Tag: Mission Logs

Mission Logs

Stardrive Status: One Year Online — A Mission Debrief

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands at the observation deck of a sleek starship, wearing fitted black superhero gear with purple accents, including a stylized wing-like M across her back, a purple belt, gloves, and subtle purple glasses. She looks out over a vast star-filled sky where a glowing, winding trail of light stretches behind her, representing the journey she has taken, with soft markers hinting at past milestones. Ahead, the stars open into a bright, radiant point on the horizon labeled as the next direction. Beside her, Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes, black paws, and a small white tuft on her chest, sits calmly watching the stars. Soft purple holographic panels and a warm-lit console frame the scene, creating a peaceful, reflective atmosphere focused on growth, progress, and forward movement.

Launch Day: Structure Without a Map

It’s been one year since I registered my website and wrote my first blog post. When I look back at how this site has evolved over the year, it makes me feel accomplished.

Initially when I first set out to create this website, my goal was to make myself a brand by establishing my presence. I still hope this website will eventually help me land that wonderful job in graphic design. At the time, I was working a survival job I hated—one that didn’t allow me to live on my own. I was living in my parents’ basement, and didn’t see a way out of it if I continued to work there. While I did manage to get myself debt-free with that job, I was not happy.

I was also about to take a break from working as I was going to have carpal tunnel surgery on my hand.

What I wanted the site to reflect was my professional side. I needed to get my brand out there and treat myself as marketable. My first post was interesting—if not a little vague. Looking back, it captured where I was at the time:

Where Creativity Meets Coordination: My Journey So Far

My identity at the time was structured and capable, but not fully expressed. I still needed to find my voice.

The System Experiment: When Structure Took Over

I had just discovered ChatGPT not long before I decided to create my website. I found it a very useful tool, almost like having a ship’s computer nearby as I figured out a direction. One bit of advice it gave me about trying to drive more traffic to my site was to post as often as possible. Thus began my daily posts saga, complete with various theme days of the week.

The goal was to post a blog post every day. I would usually pre-write the post the day before and schedule it to be posted. ChatGPT became my go-to to create the content.

Here are those initial categories:

mission monday
Tool-Time Tuesday
Wisdom wednesday
Throwback & fandom thursday
Funday friday
Skill-builder saturday
Soft-paw sunday

I later changed some of the themes. Tuesdays became Tactical Tuesdays, Thursdays became Transferable Thursdays, and I added an occasional category for The Ones Who Shaped Me, which is a category where I wrote the posts myself, and it was always about something that helped shape me into who I am today (usually some sort of fandom). Then came a concept of theme weeks for awhile there…

I relied completely on ChatGPT, even pre-planning posts for the week for each category. It gave me the beginnings of a system, which is something I absolutely love. I built this system to stay consistent… but—something felt off.

The Friction Point: When It Stopped Feeling Like Me

For a couple of months I continued to post daily posts. I had a system going and it was working wonderfully—at first. After a while, I noticed that the content tended to sound repetitive. I was feeling disconnected from what I was writing. More importantly, it wasn’t really sounding like me.

While it did (and continues) to drive up readership and subscribers, It just didn’t feel like it was my voice or what I wanted to talk about at times. I began really enjoying The Ones Who Shaped Me posts more because I was actually writing them. The usual daily posts were becoming a chore. It also wasn’t really doing what I hoped it would—bringing more traffic to the site. Maybe a couple here and there, but it wasn’t working. The question I began to ask myself was why was I doing this?

Reclaiming the Signal: Finding My Voice Again

Something had to change. I will say that I learned a lot from ChatGPT about how to structure the posts. But I wanted to find my voice. I am a creative person, and do enjoy writing. Fundamentally, I wanted to use ChatGPT in the first place to ensure the message was always positive on the website, and it did succeed there.

I decided I needed to write my own posts and make them more meaningful. I began leaning into my SuperMell persona—and of course, Diana the cat. Then I began writing my own posts with the following:

The Journey Evolves

Of course, I couldn’t keep up with the idea of writing every day, and decided to only write when I felt the need to do so. It’s a much slower process and pace, but it has helped me find my voice again.

Writing the posts myself made me want to explore my thoughts more often. The posts started becoming more personal and reflective. I chose authenticity over output.

After a while, I started to notice really only four categories seemed to pique my writing interest: Hero in Progress, Mission Logs, The Ones Who Shaped Me, and an exciting new addition I’ll talk about in the next section.

Building the Inner World: Emotional Cartography Emerges

This isn’t my first blog, incidentally. I’ve been blogging for many years, though those sites no longer exist or I’ve deleted them. I found my voice was too negative most of the time. If I wanted to create a presence of myself to show to the world, it needed to be more reflective of myself.

While there were certainly reoccurring themes on those old blogs, one thing I did was decide to separate my depression from my identity by referring to it as “The Depression Beast”. Initially, I described it as being a ferocious beast that would sink its sharp claws in me, dragging me down. Distancing the depression from myself gave it less power.

With the initiation of this website and my SuperMell identity, I began toying with the idea of bringing the beast back into my vocabulary, and created Dr. Anxiety as well. After all, a good superhero always has an arch-nemesis, or nemeses as the case may be.

I started to find this approach interesting and decided to create a list of characters that represents various different emotions or moods I may find myself in. With ChatGPT’s image generator, I decided to see what we could come up with to visualize these characters. This began one of my favourite categories to write about: Emotional Cartography.

I began with a Who’s Who blog post, similar to the concept of DC Comics’ Who’s Who cards. From there, whenever I find myself in a certain mood or emotional upheaval, I decide to write about that character. It’s a way to help me understand the workings of my own mind.

One important thing I have discovered with this approach is that I no longer view the more challenging emotions as necessarily evil or “bad guys”. All emotions are good. They exist for a reason. Even anxiety and depression have their upsides, believe it or not. I think this category is quietly surpassing The Ones Who Shaped Me category as my favourite one.

The blog became more than content—it became a way to navigate myself.

Stardrive Systems: What Actually Works for Me Now

Ever since I began writing in my own voice, things have started to shape up. My voice was becoming more open and authentic. I have indeed found a way to balance my creativity with structure.

Now I do what I feel like doing in the moment and no longer want to feel guilty about not doing something productive. I work in microbursts of energy. I now prefer to choose a direction to go in rather than forcing productivity. Structure works best as support—not as control.

I still use ChatGPT to give me ideas about what to write about next, or possible theme categories to write, and it assists me with being my editor-in-chief. It’s my assistant, not the author of my posts.

Evidence of Progress: What I Actually Built

It’s been quite the journey getting from there to here. I have accomplished so much more than just this blog. My presence is getting noticed, and my Emotional Cartography posts are gaining a following among various mental health groups on Instagram and Facebook. In fact, the other day I had 33 unique visitors on my website. So my following has indeed grown a lot. I’d still like some more subscribers though, so feel free to click the subscribe button at the bottom of this post.

Another exciting thing that I plan on working on again soon is that I established a portfolio on my website, as well as a Home Page, About Page, Contact Page, and a Privacy Policy page. I also created a Pick Your Path page to highlight the current categories I use so if you want to read about the Emotional Cartography characters, for instance, you can just click the button and it will take you there.

I’ve learned a lot about website building with WordPress, and am learning more and more about what A.I. can do for me. In addition to ChatGPT, I’ve also started learning Claude, and I’m taking a course to Master A.I. from Coursiv.

This post isn’t just about reflecting on the past. I’ve actually built something! And it’s starting to get noticed.

Diana’s Way: Instinct Over Overthinking

No blog post would be complete without mentioning Diana, my constant companion. I’ve thought of her as my sidekick. She follows her instincts and never overthinks things. At this exact moment, she’s decided to subtly tell me I should wind this up and clean my place soon. She started playing with a scrap from a wrapper on the floor…

That’s precisely what you want in a sidekick. Someone to point you in a direction you need to go in.

Sometimes the simplest approach is the most effective one.

Current Status: One Year Online

When I look over the course of a year, I can’t help but feel like so much has changed for me since I started this website. I have a different job now. I was able to move to my own place again. Traffic to my website has grown and I’m getting constant messages from Instagram asking me to send them the link to the post (something I still haven’t quite figured out how to do on Instagram…).

Things feel so different now than they did a year ago. I would still love to get that foot back in the door of working in graphic design, and perhaps my A.I. learning may assist there as well. I also learned about Lean Six Sigma principles and finished the certificate. There are certainly some things that are still uncertain, but I’m finding more confidence is starting to show itself again.

The point is I’m not finished yet. I’m stable though, and I’m moving forward.

Final Thought: This Wasn’t Just a Blog

I started this site trying to explain what I do. A year later, I’m starting to understand how I navigate. And that’s something I’m still learning—one post at a time.

If you look back over the past year, what’s one thing that changed for you?
Big or small—I’d love to hear about it.

Mission Logs

Stabilizing the Stardrive

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell sits quietly on a cozy couch in her apartment home base, wearing a sleek black and purple superhero suit with a stylized wing-like M emblem and purple mask or glasses. She appears calm and focused, holding a small glowing holographic interface that softly lights her face. The room is warmly lit with a peaceful, lived-in atmosphere. In the background, Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes, black paws, and a small white tuft on her chest, sits on a windowsill watching the neighbourhood outside. The overall scene feels steady, grounded, and quietly reflective, emphasizing rest and stability rather than action.

The Mission

I really need to stabilize the stardrive. It’s still online, but not at full power. But it’s steady. And for once, that feels like enough.

After a week that felt like it was constantly trying to pull me off course, I’m noticing something different: I didn’t spiral. That doesn’t mean everything is suddenly perfect. It doesn’t mean I’m fully recharged or back to full speed. If anything, I feel a little worn down. I feel a little slower. Like I’m still trying to catch my breath. But I’m still moving… and that’s new.

Usually, a week like that would have knocked me completely off track. One setback would turn into another, and before long I’d be convincing myself I’d lost all progress. I was back at square one.

This time, that didn’t happen. The stardrive stayed online.

Status Report: Low Power, Stable Systems

Right now, I’m not operating at full capacity. My energy is still limited. Motivation comes in waves. Some parts of the day feel productive, and others feel like I’m just trying to stay upright and functional.

The difference is that I’m not fighting that reality as much. I’m not trying to force full power when the system clearly needs a slower pace. I’m letting things run at a lower setting—and trusting that it still counts.

Because it does.

The Unexpected Challenge

What I didn’t expect was this part. Not the hard week—that I’ve seen before. It’s what comes after.

There’s this quiet pressure that shows up once things start to stabilize. A voice that says, “Okay, now catch up.” “Make up for lost time.” “Prove you’re back on track.”

It’s subtle, but it’s there.

And if I’m not careful, that pressure can turn into its own kind of spiral. Not the same one as before—but still a loss of control.

Choosing a Different Approach

This is where I’m trying to do things differently. Instead of overcorrecting, I’m focusing on maintaining course. That means:

The goal isn’t to suddenly become ultra-productive again. The goal is to stay in motion without burning out. I need to keep the stardrive running—even if it’s not at full speed.

Small Wins: System Activity Detected

Even at low power, things are still getting done.

  • I finished a full blog post.
  • Worked through the edits.
  • Set up the SEO details.
  • Created an image to go with it.
  • Wrote the social posts.
  • Continued to go to work all week.
  • Completed the ChatGPT module in my Mastering A.I. course, and started working on Clive.

None of that felt fast or effortless. But it happened. And that matters.

System Check

Looking back, a few things are becoming clearer.

What worked:

  • allowing rest without guilt
  • focusing on smaller, manageable tasks
  • recognizing progress instead of dismissing it

What didn’t work:

  • trying to push through low energy like nothing was wrong
  • expecting myself to operate at full capacity during a hard week

What I’m keeping:

  • the stardrive mindset
  • steady over perfect
  • forward over fast

Conclusions

I’m starting to understand that progress isn’t just about what happens when everything is going well. It’s also about what happens when things aren’t.

It’s about whether the systems hold, whether you keep going, and whether you stay in control, even when the pace slows down.

The goal isn’t to jump back to full speed. It’s to stabilize the stardrive. I need to hold the line. To keep the stardrive online—even when the engines are quiet.

Diana’s Moment of Zen

Diana knows when it’s time to rest, time to play, time to eat, or simply time to cuddle. She watches the neighbourhood like a hawk to ensure everyone out there knows she’s keeping watch. This cat clearly knows how to stabilize her own stardrive. To her, the key is to follow your instincts… How incredibly simplistic! I should try that.

Final Thought

It has become increasingly important that I figure out how to stabilize the stardrive. Without stabilization, the stardrive will most likely crash. Which might explain my constant requirement to rest. I’m going to take a page out of Diana’s playbook and try instinctively deciding what to do in the moment based on my energy level.

How do you stabilize your stardrive? Or do you call it something else? Share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear more about it.

Mission Logs

End of Arc: The Year I Reclaimed My Power

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands full-body on a stone platform at dawn, raising a glowing pen like a symbol of reclaimed power. She wears a black, Nightwing-inspired suit with a purple “M” emblem and purple accents, while golden light spirals from the pen into the sky. At her side, Diana the black cat with a small white chest patch and golden eyes stands alert, reflecting the light as the horizon opens ahead.

The Moment the Arc Closed

It’s that time of year when a year is coming to a close and a new one is beginning soon. As I do believe I am the hero of my own story, it seems like the perfect opportunity for me to restart my old Year in Review post tradition.

This year has been interesting, to say the least. After battling through some stormy weather, I finally feel like I’ve landed on a new path forward. This is radically different from how I felt at the end of last year. So much has changed… I feel it’s necessary to recap the highlights. This year may not have ended perfectly, but it definitely ended differently.

The Arc I Was Trapped In

Since I lost my job a few years ago, I was struggling to dig myself out of a very dark pit. It seemed like I would be stuck forever, with no way out, for the longest time—a couple of years of feeling this way to be precise. In fact, I began 2025 with those very feelings about my life. I was working a crappy job, feeling pain in my wrist at night, scrimping and saving, but quickly realizing there was no way I’d be able to afford rent on the meagre amount I was making each month. It was hard to find even a shred of hope.

I was stuck in survival mode. Self-doubt was running the show, and I was living small. In fact, you could say I was reacting instead of choosing my path. I was miserable.

Something did start to happen though. A change was in the air, whether or not I was able to see it. I could definitely feel it. As luck would have it, it all started with the pain in my wrist.

When My Body Drew the Line

The pain in my wrist turned out to be carpal tunnel syndrome, which I got from using vacuum cleaners that barely worked to clean a huge office building, and carrying heavy loads of garbage as well. The job was destroying my health and making me wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain shooting up and down my right arm. I got evaluated for carpal tunnel, which wound up being diagnosed as “pretty severe,” and surgery was scheduled. They sliced open my hand, released a compressed nerve, and then resealed the incision. The recovery process took almost two months, during which I had to take time off work. This marked the beginning of the change.

The First Step Into a New Arc

During the lead-up to the surgery, I started thinking about where I was in life. Working a crappy and unfulfilling job, living in my parents’ basement, barely making enough to get by. I thought to myself, “This isn’t where I want to be anymore!”

It dawned on me that I needed to take some charge of my career. I decided to seek out a career counsellor for advice and work on looking for options to get back into my old career. While I didn’t find that door, a different one opened up for me—one I didn’t expect to see.

Writing Myself Back Into the Story

Also during this time, I made a decision to start up this website. I felt I needed to put myself out there in order to find a way back to my chosen career. I deleted my old blog (which I found to be too negative) and started this new one. At first, I used ChatGPT to help me write the blog posts, aiming for one post per day to keep interest in my site. However, when that started to feel like it was more of a ChatGPT blog than my own, I decided to scale it back and write these posts myself. I still use it to help me come up with titles and possible outlines, as well as improving readability and SEO scores, but I wanted—no, needed—to write again.

The Breaking Point

While working with a career counsellor and trying to find a way back to my career, I decided to go back to work once my wrist healed, but I even remember telling my boss I wouldn’t be overdoing it for awhile yet, as I didn’t want to risk re-injury. As it turned out, the people I worked for were being even more neglectful in paying some of their workers on time. This worried me somewhat, but this happened before, so I thought it was just temporary. That is, until it happened to me.

At the end of July, I was supposed to get paid, but they delayed paying me, citing that a Fortune 500 company hadn’t paid them—a small family contracting business. I found that hard to believe, but when this pay wasn’t happening around a long weekend, I got nervous. According to employment standards, workers are to be paid at least on a monthly basis, which the employers did, so seeing as I wouldn’t get paid until August 6th, I finally got upset enough about it and filled out a complaint against the company for failing to pay me on time. I had every right to do that.

Suddenly, the “we really appreciate all your hard work” friendly attitude I was always getting turned into the opposite. Seeing as I had that complaint registered against them, they couldn’t really fire me as that would have been illegal and I’d have every right to sue them. Instead, they found many supposed problems with the way I was doing my job, even threatening to fire me. They decided to give me one more chance to prove myself, cut back my hours even more, still expecting the same amount and quality of work, and wrote up some official report of my supposed offences.

For me, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I no longer wanted to wait to find the perfect career anymore. I just needed to get the hell out of there.

Choosing Myself

I began applying more steadily to any job I could find so I could get out of that situation as soon as possible. They made me feel like I was a bug. I hated feeling that way. An opportunity came by for me to work full-time at a local print hub in Calgary—only it would be working the night shift, but they’d pay an extra $3 per hour compared to the day shift. As I was never really a morning person, I took the opportunity.

At this time, it started to dawn on me that perhaps the reason I felt so “stuck” in the first place was because I was always telling myself that. “I don’t think I’ll ever have my own place again!” “My life is over!” “I had a great career and flushed it down the toilet” “This is the life I deserve for being a moron!” Is it really all that surprising that that’s how life was showing up for me?

The minute I decided to stand up for myself and fight for myself, I got a new job. Suddenly, hope began to come back to me. I could see a way out of the dark tunnel.

The Power I Reclaimed

🔹 Owning My Inner World

These are not by any means new powers. They’ve always been there. I realized a while ago that a person’s thoughts and attitudes shape who they are. There is truly power in positive thinking, and, likewise, there is also power in negative thinking. I feel like life reflects the kind of energy you put into it. I’m choosing to see life in a positive light now, and things are shaping up.

First I had to take ownership of my thoughts and challenge them. I had to remember that everything that happens to you is by choice. You may not be able to control other people or sometimes situations you fall into, but you can choose how you respond or react to them. Recognizing how long I had endured in survival mode required compassion rather than criticism. Patience kept me going—but surviving was no longer enough. I wanted to live.

Trust became the next lesson. Trust in my own judgment, trust in doing what felt right, and trust in the principle that what I focus on shapes what I experience. From there, healthy boundaries began to form—not only with others, but with my own thoughts as well.

🔹 Naming the Villains Changed the Fight

Over time, depression and anxiety stopped feeling like flaws within me and started to take shape as something external. The Depression Beast was a metaphor I had used before, but naming Dr. Anxiety as a separate presence was new—and surprisingly powerful. Having an affinity for all things superhero in nature, labeling them as a beast and a Dr. Evil type of creature has helped me out enormously in fighting them. But one entity needed to be there that I haven’t seen since I was a small child—Lady Optimism.

I don’t know if I can explain this well enough, but to a person with such admiration of superheroes and villains, and with this blog evolving into the SuperMell persona… for some odd reason, this is working for me. I’m able to hear the crazy thoughts coming from Dr. Anxiety and I start to laugh at the absurdity of it all. While I’m still getting to know Lady Optimism, The Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety are beginning to fade into the distance.

The Tools That Helped Me Turn the Page

🔹 What Actually Helped Me Change

In order to change my thought patterns, I needed some tools to help me turn the page:

  • Job Stability – This was a huge thing. I needed not just a way out of the bad situation I was in, but I needed it to be full-time. Landing the new job, and passing probation, getting benefits again, etc., were huge steps forward that I needed.
  • Routines – Admittedly, I’m still working on establishing some healthy routines, I needed to get used to working full-time, overnight hours, keep my overnight hours on days I don’t work so I don’t throw my sleep schedule out of whack. I still need to work on healthy eating, exercising, and organizing my surroundings, but I’m starting to see how having a stable routine is in fact helping me to see the light.
  • Systems – Also this year, I started to change the way I was doing things. Before I would make myself a chore list and when I wouldn’t do one task or even one day, it would throw everything else off schedule and I’d feel like a failure. I started to organize my tasks in work blocks instead. That changed how I did things.
  • Writing – As a creative person, I’ve always enjoyed using my imagination to fuel something. Feeling inspired by Wil Wheaton over the many years as he’s been blogging, I felt the need to go back to it as well. This helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings—which is key to loosening the grip Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast have on me.
  • Trust – Woof. This one is a big one. I have to trust that life will work out for me now. That’s really the only way it can. I must believe that everything will work out fine and I’ll build myself up by thinking it will happen. Whenever the villains decide to make an appearance, I need to find Lady Optimism and ask for her assistance. I don’t want her to take over… I just need her help to defeat them both.

The Constant 🐾

Every hero needs a trusted sidekick to help them in their journey. Diana’s consistency as always being there when I need her is very instrumental in fighting the battle. She represents continuity, presence, quiet companionship, and life that happens alongside the story. Even when I write her sections, she lays down quietly beside me, as if she knows her presence serves as an inspiration to me, which it does. Everyone should have a lovely pet that does this for them.

What This Arc Taught Me

It feels important to emphasize this point: Evolution takes time. I’m striving for progress, not perfection. The fact that I’m still here fighting the good fight means that my survival is my super power.

The Next Arc

I have no idea what this next chapter will look like, but I know it’ll be vastly different from how this chapter shaped up. I’m going to strive to continue my partnership with Lady Optimism, battling the villains with much more gusto than I’ve ever had before. I want to work on keeping a clean and orderly home, and improving my health through proper diet and exercise. It’s time I take care of myself.

Final Thought: The Story Continues

As I turn the page to a new chapter, I have no idea what it will shape up to be, but I am looking forward to finding out. With Lady Optimism helping me, and my faithful sidekick at my side, this battle finally feels winnable. This wasn’t the year everything changed. It was the year that I did.

What would your year in review be like? Have you begun to see something positive shaping up in your own storyline? Do tell in the comments below. I love a good story.

Hero in Progress, Mission Logs

The Universe Says Yes (…But Telus Says Hold, Please)

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands at the threshold of a glowing open doorway filled with warm golden light and cosmic swirls, wearing a black and purple superhero suit with an “M” emblem and purple glasses. A phone or internet cable loosely wraps around her leg, symbolizing a small delay, while Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft playfully bats at the cord. Storm clouds part behind them as light breaks through, creating a hopeful yet humorous scene about progress with minor obstacles.

Mission Status: Clearance Granted

It’s official: The Universe says yes! I’ve passed my probation at work and am now a full-time employee. My plans can now go into motion. I have already gotten an invitation to the RRSP program to sign up for, and will soon be getting health benefits. This is fantastic news! My sense of optimism has increased threefold!

I feel like I’m finally rebuilding my life back up after the poor choices I made a few years back led to derailing my life for a time. Nevertheless, I persevered. I did what I had to survive, crawled myself out of my pit of despair, got a better job than I was working at before, and feel like I’m finally getting back on track again.

January 2nd Is Locked In

My plan to move into the new apartment has officially been given the green light. The tenancy was pending successful passing of my probation period at work. Now that I received word from my boss that it is going forward, I can officially move in.

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting my own place again—with control over my own thermostat! (Which is something I haven’t had in over a decade.) It feels absolutely terrific that I’ll be independent again. I feel just like I did when I got my very first apartment… possibly because I’ve been living at my parents’ house in a distant location from the city, which has been exhausting travelling back and forth to work. The grocery stores and malls will be much closer to me as well. Yay!

The other day I arrived in Calgary a half hour early and decided to swing by the new apartment to test how long it would take me to get to work. It literally took less than 10 minutes! Holy moly! That’s going to be a much better commute than the 45 minutes it takes me to get to work now. And I won’t have to wait for Walmart to open to get groceries first thing on Fridays anymore! I can shop whenever they are open and I’m awake. Life is finally working out for me! After everything that’s happened over the last few years, this feels like reclaiming a piece of myself I thought I’d lost.

When the Universe Aligns

For far too long, I thought my life was pretty much over and done. Being on the wrong medications, losing my job, and my apartment, moving back in with my parents, dealing with crippling depression that caused me to lose a ton of weight as I stopped eating, getting a worthless job cleaning an office for a company that didn’t seem to appreciate their workers at all—I thought this was going to last forever. I had a good career, a good job, great work environment, a nice apartment, but didn’t appreciate it when I had it.

It took me launching a complaint about late work payments to the Government of Alberta for the bad company I worked for to show me how they really are like. All of a sudden they found problems with how I was doing my job. After being treated like scum, having my hours slashed and still expected to do everything to standard in a shorter amount of time, I decided that was it. I had to act to put my life back together again. That was the first sign I needed to start putting the broken pieces of my life back together.

Ding! Come On Down!

I really do feel like the Universe has said yes to my plans. When I finally decided to get out of that toxic working situation and landed a full-time job, suddenly all the shattered pieces of my life started to fall back into place. I knew I would plan to move for January as my probation would end mid-December. That’s working out. When I had decided on a place to live but wasn’t sure about all the extra costs, I checked out the rentals website and found a gem that’s all inclusive—and cheaper. The fact that the name of the street is the same one I live at but closer to work was such a huge signal that the Universe was flashing all sorts of lights and sirens—almost as if I won a new car on The Price is Right!

Awhile ago, I had a belief that there was this Universe thing that works like a mirror. It reflects back what you put into it. I guess I forgot about that for a time, or never fully embraced it as a concept. It’s basic karma — or if you prefer science, for every action there is an equal reaction. What you put out you get back at you. I was too busy putting out “my life is over” vibes that it indeed felt that way. When I decided to let go of that pity party and actually get myself out of this situation, all the pieces started to reassemble. It might look like a different picture than I had before it broke to a million pieces, but it will still be a work of art that I will cherish.

Side Note…

This isn’t to say that I think the Universe is an intelligent life force or god or anything. I just think that whatever you spend your time, focus and energy on is what you get back. Embracing optimism was a long and winding road for me, filled with bumps and potholes, but I do believe I’ve finally gotten it. The real secret to life isn’t about how much you have or how much you are loved by others—it’s about how you treat and love yourself. Only then can you find true happiness.

Side Quest Unlocked: The Telus Saga

The only extra costs I needed to work out once the apartment got the go ahead was getting tenant insurance hooked up and internet. The tenant insurance was easy to get and put into place. The internet thing proved quite the challenge.

Choosing a Provider Shouldn’t Be This Hard

I thought I would go with Oxio, as apparently it’s a top rated service from PlanHub, but it kept saying they didn’t have service in the area I was moving to. I usually go with Telus and wanted fibre internet again, as I think cable or satellite is ridiculous that it can get cut out with a little wind. Usually I have good experiences with Telus…

Trapped in the Bot Dimension

First, trying to navigate their website with the auto things was a nightmare. Their AI system is terrible and it took me way too long to find an actual phone number to call someone and talk to a real person. I was trying to get their deal of 3G PureFibre for $95/month, but every time I went to the check-out page, the price went up to $110. It was frustrating trying to chat with their bot, so I finally found a phone number and called. More automated things on the phone, that wasn’t hearing what I was saying, so I finally said “Can I talk to a real sales agent, please?”

Victory… With a Glitch

Not only did he manage to help me sort out my issues, but he also managed to be able to knock $10 off the bill price for $85/mo + taxes, with this price locked in for 5 years. I gave him a good review.

Plot Twist — The Modem Goes Rogue

I had originally intended the service to be hooked up starting January 2nd and was under the impression the sales agent I spoke with arranged for the modem to arrive on that day. The Universe does have a sense of humour, I guess, as not only did they send me the modem to the new address early, but they used the wrong address! Oi… He put my address incorrectly so Puralator sent it to the other side of the 4-plex. I have emailed my landlord about it but they are on vacation and out of town at the moment so I have no idea if it was returned or if someone has it. Had I known all of this, I don’t think I would have given him this good of a review.

Funny thing is, even though I changed my phone number when I moved to Alberta, I noticed when trying to correct my address that Telus still had my contact number as my old BC number. You would think Telus would have updated that a long time ago… What a pain this company has turned into! It almost makes me want to try Rogers of all companies, which I would hate. (Tried them once for mobility and was charged 3 times the amount of money that was promised on the first bill—no thank you!)

I’m sure it will all work out eventually. But moves can be chaotic and unpredictable. Hopefully this is the only setback to my move.

Progress Isn’t Linear (Even When You’re Winning)

Even though the Universe has said yes to my plans, there are still hiccups that occur from time to time. I think I was starting to have some anxiety or doubts about ever finding a reliable internet provider, so perhaps that’s why the Universe threw me a curveball. As John Lennon put it: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans!”

What is life, really, if not a mix of wins and inconvenient plot twists? Things happen to test us, I suppose. I’m sure this situation with Telus will resolve itself, and hopefully I get some kind of a deal, like a free month or a gift of some kind, out of this ordeal. This is just a test to see if I really am embracing optimism, for which I almost fell back. I’ll bounce back!

Ha-ha! Nice try, Dr. Anxiety! I’m keeping an eye on you and your tricky ways!

Diana’s Perspective: Still Winning

You can learn a lot about how life works from observing a cat. They approach new situations with caution—but if you give them a treat, they are your best friend forever! Diana is a grounding force in my life that I’ll always be grateful for. She’s curiously sniffing an empty box at the moment, and wondering when I’ll actually clean my place up so I can prepare to move, which I told her would be this weekend, but so far, haven’t done anything, so yeah… She’s trying to keep me on my toes!

Final Thought: Forward Is Forward

Despite the slight hiccup to my plans, the Universe has said yes to my plans. Full steam ahead! (I’m currently watching the anime One Piece on Netflix, can you tell? Ha-ha!) We must celebrate the wins, and embrace the bumps along the way as merely learning opportunities. I believe life will work out for me. I’m not just saying this as some kind of mantra. It really is quite amazing when you embrace Lady Optimism and begin to look forward to a new life and a new chapter in the evolving story of your life.

Thanks for reading, for those who do such things. Tell me: have you had any hiccups to moving situations before? How did you handle them? What are you telling the Universe these days about your own life and how is that working out for you? Let me know in the comments.

Mission Logs

Charting a Path Into Freelance Design (Without the Scams)

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell holds an old-fashioned legal scale with an uncertain expression while her black cat, Diana, sits in one of the scale’s pans and playfully bats at it, symbolizing weighing options and decision-making.

Mission Log: Chaos is Currently Reigning

After my last blog entry, I started thinking about what might be bothering me so much right now. There’s actually a lot of things going on. I turn 50 in 3 weeks, and if history is any indication, I usually panic at the decades and made some terrible decisions. When I turned 30, I suddenly decided I should get married and rushed into a relationship with someone that wasn’t right for me. When I became 40, I decided I was super depressed and went on the wrong medications that made things a hundred times worse. Looking back, I can see how those pressures pushed me into choices that weren’t aligned with who I really was. I guess I’m a little worried about what terrible decision I will make at 50.

From starting a new job, to thinking about moving in January, to finishing up my Lean Six Sigma Green Belt program (also in January), I have a lot of uncertainties going on. I don’t know for sure if I will pass the probationary period at work (though I think I’m doing okay), the costs of rent is ridiculously high and I’ve never paid that amount before so I have no idea if I can afford it. I need to study for a test also during the time I’m moving, so yeah, a lot is going on at the moment. It has me thinking about the near future and what it is I actually want. However, these kinds of thoughts has led to some terrible decisions, so I’m trying to slow down my thinking and figure out what it is I want to do.

Generating Extra Income

I do feel like I need more money to be able to make ends meet. Currently, one paycheque and a bit of the next one would be needed to make rent payments in Calgary at the place I want to rent. I would need to generate more income. That, and I am missing the graphic design aspect of my career.

I’m thinking about starting up my own freelance graphic design business, but I have no idea how to do that. I’m not what you would call business savvy. I know it may take up a lot of my extra time. which could be a good thing, but do I have the stamina to fulfill it? Also, where would I go to start one? Should I use a freelance agency? If so, which one? If not, how to graphic designers create their own freelance business? Are there resources out there from the Alberta or Canadian governments that could guide me through starting a freelance graphic design business? I have so many uncertainties, so I don’t want to make this decision lightly. I need a direction to head towards.

Never Fiverr

A couple of months ago, I tried to create a profile on Fiverr. I found the site only has scam artists asking you for your personal email address, which is against the company policy, yet everyone seems to be doing it, so clearly they don’t do much to weed out the scammers. I need a more reliable source to start my own freelance business up. I would appreciate any feedback anyone might have about this subject.

It’s Highly Competitive Out There

I also know that there are so many graphic designers out there in the same boat as me. I would need a way to separate myself from the competition and a way to stand out. I’ve never really been good at standing out…

So, yeah, my insecurities have decided to show up while I’m writing this blog. It’s always a thought in the back of my mind to do this though, so now I must seriously consider this as an option, or rule it out altogether. Could there be another legitimate way I could run a freelance business other than graphic design? I don’t know… The only thing I do know is I would either need to cut down on my expenses, which is difficult for me to do, or I have to find some other way to generate extra income that doesn’t intervene with my working or sleeping schedules.

What Am I Good At?

Here’s a brief list of the things I’m pretty good at:

  • print production
  • packaging design
  • booklet/catalog layout
  • branding basics
  • creative problem solving
  • process-driven design thanks to the Lean course

So how do I turn this into generating more income? Great question… I just wish I knew the answer.

Do I Really Need to Move?

Yes! Absolutely. After I lost my job, I had to move into my parents’ basement. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. I thought the minute I found a full-time job, I would immediately start looking for another place to live in the city. I’m annoyed with all the driving I’m doing currently. I need my own independence and to feel like I am a fully-functional adult. Regaining my independence is pushing me to think seriously about extra income streams.

Hello?!! Anxiety!

I’m realizing while writing this blog post that I’m riddled with anxiety about everything. Is it about the costs of living? Is it about turning 50? Is it about not knowing how I’m going to make ends meet? Is it all of the above? Probably. Incidentally, this is what it’s like to have an ADHD mind for women, and why I’m finding it difficult to sleep much. My old friend anxiety is paying me another visit. I hope its’ friend, the ugly depression monster, won’t be accompanying it this time around.

Diana’s Wisdom: Take a Nap!

I admire cats so much. They never worry about anything. As long as there’s food in their dish, flowing water, and a place to do their business, they are quite happy. They also sleep a lot. I’m sure if Diana could talk to me, she’d tell me to relax and take a nap. That actually sounds good right about now. She’s currently snoozing up against my lap while I’m typing this post, and it really is quite soothing. Ah, to be a cat!

Final Thought

I will figure out a plan soon, though I want to get all the urgent things done first, like passing my probationary period at work, securing a place to live, studying for the test, and move, but I think it’s good to put this intention out into the Universe to say that I intend to start figuring it out after all of these things have been accomplished. A person can only juggle so many plates at once — even a hero-in-progress. As always, I appreciate anyone who reads my blog, and I would also appreciate any advice on where to start a freelance graphic design business. I’m sure this will be a topic for discussion with ChatGPT as well, but I would definitely appreciate some feedback.