Hero in Progress Archives

SuperMell stands just inside her apartment door after a long day, wearing a purple-accented superhero suit and mask, looking tired but relieved as Diana the black cat greets her, with a cozy couch and warm lighting in the background.

Captain’s Log: The Week That Tried to Pull Me Off Course

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been dealing with a run of difficult challenges:

My car didn’t start and needed a new battery
I felt under scrutiny at work
I’ve been dealing with lower back pain that may even be a kidney stone

Needless to say, I didn’t accomplish much of what I had planned for last weekend. I cleaned the kitchen, but I also redirected my energy into other things—like creating a new page on my website where readers can choose their path through the blog, and writing another post. It wasn’t the cleaning spree I intended, but it also wasn’t nothing.

The Archivist of Regret was super busy cataloguing this setback. While the guilt is definitely there because I didn’t achieve my goals, I also recognize that I probably needed a break.

Stardrive vs. Spiral: Learning the Difference

It’s important for me to remember that this is a setback, not a spiral. I’m not spiralling back to my old ways. There’s a difference between a spiral and a setback:

Spiral – Falling back into old patterns you don’t want to do anymore.
Setback – A temporary disruption in the plan; an off day or off stretch..

Then there’s this thing I refer to as a Stardrive. It’s very much like a ship’s computer. It keeps you going no matter what kind of setbacks you have. My Stardrive is the system that keeps a written record of what I have accomplished, so I can refer back to it and say, “Ah, yes. I did this. It wasn’t a total failure after all.”

I can’t express how important this is, because I so often live in a sea of regret—the kind that whispers all the things I should have done. I’ll never get everything done! What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just do it?

Sure, The Procrastinator was very present this weekend. But I did actually clean the kitchen. Even so, I still got some worthwhile things done. I created a new page for newcomers to my blog so they can find posts by category, wrote a new blog post, and spent a lot of time unpacking and organizing the apartment from move-in through the end of March. At this point, cleaning is really the last major piece.

Forward movement doesn’t have to look dramatic to count towards progress.

Progress Is Not Cancelled by a Difficult Week

I have to remind myself from time to time that it’s okay to have off days. Days where I feel like doing nothing. I’m on my feet all day at work so rest has become a crucial starting point. Just because I have an off day, it doesn’t mean I haven’t made any progress at all. It just means I’m tired and want to relax. What’s wrong with relaxing?

It’s also very important to relax after having a series of unfortunate events. Like that list at the top of this blog… That was honestly a lot I was dealing with. It’s no wonder I found myself easily distracted by my website or learning more about A.I. and how to use it more effectively.

Getting everything done isn’t the point. I’m not in a race to get things accomplished. I just have to keep trying each day to do something productive with my time. It’s also very important that I remember to schedule breaks and off days so I’m not burning myself out. Consistency isn’t the same as perfection. Just making small changes to your routine can make all the difference in the world.

It’s easy to consider yourself a success if you stick to your goals. What about days when your energy is completely gone? What does success look like on days like that? To me, it’s relaxing. I need to remind myself that I don’t have to be on every day to be successful. Sometimes I need a break.

Systems That Keep the Ship Moving

I work best with microbursts of energy. Just work for 30-60 minutes at a time and take a break. See how much you can get accomplished, rest for a bit, then decide if you are done or can do another round based on your energy level.

During work days, I don’t feel like doing much of anything after I wake up and before I head to work, so it’s more about getting ready, eating, and relaxing while watching TV. I work the overnight shifts at work and sleep from about noon to 8:00 p.m. I get home after work at around 7:00 a.m. That leaves me with a small window in the morning to rest, reset, and hopefully tackle one thing before I go to sleep for the day.

Rather than relying on a traditional “to-do” list, I tend to use what I call a “what I feel like doing today” list. It still includes the things I need to get done, but I usually pick just one or two items depending on my energy and where it feels easiest to start. Typically, it starts with a light tidy-up of the areas I already cleaned. Then I go from there.

I was beginning to work at 9:30 a.m. for a while, but found I wound up getting a little too comfortable that I couldn’t get myself up to do much. I decided just yesterday to try adjusting that time to 8:30 a.m. instead.

Today I was playing around with a custom GPT I made to help with blog planning, and I nearly let that take priority over cleaning too. Then my mouse cursor disappeared for some odd reason, and right after that my 8:30 alarm went off. Coincidence? Maybe. Or maybe the Universe was telling me to work first and play later.

A Lesson from Diana

It has often been noticed that cats tend to sleep a lot. In fact, I think she’s sleeping in the front window now as I’m typing this entry. Does she feel guilty for resting so much? I don’t think so. She seems to enjoy her rest, and while I may not be able to nap as often as a cat, I can still follow her example and let go of some of the guilt.

Final Thought: Course Correction, Not Catastrophe

Every day is a new day. You can always restart where you left off. I’m learning to accept myself as I am. It’s okay to have days where I feel like doing nothing. In fact, it might be part of what makes life more sustainable.

Even when the engines are quiet, the mission is not over. Sometimes stardrive is not about speed. It is about choosing not to surrender the controls.

How do you handle off-days? Do you feel guilty about not accomplishing what you set out to do? Share your story in the comments. Let’s talk.

Hero in Progress

Weekend Quest: Small Wins, Big Progress in the Lair

April 2, 2026April 2, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell completes a cleaning “side quest” in a retro video game-style scene, transforming a messy room into an organized space while Diana the cat watches like a quest giver and an XP bar fills above.

Quest Accepted

Sometimes all you need is a small win. A mission.

This is the start of a long weekend, and I plan on getting my home in order. I spent a bit too much time stuck in depression over the last couple of weeks. It’s time to get myself back in gear.

This weekend isn’t about perfection. It’s about small, doable wins. I have to regroup and get back to cleaning my home and finishing the great unpacking saga that has lasted since I moved in my apartment in January.

Last week was heavy… This weekend is about movement.

Current Lair Status: Where Things Stand

Since the Depression Beast and the Procrastinator were very active the last couple of weeks, some things didn’t get accomplished. I still have to figure out how to hang pictures on my walls without nails. Command strips alone don’t seem to be working, so I may need to switch to hooks.

Depression made it nearly impossible for me to get back to my tidying routine. The place has gotten a bit messy again. I have decided to use this long weekend to tackle the cleaning of my place. The pictures will have to wait a bit longer.

I did finish setting up my creative studio. There were some unexpected car issues this week, and I needed a new battery. I was still on the original battery that came with the car, and it lasted 14 years. But it was time to get a replacement. As such, I needed to access my tools and have to put them back on the shelf in the creative studio.

My place isn’t totally chaotic. It just requires a little bit of elbow grease.

What’s Working (XP Gained)

On the work front, I’ve made some progress. The meetings have been much friendlier than the first couple of ones I had. They feel more like discussions than “Oh, I’m in trouble now.” I’ve started tracking how long I take on each project. I was asked to do a QA check on my work before completing it, unless it’s just one or two small items. This will take some getting used to, as I don’t like feeling like I’m bothering people. But it’s required of everyone, so I guess I have to do it.

I’ve had some progress on getting better at certain tasks and I’m getting quite close to the target of 20 projects per day (at least). Once a week, I will be working with someone one-on-one to get additional training where I can ask questions, and see how they do things faster to see where I might be able to pick up some speed.

I had a couple of days with some challenging projects that wound up taking much longer than anticipated. I’ve asked for additional help or training to try to figure out how to do it quicker, as I don’t see how at this point. I won’t go into specifics, but let’s just say this project requires laminating and cutting covers, cutting books, marrying them up, manually coil-punching in a wall calendar kind of way, and then coiling. These aren’t thin books either. They said they’ll come up with a plan to teach me how to do it quicker.

I’ve made some significant gains at work, and still find some things challenging. But it’s all coming together.

What’s Still a Challenge (Boss Battle Preview)

I feel much more secure now than I did a couple of weeks ago. It feels like they want me to succeed. That seems to have pushed the Depression Beast back into the shadows for now. He’s still there, just not in plain sight anymore.

It’s been difficult to get going on some tasks. Also, when things like my car breaking down happen, I tend to only focus on the one big problem at a time. I was without a car for two work days, and had to figure out how to take an Uber to and from work both days. I was surprised at how fast and easy it was. (Tip: Don’t pre-book an Uber. Just order it when you need it. Otherwise it costs double.)

But that all is about to change as I tackle my next quest: cleaning the lair. I’m not defeated… just slower than I’d like to be.

This Weekend’s Quest Objectives

The goal is simple: clean the home. Here’s how I’m breaking the quest down:

Thursday Morning/Evening

For today, I plan on cleaning the kitchen/living room, and hallway and entryway. I’ll start this morning by clearing all the recycling, cans, garbage, and clutter. Then I’ll load the dishwasher and run it. After my sleep cycle, I’ll tackle clearing and cleaning the kitchen counter, doing any remaining dishes, and clean the stove, microwave, fridge, table, and sink. Then I’ll move into the living room and dust the furniture, clean the glass items, and vacuum the couch. After that, I will remove any clutter in the hallway and entryway.

Friday Morning/Evening

Friday morning I’ll start the laundry, clean my bedroom, creative studio, and bathroom. I’ll start with my regular clothes, and while that’s running, I’ll tidy up the creative studio. As I finished setting it up not too long ago, it just needs light dusting, putting my tools away, and changing the litter pan. Then I will tackle cleaning the bedroom when the second load of regular clothes goes in. After my clothes are dried, I will fold them and put them away. Then I’ll head to sleep.

Friday evening after my sleep, I will wash the sheets, then the comforter. While my laundry goes, I will tackle cleaning the bathroom. I will start with the mirror, then clean the counter and sink. The toilet will come next. Finally I’ll wind it up with cleaning the shower walls and tub. Then when the laundry is done drying, I will make the bed and call it a day (well, night, but you know what I mean…)

Saturday Morning/Evening

Saturday morning I will prepare a grocery list, go get them and put them away. I might also try to figure out solutions to hanging some pictures. I’ll keep the morning light and just tidy up. After my sleep, I will tackle organizing the storage closet. I will start by flattening the boxes that can be flattened, sort the boxes that would be difficult to take apart, and stack them neatly at the end of the closet. Then I’ll figure out where my other items (fans, dolly, step ladder, and full pop recycling bags go. Then all I have left to do is sweep and mop the entire home.

That will leave the rest of Sunday morning clear of any tasks. All of this is very doable. Once it’s all done, the only thing left will be hanging my pictures and other wall hanging items.

Strategy: How I’m Approaching This

Instead of having a usual “to-do” list, I have called it “What I feel like doing today” list. Even though I have pre-planned this weekend, it still has some wiggle room just in case I don’t feel like tackling something, or decide to do a different task instead. Once this weekend’s quest is done, I’ll return to my “what I feel like doing today” approach and build each day as I go.

I will choose tasks based on my energy of the moment. The plan allows for flexibility, while at the same time avoiding overwhelm.

🐈‍⬛ Diana’s Wisdom: The True Quest Master

Diana enjoys her life. She loves laying in the window basking in the sunshine. There isn’t a small object she won’t try to play hockey with. That pesky red dot light is getting closer to getting caught.

When she naps, she doesn’t feel guilty. If she’s exploring a shadow on the wall (many times it’s her own tail!), she’s simply showing curiosity. And whenever her human is busy doing something, she’s decided to assume the role of my supervisor.

Final Thought: Progress is Progress

I’m about to embark on a quest to get my apartment clean and gain a small win. It might not seem like an exciting quest to some people, but I can finally check something off of my “what I feel like doing today” list. Even the smallest steps count as long as you are progressing. Speed isn’t important. What matters is that I keep moving.

This weekend isn’t about finishing everything. It’s about moving things forward. XP doesn’t come from perfect runs—just from showing up and playing.

What does your weekend quest look like? Share it in the comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Emotional Cartography

Heavy Days: A Spotlight on The Depression Beast

March 28, 2026March 28, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell moves forward through a foggy landscape symbolizing heavy days, with the Depression Beast quietly following behind and Diana the cat waiting ahead, representing resilience and steady progress.

Progress… and Something Else

Heavy days are difficult to deal with. This week has shown some significant improvements at work. I’m improving my speeds on my tasks, and I’m learning new things. I’m adapting. So… why do I still feel stuck?

In this post, I’m going to dive deep into the very first emotional cartography character I ever created: The Depression Beast.

🐾 Introducing The Depression Beast

For most of my life, I have struggled with depression. I had some rough experiences in my childhood. In an attempt to try to understand it better, I started referring to it as The Depression Beast. It was a way I could separate it from myself.

Initially, I described him as a ferocious beast who liked to sink his claws in me. To me, he felt like a big, scary monster who stalked me constantly. While there would be some battles he would win occasionally, I always thought of it like he just won a battle, not the war.

Now I want to try to understand him, as I’ve done with The Procrastinator, Dr. Anxiety, and Captain Rage. Why does he stalk me so much? Will he ever really go away? Or is there a reason he’s here?

How would I describe him? He’s like a heavy weight pressing down on your chest. He’s big, blue, and has sad eyes. His energy is very subdued, but his mere presence is impactful. He’s not as sharp as Dr. Anxiety, and not as quick as Captain Rage. But he is… heavy.

🧱 What He Feels Like

The Depression Beast feels like he’s constantly there, hiding in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to approach. He’s a little timid, and sometimes I don’t see him coming, as he’s also quite stealthy. But when he shows up, he definitely makes his impression.

Here’s what it feels like to me (it may be different for you):

A lack of motivation to complete tasks
Difficulty getting started—or even getting up at all
Emotional heaviness, where energy and willpower feel drained
Not sadness, necessarily, but more like gravity getting heavier

For a couple of shifts at work, I wasn’t working particularly fast as I felt this heaviness come over me. Everything felt like a difficult chore.

At home, I didn’t do much of anything in terms of improving my home base. I couldn’t figure out how to hang command strips up on my walls to hang pictures. That setback pushed me deeper into my depression, so I thought I would start by shifting from Phase 4 to Phase 5 of the organizing my home base project: cleaning. But that so far hasn’t happened.

It feels like The Depression Beast has made his presence known.

⚖️ The Paradox

I made some progress at work. Putting down start and finish times is helping me keep track of how much time I actually spend on some tasks. Also, once a week, I get one-on-one training with a coworker where I can see what he does differently or ask questions about the machines I don’t quite understand. Yesterday near the end of my shift, I had another meeting with the bosses and it went well.

The Depression Beast doesn’t care about this. He’s still listening to the terrible review I had and making me feel like things are hopeless. This is why I’m struggling to get myself up and clean the apartment. That heavy feeling that things are hopeless is weighing me down. And that’s the paradox.

🧠 What He Might Be Doing

Perhaps he’s here to remind me to rest occasionally. Maybe he’s helping me process things and figure out what can be done differently. Then again, maybe he slows me down on purpose so I don’t wind up burning myself out.

As I’ve said, I’ve struggled to understand him most of my life. What does he gain by being here? Who am I without him? Would I even recognize myself if he wasn’t here?

Of course I have tried so many things to try to pull myself out of these funks. So many self-help books are on my bookshelf. I’ve also tried medications, some of which work for awhile. Then I hit a roadblock, like the bad review, and it resets itself.

Am I doomed to feel like this forever?

🧭 What I’m Learning

As a person with ADHD, I also tend to struggle with RSD, or Rejection Sensitivity. It hits me much harder than it should. I do believe it’s tied to my many years of being bullied, and my inability to reconcile with it. Maybe they were right about me… Is there any hope for someone who feels this broken or unworthy?

So it feels like it’s tied into my self-esteem. How do I feel about myself? Why do I take criticism too personally? Does it just keep bringing up these feelings of unworthiness? Hmmm…

I had the best shift yesterday and they noticed. I also noticed. So maybe progress is showing up and trying your best. It doesn’t have to show up everywhere to prove itself. Sometimes it shows up in little steps at a time. One area of improvement is a good thing. It should be telling me I can dig myself out of this hole. Should. So why isn’t it helping?

Life is very much like an ocean. It ebbs and flows, has ups and downs. Sometimes it feels like I never have any ups, but I know that’s not the case. That’s how the Depression Beast likes me to feel. But perhaps he just wants me to take a step back and evaluate what’s most important to me in this moment. Clearly, making progress on my home base wasn’t the most important thing for this week. Maybe it showed itself in my improvements at work, once I was able to buckle down and get it done.

Maybe I’m just too hard on myself…

🐈‍⬛ Diana’s Wisdom

Diana would like to remind me that when she was lost and alone, I came into her life and made her feel like she’s a queen. Which of course she is. I’m the only person she trusts. This has to mean something. There are some good qualities in me, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.

🌅 Final Thought: Heavy, But Moving

Heavy days aren’t easy. They exist for a reason. Sometimes trying to figure out that reason is more than half the battle. I may not have all the answers, or know quite how to pull myself out of this funk, but I know eventually it will subside. The Depression Beast doesn’t always roar into the scene, but he does know when he’s not wanted. Even on the days when I feel stuck, something is still shifting beneath the surface.

How would you describe depression? What do you do to pull yourself out of a bout of depression? Please feel free to share in the comments. I’d love to hear about it. Sometimes it helps knowing you aren’t alone in this battle.

Emotional Cartography

Tomorrow’s Problem: A Spotlight on The Procrastinator

March 14, 2026March 14, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell stands confidently in her black and purple superhero suit with a stylized “M” on the chest, glowing with breakthrough energy as faint chains of light break behind her. Across the room, The Procrastinator lounges in a comfortable chair wearing casual clothes and scrolling on his phone, surrounded by small distractions and a crumpled to-do list on the floor. Diana, a black cat with golden eyes and a white chest tuft, sits calmly beside SuperMell, watching the scene with quiet focus.

The Voice That Says “Later”

By all accounts, I really should be working on setting up my Creative Studio. Instead, I’m sitting here writing about procrastination. It feels like the task that refuses to go away. I know logically that if I tackle the project with full gusto, I can complete it and move on to phase 4 of the organizing plan. Something seems to be weighing me down. It’s that little voice that says, “that’s tomorrow’s problem…” — the one I apparently keep listening to lately.

Now introducing the spotlight on The Procrastinator.

What The Procrastinator Looks Like

I think anyone with ADHD knows what The Procrastinator looks like. He’s a wild card for a reason. I don’t think of him as a dark presence, per se. He’s more like the inner child who just wants to play instead of doing hard work. His wardrobe looks suspiciously like what I’m wearing today. Old t-shirt, jogging pants, hair barely brushed.

When he decides to show up, you can bet there’s some underlying emotions going on. Sometimes I know what those feelings are. Other times I have no idea what’s going on, but I know there must be a reason he’s here.

Sometimes when I write blog posts, I’m not quite sure what it is I want to write about and just let the brain slowly form sentences and figure out what the point of it is. I do believe this is one of those posts where I feel I need to get something off my chest, but am unsure what that is. Bear with me, if you will.

His Favorite Strategy: Delay

The Procrastinator shows himself in a variety of ways. It can be anything from binge watching a favourite show (Hello, fellow One Piece fans!), to playing games, or even a strong desire to write a blog post such as this. Many times, it involves maladaptive daydreaming. It’s something I’ve struggled with most of my life.

He says things like, “Oh, do that later! Let’s have some fun instead!” Sometimes I think he’s doing it because he wants the best for me and doesn’t want to see me overstress myself. Many times, though, I wind up feeling remorseful for giving into his distractions.

Where He Gets His Power

I think that’s common with ADHD. A strong desire to do something productive, but for reasons you can’t quite explain… you just can’t start. You can create all the to-do checklists you want, but when it comes to actually working on it, you freeze up. Overwhelm is usually the culprit. Psychologists often link procrastination to overwhelm and fear of failure. So you can bet Dr. Anxiety isn’t too far behind.

When Dr. Anxiety starts asking “what if everything goes wrong?”, The Procrastinator offers a very simple solution: “Let’s deal with that tomorrow.” It’s classic avoidance. This makes me wonder why I want to avoid working on the things I have a strong desire to do. Is it laziness? Could it be the fear of failure? Or maybe even fear of success?

The Truth About The Procrastinator

I do think he’s trying to be helpful in his own way. He’s trying to keep me from collapsing under pressure, and protect me from burning out. I think he’s also trying to help me understand the importance of a decent work-life balance. Why do I always have to be on? Can’t I have a day off? Maybe I just need to be entertained.

Basically, he’s trying to be a good guy. He doesn’t want me to feel stressed out or overwhelmed. Perhaps he simply wants me to relax and enjoy life more. The problem is when a delayed hour turns into a whole day, or even a week.

The list of things I want to accomplish but never work on is pretty extensive. Career decisions. Creative ideas that started with a creative spark. Learning new skills. So many things. I also have realized that perhaps that’s why I avoid doing the housework. I always tell myself, “I’ll work on [some new project] soon, but first I need to clean.” It’s my excuse. It keeps me from possibly trying something and failing to do it. At least this way I can still hope that someday I’ll achieve it. If I try it and fail at it, then what do I do?

He’s trying to protect me. I can feel it deeply. But this reminds me of my favourite quote I heard a long time ago on a He-Man cartoon:

The only time you fail is if you give up before you even try.

What I’m Learning Instead

Okay, so now I know why I needed to write this post right now. I needed to understand that this is a fear of failure that is holding me back. Instead of giving in to my fears, I should be working on at least trying to reach my goals. Sometimes progress even feels like the universe is quietly cheering us on.

From experience, I know that if I start tackling a project, one small step at a time, I can accomplish it fairly quickly. I just need to keep breaking down what feels like insurmountable tasks into even smaller steps. Yes, it’s still important for me to get my home in order. That is my main goal for the year and hopefully the rest of my life. But I can’t let fear control me or keep me from trying.

I haven’t finished my creative studio yet, but plan to for the remainder of the weekend. Honestly, it was a lot of work, sorting through a lot of things. I tackled it one box at a time, divided them into categories, and am now sorting and placing those categories. It’s slow but steady progress that actually moves things forward. I have to remember that.

Diana’s Wisdom: Purr-crastination!

Diana doesn’t have any issues with procrastinating. She’s a cat. Most of her day is spent sleeping and resting. She just doesn’t let the guilt of not accomplishing anything weigh her down. There’s a lot of wisdom to being a cat.

As I’m writing this post, she’s been sitting right next to me, curling close to my lap. It’s almost as if she knows I’m currently writing about her, because she just started purring softly. She reminds me that it’s okay to rest occasionally.

Final Thought: Tomorrow Starts Today

Wow… I really needed to write this post. I feel I’ve had a breakthrough while writing. It’s a fear of failure that keeps me from working on setting up my home. But I won’t know unless I try. Tomorrow’s problems can be solved today, one small step at a time.

The Procrastinator will probably always live somewhere in the lair. The trick is making sure he doesn’t get the control panel.

Do you find The Procrastinator to be helpful, or a hindrance? Share your story with me. I’d love to hear how you struggle with this character, or if you’ve learned to embrace him.

Hero in Progress

Lair Upgrade Unlocked: The Creative Studio Awakens

March 7, 2026March 7, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell stands confidently in the center of a creative studio coming to life with glowing purple and gold creative energy swirling around her hands. Shelves of art supplies, boxes, and instruments fill the room as it transforms from storage space into a creative workspace. Diana, a black cat with golden eyes and a white chest tuft, sits calmly nearby. In the background, a small pixie with red hair and colorful patchwork clothing—The Spark—floats on a shelf, winking mischievously as the studio awakens.

Mission Briefing: A New Wing of the Lair

The creative studio awakens!

Every hero eventually upgrades their headquarters. Even Batman will add new devices as technology advances. The key is using the unique talents a hero already possesses.

My talent is I have a creative spark within me. What was once considered a spare room or a storage space has slowly been transforming into a new creative wing of the lair.

This upgrade isn’t just about furniture placement. As I’ve been organizing everything that didn’t have a home, I started noticing categories emerging.

It’s transforming from a storage room into a space I might actually use.

The Room That Was (Before the Upgrade)

Before I used to think of the room as the spare room, or second bedroom. Even storage room seemed fitting.

It’s what I’m used to referring to the second bedroom as. You know how most people have a junk drawer in the kitchen? I tend to end up with an entire junk room.

I stored all the extra things I didn’t use on a regular basis in that room. Piles and piles of boxes. It felt overwhelming to decide where to begin when I started this phase of my home organization plan.

Of course, it had some emotional similarities to my life:

Random things all over the place reflected a disordered life.
Unfinished transitions led to the familiar thought: “I’ll deal with this later.” (Hello, Procrastinator.)
And chaos… well, I’ve definitely felt plenty of that.

Needless to say, this room has always been a challenge for me to keep in order or even find a use for. But that has changed.

The Awakening Begins

My resolution for this year was a challenge to myself: to keep a clean, tidy and organized home.

Using ChatGPT to help plan this goal has proven to be surprisingly helpful. It suggested to me to first unpack things one box at a time. Then to sort into categories. As there was limited space with all the extra boxes, I had to use part of my living room and part of my bedroom to host the piles of things. Now the whole place feels messy again, but I know it has a purpose to it.

Once the categories started to emerge and the closer I get to finishing the unpacking (only two more boxes left!), I started to see the room transform. The categories are all mostly creative things.

It no longer feels like a spare room. Now it feels like a creative studio. A room I can actually see myself going in and working on various creative projects.

Current Progress: The Studio in Development

It’s important to note this project is still a work in progress. I’m trying to finish it by the end of this weekend or early next week at the latest. While there’s still a lot of stuff left to do, it now feels like this room has a purpose other than just a storage room.

I have assembled storage racks. I’m almost done sorting through my things into category piles. Then I’ll clean the floor and assemble the desk. Once I see how much space the office supplies take up, I’ll decide where the remaining categories will live.

It’s interesting to see what the categories are. Here’s a list:

Office supplies
Art supplies
Large art supplies (paintings, portfolios)
Crafting supplies
Photos and other memorabilia
Tools and utility objects (light bulbs, batteries, etc.)
Comic books and other fandom collectibles
Piano and musical things

From seeing the piles emerge, and after some thoughtful questions from ChatGPT, the room stopped being a junk room to me and began being this creative studio.

The room has come alive!

Unexpected Side Quest: A Positive Work Update

While the creative studio is coming online, something unexpected has also shifted in the outside world.

As I mentioned in my last post, things had been stressful while I was under review at work. I’ve been working steady at trying to get quicker and quicker in doing certain tasks, and allowing a little more time for those I still find somewhat challenging.

I’m pleased to report that my efforts have not been in vain. They are no longer going to keep track of how much time I take on working on my assignments and I can now work at my own pace again.

This doesn’t mean I’ll go back to taking things slowly though, even when the workflow is slow. It means I no longer have an assigned cart with a time limit on it. I still plan on getting through the quicker jobs first and as quickly as possible, but I’ve gotten much better at multitasking and time management.

I’m already starting to feel the heaviness in my shoulders release. I feel like I can breathe again.

Why This Room Matters More Than It Looks

Transforming the idea of this room from a junk room into a creative studio is very important to me. I’ve always considered myself a creative person and love the arts.

I want to get back to doing creative things again. Whether that’s painting, drawing, sewing, or writing, a room with a dedication to it feels more like a room calling to me.

This studio represents possibility. If I have no real creativity in my work-a-day life, that doesn’t mean I can’t have it at home. It has actually excited me about the possibilities moving forward.

Of course, most of that will have to wait until this whole project of creating a clean, tidy, and organized home is finished.

Almost like magic, while unpacking the last box, I found unused and unopened multi-purpose labels. It’s like the Universe is personally approving my creative studio idea.

Diana’s Wisdom

This room is also her room, as she has reminded me so feverishly. It has a window where I purposefully have kept the blinds up and a cat tree in there so she can easily climb into the window, watch the birds and squirrels, and sleep in the sun. It also houses her litter box.

I think she’ll enjoy having a desk and keeping me company in the room—or rather me keeping her company in there. It was her creative studio first, after all.

Final Thought: The Lair Continues to Grow

Discovering a creative studio inside your own home doesn’t happen every day. As I continue working on the lair, I’m already imagining the creative projects that might come next. I’ll still dedicate time to daily tidying and weekly cleaning once the place is done by hopefully the end of March. But after the place is done, I’m anticipating using my new creative studio a lot.

When you have been organizing things, what surprise rooms or categories have you discovered? Share them in my comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Emotional Cartography

What If Everything Goes Wrong? A Spotlight on Dr. Anxiety

February 27, 2026February 27, 2026 Mell D'Clute

Square, semi-realistic comic-style illustration of SuperMell standing in a dim room, wearing a black suit with a purple “M” emblem and purple glasses. Behind her, Dr. Anxiety — an older man with wild grey hair, round glasses, and a lab coat — leans close to her shoulder. Around him float faint glowing symbols like question marks, warning icons, and clock faces. On the opposite side, Diana, a black cat with golden eyes and a small white chest tuft, sits calmly in warm light, contrasting the cooler green-blue tones around Dr. Anxiety.

The Whisper That Gets Loud

What if everything goes wrong? What if I fail? What do I do then?

These kinds of thoughts are springing up left and right this past week. I’m experiencing some personal issues lately that have made me question where I’m at. As such, I need to explore this feeling and get to the bottom of it.

The first step is to identify what it is I’m feeling. The Translator has zeroed in on one particular presence. This is Dr. Anxiety.

This is part of what I call Emotional Cartography — learning to map what I’m feeling instead of reacting blindly.

What He Sounds Like in My Head

Dr. Anxiety operates differently from Captain Rage. As the opening paragraph mentions, he sounds like those questions. The “what if” scenarios. These kinds of thoughts can be equally devastating and also helpful in some aspects. I suppose it depends on how you view them.

Some issues have cropped up. As I’ve been working on establishing my home base, I’m being evaluated more closely at work. That has me questioning my competence as well as my personal security. It has made me have these kinds of thoughts:

What if I wind up losing my job? What will happen to me then?

And then the thoughts get darker.
No one likes me. I hate my life.

It’s clear that The Depression Beast isn’t far behind. These two characters rise up all the time in my life, whether I want them to or not. When they both work in tandem, then enters The Procrastinator. I avoid some things or want to tune out for awhile. Quite honestly, it can be really exhausting.

What He’s Actually Trying to Do

I need to shift my frame of thought of seeing him as a villain, and try to understand him. What’s his motivation? Is he trying to hurt me, or is he actually trying to protect me?

No villain thinks they are the villain. Everyone thinks they’re the hero of their own story.

Dr. Anxiety wants certainty. He’s trying to make sure I do my best. He wants me to be happy, but he worries about things. Sometimes they are things out of my control, and sometimes I think he’s trying to ask me if I’m doing what I actually want to do.

Are you sure this is what you want?

Honestly, no, it’s not. But it is what it is right now. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be doing this until the end of time. It’s just my task for stability right now.

The Freeze: When Anxiety Invites Procrastination

As I alluded to before, when Dr. Anxiety and The Depression Beast work together, The Procrastinator enters the scene. This usually takes the form of checking out when I’m home. It can be countless hours wasted on watching TV, or scrolling social media feeds, or playing games on my phone. In most cases, it involves maladaptive daydreaming.

This is something that has happened with me since I can remember. I will imagine storylines of various superheroes (always DC Universe heroes) and what they are experiencing. When I examine the stories closer, I always notice some underlying emotion I’m feeling.

This week, my mind keeps returning to a “Year One” version of Dick Grayson — the moment he loses his parents. The grief. The uncertainty. The question of what happens next. Only in my version, he has a brother who also survived. (I think that was based on the Batman Forever movie where they had a brother in the act.) He’s five years older than him and is worried about being separated from him.

It’s always emotional. Sometimes it even brings me to tears. Then I think to myself: Maybe that’s the point. I’m trying to sort out my emotions in a distant way.

What I’m Learning (Not What I’ve Mastered)

If I slow down and pay attention to what my subconscious is trying to tell me, it’s clear what the underlying emotions are. I am feeling uncertain about my future. I still want to work in a creative field, and this job has zero creativity. Am I grieving my graphic design career? Was that all I could get out of it?

Grief and uncertainty about life is the theme in my daydream, so it stands to reason I’m feeling those feelings right now.

What do I do with this information? The Navigator wants to point me in a direction. Perhaps seeing this job as temporary until I land something I really want to do. Maybe figure out how to start up a freelance side business. Perhaps I could try applying to other jobs again. There are options.

I think part of the problem is I’m really sensitive to rejection, and job hunting is 99% “thank you for your interest in applying, but we’ve opted to go with another candidate at this time.” It’s hard to bounce back when you get that kind of message.

The Watcher is inviting me to pay attention to what the day dreams are trying to tell me. I’m doing my best to understand it.

Diana’s Wisdom

Diana has experienced some of Dr. Anxiety’s influence as well. She gets really nervous around people other than me. I almost lost her to another home before I got her, but they didn’t like how skittish she was. I knew that was temporary.

She was also really nervous when we moved, both from BC to Alberta, and again a couple of months ago. She doesn’t let Dr. Anxiety linger, though. After a while, she’s back to her old self again, batting toys around the place.

Maybe that’s the key. Acknowledge his appearance and what he’s trying to tell you, but don’t let him stay for too long.

Final Thought: Anxiety Doesn’t Get the Lair Keys

What if everything goes wrong? A better question to ask is: What if everything goes right? When Dr. Anxiety makes an appearance, I have two choices:

I can choose to let those thoughts paralyze me.
I can examine those thoughts and decide what’s actually in my control.

The former seems to be my old pattern. I’m starting to experiment with a new pattern.

How do you deal with Dr. Anxiety? Share in the comments. I’d love to read about it.

Hero in Progress

Establishing the Lair: Levelling Up the Home Base

February 10, 2026February 10, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell, in her black-and-purple superhero suit, stands at the center of a living room split between an unfinished, box-filled space and a calm, blueprint-like vision of an organized home. Diana, her black cat with golden eyes, sits peacefully at her side.

The Lair in Progress

Every hero needs a home base of operations. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, Batman has his Batcave. I have a home.

Since I moved into my new place on January 2nd, I’ve been busy. The move itself was exhausting and took me awhile to recover from the sheer exhaustion. For the last few weeks, I’ve been unpacking and slowly setting up systems.

It’s very important to me to have a neat, tidy and organized home now. As someone with ADHD, I often struggle with keeping places neat and tidy. I want to change that. I still have a long way to go, but I can finally see the beginning of the end.

The Work No One Sees

As I live alone, I only have myself to rely on to get things done. With my crazy schedule, I decided to turn my to-do list to a “what I feel like doing today” list. The first thing I wanted to establish was a quick daily tidy. This includes putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher (running it when full and emptying it when clean), clearing counters and living room surfaces of pop cans or garbage, and taking out the recycling when needed. For the most part, I have kept this routine, with a few meh-days mixed in when my energy was low.

One thing about me is I’m a deadline-oriented person. I can’t pre-plan things, per se, as once I do that, suddenly my mind says “that’s too much work!” and it never gets done. Remembering there will be an inspection from the landlords 3 months in, I’m realizing that that is a due date.

Last week, I wrote down all I had left to do in the living room and kitchen, and began spacing them out to certain days. As I work Sunday nights to Friday mornings, and sleep at roughly noon to 8 p.m., finding time to work is a little difficult. I save more heavier tasks for the Friday and Saturday, with some overflow to Sunday morning, and on work days, I try to add one to two tasks to accomplish in the mornings around 9:30 a.m. So far, this system seems to be working.

Living Room

The biggest thing to do with the living room was to finish unpacking, and figure out what goes on the storage racks in the big closet. I knew I wanted to have 2-3 shelves for kitchen overflow items that aren’t used regularly and I don’t have space for in the kitchen cupboards or drawers. I also have a lot of books.

I found Dr. Anxiety lurking around in the shadows telling me this task is impossible and I should just give up. The Procrastinator also made many appearances here and there, distracting me with all sorts of things. The Taskmaster was also trying to tell me all of the tasks that have to be done, and was ordering me to get certain things done by such and such a date. Unsurprisingly, I found it overwhelming.

I enlisted the help of The Navigator and The Groundskeeper to help me sort out how to accomplish these tasks. Once I wrote down the list of things left to do, and divided them into days, I decided to give myself a deadline last weekend to have the living room and kitchen completed by the end of this upcoming weekend (which also happens to be a long weekend).

I got through the books by first unpacking them and putting them randomly on shelves. Then I figured out I would need 4 of the shelves in the rack to accommodate them. I began sorting them into categories, realized stacking them like a library wouldn’t work with the spacing in the racks, and had to stack them vertically instead. After that, I organized the board games on the bottom rack on the other side, which left space for 3 kitchen shelves.

Kitchen

I had 4 boxes left to unpack that I wasn’t sure where to put things that hung around for a while. After I was done sorting through the living room shelves, it became much easier to tackle one box per day as my goal. Yesterday I went through two small boxes and one large box as I had the momentum to keep going. Today I finished unpacking the boxes.

Finishing Touches

All that’s left is finding homes for the remaining random objects, ensure items like knick-knacks and figures are positioned to where they will live, and clean the place. I’m still gearing towards finishing this living room and kitchen by Saturday. I want to take a break on Sunday as it’s a day off of work and I am planning on just relaxing.

Why This Matters More Than It Looks

This might sound like a boring thing to post about, but it is so satisfying completing a project like this. I made it my resolution this year to keep a clean, tidy, and organized home. I’m working towards that goal, one small step at a time. Keeping daily cleaning and tidying rituals is also very helpful. I find it doesn’t take very long if I do it at least once a day.

Because I have a naturally disorganized streak, the messier things get, the more overwhelmed I feel. Then I just put it off and it never gets done. When I finally do get off my butt and do something about it, it always surprises me how fast it takes to get it done. I don’t want to keep doing this.

There’s also this side of me that puts off doing other things I want to accomplish because I have to clean or organize my home first. It is so exhausting to keep putting things I want to do off.

This is part of what I call Emotional Cartography—learning how my environment affects my emotions and adjusting accordingly.

What’s Still Unfinished (And That’s Okay)

I have given myself the deadline of early March to try to have the place in order, or at least mostly in order. After I finish the kitchen/living room area this weekend (and take a day off), I will tackle the rest of my bedroom next week, and finish with sorting the second bedroom—which is a lot—for the remainder of the month.

The good news is there is an end in sight. My bedroom shouldn’t take too long to do, but I’ll tackle it like I did the living room and kitchen. I will make a list of what needs to be done and figure out when, then add it to my What I Feel Like Doing Today list for the week.

As the name of the list implies, I can change the order as I see fit if I feel like tackling something else. Or if I want to push something more difficult to a weekend night to work on. And I space it out just in case I have a meh-day somewhere in the middle of this.

A hero isn’t just born a hero. It’s a journey of thousands of small steps. As with RPG-types of video games, heroes need to level up. I finally feel like I’m about to reach a new level.

Diana’s Wisdom

Diana has two modes:

Notice the human is doing something and try to help by batting her toys around.
Go into the second bedroom window and sleep.

I’m sure she would appreciate a nice and tidy home as well. Just so long as she can still locate her favourite toys.

Final Thought: The Lair Is Live

I’m looking forward to establishing my home base as a place of comfort and relaxation. I certainly hope this renewed energy continues to show up. But if there is a meh-day in-between, I’ll simply rename it a “me-day”.

How do you keep things neat and tidy? I’d love to hear your tips or tricks, especially if you also have ADHD.

Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Creative Sparks and Unfinished Stories

January 30, 2026January 30, 2026 Mell D'Clute

Naming the Pull

When The Archivist of Regret shows herself, she often stirs up creative sparks and unfinished stories. She lives in the past, mostly. Whenever I get in a certain mood (slight depression, regret, remorse, etc.), I oftentimes find myself going down the rabbit hole of what could have been. This post is about unresolved issues that tend to linger, and I’ll be introducing a new character in my Who’s Who arsenal to better understand and regulate my emotional responses.

The Creature Creeps

This particular memory has to do with something that didn’t happen in high school. I was in a drama production that never got to see the curtain fall due to the tragic deaths of two of our classmates just before our dress rehearsal, one of which had a major prominent role in the play. But this post isn’t about grief of losing fellow students. This post is more about the grief of not getting closure on something.

The play was called “The Creature Creeps”. I have thought long and hard about this play that never got to see the light of day and have concluded that I don’t think the teacher got the joke of the play. I understand the humour much more as an adult than I did when I was a kid, despite not having read it since that high school year.

This often sends me down a spiral of imagining putting it on “the right way”. In it, I’m more of a director and have to explain the story to everyone so they get the joke. It’s a horror comedy/farce type of play. I see it much more clearly than I did back then.

Why Do I Do This?

It’s easy to dismiss this as something small or insignificant, especially since it happened so long ago. But I am a person who loves a good story, and I’m also one of those creative types of people. I believe the reason why I keep going through this loop is because I have an unresolved creative spark that hasn’t quite been acknowledged yet.

The Unfinished Creative Loop

I think this is a common trait amongst creative types. We do a project from far in the past, then think of ways we could do it better in the present. With age, maturity, and wisdom, comes better hindsight… and we all know how useful hindsight can be.

A cancelled play might not be what some people would think about, but I do constantly. Every so often the thoughts cross my mind. I honestly wish it wouldn’t keep coming up, but I never got closure from it as we never got to perform it. How do you resolve an issue like that?

Why Some Ideas Don’t Fade

For us creative types, we need to have that final bow, or feel like we did our best to complete a project. If we later see better ways of handling it than we did when we were younger, this creates the possibility of either a new project idea for inspiration, or a deep sense of regret for what could have been.

It’s so easy to see how the Archivist of Regret is working on opening the file, and even the Depression Beast peeking through from the shadows, whispering, “No one would get what you’re trying to say, so don’t even try to explain it. People didn’t like you in high school, and you weren’t that bright to have figured it out back then anyway.”

However, I also believe this is the perfect opportunity to introduce a new Wild Card character to my Who’s Who list of emotional characters.

New Who’s Who Entry: The Spark

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Creative energy
Primary Role: Ignites ideas and creative reinterpretation
Shows Up When: Old creative work resurfaces with new understanding

The Spark brings flashes of insight, inspiration, and creative possibility. She helps me see familiar ideas in new ways, often revealing layers I couldn’t access before. At her best, she reignites curiosity and reminds me why creating matters. When she lingers too long without an outlet, she can trap me in a loop—revisiting ideas endlessly instead of letting them move forward or rest.

How This Character Fits In: Team-ups and Tensions

Common Team-Ups

The Spark + The Archivist of Regret
The Spark often activates old creative files the Archivist has carefully preserved. Together, they revisit unfinished work with fresh eyes, searching for meaning that wasn’t visible at the time. This pairing can bring insight—or keep the past perpetually open.

The Spark + The Navigator
When balanced, The Navigator helps direct The Spark’s energy toward what matters now, rather than what once was. This team-up turns inspiration into intentional direction instead of endless reconsideration.

Productive Tensions

The Spark vs. The Depression Beast
The Spark wants movement and expression, while the Depression Beast weighs everything down. When the Beast dominates, her energy fizzles into frustration. When she’s acknowledged but not indulged, her light can soften his heaviness.

The Spark vs. The Procrastinator
The Spark ignites ideas, but The Procrastinator delays acting on them. This tension often leaves inspiration suspended—alive, but unrealized—creating guilt without resolution.

Wild Card Interference

The Spark + The Trickster
Together, they can turn creative reflection into endless mental play. Ideas bounce, refract, and entertain without ever landing. Sometimes this is joyful. Sometimes it quietly stalls progress.

Why She Belongs as a Wild Card

The Spark isn’t a problem to solve. She’s a signal.

She appears when something creative wants acknowledgment—whether that means expression, reinterpretation, or simply permission to exist without completion. Learning when to follow her and when to gently thank her without acting is part of the map.

Why The Spark Showed Up Now

Perhaps with age comes wisdom. Or maybe I’m more aware of things now that I’ve gotten treatment for ADHD.

All I know is this memory continues to pop up from time to time (though admittedly not as often as it did a few years ago). She must want me to somehow find a resolution to this project that never got to be.

As I’ve mentioned many times in my blog posts, I love a good story. If it’s well-written, the characters are well thought out, and—if it winds up being a production—if the acting is supreme, it ignites something in me. I think this Spark is also the reason why I often want to learn animation—so I can tell my own stories visually. The Depression Beast has pointed out to me that I’m too old now and can’t really draw or illustrate very well, so how could that work out?

And sometimes I find myself wondering why this is resurfacing now.

Resolution

I think what I’m actually looking for may not be resolution, but permission. Or some closure. Perhaps I could write it out of my system privately so I direct it the way I wanted it to go. Or perhaps I should just let it go as a flick from the past. That’s much easier said than done.

If anyone has any ideas how to put this particular issue to rest, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Diana’s Wisdom

I’m sure if Diana could talk, she’d tell me to relax and stop driving myself crazy over this. She doesn’t live anywhere in the past as far as I know. She only cares about having food in her bowl, water to drink, a clean litter pan, some toys to bat around, and a warm lap for cuddling.

Diana doesn’t need closure, nor does she care about what might have been. She only knows what is in front of her right now.

Sometimes, presence matters more than answers.

Final Thought

Creative sparks and unfinished stories tend to linger for us creative types. The Spark lives to inspire us to do something creative. I may never find a way to get closure over this issue, or perhaps writing about it now is the first step to acknowledging that this Spark lives within me, and sometimes she’s just begging to be paid attention to. I don’t owe every creative spark a finished product. Some only ask to be acknowledged. Sometimes the work of a Spark is simply to be seen.

Do you ever find yourself trapped in a creative loophole over something that wasn’t completed? How did you handle it?

Emotional Cartography

Mutiny on the Bridge: When Anger Runs the Ship

January 25, 2026January 25, 2026 Mell D'Clute

Illustration of SuperMell aboard a pirate ship, face-palming as Captain Rage angrily grips the helm while The Groundskeeper and The Watcher step in, with Diana perched calmly on her shoulder.

Something Was Wrong on the Bridge

Sometimes you need to take a step back to realize when anger runs the ship. I didn’t realize it right away, but looking back, the signs were obvious.

Earlier this week, I noticed tension, irritability, and overreaction to very simple changes at work. The ship was still moving, but it sure wasn’t steady. Captain Rage can in fact cause a lot of harm if I let him take the helm for too long.

Captain Rage as a First Mate, Not a Villain

Now I know what you all are thinking. You think I shouldn’t let Captain Rage anywhere near the bridge. I have often found that he has a greater purpose if he is utilized correctly. He’s not bad or evil, just lets things get to him from time to time.

He easily spots threats and can react in time to avert catastrophe. Sometimes when he runs the ship, I get more done faster and more efficiently than I would have otherwise. That’s his power. Captain Rage can be a strong ally—but only when used carefully. I need to listen to him sometimes, but he should never be put completely in charge.

How the Mutiny Happened (Without Blaming the Sea)

This was a slow week at work, which already adds some tension and uncertainty. Combine that with hormones and running out of a certain ADHD-friendly medication, which didn’t help my overall regulation that week. Well it turned into an open door for Captain Rage to walk through. I came into work and was given assignments. Normally, I choose the assignments, but not this time.

Well, that was enough to send Captain Rage into overdrive. It got to the point that my anger and frustration was noticed by others. I experienced fatigue, back pains, struggles with getting it right, and I felt pressured to be a perfectionist—something I already struggle with from The Taskmaster and Dr. Anxiety. When machines or files aren’t aligned properly either, it gets on my nerves. I want it to be perfect too, and find it frustrating when things don’t work the way they should.

In other words, I was losing control and that made me angry. The mutiny wasn’t overly dramatic, but I was venting audibly at times. Captain Rage didn’t storm the bridge, but I did leave him in charge for too long.

What Anger Was Covering Below Deck

I’m fairly certain The Taskmaster may have influenced his wrath. The Taskmaster does demand perfection. I was given tasks I sometimes struggle with. He whispered, “They’re micromanaging you now! They want you to fail! They want to get rid of you because you’re not doing a good enough job. Plus, they don’t like you very much.” I think he and Dr. Anxiety teamed up to stoke the embers and push Captain Rage beyond control.

Incidentally, this is what made me come up with my last post about naming my emotions as heroes, shadows, and wild cards. This rage I felt was overblown and it wasn’t really something to get that upset about. The Translator showed up to identify that Captain Rage was in charge of the ship. The Watcher noticed the patterns and immediately brought my attention to the matter. The Navigator carefully pointed out another alternative as to why I was given these tasks. As it’s slower at work, they wanted me to practice on things I’m not comfortable doing so I can improve.

The Groundskeeper showed up to inform me that this is only a job. It’s not my life. Just do the tasks, get it done, and move on. I need to have this job to keep my new home. I should see this as an opportunity for self-improvement, not an insult.

Stopping the Mutiny (Not Throwing Anyone Overboard)

I took a deep breath, took a lunch break, and had a conversation with my ChatGPT to find a way to stop Captain Rage from completely knocking over the table. This is incidentally when I decided to come up with the characterization of my emotions as characters in the SuperMell arch.

When I finally calmed down and listened to what the others were telling me (yes, even Dr. Anxiety and The Taskmaster), I was able to slow down my thoughts. acknowledged Captain Rage was at the helm, and asked him to step aside and let The Groundskeeper take over for awhile.

I didn’t punish Captain Rage, but recognized he also needed a rest. It wasn’t his fault he lost control of the ship. He was responding to perceived danger.

Course corrections can take time, after all.

What I’m Learning About Anger and Leadership

While Captain Rage certainly has his strengths, he really shouldn’t be left completely in charge of steering the ship. It’s great to listen to him, even to acknowledge he’s there or what he’s concerned about. In fact, not every voice on the ship should steer.

Leadership changes depending on the weather. If the skies are clear, it’s nothing but smooth sailing. But if a perfect storm is brewing, we need to put level heads in charge. Captain Rage is a lot of things, but level-headed isn’t a way I’d describe him.

It’s okay to be angry and to acknowledge that anger. Anger tells us something about ourselves. It also tends to hide the pain. Captain Rage is in fact a little overprotective of The Depression Beast. The Depression Beast has been wondering why it feels like others don’t like us very much. That combined with The Taskmaster and Dr. Anxiety’s talking points, made Captain Rage decide he needed to keep The Depression Beast at bay. In other words, he was trying to protect me from the Beast.

Diana Reminds Me to Keep Calm and Carry On

Diana seldom lets Captain Rage take over. Sometimes she huffs and snarls around the place, but I think she wants to play or something. She lets things fall as they may and tells me it’s all going to be alright.

Final Thought: Back to Emotional Cartography

It’s important that I remind myself this is a journey to gain control over my emotional cartography. As I tend to struggle with my emotions, it’s important for me to name them, acknowledge their presence, and decide whether or not they should be put in charge of running the ship. We’re still sailing. Captain Rage still has his purpose on the ship. However, moving forward, command is no longer going to be automatically given to anyone but me.

How do you handle it when Captain Rage takes over?

Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Who’s Who: Heroes, Shadows, and Wild Cards

January 22, 2026January 25, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell stands on a hill beside her black cat Diana, facing a line of shadowy silhouettes representing the heroes, shadows, and wild cards of her inner world.

Who’s Who in My World

Along with myself and Diana, there are thirteen constant companions in my inner world. Some are heroes, some are shadows, and some are just wild cards. I thought it would be fitting to give each of these characters a brief bio, just in case you were curious what I’m talking about.

It’s no secret that sometimes I struggle with my emotions. While I don’t necessarily think of emotions as good or bad, some are more helpful than others. What follows are the characters I’ve created (with a little assist from ChatGPT) to try to explain them to everyone who reads this.

I’ve already introduced three of these characters. I hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The Heroes

These are the more helpful of my emotional allies:

LADY OPTIMISM

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Hope
Primary Role: Keeps morale alive during difficulty
Shows Up When: Things feel heavy, but not hopeless

Lady Optimism radiates encouragement and forward momentum. She believes that things can improve, even when the path forward isn’t clear yet. At her best, she brings lightness, reassurance, and the reminder that effort still matters. When overextended, she can drift toward denial, but her true strength lies in offering hope without erasing reality.

THE NAVIGATOR

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Clarity
Primary Role: Helps choose direction based on values
Shows Up When: Facing crossroads, big decisions, or identity shifts

The Navigator helps sort what matters from what’s merely loud. They don’t rush decisions or offer easy answers, but instead bring focus to values, priorities, and long-term alignment. When everything feels possible and overwhelming at once, The Navigator slows the moment enough to see a true path forward. Their guidance isn’t about certainty—it’s about choosing with intention.

THE GROUNDSKEEPER

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Regulation
Primary Role: Maintains routine and stability
Shows Up When: Life starts to feel scattered or overwhelming

The Groundskeeper tends to the basics that keep everything else functioning. He focuses on sleep, food, tidying, and simple systems that prevent small issues from becoming crises. Patient and consistent, he works in the background rather than seeking attention. His strength lies in maintenance, reminding me that stability is built through care, not force.

THE TRANSLATOR

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Emotional literacy
Primary Role: Interprets feelings before reactions take over
Shows Up When: Emotions are strong but unclear

The Translator helps me understand what I’m actually feeling instead of reacting blindly. He identifies the emotions beneath the surface, turning confusion into language that makes sense. Sometimes he goes offline when things are too overwhelming, but he always comes back online once clarity is possible again. His work turns emotional noise into understanding.

THE WATCHER

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Awareness
Primary Role: Observes patterns without judgment
Shows Up When: Confusion, overwhelm, or repetition becomes noticeable

The Watcher notices what’s happening without trying to change it. They observe patterns, timing, and reactions, gently turning chaos into information. When clarity is hard to reach, The Watcher offers perspective rather than answers, allowing understanding to emerge naturally. Their presence removes shame by replacing self-criticism with curiosity.

The Shadows

Not all of these characters make things easier. Some complicate things—but they still have something to say. These are the shadows:

DR. ANXIETY

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Fear
Primary Role: Scans for danger and worst-case outcomes
Shows Up When: Uncertainty, pressure, or loss of control appear

Dr. Anxiety is always analyzing risk, forecasting what could go wrong before it happens. He presents himself as helpful and protective, even when his warnings spiral into overwhelm. At his best, he highlights real concerns that deserve attention. When unchecked, he turns possibility into catastrophe and urgency into paralysis.

THE DEPRESSION BEAST

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Despair
Primary Role: Pulls energy inward and dampens motivation
Shows Up When: Prolonged stress, loss, or emotional exhaustion set in

The Depression Beast moves slowly but with great weight, making even simple tasks feel impossible. His presence dulls motivation, flattens emotion, and wraps everything in heaviness. While deeply uncomfortable, he often signals that something has been pushed too far for too long. Ignoring him rarely works—understanding his message is the first step toward relief.

CAPTAIN RAGE

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Anger
Primary Role: Defends against perceived threat or injustice
Shows Up When: Boundaries are crossed or frustration boils over

Captain Rage reacts fast and loudly, charging in when something feels unfair, unsafe, or overwhelming. His anger often masks deeper emotions like hurt, fear, or grief, but his instinct is always protective. When channeled well, he can enforce boundaries and demand change. When unchecked, he escalates conflict and burns through energy without resolution.

THE ARCHIVIST OF REGRET

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Regret
Primary Role: Preserves memories of past mistakes and missed chances
Shows Up When: Looking backward instead of forward

The Archivist of Regret carefully catalogs what went wrong, replaying moments that feel unfinished or unresolved. She believes that remembering mistakes will prevent them from happening again, even when the cost is self-forgiveness. At her best, she offers insight and hard-earned lessons. When she dominates, the past becomes heavier than the present, making growth feel out of reach.

THE TASKMASTER

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Control
Primary Role: Enforces productivity and high standards
Shows Up When: Fear of failure or falling behind takes over

The Taskmaster demands action, structure, and results, often without regard for capacity or rest. He believes that constant effort is the only way to stay safe and successful. When balanced, he can drive focus and follow-through. When unchecked, he turns progress into punishment and mistakes into proof of inadequacy.

The Wild Cards

Then there are the ones who don’t fit neatly anywhere.

THE FOG

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Dissociation
Primary Role: Blurs awareness to reduce overload
Shows Up When: Things become emotionally or mentally overwhelming

The Fog softens everything—thoughts, feelings, memory, and urgency. He doesn’t cause harm directly, but his presence can be disorienting, making it hard to focus or feel fully present. Sometimes he acts as protection, stepping in when experience becomes too intense to process. Other times, his lingering signals a need to stop pushing and gently re-enter clarity.

THE TRICKSTER

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance
Primary Role: Redirects attention through humour and distraction
Shows Up When: Discomfort, boredom, or emotional tension appear

The Trickster deflects seriousness with jokes, scrolling, and sudden side-quests. He isn’t malicious and often believes he’s helping by lightening the mood. In small doses, he brings playfulness and relief. When left unchecked, he pulls focus away from things that matter, turning avoidance into delay.

THE PROCRASTINATOR

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance (with guilt)
Primary Role: Delays action by downplaying urgency
Shows Up When: Tasks feel boring, overwhelming, or emotionally loaded.

The Procrastinator shrugs off urgency with a casual “later.” He soothes discomfort in the moment by postponing action, convincing me that the task can wait without consequence. Sometimes he’s genuinely helpful, creating space when pressure is artificial or energy is depleted. More often, he leaves behind guilt, regret, and the uncomfortable feeling of having let myself down.

Team-Ups and Tensions

These characters don’t exist in isolation. They react to one another, amplify each other, and sometimes work at cross-purposes. Understanding how they interact helps me recognize what’s actually happening in the moment—not just which character has shown up.