archivist of Regret was super busy cataloguing this setback. While the guilt is definitely there because I didn’t achieve my goals, I also recognize that I probably needed a break.

Stardrive vs. Spiral: Learning the Difference

It’s important for me to remember that this is a setback, not a spiral. I’m not spiralling back to my old ways. There’s a difference between a spiral and a setback:

Spiral – Falling back into old patterns you don’t want to do anymore.
Setback – A temporary disruption in the plan; an off day or off stretch..

Then there’s this thing I refer to as a Stardrive. It’s very much like a ship’s computer. It keeps you going no matter what kind of setbacks you have. My Stardrive is the system that keeps a written record of what I have accomplished, so I can refer back to it and say, “Ah, yes. I did this. It wasn’t a total failure after all.”

I can’t express how important this is, because I so often live in a sea of regret—the kind that whispers all the things I should have done. I’ll never get everything done! What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just do it?

Sure, The Procrastinator was very present this weekend. But I did actually clean the kitchen. Even so, I still got some worthwhile things done. I created a new page for newcomers to my blog so they can find posts by category, wrote a new blog post, and spent a lot of time unpacking and organizing the apartment from move-in through the end of March. At this point, cleaning is really the last major piece.

Forward movement doesn’t have to look dramatic to count towards progress.

Progress Is Not Cancelled by a Difficult Week

I have to remind myself from time to time that it’s okay to have off days. Days where I feel like doing nothing. I’m on my feet all day at work so rest has become a crucial starting point. Just because I have an off day, it doesn’t mean I haven’t made any progress at all. It just means I’m tired and want to relax. What’s wrong with relaxing?

It’s also very important to relax after having a series of unfortunate events. Like that list at the top of this blog… That was honestly a lot I was dealing with. It’s no wonder I found myself easily distracted by my website or learning more about A.I. and how to use it more effectively.

Getting everything done isn’t the point. I’m not in a race to get things accomplished. I just have to keep trying each day to do something productive with my time. It’s also very important that I remember to schedule breaks and off days so I’m not burning myself out. Consistency isn’t the same as perfection. Just making small changes to your routine can make all the difference in the world.

It’s easy to consider yourself a success if you stick to your goals. What about days when your energy is completely gone? What does success look like on days like that? To me, it’s relaxing. I need to remind myself that I don’t have to be on every day to be successful. Sometimes I need a break.

Systems That Keep the Ship Moving

I work best with microbursts of energy. Just work for 30-60 minutes at a time and take a break. See how much you can get accomplished, rest for a bit, then decide if you are done or can do another round based on your energy level.

During work days, I don’t feel like doing much of anything after I wake up and before I head to work, so it’s more about getting ready, eating, and relaxing while watching TV. I work the overnight shifts at work and sleep from about noon to 8:00 p.m. I get home after work at around 7:00 a.m. That leaves me with a small window in the morning to rest, reset, and hopefully tackle one thing before I go to sleep for the day.

Rather than relying on a traditional “to-do” list, I tend to use what I call a “what I feel like doing today” list. It still includes the things I need to get done, but I usually pick just one or two items depending on my energy and where it feels easiest to start. Typically, it starts with a light tidy-up of the areas I already cleaned. Then I go from there.

I was beginning to work at 9:30 a.m. for a while, but found I wound up getting a little too comfortable that I couldn’t get myself up to do much. I decided just yesterday to try adjusting that time to 8:30 a.m. instead.

Today I was playing around with a custom GPT I made to help with blog planning, and I nearly let that take priority over cleaning too. Then my mouse cursor disappeared for some odd reason, and right after that my 8:30 alarm went off. Coincidence? Maybe. Or maybe the Universe was telling me to work first and play later.

A Lesson from Diana

It has often been noticed that cats tend to sleep a lot. In fact, I think she’s sleeping in the front window now as I’m typing this entry. Does she feel guilty for resting so much? I don’t think so. She seems to enjoy her rest, and while I may not be able to nap as often as a cat, I can still follow her example and let go of some of the guilt.

Final Thought: Course Correction, Not Catastrophe

Every day is a new day. You can always restart where you left off. I’m learning to accept myself as I am. It’s okay to have days where I feel like doing nothing. In fact, it might be part of what makes life more sustainable.

Even when the engines are quiet, the mission is not over. Sometimes stardrive is not about speed. It is about choosing not to surrender the controls.

How do you handle off-days? Do you feel guilty about not accomplishing what you set out to do? Share your story in the comments. Let’s talk.

Hero in Progress

Weekend Quest: Small Wins, Big Progress in the Lair

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell completes a cleaning “side quest” in a retro video game-style scene, transforming a messy room into an organized space while Diana the cat watches like a quest giver and an XP bar fills above.

Quest Accepted

Sometimes all you need is a small win. A mission.

This is the start of a long weekend, and I plan on getting my home in order. I spent a bit too much time stuck in depression over the last couple of weeks. It’s time to get myself back in gear.

This weekend isn’t about perfection. It’s about small, doable wins. I have to regroup and get back to cleaning my home and finishing the great unpacking saga that has lasted since I moved in my apartment in January.

Last week was heavy… This weekend is about movement.

Current Lair Status: Where Things Stand

Since the Depression Beast and the Procrastinator were very active the last couple of weeks, some things didn’t get accomplished. I still have to figure out how to hang pictures on my walls without nails. Command strips alone don’t seem to be working, so I may need to switch to hooks.

Depression made it nearly impossible for me to get back to my tidying routine. The place has gotten a bit messy again. I have decided to use this long weekend to tackle the cleaning of my place. The pictures will have to wait a bit longer.

I did finish setting up my creative studio. There were some unexpected car issues this week, and I needed a new battery. I was still on the original battery that came with the car, and it lasted 14 years. But it was time to get a replacement. As such, I needed to access my tools and have to put them back on the shelf in the creative studio.

My place isn’t totally chaotic. It just requires a little bit of elbow grease.

What’s Working (XP Gained)

On the work front, I’ve made some progress. The meetings have been much friendlier than the first couple of ones I had. They feel more like discussions than “Oh, I’m in trouble now.” I’ve started tracking how long I take on each project. I was asked to do a QA check on my work before completing it, unless it’s just one or two small items. This will take some getting used to, as I don’t like feeling like I’m bothering people. But it’s required of everyone, so I guess I have to do it.

I’ve had some progress on getting better at certain tasks and I’m getting quite close to the target of 20 projects per day (at least). Once a week, I will be working with someone one-on-one to get additional training where I can ask questions, and see how they do things faster to see where I might be able to pick up some speed.

I had a couple of days with some challenging projects that wound up taking much longer than anticipated. I’ve asked for additional help or training to try to figure out how to do it quicker, as I don’t see how at this point. I won’t go into specifics, but let’s just say this project requires laminating and cutting covers, cutting books, marrying them up, manually coil-punching in a wall calendar kind of way, and then coiling. These aren’t thin books either. They said they’ll come up with a plan to teach me how to do it quicker.

I’ve made some significant gains at work, and still find some things challenging. But it’s all coming together.

What’s Still a Challenge (Boss Battle Preview)

I feel much more secure now than I did a couple of weeks ago. It feels like they want me to succeed. That seems to have pushed the Depression Beast back into the shadows for now. He’s still there, just not in plain sight anymore.

It’s been difficult to get going on some tasks. Also, when things like my car breaking down happen, I tend to only focus on the one big problem at a time. I was without a car for two work days, and had to figure out how to take an Uber to and from work both days. I was surprised at how fast and easy it was. (Tip: Don’t pre-book an Uber. Just order it when you need it. Otherwise it costs double.)

But that all is about to change as I tackle my next quest: cleaning the lair. I’m not defeated… just slower than I’d like to be.

This Weekend’s Quest Objectives

The goal is simple: clean the home. Here’s how I’m breaking the quest down:

Thursday Morning/Evening

For today, I plan on cleaning the kitchen/living room, and hallway and entryway. I’ll start this morning by clearing all the recycling, cans, garbage, and clutter. Then I’ll load the dishwasher and run it. After my sleep cycle, I’ll tackle clearing and cleaning the kitchen counter, doing any remaining dishes, and clean the stove, microwave, fridge, table, and sink. Then I’ll move into the living room and dust the furniture, clean the glass items, and vacuum the couch. After that, I will remove any clutter in the hallway and entryway.

Friday Morning/Evening

Friday morning I’ll start the laundry, clean my bedroom, creative studio, and bathroom. I’ll start with my regular clothes, and while that’s running, I’ll tidy up the creative studio. As I finished setting it up not too long ago, it just needs light dusting, putting my tools away, and changing the litter pan. Then I will tackle cleaning the bedroom when the second load of regular clothes goes in. After my clothes are dried, I will fold them and put them away. Then I’ll head to sleep.

Friday evening after my sleep, I will wash the sheets, then the comforter. While my laundry goes, I will tackle cleaning the bathroom. I will start with the mirror, then clean the counter and sink. The toilet will come next. Finally I’ll wind it up with cleaning the shower walls and tub. Then when the laundry is done drying, I will make the bed and call it a day (well, night, but you know what I mean…)

Saturday Morning/Evening

Saturday morning I will prepare a grocery list, go get them and put them away. I might also try to figure out solutions to hanging some pictures. I’ll keep the morning light and just tidy up. After my sleep, I will tackle organizing the storage closet. I will start by flattening the boxes that can be flattened, sort the boxes that would be difficult to take apart, and stack them neatly at the end of the closet. Then I’ll figure out where my other items (fans, dolly, step ladder, and full pop recycling bags go. Then all I have left to do is sweep and mop the entire home.

That will leave the rest of Sunday morning clear of any tasks. All of this is very doable. Once it’s all done, the only thing left will be hanging my pictures and other wall hanging items.

Strategy: How I’m Approaching This

Instead of having a usual “to-do” list, I have called it “What I feel like doing today” list. Even though I have pre-planned this weekend, it still has some wiggle room just in case I don’t feel like tackling something, or decide to do a different task instead. Once this weekend’s quest is done, I’ll return to my “what I feel like doing today” approach and build each day as I go.

I will choose tasks based on my energy of the moment. The plan allows for flexibility, while at the same time avoiding overwhelm.

🐈‍⬛ Diana’s Wisdom: The True Quest Master

Diana enjoys her life. She loves laying in the window basking in the sunshine. There isn’t a small object she won’t try to play hockey with. That pesky red dot light is getting closer to getting caught.

When she naps, she doesn’t feel guilty. If she’s exploring a shadow on the wall (many times it’s her own tail!), she’s simply showing curiosity. And whenever her human is busy doing something, she’s decided to assume the role of my supervisor.

Final Thought: Progress is Progress

I’m about to embark on a quest to get my apartment clean and gain a small win. It might not seem like an exciting quest to some people, but I can finally check something off of my “what I feel like doing today” list. Even the smallest steps count as long as you are progressing. Speed isn’t important. What matters is that I keep moving.

This weekend isn’t about finishing everything. It’s about moving things forward. XP doesn’t come from perfect runs—just from showing up and playing.

What does your weekend quest look like? Share it in the comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Hero in Progress

Lair Upgrade Unlocked: The Creative Studio Awakens

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands confidently in the center of a creative studio coming to life with glowing purple and gold creative energy swirling around her hands. Shelves of art supplies, boxes, and instruments fill the room as it transforms from storage space into a creative workspace. Diana, a black cat with golden eyes and a white chest tuft, sits calmly nearby. In the background, a small pixie with red hair and colorful patchwork clothing—The Spark—floats on a shelf, winking mischievously as the studio awakens.

Mission Briefing: A New Wing of the Lair

The creative studio awakens!

Every hero eventually upgrades their headquarters. Even Batman will add new devices as technology advances. The key is using the unique talents a hero already possesses.

My talent is I have a creative spark within me. What was once considered a spare room or a storage space has slowly been transforming into a new creative wing of the lair.

This upgrade isn’t just about furniture placement. As I’ve been organizing everything that didn’t have a home, I started noticing categories emerging.

It’s transforming from a storage room into a space I might actually use.

The Room That Was (Before the Upgrade)

Before I used to think of the room as the spare room, or second bedroom. Even storage room seemed fitting.

It’s what I’m used to referring to the second bedroom as. You know how most people have a junk drawer in the kitchen? I tend to end up with an entire junk room.

I stored all the extra things I didn’t use on a regular basis in that room. Piles and piles of boxes. It felt overwhelming to decide where to begin when I started this phase of my home organization plan.

Of course, it had some emotional similarities to my life:

  • Random things all over the place reflected a disordered life.
  • Unfinished transitions led to the familiar thought: “I’ll deal with this later.” (Hello, Procrastinator.)
  • And chaos… well, I’ve definitely felt plenty of that.

Needless to say, this room has always been a challenge for me to keep in order or even find a use for. But that has changed.

The Awakening Begins

My resolution for this year was a challenge to myself: to keep a clean, tidy and organized home.

Using ChatGPT to help plan this goal has proven to be surprisingly helpful. It suggested to me to first unpack things one box at a time. Then to sort into categories. As there was limited space with all the extra boxes, I had to use part of my living room and part of my bedroom to host the piles of things. Now the whole place feels messy again, but I know it has a purpose to it.

Once the categories started to emerge and the closer I get to finishing the unpacking (only two more boxes left!), I started to see the room transform. The categories are all mostly creative things.

It no longer feels like a spare room. Now it feels like a creative studio. A room I can actually see myself going in and working on various creative projects.

Current Progress: The Studio in Development

It’s important to note this project is still a work in progress. I’m trying to finish it by the end of this weekend or early next week at the latest. While there’s still a lot of stuff left to do, it now feels like this room has a purpose other than just a storage room.

I have assembled storage racks. I’m almost done sorting through my things into category piles. Then I’ll clean the floor and assemble the desk. Once I see how much space the office supplies take up, I’ll decide where the remaining categories will live.

It’s interesting to see what the categories are. Here’s a list:

  • Office supplies
  • Art supplies
  • Large art supplies (paintings, portfolios)
  • Crafting supplies
  • Photos and other memorabilia
  • Tools and utility objects (light bulbs, batteries, etc.)
  • Comic books and other fandom collectibles
  • Piano and musical things

From seeing the piles emerge, and after some thoughtful questions from ChatGPT, the room stopped being a junk room to me and began being this creative studio.

The room has come alive!

Unexpected Side Quest: A Positive Work Update

While the creative studio is coming online, something unexpected has also shifted in the outside world.

As I mentioned in my last post, things had been stressful while I was under review at work. I’ve been working steady at trying to get quicker and quicker in doing certain tasks, and allowing a little more time for those I still find somewhat challenging.

I’m pleased to report that my efforts have not been in vain. They are no longer going to keep track of how much time I take on working on my assignments and I can now work at my own pace again.

This doesn’t mean I’ll go back to taking things slowly though, even when the workflow is slow. It means I no longer have an assigned cart with a time limit on it. I still plan on getting through the quicker jobs first and as quickly as possible, but I’ve gotten much better at multitasking and time management.

I’m already starting to feel the heaviness in my shoulders release. I feel like I can breathe again.

Why This Room Matters More Than It Looks

Transforming the idea of this room from a junk room into a creative studio is very important to me. I’ve always considered myself a creative person and love the arts.

I want to get back to doing creative things again. Whether that’s painting, drawing, sewing, or writing, a room with a dedication to it feels more like a room calling to me.

This studio represents possibility. If I have no real creativity in my work-a-day life, that doesn’t mean I can’t have it at home. It has actually excited me about the possibilities moving forward.

Of course, most of that will have to wait until this whole project of creating a clean, tidy, and organized home is finished.

Almost like magic, while unpacking the last box, I found unused and unopened multi-purpose labels. It’s like the Universe is personally approving my creative studio idea.

Diana’s Wisdom

This room is also her room, as she has reminded me so feverishly. It has a window where I purposefully have kept the blinds up and a cat tree in there so she can easily climb into the window, watch the birds and squirrels, and sleep in the sun. It also houses her litter box.

I think she’ll enjoy having a desk and keeping me company in the room—or rather me keeping her company in there. It was her creative studio first, after all.

Final Thought: The Lair Continues to Grow

Discovering a creative studio inside your own home doesn’t happen every day. As I continue working on the lair, I’m already imagining the creative projects that might come next. I’ll still dedicate time to daily tidying and weekly cleaning once the place is done by hopefully the end of March. But after the place is done, I’m anticipating using my new creative studio a lot.

When you have been organizing things, what surprise rooms or categories have you discovered? Share them in my comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Hero in Progress

Establishing the Lair: Levelling Up the Home Base

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell, in her black-and-purple superhero suit, stands at the center of a living room split between an unfinished, box-filled space and a calm, blueprint-like vision of an organized home. Diana, her black cat with golden eyes, sits peacefully at her side.

The Lair in Progress

Every hero needs a home base of operations. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, Batman has his Batcave. I have a home.

Since I moved into my new place on January 2nd, I’ve been busy. The move itself was exhausting and took me awhile to recover from the sheer exhaustion. For the last few weeks, I’ve been unpacking and slowly setting up systems.

It’s very important to me to have a neat, tidy and organized home now. As someone with ADHD, I often struggle with keeping places neat and tidy. I want to change that. I still have a long way to go, but I can finally see the beginning of the end.

The Work No One Sees

As I live alone, I only have myself to rely on to get things done. With my crazy schedule, I decided to turn my to-do list to a “what I feel like doing today” list. The first thing I wanted to establish was a quick daily tidy. This includes putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher (running it when full and emptying it when clean), clearing counters and living room surfaces of pop cans or garbage, and taking out the recycling when needed. For the most part, I have kept this routine, with a few meh-days mixed in when my energy was low.

One thing about me is I’m a deadline-oriented person. I can’t pre-plan things, per se, as once I do that, suddenly my mind says “that’s too much work!” and it never gets done. Remembering there will be an inspection from the landlords 3 months in, I’m realizing that that is a due date.

Last week, I wrote down all I had left to do in the living room and kitchen, and began spacing them out to certain days. As I work Sunday nights to Friday mornings, and sleep at roughly noon to 8 p.m., finding time to work is a little difficult. I save more heavier tasks for the Friday and Saturday, with some overflow to Sunday morning, and on work days, I try to add one to two tasks to accomplish in the mornings around 9:30 a.m. So far, this system seems to be working.

Living Room

The biggest thing to do with the living room was to finish unpacking, and figure out what goes on the storage racks in the big closet. I knew I wanted to have 2-3 shelves for kitchen overflow items that aren’t used regularly and I don’t have space for in the kitchen cupboards or drawers. I also have a lot of books.

I found Dr. Anxiety lurking around in the shadows telling me this task is impossible and I should just give up. The Procrastinator also made many appearances here and there, distracting me with all sorts of things. The Taskmaster was also trying to tell me all of the tasks that have to be done, and was ordering me to get certain things done by such and such a date. Unsurprisingly, I found it overwhelming.

I enlisted the help of The Navigator and The Groundskeeper to help me sort out how to accomplish these tasks. Once I wrote down the list of things left to do, and divided them into days, I decided to give myself a deadline last weekend to have the living room and kitchen completed by the end of this upcoming weekend (which also happens to be a long weekend).

I got through the books by first unpacking them and putting them randomly on shelves. Then I figured out I would need 4 of the shelves in the rack to accommodate them. I began sorting them into categories, realized stacking them like a library wouldn’t work with the spacing in the racks, and had to stack them vertically instead. After that, I organized the board games on the bottom rack on the other side, which left space for 3 kitchen shelves.

Kitchen

I had 4 boxes left to unpack that I wasn’t sure where to put things that hung around for a while. After I was done sorting through the living room shelves, it became much easier to tackle one box per day as my goal. Yesterday I went through two small boxes and one large box as I had the momentum to keep going. Today I finished unpacking the boxes.

Finishing Touches

All that’s left is finding homes for the remaining random objects, ensure items like knick-knacks and figures are positioned to where they will live, and clean the place. I’m still gearing towards finishing this living room and kitchen by Saturday. I want to take a break on Sunday as it’s a day off of work and I am planning on just relaxing.

Why This Matters More Than It Looks

This might sound like a boring thing to post about, but it is so satisfying completing a project like this. I made it my resolution this year to keep a clean, tidy, and organized home. I’m working towards that goal, one small step at a time. Keeping daily cleaning and tidying rituals is also very helpful. I find it doesn’t take very long if I do it at least once a day.

Because I have a naturally disorganized streak, the messier things get, the more overwhelmed I feel. Then I just put it off and it never gets done. When I finally do get off my butt and do something about it, it always surprises me how fast it takes to get it done. I don’t want to keep doing this.

There’s also this side of me that puts off doing other things I want to accomplish because I have to clean or organize my home first. It is so exhausting to keep putting things I want to do off.

This is part of what I call Emotional Cartography—learning how my environment affects my emotions and adjusting accordingly.

What’s Still Unfinished (And That’s Okay)

I have given myself the deadline of early March to try to have the place in order, or at least mostly in order. After I finish the kitchen/living room area this weekend (and take a day off), I will tackle the rest of my bedroom next week, and finish with sorting the second bedroom—which is a lot—for the remainder of the month.

The good news is there is an end in sight. My bedroom shouldn’t take too long to do, but I’ll tackle it like I did the living room and kitchen. I will make a list of what needs to be done and figure out when, then add it to my What I Feel Like Doing Today list for the week.

As the name of the list implies, I can change the order as I see fit if I feel like tackling something else. Or if I want to push something more difficult to a weekend night to work on. And I space it out just in case I have a meh-day somewhere in the middle of this.

A hero isn’t just born a hero. It’s a journey of thousands of small steps. As with RPG-types of video games, heroes need to level up. I finally feel like I’m about to reach a new level.

Diana’s Wisdom

Diana has two modes:

  1. Notice the human is doing something and try to help by batting her toys around.
  2. Go into the second bedroom window and sleep.

I’m sure she would appreciate a nice and tidy home as well. Just so long as she can still locate her favourite toys.

Final Thought: The Lair Is Live

I’m looking forward to establishing my home base as a place of comfort and relaxation. I certainly hope this renewed energy continues to show up. But if there is a meh-day in-between, I’ll simply rename it a “me-day”.

How do you keep things neat and tidy? I’d love to hear your tips or tricks, especially if you also have ADHD.

Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Creative Sparks and Unfinished Stories

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell on a theatrical haunted stage as The Spark directs her with a megaphone, representing creative sparks and unfinished stories, while Diana the cat watches from the shadows.

Naming the Pull

When The Archivist of Regret shows herself, she often stirs up creative sparks and unfinished stories. She lives in the past, mostly. Whenever I get in a certain mood (slight depression, regret, remorse, etc.), I oftentimes find myself going down the rabbit hole of what could have been. This post is about unresolved issues that tend to linger, and I’ll be introducing a new character in my Who’s Who arsenal to better understand and regulate my emotional responses.

The Creature Creeps

This particular memory has to do with something that didn’t happen in high school. I was in a drama production that never got to see the curtain fall due to the tragic deaths of two of our classmates just before our dress rehearsal, one of which had a major prominent role in the play. But this post isn’t about grief of losing fellow students. This post is more about the grief of not getting closure on something.

The play was called “The Creature Creeps”. I have thought long and hard about this play that never got to see the light of day and have concluded that I don’t think the teacher got the joke of the play. I understand the humour much more as an adult than I did when I was a kid, despite not having read it since that high school year.

This often sends me down a spiral of imagining putting it on “the right way”. In it, I’m more of a director and have to explain the story to everyone so they get the joke. It’s a horror comedy/farce type of play. I see it much more clearly than I did back then.

Why Do I Do This?

It’s easy to dismiss this as something small or insignificant, especially since it happened so long ago. But I am a person who loves a good story, and I’m also one of those creative types of people. I believe the reason why I keep going through this loop is because I have an unresolved creative spark that hasn’t quite been acknowledged yet.

The Unfinished Creative Loop

I think this is a common trait amongst creative types. We do a project from far in the past, then think of ways we could do it better in the present. With age, maturity, and wisdom, comes better hindsight… and we all know how useful hindsight can be.

A cancelled play might not be what some people would think about, but I do constantly. Every so often the thoughts cross my mind. I honestly wish it wouldn’t keep coming up, but I never got closure from it as we never got to perform it. How do you resolve an issue like that?

Why Some Ideas Don’t Fade

For us creative types, we need to have that final bow, or feel like we did our best to complete a project. If we later see better ways of handling it than we did when we were younger, this creates the possibility of either a new project idea for inspiration, or a deep sense of regret for what could have been.

It’s so easy to see how the Archivist of Regret is working on opening the file, and even the Depression Beast peeking through from the shadows, whispering, “No one would get what you’re trying to say, so don’t even try to explain it. People didn’t like you in high school, and you weren’t that bright to have figured it out back then anyway.”

However, I also believe this is the perfect opportunity to introduce a new Wild Card character to my Who’s Who list of emotional characters.

New Who’s Who Entry: The Spark

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Creative energy
Primary Role: Ignites ideas and creative reinterpretation
Shows Up When: Old creative work resurfaces with new understanding

The Spark brings flashes of insight, inspiration, and creative possibility. She helps me see familiar ideas in new ways, often revealing layers I couldn’t access before. At her best, she reignites curiosity and reminds me why creating matters. When she lingers too long without an outlet, she can trap me in a loop—revisiting ideas endlessly instead of letting them move forward or rest.

How This Character Fits In: Team-ups and Tensions

Common Team-Ups

The Spark + The Archivist of Regret
The Spark often activates old creative files the Archivist has carefully preserved. Together, they revisit unfinished work with fresh eyes, searching for meaning that wasn’t visible at the time. This pairing can bring insight—or keep the past perpetually open.

The Spark + The Navigator
When balanced, The Navigator helps direct The Spark’s energy toward what matters now, rather than what once was. This team-up turns inspiration into intentional direction instead of endless reconsideration.

Productive Tensions

The Spark vs. The Depression Beast
The Spark wants movement and expression, while the Depression Beast weighs everything down. When the Beast dominates, her energy fizzles into frustration. When she’s acknowledged but not indulged, her light can soften his heaviness.

The Spark vs. The Procrastinator
The Spark ignites ideas, but The Procrastinator delays acting on them. This tension often leaves inspiration suspended—alive, but unrealized—creating guilt without resolution.

Wild Card Interference

The Spark + The Trickster
Together, they can turn creative reflection into endless mental play. Ideas bounce, refract, and entertain without ever landing. Sometimes this is joyful. Sometimes it quietly stalls progress.

Why She Belongs as a Wild Card

The Spark isn’t a problem to solve. She’s a signal.

She appears when something creative wants acknowledgment—whether that means expression, reinterpretation, or simply permission to exist without completion. Learning when to follow her and when to gently thank her without acting is part of the map.

Why The Spark Showed Up Now

Perhaps with age comes wisdom. Or maybe I’m more aware of things now that I’ve gotten treatment for ADHD.

All I know is this memory continues to pop up from time to time (though admittedly not as often as it did a few years ago). She must want me to somehow find a resolution to this project that never got to be.

As I’ve mentioned many times in my blog posts, I love a good story. If it’s well-written, the characters are well thought out, and—if it winds up being a production—if the acting is supreme, it ignites something in me. I think this Spark is also the reason why I often want to learn animation—so I can tell my own stories visually. The Depression Beast has pointed out to me that I’m too old now and can’t really draw or illustrate very well, so how could that work out?

And sometimes I find myself wondering why this is resurfacing now.

Resolution

I think what I’m actually looking for may not be resolution, but permission. Or some closure. Perhaps I could write it out of my system privately so I direct it the way I wanted it to go. Or perhaps I should just let it go as a flick from the past. That’s much easier said than done.

If anyone has any ideas how to put this particular issue to rest, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Diana’s Wisdom

I’m sure if Diana could talk, she’d tell me to relax and stop driving myself crazy over this. She doesn’t live anywhere in the past as far as I know. She only cares about having food in her bowl, water to drink, a clean litter pan, some toys to bat around, and a warm lap for cuddling.

Diana doesn’t need closure, nor does she care about what might have been. She only knows what is in front of her right now.

Sometimes, presence matters more than answers.

Final Thought

Creative sparks and unfinished stories tend to linger for us creative types. The Spark lives to inspire us to do something creative. I may never find a way to get closure over this issue, or perhaps writing about it now is the first step to acknowledging that this Spark lives within me, and sometimes she’s just begging to be paid attention to. I don’t owe every creative spark a finished product. Some only ask to be acknowledged. Sometimes the work of a Spark is simply to be seen.

Do you ever find yourself trapped in a creative loophole over something that wasn’t completed? How did you handle it?

Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Who’s Who: Heroes, Shadows, and Wild Cards

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands on a hill beside her black cat Diana, facing a line of shadowy silhouettes representing the heroes, shadows, and wild cards of her inner world.

Who’s Who in My World

Along with myself and Diana, there are thirteen constant companions in my inner world. Some are heroes, some are shadows, and some are just wild cards. I thought it would be fitting to give each of these characters a brief bio, just in case you were curious what I’m talking about.

It’s no secret that sometimes I struggle with my emotions. While I don’t necessarily think of emotions as good or bad, some are more helpful than others. What follows are the characters I’ve created (with a little assist from ChatGPT) to try to explain them to everyone who reads this.

I’ve already introduced three of these characters. I hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The Heroes

These are the more helpful of my emotional allies:

LADY OPTIMISM

Lady Optimism

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Hope
Primary Role: Keeps morale alive during difficulty
Shows Up When: Things feel heavy, but not hopeless

Lady Optimism radiates encouragement and forward momentum. She believes that things can improve, even when the path forward isn’t clear yet. At her best, she brings lightness, reassurance, and the reminder that effort still matters. When overextended, she can drift toward denial, but her true strength lies in offering hope without erasing reality.

THE NAVIGATOR

The Navigator

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Clarity
Primary Role: Helps choose direction based on values
Shows Up When: Facing crossroads, big decisions, or identity shifts

The Navigator helps sort what matters from what’s merely loud. They don’t rush decisions or offer easy answers, but instead bring focus to values, priorities, and long-term alignment. When everything feels possible and overwhelming at once, The Navigator slows the moment enough to see a true path forward. Their guidance isn’t about certainty—it’s about choosing with intention.

THE GROUNDSKEEPER

The Groundskeeper

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Regulation
Primary Role: Maintains routine and stability
Shows Up When: Life starts to feel scattered or overwhelming

The Groundskeeper tends to the basics that keep everything else functioning. He focuses on sleep, food, tidying, and simple systems that prevent small issues from becoming crises. Patient and consistent, he works in the background rather than seeking attention. His strength lies in maintenance, reminding me that stability is built through care, not force.

THE TRANSLATOR

The Translator

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Emotional literacy
Primary Role: Interprets feelings before reactions take over
Shows Up When: Emotions are strong but unclear

The Translator helps me understand what I’m actually feeling instead of reacting blindly. He identifies the emotions beneath the surface, turning confusion into language that makes sense. Sometimes he goes offline when things are too overwhelming, but he always comes back online once clarity is possible again. His work turns emotional noise into understanding.

THE WATCHER

The Watcher

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Awareness
Primary Role: Observes patterns without judgment
Shows Up When: Confusion, overwhelm, or repetition becomes noticeable

The Watcher notices what’s happening without trying to change it. They observe patterns, timing, and reactions, gently turning chaos into information. When clarity is hard to reach, The Watcher offers perspective rather than answers, allowing understanding to emerge naturally. Their presence removes shame by replacing self-criticism with curiosity.

The Shadows

Not all of these characters make things easier. Some complicate things—but they still have something to say. These are the shadows:

DR. ANXIETY

Dr. Anxiety

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Fear
Primary Role: Scans for danger and worst-case outcomes
Shows Up When: Uncertainty, pressure, or loss of control appear

Dr. Anxiety is always analyzing risk, forecasting what could go wrong before it happens. He presents himself as helpful and protective, even when his warnings spiral into overwhelm. At his best, he highlights real concerns that deserve attention. When unchecked, he turns possibility into catastrophe and urgency into paralysis.

THE DEPRESSION BEAST

The Depression Beast

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Despair
Primary Role: Pulls energy inward and dampens motivation
Shows Up When: Prolonged stress, loss, or emotional exhaustion set in

The Depression Beast moves slowly but with great weight, making even simple tasks feel impossible. His presence dulls motivation, flattens emotion, and wraps everything in heaviness. While deeply uncomfortable, he often signals that something has been pushed too far for too long. Ignoring him rarely works—understanding his message is the first step toward relief.

CAPTAIN RAGE

Captain Rage

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Anger
Primary Role: Defends against perceived threat or injustice
Shows Up When: Boundaries are crossed or frustration boils over

Captain Rage reacts fast and loudly, charging in when something feels unfair, unsafe, or overwhelming. His anger often masks deeper emotions like hurt, fear, or grief, but his instinct is always protective. When channeled well, he can enforce boundaries and demand change. When unchecked, he escalates conflict and burns through energy without resolution.

THE ARCHIVIST OF REGRET

The Archivist of Regret

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Regret
Primary Role: Preserves memories of past mistakes and missed chances
Shows Up When: Looking backward instead of forward

The Archivist of Regret carefully catalogs what went wrong, replaying moments that feel unfinished or unresolved. She believes that remembering mistakes will prevent them from happening again, even when the cost is self-forgiveness. At her best, she offers insight and hard-earned lessons. When she dominates, the past becomes heavier than the present, making growth feel out of reach.

THE TASKMASTER

The Taskmaster

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Control
Primary Role: Enforces productivity and high standards
Shows Up When: Fear of failure or falling behind takes over

The Taskmaster demands action, structure, and results, often without regard for capacity or rest. He believes that constant effort is the only way to stay safe and successful. When balanced, he can drive focus and follow-through. When unchecked, he turns progress into punishment and mistakes into proof of inadequacy.

The Wild Cards

Then there are the ones who don’t fit neatly anywhere.

THE FOG

The Fog

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Dissociation
Primary Role: Blurs awareness to reduce overload
Shows Up When: Things become emotionally or mentally overwhelming

The Fog softens everything—thoughts, feelings, memory, and urgency. He doesn’t cause harm directly, but his presence can be disorienting, making it hard to focus or feel fully present. Sometimes he acts as protection, stepping in when experience becomes too intense to process. Other times, his lingering signals a need to stop pushing and gently re-enter clarity.

THE TRICKSTER

The Trickster

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance
Primary Role: Redirects attention through humour and distraction
Shows Up When: Discomfort, boredom, or emotional tension appear

The Trickster deflects seriousness with jokes, scrolling, and sudden side-quests. He isn’t malicious and often believes he’s helping by lightening the mood. In small doses, he brings playfulness and relief. When left unchecked, he pulls focus away from things that matter, turning avoidance into delay.

THE PROCRASTINATOR

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance (with guilt)
Primary Role: Delays action by downplaying urgency
Shows Up When: Tasks feel boring, overwhelming, or emotionally loaded.

The Procrastinator shrugs off urgency with a casual “later.” He soothes discomfort in the moment by postponing action, convincing me that the task can wait without consequence. Sometimes he’s genuinely helpful, creating space when pressure is artificial or energy is depleted. More often, he leaves behind guilt, regret, and the uncomfortable feeling of having let myself down.

Team-Ups and Tensions

These characters don’t exist in isolation. They react to one another, amplify each other, and sometimes work at cross-purposes. Understanding how they interact helps me recognize what’s actually happening in the moment—not just which character has shown up.

Common Team-Ups

The Translator + The Watcher

The Watcher observes patterns over time, while The Translator interprets emotions in the moment. Together, they turn experience into understanding without judgment. When confusion hits, this pairing brings clarity and context.

The Groundskeeper + The Navigator

The Navigator helps determine direction, and The Groundskeeper ensures the foundation is stable enough to move. One chooses the path; the other makes sure it’s walkable. This team-up turns intention into sustainable action.

Lady Optimism + The Groundskeeper

Lady Optimism provides hope and encouragement, while The Groundskeeper keeps things practical. Together, they balance morale with realism, preventing positivity from becoming pressure.

Productive Tensions

Captain Rage vs. The Taskmaster

Both demand action, but for different reasons. Captain Rage reacts to perceived injustice, while The Taskmaster pushes for productivity and control. When unchecked, they can escalate each other into burnout.

Dr. Anxiety vs. The Navigator

Dr. Anxiety floods the system with worst-case scenarios, making decision-making feel urgent and overwhelming. The Navigator slows things down, filtering fear through values and long-term perspective.

The Archivist of Regret vs. Lady Optimism

The Archivist looks backward, preserving lessons from past mistakes. Lady Optimism looks forward, focused on possibility. When balanced, they offer wisdom and hope. When misaligned, they can cancel each other out.

Wild Card Interference

The Fog and Everyone Else

The Fog blurs signals, making it harder for any character to function clearly. While sometimes protective, prolonged fog disrupts communication and decision-making across the system.

The Trickster vs. The Taskmaster

The Trickster avoids discomfort through humour and distraction, directly undermining The Taskmaster’s drive for structure and completion. Sometimes this brings relief. Sometimes it delays what needs attention.

The Procrastinator + The Trickster

The Procrastinator often pairs with The Trickster, trading humor for indifference. One distracts, the other delays, and together they can quietly derail momentum. What begins as relief can turn into lost time before anyone notices.

The Procrastinator vs. The Taskmaster

The Procrastinator and The Taskmaster are locked in a delayed conflict. Avoidance invites pressure, and pressure invites more avoidance. When The Taskmaster finally takes over, the response is often guilt-driven rather than productive.

Why These Interactions Matter

No single character is “the problem.” What matters is who’s leading, who’s reacting, and who’s being ignored. These interactions offer clues—about capacity, unmet needs, and when it’s time to slow down, step back, or ask for help.

Diana

Of course, a proper Who’s Who wouldn’t be complete without my lovely sidekick, Diana.

DIANA

Diana the cat

Type: Ally
Core Emotion: Comfort
Primary Role: Grounds and soothes through quiet presence
Shows Up When: Stress is high, emotions are heavy, or rest is needed

Diana offers calm without commentary. She provides comfort through closeness, routine, and gentle companionship, reminding me to slow down and breathe. Her presence softens intensity and brings the focus back to the moment. Without trying to fix anything, she helps regulate the system simply by being there. She doesn’t belong to any category—she simply belongs.

Final Thought

I hope you have found this as entertaining—and informative—as I have. For me, it helps to characterize the various emotions I tend to struggle with so I can gain better control over them. I may refer to these characters from time to time—as shorthand, as insight, or simply as part of the story I’m learning to understand.

So tell me: Who’s Who in your inner world?

Hero in Progress

Not Every Day Needs a Quest: SuperMell Takes a Breather

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell reclines on a couch in her black-and-purple superhero suit, eyes softly open as she rests and watches gentle shadows on the wall. Diana, a mostly black cat with a small white chest tuft and golden eyes, lies calmly beside her, capturing a quiet moment of rest and companionship.

🛰️ Opening Log: Permission to Pause

Honestly, I’m quite exhausted today. I have been doing a lot for the last month or two:

  • Packed up the old place
  • Moved
  • Slowly unpacking and organizing the new place
  • Creating systems that will ensure I keep the place neat and tidy
  • Working full-time in the evenings, and sleeping during the afternoons

That’s a big list, believe it or not. And I’m not as young or as agile as I once was. Therefore, today I took a day off to just sit with myself. SuperMell takes a breather.

⚠️ The False Villain: “If I Stop, I’ll Fall Behind”

Yes, my old arch-nemesis Dr. Anxiety is showing his ugly face once again. He’s trying to tell me that if I don’t finish everything all at once, I will fail at keeping my resolution to keep a clean, neat and tidy home. This makes me feel somewhat guilty for listening to my body while it yearned for a break.

The truth is I might be putting too much pressure on myself to do it perfectly. For instance, I was trying to set up my figures in the glass display case I have, but the bottom two rows kept falling down, so I had to stop before the anger set in. That moment knocked me off my rhythm, and Dr. Anxiety was quick to declare it a failure. But did I really fail? Or did I recognize my level of frustration was raising, and I needed to take a break from it? I prefer the latter.

This pressure I am adding to myself to do it all perfectly might be the problem. As a person with ADHD, there is that desire to be perfect at it, but that is simply not possible. I should aim for 80%, not 100%. Rest is necessary, especially when putting a place together. There’s no real deadline. If I keep at it, even slowly, it will all get done eventually.

In the past, this type of bait Dr. Anxiety waves in front of me would work. I’d feel like a failure for not doing my daily to-dos and give up. But it’s only a day. I can just get up and try again tomorrow.

🧠 What a “Brain Break” Actually Means (For Me)

Everyone is different and handles things differently, I suppose. For me, a brain break is a day where I don’t do much and almost lose myself to my thoughts. It happens every once in a while, where I revisit old memories, imagine how I’d handle it differently, or just space out for a time. That was what happened yesterday.

I’ve come to realize these brain breaks are absolutely necessary for me to move forward. It’s directly related to my emotions at the moment, so if I pay attention to what it’s trying to tell me about how I’m feeling, acknowledge that I’m feeling this way, and deal with it accordingly, then I can move on.

What a brain break isn’t is giving up. I’m not telling myself I have failed at life therefore I shouldn’t try. It was just one day. I need some days that are just reserved for these breaks every once in a while, otherwise I would definitely fall off into the abyss. Then the Depression Beast would show its fangs.

🛠️ What I’m Actively Not Doing Right Now

Right now, I’m not panicking about not doing anything on a day off. I’m not forcing myself to be productive despite my exhaustion. The plan is simply to do what I feel like doing today, not plan every single detail and schedule those. That way has never worked for me. In fact, I’ve actually titled my chore list as a “What I Feel Like Doing Today” list.

I am also not judging myself for needing to take a day. Even athletes can’t be performing for an entire game. They also need breaks.

Incidentally, I’m also not turning a much needed rest day into a perfectly rested day either. Hence, my decision to write this blog post.

Most importantly, I’m not telling myself I have failed. One of my favourite lines from a He-Man cartoon back in the day was:

The only time you fail is if you give up before you even try.

I haven’t given up and I’m going to keep trying.

🧭 What I Am Still Holding Onto

Above all else, I am still holding onto my new relationship with Lady Optimism. I haven’t quite figured out what my emotions were trying to tell me today, but I know I will figure it out.

I’m still holding onto routines and strategies for coping with this mountain of work ahead of me. The intention is to keep working at it, even slowly, so I know eventually I won’t have to do much. I’m getting in the habit of clearing spaces, tidying up the spaces I’ve already gotten to, putting dishes away, wiping down the kitchen counter, and trying to unpack one box per day (at least). This has been a successful approach so far. When these habits no longer need to be put into my daily What I Feel Like Doing Today list and I just instinctively do it, then I know I will have succeeded.

Even if I don’t, and still need the daily lists, that’s still okay. Maintaining your mind is just as important as maintaining your home, after all.

🐾 Diana’s Approach to Non-Quests

As anyone who’s ever been owned by a cat can tell you, they sleep and rest a lot. Sure, they can get up and bat a ball around for a while, or cozy up to you, demanding to be pet, or fed, or both! Does Diana feel guilty for resting as much as she does? I doubt it. She doesn’t optimize her naps. She just chooses to nap. Watching her rest reminds me that rest is a beautiful thing, and her presence is productive in her own way.

🌱 Final Thought: Rest Is Part of the Journey

SuperMell needed to take a breather today. That just had to happen. My emotions were a little raw, and I needed space to sort through them. And honestly? Even superheroes need a break. Not every day has to have a quest or a battle. Some days exist to refill the map, sharpen the compass, or simply sit by the fire. SuperMell isn’t disappearing. She’s breathing.

Where could you allow yourself a pause? Tell me how you handle off-days in the comments.

Hero in Progress

Standing at the Threshold: One Last Night Before Launch

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell walks forward in a calm, confident stride through a glowing, mystical threshold of light. She wears a black Nightwing-inspired superhero suit with a purple “M” emblem, purple gloves, belt, boots, and glasses. Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white chest patch, perches calmly on her shoulder. The space behind them fades into cool shadow, while warm golden light opens ahead, symbolizing transition, courage, and a new beginning.

🛰️ Mission Log: The Space Between

Happy New Year! 2026 is set to start with a bang for me. A brand new adventure awaits—I move into my new place tomorrow.

This chapter of my life is coming to a close. I finished my last shift before I move. I’m in the process of cleaning and packing my place. There’s still so much left to do, but I know I can get it done in a day.

This threshold isn’t a metaphor, incidentally. It’s real. It does feel like I’m about to start a new chapter in the Book of Mell.

⚠️ Status Report: Dr. Anxiety at the Edge of the Door

Yes, that dastardly evil Dr. Anxiety is starting to whisper in my ear. I can’t deny his presence. He does thrive on last day jitters, after all. And he absolutely loves liminal moments like this.

Anyone who has moved knows what I’m talking about. It’s completely normal to feel some anxiety on the threshold of a move such as this. The evil doctor is using this perfectly normal feeling to try to exert his influence. The types of messages he’s sending me aren’t very helpful.

While I can sense his presence nearby, I’m doing my best to counter his attacks. Just because anxiety is here, it doesn’t necessarily mean danger. It means there’s a transition afoot.

🧭 What’s Locked In (No Rewrites Allowed)

Nevertheless, I will move on Friday. That’s already a given. This wasn’t rushed. I methodically planned it out, step by step, task by task. I refuse to give in to his fears.

It’s not like I haven’t moved before—I’ve done this many times. This one feels different because most of my old life was still packed away in the garage. While I have appreciated having a roof over my head and am grateful my parents helped me out a lot, I have missed my things. I know it’s just stuff, but it’s part of my identity in a way.

Dr. Anxiety thinks he can use my fear of things going back to before I moved into their house. But the thing is I have changed a lot since those days. I have rebuilt my life back up from scratch. It may not be perfect or what I imagined it would look like, but my attitude is what’s changed.

🛠️ How I’m Holding the Line Tonight

The future hasn’t been written yet, so what’s the point of worrying about tomorrow? Tomorrow never actually arrives. While I’m acknowledging the presence of Dr. Anxiety, I know how to keep him at bay. Every time he whispers a doubt in my mind, I counter attack with “I’ve got this!” That silences him for a time.

For now, I’m only concentrating on what I have left to do in the next 24 hours. It’ll be busy, and I’ll take naps here and there so I can transition my sleep schedule to be up and raring to go on Friday morning. I have built some reliable systems and so far they seem to be working. I have to have faith that the Universe is guiding me precisely to where I belong.

🐾 Diana, Keeper of the Present Moment

As I prepare for the move, Diana appears to have two modes:

  1. Accompany me and knock over a few things while I’m packing (including an unopened pop can that sprang a leak and sprayed everywhere).
  2. Sleep.

She is a master of zen, after all. She may not have any idea we are moving in a day, but she seems happy to be living in the moment. Diana doesn’t recognize thresholds. She only focuses on the now. Sometimes I think she sees home as portable as she is—and that’s okay with me.

🚀 Final Thought: You Don’t Need to Leap—Just Step

The infamous line “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” is interesting. While a step on the moon can feel like a leap, it was a metaphor for all the hard work it took to get there. In some ways, I feel like an astronaut, on the eve of a new launch into a new horizon.

This launch doesn’t require fearlessness. I certainly don’t have to have everything figured out as I turn the page on my new adventure. All it will take is one small step.

Tonight, I stand here. Tomorrow, I step forward. That’s the whole mission.

How do you keep Dr. Anxiety at bay?

Hero in Progress

Origin Rewritten: Becoming the Hero I Needed Back Then

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands full-body in a glowing hero’s armoury as purple and gold armour pieces assemble around her in midair. She wears a black Nightwing-inspired suit with a purple ‘M’ emblem, purple gloves, belt, boots, and glasses, looking calm and confident. Beside her sits Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white patch on her chest, unfazed by the transformation. The scene is warm, cinematic, and symbolic of growth and self-chosen strength.

The Rewrite Begins

Origin stories alone don’t make the hero. Sometimes we evolve and change as life forges on. Something has happened with me as of late. I’m not entirely sure where it will lead. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see where this new path takes me.

For many years, I remained stuck to the past. I obsessed about being bullied in a small town to the point that it took over too much of my life. I’m at level 50 now. It’s time to put the past where it belongs, and travel onwards towards a new horizon.

I need to become the hero my younger self needed so desperately. But becoming the hero doesn’t require time travel. It requires awareness—or perhaps self-awareness is more appropriate. This post is all about my continuing evolution into the hero I’m supposed to be, and not what others imposed on me. A hero of my own choosing.

Something has shifted as I prepare to move forward in a very literal way. Stability, clarity, and self-trust are no longer abstract concepts — they’re active choices.

The Original Origin Story (Unarmoured)

I’m certain I’ve mentioned my past before. When I turned nine years old, I moved to a small town outside of Calgary, where I wasn’t welcomed by the people there. I was different, after all. I was a geek girl, back when that wasn’t really a thing. Then I failed grade four, and that began the many years of being bullied.

As I already alluded to, I spent way too much of my time obsessing over the pain that treatment caused me. Being isolated, ignored, insulted, and being treated like an outcast brought me a lot of emotional turmoil. It introduced me to The Depression Beast, and, not long after, Dr. Anxiety. I allowed the years of cruelty to take over most of my adulthood. I wanted to prove to everyone that I would be a major success and be a big shot. That desire fuelled some really bad decisions.

I was also struggling with this little thing known as ADHD. No one knew how it affected girls when I was a kid (still don’t, really), so it wasn’t diagnosed. I had much difficulty with reading or paying attention to conversations. Many teachers assumed I had reading comprehension issues, but that wasn’t it. It’s hard to comprehend what I’m reading when my mind travels to far and distant lands mid-sentence.

But I wasn’t broken. I was merely under-equipped.

🔹 The Villains Were Never What I Thought

Honestly? The depression beast scared the hell out of me. Dr. Anxiety made me nervous. I thought for the longest time those two would rule over my life with an iron fist forever. Together, they convinced me that I was in fact a loser. If I didn’t get a good career, a good marriage, a good family, a good house, I wouldn’t add up to a big shot, and I wouldn’t be able to prove to everyone that they didn’t break me. But the thing about that is: they did break me.

They convinced me I was broken. In reality, I was reacting exactly as a human does when pushed too far for too long. Obsessing about the past as I did for too long only got in my way. Did I really need to be something huge? Most people on this planet are everyday, normal people, who just try to do the best with what they’ve got. Besides, obsessing over becoming a big shot only leads to egomania. Did I really need a marriage to be happy? Kids? A house? (I’m still not sure about that last one…) If I got those things, would I be happier?

For a while, I had a great career, but that didn’t bring me happiness. The depression beast had its razor sharp claws dug deeply within me, and Dr. Anxiety kept manipulating me to act now on [insert this impulse] before it’s too late. But… Too late for what? When is too late? When you’re dead, I suppose.

Did I really want any of that? Or was that what I thought society wanted for me?

🔹 The Rewrite: Armour Built Over Time

When I realized that the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety were ridiculous creatures to listen to, I decided to put on my superhero mantle with pride. My origin story may have forged me for awhile, but there were some truths about myself Dr. Anxiety failed to realize: I survived. I am the hero of my own story.

The past taught me some things about myself. I like who I am. I’m nice and kind, but don’t take any crap from anyone anymore. Reaching level 50, you realize some battles are worth fighting for, and some aren’t. Knowing what you can change—and just as important what you can’t change—is really the key here. The past isn’t something I can change, and neither are the thoughts, words, or actions of others. What is within my control is what I choose to say, think, and do. Boom! Mic drop.

I have learned some valuable skills over the years. I’m resilient, strong, brave, kindhearted, trustworthy, dependable, reliable, loyal, and I never surrender. There have been many instances when I felt like life might be over for me, but the fact is I’m still here, fighting the good fight.

I also finally convinced a doctor a couple of years ago to get me assessed for ADHD, and from there, got on a medication that I wish I had tried ages ago. I feel stronger and more aware of myself than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I’ve also learned the power in saying no. Being a people pleaser was tiring. Trying to prove myself to everyone was exhausting. Setting up boundaries is the only way to show oneself self-compassion. Instead of acting with urgency, I should act with intention. The armour may not be flashy, but it’s functional.

It’s time to bid Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast a final farewell.

Becoming the Hero I Needed

Who is SuperMell? What can I give myself now that I couldn’t do back then? Let me break it down for you:

  • Protection – I wasn’t able to find a protector as a kid, but I have since realized I am my own protector. There was something inside me that kept me going and protected me from serious harm. I had my armour on without even knowing it was there.
  • Patience – The last couple of years have taught me a lot about patience. Losing my job, moving into my parents’ basement, working a crappy job — it all taught me this was a temporary setback. Now that I have a better job and will be moving next week, I feel like all that effort has finally paid off.
  • Validation – It’s important for me to say this as strongly and poignantly as I can. Every emotion I have felt over the years are valid. I am valid. I am a person, and I matter. Whenever the Depression Beast would show up and growl into my ear that I wasn’t important and didn’t matter to anyone, it didn’t erase the fact that I am important and I do matter. (In fact, I just got a gift of a cup from work saying as much…)
  • Choice – This is the big one! Everything that has happened to me, that is happening to me, and what will happen to me is my choice. I can choose to act, or not act. I can choose nothing and still come out ahead. My own choices are what’s guiding me right now. I’m no longer listening to the Depression Beast, and Dr. Anxiety’s influence is also waning. I won’t say he’s gone for good as of yet. Life will continue to thrown curve balls along the way. But knowing I am in charge of my own decisions sets me free.

I’m not going to erase my origin story. What’ the point of that? It made me the person I am today. I own it, and I honour my past. Even the bad decisions taught me something about myself. Choosing to show up differently changes the path.

The Power Isn’t Perfection

I don’t want to come across as though I’m a completely evolved person who will never listen to the Depression Beast or Dr. Anxiety again. That’s naive. I haven’t arrived. That’s a myth. There is no destination.

Growth doesn’t mean you’re invincible. Things can still hurt me. I have no idea what will happen after I move. There’s a certain Dr. who is whispering in my ear about that. I’m doing my best to laugh it off, but I know with such uncertainty, anxiety will happen. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I just need to remember to slow down, breathe, and think things through thoroughly before I make a decision or act. Is this really me talking, or Dr. Anxiety?

I’m still human. I’m sure I will make mistakes along the way. No one is flawless. What I plan to take with me is the lesson any mistake teaches me. That’s what real growth looks like. I no longer care about proving myself to anyone other than me. I’m still learning.

True power lies in adaptability, not dominance. Even though I’ve proclaimed I’ve changed, it’s what into that I’m not sure about yet. I just feel different now. Maybe it’s a wisdom that comes with hitting level 50. I know as I continue to grow into the hero I know I’m capable of being, life is about progress over performance.

🐾 Diana’s Perspective

Diana is true purr-fection. All she knows is she is a happy cat, and that’s good enough for her. When she sees me sitting too much, if not joining me, she’ll pick up a random toy and fling it about, signalling to me to not take things so seriously and enjoy myself. Not to mention, it’s time to get off my lazy butt and do something. Sometimes I wonder if cats are the true masters of zen.

Final Thought

The rewrite is ongoing. There is no set time limit, and I no longer care about trying to impress anyone else. I don’t need to go back in time to change its meaning. Becoming the hero I needed back then is a necessary evolutionary change—one that I’m excited to see where it takes me. My origin story didn’t end. It evolved into something better.

Tell me something: how are you the hero of your own story? Has your origin story haunted you? Did you learn something new about yourself in the process? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear your story.