These are real-time updates from the journey—where I reflect on work, life, and the decisions that shape where I’m headed next. Not everything is figured out, but the course is always being adjusted.
I really need to stabilize the stardrive. It’s still online, but not at full power. But it’s steady. And for once, that feels like enough.
After a week that felt like it was constantly trying to pull me off course, I’m noticing something different: I didn’t spiral. That doesn’t mean everything is suddenly perfect. It doesn’t mean I’m fully recharged or back to full speed. If anything, I feel a little worn down. I feel a little slower. Like I’m still trying to catch my breath. But I’m still moving… and that’s new.
Usually, a week like that would have knocked me completely off track. One setback would turn into another, and before long I’d be convincing myself I’d lost all progress. I was back at square one.
This time, that didn’t happen. The stardrive stayed online.
Status Report: Low Power, Stable Systems
Right now, I’m not operating at full capacity. My energy is still limited. Motivation comes in waves. Some parts of the day feel productive, and others feel like I’m just trying to stay upright and functional.
The difference is that I’m not fighting that reality as much. I’m not trying to force full power when the system clearly needs a slower pace. I’m letting things run at a lower setting—and trusting that it still counts.
Because it does.
The Unexpected Challenge
What I didn’t expect was this part. Not the hard week—that I’ve seen before. It’s what comes after.
There’s this quiet pressure that shows up once things start to stabilize. A voice that says, “Okay, now catch up.” “Make up for lost time.” “Prove you’re back on track.”
It’s subtle, but it’s there.
And if I’m not careful, that pressure can turn into its own kind of spiral. Not the same one as before—but still a loss of control.
Choosing a Different Approach
This is where I’m trying to do things differently. Instead of overcorrecting, I’m focusing on maintaining course. That means:
paying attention to my energy instead of ignoring it
The goal isn’t to suddenly become ultra-productive again. The goal is to stay in motion without burning out. I need to keep the stardrive running—even if it’s not at full speed.
Completed the ChatGPT module in my Mastering A.I. course, and started working on Clive.
None of that felt fast or effortless. But it happened. And that matters.
System Check
Looking back, a few things are becoming clearer.
What worked:
allowing rest without guilt
focusing on smaller, manageable tasks
recognizing progress instead of dismissing it
What didn’t work:
trying to push through low energy like nothing was wrong
expecting myself to operate at full capacity during a hard week
What I’m keeping:
the stardrive mindset
steady over perfect
forward over fast
Conclusions
I’m starting to understand that progress isn’t just about what happens when everything is going well. It’s also about what happens when things aren’t.
It’s about whether the systems hold, whether you keep going, and whether you stay in control, even when the pace slows down.
The goal isn’t to jump back to full speed. It’s to stabilize the stardrive. I need to hold the line. To keep the stardrive online—even when the engines are quiet.
Diana’s Moment of Zen
Diana knows when it’s time to rest, time to play, time to eat, or simply time to cuddle. She watches the neighbourhood like a hawk to ensure everyone out there knows she’s keeping watch. This cat clearly knows how to stabilize her own stardrive. To her, the key is to follow your instincts… How incredibly simplistic! I should try that.
Final Thought
It has become increasingly important that I figure out how to stabilize the stardrive. Without stabilization, the stardrive will most likely crash. Which might explain my constant requirement to rest. I’m going to take a page out of Diana’s playbook and try instinctively deciding what to do in the moment based on my energy level.
How do you stabilize your stardrive? Or do you call it something else? Share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear more about it.
This has been a trying week, filled with many challenges. Sometimes a course correction is required. I’ve been working on multiple things this week, so my attention has been split. I felt the need to write about my progress, my work-life balance, and everything in between. I’ve made some progress, and hit some roadblocks. The path forward isn’t always easy.
Not every week is a smooth flight… but the ship is still moving.
🏠 Lair Status: Home Progress
I finished last weekend by completing the Creative Studio setup. It was a daunting—yet very rewarding—task. What began as a room full of boxes—just another storage space—has transformed into something with real purpose. Completing the unpacking feels like a major win.
This week I intended to keep it light, as it was more about finishing touches. I planned to clear out leftover odds and ends, place my collectibles and figures, and start decorating the walls.
Well, that was the plan. Then life got in the way. First I had to make an appointment with Toyota to fix my seatbelt as it tends to get tangled in the panel, rendering it unusable. Then I had some setbacks at work (I’ll go into that later on in this post). Needless to say, I haven’t done anything with the apartment this week—yet. It is the beginning of the weekend, so there’s still time. I just find my focus is a little divided at the moment. Part of that comes from The Procrastinator, who has been especially active lately.
External Systems: Work Challenges
For the past several weeks, I’ve been under scrutiny at work. I’ve been asked to keep track of how long my tasks take. I won’t go into too much detail, but suffice it to say, this week I had a meeting and I left the meeting feeling pretty shaken. I thought I was making really good progress, but apparently I’m failing to meet their expectations (which they didn’t tell me exactly what those expectations were), and it’s left me feeling quite shaken. In fact, I actually cried.
I went home early and called in sick the next day. I feel very disgruntled at the moment. I’m going to continue to try to make it work here (I do have bills to pay), but I’ve also decided to start looking at other opportunities.
Despite feeling like I’ve taken a hit, I’m trying to maintain a more professional attitude (albeit leaning towards the grumpy side). I have asked to see if I can observe someone doing the job I do to see how they do it, as I need to be faster but don’t know how to do that. We’ll see how that goes.
Internal Crew Check-In
The work situation has made some of my emotional cartography characters become far more pronounced than usual—which is saying something!
Dr. Anxiety
The good doctor has me questioning my competence, and my future. What if I fail? What if I lose my job? How can I improve? I feel like I’m doing the same thing over and over, while they expect different results.
The Depression Beast
I couldn’t help but cry when given this terrible feedback. They gave me a report I was supposed to sign that basically said I wasn’t meeting expectations, and if I don’t improve soon, I might lose my job. The Depression Beast interpreted that as “You suck at your job! You’re a loser! Now you’re screwed. I hate my life!” I’m still hearing those words.
Captain Rage
Yeah, that grumpiness I mentioned before? It’s how Captain Rage has decided to contribute to my mood. The anger I am feeling as well is encompassing. He feels I’m being unfairly targeted for some reason. Is it my age they aren’t taking into consideration?How can they expect me to improve if they aren’t telling me what their standards are? I haven’t been trained properly, obviously! I don’t see how I can go any faster than what I’m doing now. FML!
Needless to say, the internal crew has been… active this week.
I’ve been working on redesigning and rewriting some of my landing pages on this website. I don’t know if this job will work out or not at this point. The possibility of needing a new job pushed me to take a closer look at my brand—and make some key updates.
You may have noticed the banner has been changed, as well as the fonts and slight changes to the purple colour palette. I’ve also made some changes to the menus, as well as the homepage, about page, and open channel page. I’m not sure if I will be touching anything else at this point, but I needed to ensure the look and feel says I’m a graphic designer looking for work.
While I intend to continue to work where I’m working currently (those pesky bills!), this situation has made me question whether or not I want to work here long-term. There’s no real graphic design or creativity in the job, and if I’m doing everything I can to try to work faster, and it’s not helping, is having this job worth the stress? I’ve decided to start updating resumes, put my “Open to Opportunities” status on LinkedIn, and start looking for other jobs on the side.
This job has been instrumental in a few ways:
I was able to quit a job that I hated where they didn’t pay me on time.
Having this job made it possible for me to get my own apartment again and move directly into Calgary.
I’m able to afford to live in said apartment.
I’m still trying to figure it all out, but updating the website wound up taking priority for the last two days.
Diana has found an interesting way of dealing with her unpredictably emotional human as of late. She found and got into some catnip! Oh dear… it’s all over the hardwood floor. 😬
She’s also been keeping me company, sitting on my lap, or at the top of the couch near my head—even sniffing the top of my head from time to time. It’s as though she’s saying, “Don’t worry… I’m here!”
Final Thought: Course Still Set
I’ve hit some bumps along the way—and sometimes a course correction is needed. I’m still going to work on finishing touches on the apartment this weekend so I can start next week with one goal in mind—deep cleaning the apartment. That will complete the three-month long goal of getting my place clean, organized and tidy.
This week didn’t go the way I planned—but it showed me what needs to change. I may not know what to do about my career currently, but all I can do is keep trying. Not everything is perfect, but I’m moving forward. Progress exists even when there are struggles. The ship isn’t drifting. It’s navigating.
How do you deal with bad feedback at work? Do you see it as a positive experience, or a negative one? Share in the comments.
Now that it’s been nearly a week since the move, I wanted to share an update on how this new chapter is settling in. I have been quite busy. I’m in my new place, and adjusting to my new schedule, sleep pattern and all. It doesn’t quite feel magical yet—but it does feel real.
Level 50 has proven to be much more difficult in finding the energy reserves I thought I had. Exhaustion has set in, making me slow down quite a bit. This post is about adjusting to the new chapter in my life.
📦 What’s Settled (Even If It’s Small)
Since the move, I have been busy trying to put the place together. I first started with setting up the bed, as the move itself kept me awake most of the night before, the physical exhaustion, and my usual sleep schedule made sleep my first priority.
Slowly over the week or so I’ve managed to get things to a respectable place. Here’s what I have accomplished so far:
Unpacked most of the bathroom and set up the counter and drawers
Set up essentials in my bedroom
Figured out what will live in what cupboard in the kitchen and homed quite a few things (noticing I need to figure out where to stash extra stuff, as my cupboards are full and there are still a few boxes left)
Moved boxes and bags to where they will live so unpacking is more organized
Set up my wifi with the help of a Telus technician (who was in and out within a half hour and actually helped me unpack my TV, so he rocked!)
Moved furniture in the living room to where they will live
With help from my parents, put together the couch (which proved quite the task)
So that’s quite a bit of work in such a short time frame. Perhaps predictably, I woke up quite exhausted today and could barely muddle through much of anything. My only goals today were to take a “Me Day” and relax, and to set up my computer, which I have done, as I’m typing this post on it.
🛠️ What’s Still Finding Its Place
While I have been busy setting things up, I also have quite a lot to do. My resolution for this year is to keep a clean, tidy and well-organized home. As someone who’s lived with ADHD my whole life, this has always eluded me—but it’s a skill I genuinely want to build now. I envy people who keep a good home.
As such, I have been taking time to figure out where everything in my home will live. I am not a person who believes you have to have the resolution set up from January 1st. It can take up to a whole year if that’s what it will take. But it will get done.
I have to set up the rest of the living room by unpacking boxes and positioning things around. Then I will find homes for the remaining kitchen things in boxes. After that, my next priority will be to finish the bedroom unpacking. Finally, I will set up the spare room. When all of this is done, I will then deep clean everything.
Sure, it’s a lot of work, but if anything this week has shown me, it’s that I am more than capable of handling it.
⚠️ Villain Watch: Old Voices in a New Place
Of course, with this exhaustion I am feeling today, my old foes the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety have made their presence known to me. I can see them lurking in the shadows, plotting and scheming on how to fully take advantage of this apparent weakness.
Fortunately, my new friend Lady Optimism has reminded me that there is no rush to get everything done right away. I need to remember to take breaks and rest here and there. Dr. Anxiety was ruling while my living room was so disorganized post-move, suggesting this will never end. Once I had reorganized where the boxes could go and moved them out of the middle of the floor, and also set up the couch and furniture, I could finally laugh at Dr. Anxiety’s madness. It definitely feels more livable now.
Instead of pre-planning everything spread out over multiple days as I had done previously, I have adjusted the plan. I will be saying to myself, “What do I feel like doing today?” and give myself that task, on workday mornings. On weekends, I will attempt to do more.
I will take things one day at a time, keeping the course steady. After all, there isn’t really a deadline to get everything in place. All I have to remember is to take it easy, and take many breaks along the way, as my aching body has reminded me to do.
Rest is not something to take lightly. It’s stabilization. It keeps you sustainable. Without it, you just wind up in the shape I’m in today: physically exhausted, sore, and a little moody. This was such a good reminder to tell myself that rest is required to be added to my schedule as well. I shouldn’t overdo it. I’m no spring chicken anymore!
🐾 Diana’s Adjustment Notes
Oh, my poor little girl! Moving day scared her so much. It took awhile for me to wrangle her into a carrier, but even when we got to the new place, she spent a lot of the time hiding and laying down in her litter box. She was terrified. I felt bad for her, but once I went to bed she came out and slept on the bed with me. Over the course of the week, she got better and better, even taking time to play with random objects on the floor or a couple of her toys. I guess sometimes even your sidekick gets influenced by Dr. Anxiety, but she rebounded rather quickly.
🌱 Final Thought: Footing Comes Before Forward Motion
Getting one’s bearings after a move is the key to overcoming any obstacles in your path. Being kinder to my body means letting it tell me when to stop, when to start again, and when to take both mental and physical breaks along the way.
There’s no need to rush into the next chapter; standing comfortably in this one comes first.
What’s your post-move strategy? Please share your story in the comments. I’d love to hear how you handle unpacking and organizing.
It’s that time of year when a year is coming to a close and a new one is beginning soon. As I do believe I am the hero of my own story, it seems like the perfect opportunity for me to restart my old Year in Review post tradition.
This year has been interesting, to say the least. After battling through some stormy weather, I finally feel like I’ve landed on a new path forward. This is radically different from how I felt at the end of last year. So much has changed… I feel it’s necessary to recap the highlights. This year may not have ended perfectly, but it definitely ended differently.
The Arc I Was Trapped In
Since I lost my job a few years ago, I was struggling to dig myself out of a very dark pit. It seemed like I would be stuck forever, with no way out, for the longest time—a couple of years of feeling this way to be precise. In fact, I began 2025 with those very feelings about my life. I was working a crappy job, feeling pain in my wrist at night, scrimping and saving, but quickly realizing there was no way I’d be able to afford rent on the meagre amount I was making each month. It was hard to find even a shred of hope.
I was stuck in survival mode. Self-doubt was running the show, and I was living small. In fact, you could say I was reacting instead of choosing my path. I was miserable.
Something did start to happen though. A change was in the air, whether or not I was able to see it. I could definitely feel it. As luck would have it, it all started with the pain in my wrist.
When My Body Drew the Line
The pain in my wrist turned out to be carpal tunnel syndrome, which I got from using vacuum cleaners that barely worked to clean a huge office building, and carrying heavy loads of garbage as well. The job was destroying my health and making me wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain shooting up and down my right arm. I got evaluated for carpal tunnel, which wound up being diagnosed as “pretty severe,” and surgery was scheduled. They sliced open my hand, released a compressed nerve, and then resealed the incision. The recovery process took almost two months, during which I had to take time off work. This marked the beginning of the change.
The First Step Into a New Arc
During the lead-up to the surgery, I started thinking about where I was in life. Working a crappy and unfulfilling job, living in my parents’ basement, barely making enough to get by. I thought to myself, “This isn’t where I want to be anymore!”
It dawned on me that I needed to take some charge of my career. I decided to seek out a career counsellor for advice and work on looking for options to get back into my old career. While I didn’t find that door, a different one opened up for me—one I didn’t expect to see.
Also during this time, I made a decision to start up this website. I felt I needed to put myself out there in order to find a way back to my chosen career. I deleted my old blog (which I found to be too negative) and started this new one. At first, I used ChatGPT to help me write the blog posts, aiming for one post per day to keep interest in my site. However, when that started to feel like it was more of a ChatGPT blog than my own, I decided to scale it back and write these posts myself. I still use it to help me come up with titles and possible outlines, as well as improving readability and SEO scores, but I wanted—no, needed—to write again.
The Breaking Point
While working with a career counsellor and trying to find a way back to my career, I decided to go back to work once my wrist healed, but I even remember telling my boss I wouldn’t be overdoing it for awhile yet, as I didn’t want to risk re-injury. As it turned out, the people I worked for were being even more neglectful in paying some of their workers on time. This worried me somewhat, but this happened before, so I thought it was just temporary. That is, until it happened to me.
At the end of July, I was supposed to get paid, but they delayed paying me, citing that a Fortune 500 company hadn’t paid them—a small family contracting business. I found that hard to believe, but when this pay wasn’t happening around a long weekend, I got nervous. According to employment standards, workers are to be paid at least on a monthly basis, which the employers did, so seeing as I wouldn’t get paid until August 6th, I finally got upset enough about it and filled out a complaint against the company for failing to pay me on time. I had every right to do that.
Suddenly, the “we really appreciate all your hard work” friendly attitude I was always getting turned into the opposite. Seeing as I had that complaint registered against them, they couldn’t really fire me as that would have been illegal and I’d have every right to sue them. Instead, they found many supposed problems with the way I was doing my job, even threatening to fire me. They decided to give me one more chance to prove myself, cut back my hours even more, still expecting the same amount and quality of work, and wrote up some official report of my supposed offences.
For me, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I no longer wanted to wait to find the perfect career anymore. I just needed to get the hell out of there.
Choosing Myself
I began applying more steadily to any job I could find so I could get out of that situation as soon as possible. They made me feel like I was a bug. I hated feeling that way. An opportunity came by for me to work full-time at a local print hub in Calgary—only it would be working the night shift, but they’d pay an extra $3 per hour compared to the day shift. As I was never really a morning person, I took the opportunity.
At this time, it started to dawn on me that perhaps the reason I felt so “stuck” in the first place was because I was always telling myself that. “I don’t think I’ll ever have my own place again!” “My life is over!” “I had a great career and flushed it down the toilet” “This is the life I deserve for being a moron!” Is it really all that surprising that that’s how life was showing up for me?
The minute I decided to stand up for myself and fight for myself, I got a new job. Suddenly, hope began to come back to me. I could see a way out of the dark tunnel.
First I had to take ownership of my thoughts and challenge them. I had to remember that everything that happens to you is by choice. You may not be able to control other people or sometimes situations you fall into, but you can choose how you respond or react to them. Recognizing how long I had endured in survival mode required compassion rather than criticism. Patience kept me going—but surviving was no longer enough. I wanted to live.
Trust became the next lesson. Trust in my own judgment, trust in doing what felt right, and trust in the principle that what I focus on shapes what I experience. From there, healthy boundaries began to form—not only with others, but with my own thoughts as well.
🔹 Naming the Villains Changed the Fight
Over time, depression and anxiety stopped feeling like flaws within me and started to take shape as something external. The Depression Beast was a metaphor I had used before, but naming Dr. Anxiety as a separate presence was new—and surprisingly powerful. Having an affinity for all things superhero in nature, labeling them as a beast and a Dr. Evil type of creature has helped me out enormously in fighting them. But one entity needed to be there that I haven’t seen since I was a small child—Lady Optimism.
I don’t know if I can explain this well enough, but to a person with such admiration of superheroes and villains, and with this blog evolving into the SuperMell persona… for some odd reason, this is working for me. I’m able to hear the crazy thoughts coming from Dr. Anxiety and I start to laugh at the absurdity of it all. While I’m still getting to know Lady Optimism, The Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety are beginning to fade into the distance.
The Tools That Helped Me Turn the Page
🔹 What Actually Helped Me Change
In order to change my thought patterns, I needed some tools to help me turn the page:
Job Stability – This was a huge thing. I needed not just a way out of the bad situation I was in, but I needed it to be full-time. Landing the new job, and passing probation, getting benefits again, etc., were huge steps forward that I needed.
Routines – Admittedly, I’m still working on establishing some healthy routines, I needed to get used to working full-time, overnight hours, keep my overnight hours on days I don’t work so I don’t throw my sleep schedule out of whack. I still need to work on healthy eating, exercising, and organizing my surroundings, but I’m starting to see how having a stable routine is in fact helping me to see the light.
Systems – Also this year, I started to change the way I was doing things. Before I would make myself a chore list and when I wouldn’t do one task or even one day, it would throw everything else off schedule and I’d feel like a failure. I started to organize my tasks in work blocks instead. That changed how I did things.
Writing – As a creative person, I’ve always enjoyed using my imagination to fuel something. Feeling inspired by Wil Wheaton over the many years as he’s been blogging, I felt the need to go back to it as well. This helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings—which is key to loosening the grip Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast have on me.
Trust – Woof. This one is a big one. I have to trust that life will work out for me now. That’s really the only way it can. I must believe that everything will work out fine and I’ll build myself up by thinking it will happen. Whenever the villains decide to make an appearance, I need to find Lady Optimism and ask for her assistance. I don’t want her to take over… I just need her help to defeat them both.
The Constant 🐾
Every hero needs a trusted sidekick to help them in their journey. Diana’s consistency as always being there when I need her is very instrumental in fighting the battle. She represents continuity, presence, quiet companionship, and life that happens alongside the story. Even when I write her sections, she lays down quietly beside me, as if she knows her presence serves as an inspiration to me, which it does. Everyone should have a lovely pet that does this for them.
I have no idea what this next chapter will look like, but I know it’ll be vastly different from how this chapter shaped up. I’m going to strive to continue my partnership with Lady Optimism, battling the villains with much more gusto than I’ve ever had before. I want to work on keeping a clean and orderly home, and improving my health through proper diet and exercise. It’s time I take care of myself.
Final Thought: The Story Continues
As I turn the page to a new chapter, I have no idea what it will shape up to be, but I am looking forward to finding out. With Lady Optimism helping me, and my faithful sidekick at my side, this battle finally feels winnable. This wasn’t the year everything changed. It was the year that I did.
What would your year in review be like? Have you begun to see something positive shaping up in your own storyline? Do tell in the comments below. I love a good story.
Things have gotten real. In just a couple of short weeks, I will be moving into my new place. Looking around, I get a sense that I have a lot of things to do to prepare for this move. While this can be overwhelming, I have decided not to allow Dr. Anxiety to make his usual appearance. I’ve made a plan!
⚠️ The Villain: Future-Task Overload
It certainly is very easy for anyone to get attacked by Dr. Anxiety while conducting a move. This is especially the case for those of us who happen to fall into the neurodivergent label. Looking at everything, everywhere, all at once(heh-heh) can derail your focus.
For those of us who have ADHD, there can be a tendency to get swept away with all of the things we need to do. You see, my brain tends to prefer time-travel, and focuses on the big picture way too much. This causes the aforementioned overwhelm feeling to come into play, which makes Dr. Anxiety swoop in and tell you it’s pointless to try—everything must be done now!
I see you, Doctor. Not today.
🛠️ The Strategy: Assign the Days, Not the Worry
I started to hear the sinister footsteps of Dr. Anxiety approaching tonight, as I realized I have two weeks left before I move. Instead of listening to his mockery, I decided to do something different: ignore him and focus on what I can do about it.
The plan is to only do the tasks assigned for the day. I don’t want to get swept up in another task that would take focus away from what I should be doing right now. That’s another day’s problem! If it’s not on today’s mission list, SuperMell does not engage!
📅 Mission Structure: How I’m Breaking It Down
I created four new lists in my Chores Reminders app on my iPhone: one for bedroom, one for living room, one for kitchen, and the last one for bathroom. Then I created a bunch of subtasks for each room listing all the things that need to be completed for that room. After that, I decided to figure out what day would work best for each task, or when I would want to tackle a room. Not long after, I had a list of chores to do separated by dates.
After I assigned the tasks dates on the app, I checked out the items due per day, and wrote them down in My Little Book of All the Fucking Things I Need to Remember notebook for the move. I noticed the lists weren’t that long after all! These lists are very doable. There’s no need to feel overwhelmed if I just stick to the schedule for a day. And there is plenty of buffer room in case I have a low-energy day.
🧠 The Rule I’m Following (And Protecting)
I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to get everything done tomorrow. The rule is simple: Focus on what needs to be done on this day. Don’t allow future tasks to interfere with today’s. No stacking tomorrow’s stress onto today. Just trust the plan as it is written.
🐾 Diana’s Role in the Mission
As always, Diana is often the most cool/zen person I know. She doesn’t worry about what needs to be done tomorrow. The only worries she has is whether or not there’s food in her bowl. Relax, sweetie, there’s plenty of food left in the bowl… Diana is the definition of staying present. She’s also very unimpressed with future plans. She is noticing the addition of extra boxes though…
It’s official: The Universe says yes! I’ve passed my probation at work and am now a full-time employee. My plans can now go into motion. I have already gotten an invitation to the RRSP program to sign up for, and will soon be getting health benefits. This is fantastic news! My sense of optimism has increased threefold!
I feel like I’m finally rebuilding my life back up after the poor choices I made a few years back led to derailing my life for a time. Nevertheless, I persevered. I did what I had to survive, crawled myself out of my pit of despair, got a better job than I was working at before, and feel like I’m finally getting back on track again.
January 2nd Is Locked In
My plan to move into the new apartment has officially been given the green light. The tenancy was pending successful passing of my probation period at work. Now that I received word from my boss that it is going forward, I can officially move in.
I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting my own place again—with control over my own thermostat! (Which is something I haven’t had in over a decade.) It feels absolutely terrific that I’ll be independent again. I feel just like I did when I got my very first apartment… possibly because I’ve been living at my parents’ house in a distant location from the city, which has been exhausting travelling back and forth to work. The grocery stores and malls will be much closer to me as well. Yay!
The other day I arrived in Calgary a half hour early and decided to swing by the new apartment to test how long it would take me to get to work. It literally took less than 10 minutes! Holy moly! That’s going to be a much better commute than the 45 minutes it takes me to get to work now. And I won’t have to wait for Walmart to open to get groceries first thing on Fridays anymore! I can shop whenever they are open and I’m awake. Life is finally working out for me! After everything that’s happened over the last few years, this feels like reclaiming a piece of myself I thought I’d lost.
When the Universe Aligns
For far too long, I thought my life was pretty much over and done. Being on the wrong medications, losing my job, and my apartment, moving back in with my parents, dealing with crippling depression that caused me to lose a ton of weight as I stopped eating, getting a worthless job cleaning an office for a company that didn’t seem to appreciate their workers at all—I thought this was going to last forever. I had a good career, a good job, great work environment, a nice apartment, but didn’t appreciate it when I had it.
It took me launching a complaint about late work payments to the Government of Alberta for the bad company I worked for to show me how they really are like. All of a sudden they found problems with how I was doing my job. After being treated like scum, having my hours slashed and still expected to do everything to standard in a shorter amount of time, I decided that was it. I had to act to put my life back together again. That was the first sign I needed to start putting the broken pieces of my life back together.
Ding! Come On Down!
I really do feel like the Universe has said yes to my plans. When I finally decided to get out of that toxic working situation and landed a full-time job, suddenly all the shattered pieces of my life started to fall back into place. I knew I would plan to move for January as my probation would end mid-December. That’s working out. When I had decided on a place to live but wasn’t sure about all the extra costs, I checked out the rentals website and found a gem that’s all inclusive—and cheaper. The fact that the name of the street is the same one I live at but closer to work was such a huge signal that the Universe was flashing all sorts of lights and sirens—almost as if I won a new car on The Price is Right!
Awhile ago, I had a belief that there was this Universe thing that works like a mirror. It reflects back what you put into it. I guess I forgot about that for a time, or never fully embraced it as a concept. It’s basic karma — or if you prefer science, for every action there is an equal reaction. What you put out you get back at you. I was too busy putting out “my life is over” vibes that it indeed felt that way. When I decided to let go of that pity party and actually get myself out of this situation, all the pieces started to reassemble. It might look like a different picture than I had before it broke to a million pieces, but it will still be a work of art that I will cherish.
Side Note…
This isn’t to say that I think the Universe is an intelligent life force or god or anything. I just think that whatever you spend your time, focus and energy on is what you get back. Embracing optimism was a long and winding road for me, filled with bumps and potholes, but I do believe I’ve finally gotten it. The real secret to life isn’t about how much you have or how much you are loved by others—it’s about how you treat and love yourself. Only then can you find true happiness.
Side Quest Unlocked: The Telus Saga
The only extra costs I needed to work out once the apartment got the go ahead was getting tenant insurance hooked up and internet. The tenant insurance was easy to get and put into place. The internet thing proved quite the challenge.
Choosing a Provider Shouldn’t Be This Hard
I thought I would go with Oxio, as apparently it’s a top rated service from PlanHub, but it kept saying they didn’t have service in the area I was moving to. I usually go with Telus and wanted fibre internet again, as I think cable or satellite is ridiculous that it can get cut out with a little wind. Usually I have good experiences with Telus…
Trapped in the Bot Dimension
First, trying to navigate their website with the auto things was a nightmare. Their AI system is terrible and it took me way too long to find an actual phone number to call someone and talk to a real person. I was trying to get their deal of 3G PureFibre for $95/month, but every time I went to the check-out page, the price went up to $110. It was frustrating trying to chat with their bot, so I finally found a phone number and called. More automated things on the phone, that wasn’t hearing what I was saying, so I finally said “Can I talk to a real sales agent, please?”
Victory… With a Glitch
Not only did he manage to help me sort out my issues, but he also managed to be able to knock $10 off the bill price for $85/mo + taxes, with this price locked in for 5 years. I gave him a good review.
Plot Twist — The Modem Goes Rogue
I had originally intended the service to be hooked up starting January 2nd and was under the impression the sales agent I spoke with arranged for the modem to arrive on that day. The Universe does have a sense of humour, I guess, as not only did they send me the modem to the new address early, but they used the wrong address! Oi… He put my address incorrectly so Puralator sent it to the other side of the 4-plex. I have emailed my landlord about it but they are on vacation and out of town at the moment so I have no idea if it was returned or if someone has it. Had I known all of this, I don’t think I would have given him this good of a review.
Funny thing is, even though I changed my phone number when I moved to Alberta, I noticed when trying to correct my address that Telus still had my contact number as my old BC number. You would think Telus would have updated that a long time ago… What a pain this company has turned into! It almost makes me want to try Rogers of all companies, which I would hate. (Tried them once for mobility and was charged 3 times the amount of money that was promised on the first bill—no thank you!)
I’m sure it will all work out eventually. But moves can be chaotic and unpredictable. Hopefully this is the only setback to my move.
Progress Isn’t Linear (Even When You’re Winning)
Even though the Universe has said yes to my plans, there are still hiccups that occur from time to time. I think I was starting to have some anxiety or doubts about ever finding a reliable internet provider, so perhaps that’s why the Universe threw me a curveball. As John Lennon put it: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans!”
What is life, really, if not a mix of wins and inconvenient plot twists? Things happen to test us, I suppose. I’m sure this situation with Telus will resolve itself, and hopefully I get some kind of a deal, like a free month or a gift of some kind, out of this ordeal. This is just a test to see if I really am embracing optimism, for which I almost fell back. I’ll bounce back!
Ha-ha! Nice try, Dr. Anxiety! I’m keeping an eye on you and your tricky ways!
You can learn a lot about how life works from observing a cat. They approach new situations with caution—but if you give them a treat, they are your best friend forever! Diana is a grounding force in my life that I’ll always be grateful for. She’s curiously sniffing an empty box at the moment, and wondering when I’ll actually clean my place up so I can prepare to move, which I told her would be this weekend, but so far, haven’t done anything, so yeah… She’s trying to keep me on my toes!
Final Thought: Forward Is Forward
Despite the slight hiccup to my plans, the Universe has said yes to my plans. Full steam ahead! (I’m currently watching the anime One Piece on Netflix, can you tell? Ha-ha!) We must celebrate the wins, and embrace the bumps along the way as merely learning opportunities. I believe life will work out for me. I’m not just saying this as some kind of mantra. It really is quite amazing when you embrace Lady Optimism and begin to look forward to a new life and a new chapter in the evolving story of your life.
Thanks for reading, for those who do such things. Tell me: have you had any hiccups to moving situations before? How did you handle them? What are you telling the Universe these days about your own life and how is that working out for you? Let me know in the comments.
There’s been a break in the clouds! It’s interesting how things can change from one week to the next. As I wrote in my last post, I decided to put the stress of moving and uncertainty about it up into the Universe to handle. Well, the Universe responded in a big way! The Universe opened a door for me — one I’m ready to walk through.
A Change in the Direction
Previously, I had hopes of renting a place close to work that checked most of my boxes, but was a little worried about being able to handle additional costs, like pet fees, parking, utilities, etc. On a whim, I decided to check out some more listings on RentFaster.ca, and found a place that worked even better. Rent price includes all utilities, garbage, snow removal/lawn care, parking, and no pet fees, and separate ensuite laundry. And it’s actually cheaper than the other place! The only extra costs I would have to pay that I am not already paying are internet and tenant’s insurance. This makes budgeting so much easier for me to handle.
The Sign From the Universe
Not only did I find this amazing place, but I got a direct sign from the Universe that this place is meant to be. When I contacted the landlord to make arrangements to view the place, she informed me of the address… Here’s the sign:
The street address is exactly the same name as the street I currently live at in Carseland, but in Calgary!
Last Wednesday’s viewing made everything click; the place truly felt like home. Envisioning life there came naturally. Once the application, credit check, and references were completed, approval followed—now just waiting on the probationary period ending December 14th.
A Break in the Clouds
I am genuinely excited about this new place! I have nothing but good vibes about it. This has increased my optimism and is a wonderful boost to my mood. It literally feels like the storm clouds have started to break and clear skies are peeking through.
I am looking forward to moving in to the city, closer to my work and to my brother. Even though moving itself is exhausting and stressful for anyone, I feel confident that this will happen smoothly. Most of my things are still packed away and stored in my parents’ garage, so the packing and carrying up of the items in my place now can happen around the Christmas break, as I have the 24th to 27th off and am anticipating using some of those days to move things to the garage, space and weather pending. I’ll also do a deep clean. Only the bare necessities will remain, like clothes, food, bathroom supplies, etc. I love it when a plan comes together!
The Plan: Mission Parameters Locked In
December 2nd I will meet with the landlord after work and review the terms of the lease and sign it. Once I pass my probation at work, I notify the landlord, who at the time will be out of town for a couple of weeks. When she returns on December 23rd, she will sign the lease and then my first month’s rent will be due.
Move-in date is January 2nd, which I have anticipated as all truck rental places are closed for January 1st. As that is a holiday for me as well, I plan to do my laundry including my bedding, ensure the place is clean and tidy, and pack up all that remains except what I would need in the morning. I will use the bedding my parents had on the bed for that night. Then I will go to bed early that evening as I plan to get up early on January 2nd. I would normally work on January 1st evening, but now have asked for a personal day for that day, which has been granted.
Move-In Countdown: The Steps Ahead
On the morning of January 2nd, I will plan to be at the Enterprise rental place by 9:00 a.m. Then I’ll meet the landlord at the new place to go through inspection and get the keys. At that point, damage deposit will be due. Then I head back to Carseland, gearing to move things into the truck starting by around 10:30 or so (which reminds me, I have to post a ‘helpers needed to move’ post on Facebook Marketplace or something like that). I anticipate one hour to load the vehicles and then head to the new place, arriving by no later than 1:00. That will give me 2 hours to unload the truck, as I have previously estimated I would return the truck to the rental place by around 3:00.
At that point, my first priorities will be to ensure Diana is safe and comfortably exploring while I assemble the bed first, then the other furniture and move the furniture to where it would look best. Then I’ll probably rest for the day. I can take my time unpacking, starting with bathroom and kitchen and working my way through the boxes. After all, I will have the rest of the weekend to unpack and determine optimal times for sleeping in the new place.
Diana: The Warrior Princess
I hope Diana will adjust well to the new place and moving won’t be too stressful for her. She’s done it before and rode with me as I moved from Richmond, BC to Carseland, Alberta. This is a much closer move. She’ll be safely stashed away in the 2nd bedroom of the apartment when the moving in of items happens. The only thing I need to worry about is getting her into the cat carrier and traveling to Calgary. Also, I’m sure she will miss her boyfriend a lot, so I do worry about her and how she’ll handle all of this. But with a new place, and new windows to look out of, I’m sure she’ll adjust. I named her after Wonder Woman, after all. She must have missed scratching my couch, too, right?
Final Thought
When there’s a break in the clouds and a sign that the Universe has opened a door for you, you walk through it. When all signs point towards this being meant to be, you allow yourself to feel optimistic and positive. Some people don’t understand that, but I know that’s how things work. When you put good vibes out there into the Universe, you get good vibes back. If all you do is put out negativity, chances are that will be your path. I was in a bad place for a while because I was embracing negativity far too much. It’s so amazing how fast things can change when you decide to embrace positivity.
How has the Universe shown you your path forward? Have you gotten any signs like the one I just received? If so, please feel free to share your story in my comments.
After my last blog entry, I started thinking about what might be bothering me so much right now. There’s actually a lot of things going on. I turn 50 in 3 weeks, and if history is any indication, I usually panic at the decades and made some terrible decisions. When I turned 30, I suddenly decided I should get married and rushed into a relationship with someone that wasn’t right for me. When I became 40, I decided I was super depressed and went on the wrong medications that made things a hundred times worse. Looking back, I can see how those pressures pushed me into choices that weren’t aligned with who I really was. I guess I’m a little worried about what terrible decision I will make at 50.
From starting a new job, to thinking about moving in January, to finishing up my Lean Six Sigma Green Belt program (also in January), I have a lot of uncertainties going on. I don’t know for sure if I will pass the probationary period at work (though I think I’m doing okay), the costs of rent is ridiculously high and I’ve never paid that amount before so I have no idea if I can afford it. I need to study for a test also during the time I’m moving, so yeah, a lot is going on at the moment. It has me thinking about the near future and what it is I actually want. However, these kinds of thoughts has led to some terrible decisions, so I’m trying to slow down my thinking and figure out what it is I want to do.
Generating Extra Income
I do feel like I need more money to be able to make ends meet. Currently, one paycheque and a bit of the next one would be needed to make rent payments in Calgary at the place I want to rent. I would need to generate more income. That, and I am missing the graphic design aspect of my career.
I’m thinking about starting up my own freelance graphic design business, but I have no idea how to do that. I’m not what you would call business savvy. I know it may take up a lot of my extra time. which could be a good thing, but do I have the stamina to fulfill it? Also, where would I go to start one? Should I use a freelance agency? If so, which one? If not, how to graphic designers create their own freelance business? Are there resources out there from the Alberta or Canadian governments that could guide me through starting a freelance graphic design business? I have so many uncertainties, so I don’t want to make this decision lightly. I need a direction to head towards.
Never Fiverr
A couple of months ago, I tried to create a profile on Fiverr. I found the site only has scam artists asking you for your personal email address, which is against the company policy, yet everyone seems to be doing it, so clearly they don’t do much to weed out the scammers. I need a more reliable source to start my own freelance business up. I would appreciate any feedback anyone might have about this subject.
It’s Highly Competitive Out There
I also know that there are so many graphic designers out there in the same boat as me. I would need a way to separate myself from the competition and a way to stand out. I’ve never really been good at standing out…
So, yeah, my insecurities have decided to show up while I’m writing this blog. It’s always a thought in the back of my mind to do this though, so now I must seriously consider this as an option, or rule it out altogether. Could there be another legitimate way I could run a freelance business other than graphic design? I don’t know… The only thing I do know is I would either need to cut down on my expenses, which is difficult for me to do, or I have to find some other way to generate extra income that doesn’t intervene with my working or sleeping schedules.
What Am I Good At?
Here’s a brief list of the things I’m pretty good at:
print production
packaging design
booklet/catalog layout
branding basics
creative problem solving
process-driven design thanks to the Lean course
So how do I turn this into generating more income? Great question… I just wish I knew the answer.
Do I Really Need to Move?
Yes! Absolutely. After I lost my job, I had to move into my parents’ basement. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. I thought the minute I found a full-time job, I would immediately start looking for another place to live in the city. I’m annoyed with all the driving I’m doing currently. I need my own independence and to feel like I am a fully-functional adult. Regaining my independence is pushing me to think seriously about extra income streams.
Hello?!! Anxiety!
I’m realizing while writing this blog post that I’m riddled with anxiety about everything. Is it about the costs of living? Is it about turning 50? Is it about not knowing how I’m going to make ends meet? Is it all of the above? Probably. Incidentally, this is what it’s like to have an ADHD mind for women, and why I’m finding it difficult to sleep much. My old friend anxiety is paying me another visit. I hope its’ friend, the ugly depression monster, won’t be accompanying it this time around.
Diana’s Wisdom: Take a Nap!
I admire cats so much. They never worry about anything. As long as there’s food in their dish, flowing water, and a place to do their business, they are quite happy. They also sleep a lot. I’m sure if Diana could talk to me, she’d tell me to relax and take a nap. That actually sounds good right about now. She’s currently snoozing up against my lap while I’m typing this post, and it really is quite soothing. Ah, to be a cat!
Final Thought
I will figure out a plan soon, though I want to get all the urgent things done first, like passing my probationary period at work, securing a place to live, studying for the test, and move, but I think it’s good to put this intention out into the Universe to say that I intend to start figuring it out after all of these things have been accomplished. A person can only juggle so many plates at once — even a hero-in-progress. As always, I appreciate anyone who reads my blog, and I would also appreciate any advice on where to start a freelance graphic design business. I’m sure this will be a topic for discussion with ChatGPT as well, but I would definitely appreciate some feedback.
