Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Who’s Who: Heroes, Shadows, and Wild Cards

SuperMell stands on a hill beside her black cat Diana, facing a line of shadowy silhouettes representing the heroes, shadows, and wild cards of her inner world.

Who’s Who in My World

Along with myself and Diana, there are thirteen constant companions in my inner world. Some are heroes, some are shadows, and some are just wild cards. I thought it would be fitting to give each of these characters a brief bio, just in case you were curious what I’m talking about.

It’s no secret that sometimes I struggle with my emotions. While I don’t necessarily think of emotions as good or bad, some are more helpful than others. What follows are the characters I’ve created (with a little assist from ChatGPT) to try to explain them to everyone who reads this.

I’ve already introduced three of these characters. I hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.


The Heroes

These are the more helpful of my emotional allies:

LADY OPTIMISM

Lady Optimism

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Hope
Primary Role: Keeps morale alive during difficulty
Shows Up When: Things feel heavy, but not hopeless

Lady Optimism radiates encouragement and forward momentum. She believes that things can improve, even when the path forward isn’t clear yet. At her best, she brings lightness, reassurance, and the reminder that effort still matters. When overextended, she can drift toward denial, but her true strength lies in offering hope without erasing reality.

THE NAVIGATOR

The Navigator

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Clarity
Primary Role: Helps choose direction based on values
Shows Up When: Facing crossroads, big decisions, or identity shifts

The Navigator helps sort what matters from what’s merely loud. They don’t rush decisions or offer easy answers, but instead bring focus to values, priorities, and long-term alignment. When everything feels possible and overwhelming at once, The Navigator slows the moment enough to see a true path forward. Their guidance isn’t about certainty—it’s about choosing with intention.

THE GROUNDSKEEPER

The Groundskeeper

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Regulation
Primary Role: Maintains routine and stability
Shows Up When: Life starts to feel scattered or overwhelming

The Groundskeeper tends to the basics that keep everything else functioning. He focuses on sleep, food, tidying, and simple systems that prevent small issues from becoming crises. Patient and consistent, he works in the background rather than seeking attention. His strength lies in maintenance, reminding me that stability is built through care, not force.

THE TRANSLATOR

The Translator

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Emotional literacy
Primary Role: Interprets feelings before reactions take over
Shows Up When: Emotions are strong but unclear

The Translator helps me understand what I’m actually feeling instead of reacting blindly. He identifies the emotions beneath the surface, turning confusion into language that makes sense. Sometimes he goes offline when things are too overwhelming, but he always comes back online once clarity is possible again. His work turns emotional noise into understanding.

THE WATCHER

The Watcher

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Awareness
Primary Role: Observes patterns without judgment
Shows Up When: Confusion, overwhelm, or repetition becomes noticeable

The Watcher notices what’s happening without trying to change it. They observe patterns, timing, and reactions, gently turning chaos into information. When clarity is hard to reach, The Watcher offers perspective rather than answers, allowing understanding to emerge naturally. Their presence removes shame by replacing self-criticism with curiosity.


The Shadows

Not all of these characters make things easier. Some complicate things—but they still have something to say. These are the shadows:

DR. ANXIETY

Dr. Anxiety

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Fear
Primary Role: Scans for danger and worst-case outcomes
Shows Up When: Uncertainty, pressure, or loss of control appear

Dr. Anxiety is always analyzing risk, forecasting what could go wrong before it happens. He presents himself as helpful and protective, even when his warnings spiral into overwhelm. At his best, he highlights real concerns that deserve attention. When unchecked, he turns possibility into catastrophe and urgency into paralysis.

THE DEPRESSION BEAST

The Depression Beast

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Despair
Primary Role: Pulls energy inward and dampens motivation
Shows Up When: Prolonged stress, loss, or emotional exhaustion set in

The Depression Beast moves slowly but with great weight, making even simple tasks feel impossible. His presence dulls motivation, flattens emotion, and wraps everything in heaviness. While deeply uncomfortable, he often signals that something has been pushed too far for too long. Ignoring him rarely works—understanding his message is the first step toward relief.

CAPTAIN RAGE

Captain Rage

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Anger
Primary Role: Defends against perceived threat or injustice
Shows Up When: Boundaries are crossed or frustration boils over

Captain Rage reacts fast and loudly, charging in when something feels unfair, unsafe, or overwhelming. His anger often masks deeper emotions like hurt, fear, or grief, but his instinct is always protective. When channeled well, he can enforce boundaries and demand change. When unchecked, he escalates conflict and burns through energy without resolution.

THE ARCHIVIST OF REGRET

The Archivist of Regret

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Regret
Primary Role: Preserves memories of past mistakes and missed chances
Shows Up When: Looking backward instead of forward

The Archivist of Regret carefully catalogs what went wrong, replaying moments that feel unfinished or unresolved. She believes that remembering mistakes will prevent them from happening again, even when the cost is self-forgiveness. At her best, she offers insight and hard-earned lessons. When she dominates, the past becomes heavier than the present, making growth feel out of reach.

THE TASKMASTER

The Taskmaster

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Control
Primary Role: Enforces productivity and high standards
Shows Up When: Fear of failure or falling behind takes over

The Taskmaster demands action, structure, and results, often without regard for capacity or rest. He believes that constant effort is the only way to stay safe and successful. When balanced, he can drive focus and follow-through. When unchecked, he turns progress into punishment and mistakes into proof of inadequacy.


The Wild Cards

Then there are the ones who don’t fit neatly anywhere.

THE FOG

The Fog

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Dissociation
Primary Role: Blurs awareness to reduce overload
Shows Up When: Things become emotionally or mentally overwhelming

The Fog softens everything—thoughts, feelings, memory, and urgency. He doesn’t cause harm directly, but his presence can be disorienting, making it hard to focus or feel fully present. Sometimes he acts as protection, stepping in when experience becomes too intense to process. Other times, his lingering signals a need to stop pushing and gently re-enter clarity.

THE TRICKSTER

The Trickster

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance
Primary Role: Redirects attention through humour and distraction
Shows Up When: Discomfort, boredom, or emotional tension appear

The Trickster deflects seriousness with jokes, scrolling, and sudden side-quests. He isn’t malicious and often believes he’s helping by lightening the mood. In small doses, he brings playfulness and relief. When left unchecked, he pulls focus away from things that matter, turning avoidance into delay.

THE PROCRASTINATOR

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance (with guilt)
Primary Role: Delays action by downplaying urgency
Shows Up When: Tasks feel boring, overwhelming, or emotionally loaded.

The Procrastinator shrugs off urgency with a casual “later.” He soothes discomfort in the moment by postponing action, convincing me that the task can wait without consequence. Sometimes he’s genuinely helpful, creating space when pressure is artificial or energy is depleted. More often, he leaves behind guilt, regret, and the uncomfortable feeling of having let myself down.


Team-Ups and Tensions

These characters don’t exist in isolation. They react to one another, amplify each other, and sometimes work at cross-purposes. Understanding how they interact helps me recognize what’s actually happening in the moment—not just which character has shown up.

Common Team-Ups

The Translator + The Watcher

The Watcher observes patterns over time, while The Translator interprets emotions in the moment. Together, they turn experience into understanding without judgment. When confusion hits, this pairing brings clarity and context.

The Groundskeeper + The Navigator

The Navigator helps determine direction, and The Groundskeeper ensures the foundation is stable enough to move. One chooses the path; the other makes sure it’s walkable. This team-up turns intention into sustainable action.

Lady Optimism + The Groundskeeper

Lady Optimism provides hope and encouragement, while The Groundskeeper keeps things practical. Together, they balance morale with realism, preventing positivity from becoming pressure.

Productive Tensions

Captain Rage vs. The Taskmaster

Both demand action, but for different reasons. Captain Rage reacts to perceived injustice, while The Taskmaster pushes for productivity and control. When unchecked, they can escalate each other into burnout.

Dr. Anxiety vs. The Navigator

Dr. Anxiety floods the system with worst-case scenarios, making decision-making feel urgent and overwhelming. The Navigator slows things down, filtering fear through values and long-term perspective.

The Archivist of Regret vs. Lady Optimism

The Archivist looks backward, preserving lessons from past mistakes. Lady Optimism looks forward, focused on possibility. When balanced, they offer wisdom and hope. When misaligned, they can cancel each other out.

Wild Card Interference

The Fog and Everyone Else

The Fog blurs signals, making it harder for any character to function clearly. While sometimes protective, prolonged fog disrupts communication and decision-making across the system.

The Trickster vs. The Taskmaster

The Trickster avoids discomfort through humour and distraction, directly undermining The Taskmaster’s drive for structure and completion. Sometimes this brings relief. Sometimes it delays what needs attention.

The Procrastinator + The Trickster

The Procrastinator often pairs with The Trickster, trading humor for indifference. One distracts, the other delays, and together they can quietly derail momentum. What begins as relief can turn into lost time before anyone notices.

The Procrastinator vs. The Taskmaster

The Procrastinator and The Taskmaster are locked in a delayed conflict. Avoidance invites pressure, and pressure invites more avoidance. When The Taskmaster finally takes over, the response is often guilt-driven rather than productive.

Why These Interactions Matter

No single character is “the problem.” What matters is who’s leading, who’s reacting, and who’s being ignored. These interactions offer clues—about capacity, unmet needs, and when it’s time to slow down, step back, or ask for help.


Diana

Of course, a proper Who’s Who wouldn’t be complete without my lovely sidekick, Diana.

DIANA

Diana the cat

Type: Ally
Core Emotion: Comfort
Primary Role: Grounds and soothes through quiet presence
Shows Up When: Stress is high, emotions are heavy, or rest is needed

Diana offers calm without commentary. She provides comfort through closeness, routine, and gentle companionship, reminding me to slow down and breathe. Her presence softens intensity and brings the focus back to the moment. Without trying to fix anything, she helps regulate the system simply by being there. She doesn’t belong to any category—she simply belongs.


Final Thought

I hope you have found this as entertaining—and informative—as I have. For me, it helps to characterize the various emotions I tend to struggle with so I can gain better control over them. I may refer to these characters from time to time—as shorthand, as insight, or simply as part of the story I’m learning to understand.

So tell me: Who’s Who in your inner world?

Hero in Progress

Not Every Day Needs a Quest: SuperMell Takes a Breather

SuperMell reclines on a couch in her black-and-purple superhero suit, eyes softly open as she rests and watches gentle shadows on the wall. Diana, a mostly black cat with a small white chest tuft and golden eyes, lies calmly beside her, capturing a quiet moment of rest and companionship.

🛰️ Opening Log: Permission to Pause

Honestly, I’m quite exhausted today. I have been doing a lot for the last month or two:

  • Packed up the old place
  • Moved
  • Slowly unpacking and organizing the new place
  • Creating systems that will ensure I keep the place neat and tidy
  • Working full-time in the evenings, and sleeping during the afternoons

That’s a big list, believe it or not. And I’m not as young or as agile as I once was. Therefore, today I took a day off to just sit with myself. SuperMell takes a breather.


⚠️ The False Villain: “If I Stop, I’ll Fall Behind”

Yes, my old arch-nemesis Dr. Anxiety is showing his ugly face once again. He’s trying to tell me that if I don’t finish everything all at once, I will fail at keeping my resolution to keep a clean, neat and tidy home. This makes me feel somewhat guilty for listening to my body while it yearned for a break.

The truth is I might be putting too much pressure on myself to do it perfectly. For instance, I was trying to set up my figures in the glass display case I have, but the bottom two rows kept falling down, so I had to stop before the anger set in. That moment knocked me off my rhythm, and Dr. Anxiety was quick to declare it a failure. But did I really fail? Or did I recognize my level of frustration was raising, and I needed to take a break from it? I prefer the latter.

This pressure I am adding to myself to do it all perfectly might be the problem. As a person with ADHD, there is that desire to be perfect at it, but that is simply not possible. I should aim for 80%, not 100%. Rest is necessary, especially when putting a place together. There’s no real deadline. If I keep at it, even slowly, it will all get done eventually.

In the past, this type of bait Dr. Anxiety waves in front of me would work. I’d feel like a failure for not doing my daily to-dos and give up. But it’s only a day. I can just get up and try again tomorrow.


🧠 What a “Brain Break” Actually Means (For Me)

Everyone is different and handles things differently, I suppose. For me, a brain break is a day where I don’t do much and almost lose myself to my thoughts. It happens every once in a while, where I revisit old memories, imagine how I’d handle it differently, or just space out for a time. That was what happened yesterday.

I’ve come to realize these brain breaks are absolutely necessary for me to move forward. It’s directly related to my emotions at the moment, so if I pay attention to what it’s trying to tell me about how I’m feeling, acknowledge that I’m feeling this way, and deal with it accordingly, then I can move on.

What a brain break isn’t is giving up. I’m not telling myself I have failed at life therefore I shouldn’t try. It was just one day. I need some days that are just reserved for these breaks every once in a while, otherwise I would definitely fall off into the abyss. Then the Depression Beast would show its fangs.


🛠️ What I’m Actively Not Doing Right Now

Right now, I’m not panicking about not doing anything on a day off. I’m not forcing myself to be productive despite my exhaustion. The plan is simply to do what I feel like doing today, not plan every single detail and schedule those. That way has never worked for me. In fact, I’ve actually titled my chore list as a “What I Feel Like Doing Today” list.

I am also not judging myself for needing to take a day. Even athletes can’t be performing for an entire game. They also need breaks.

Incidentally, I’m also not turning a much needed rest day into a perfectly rested day either. Hence, my decision to write this blog post.

Most importantly, I’m not telling myself I have failed. One of my favourite lines from a He-Man cartoon back in the day was:

The only time you fail is if you give up before you even try.

I haven’t given up and I’m going to keep trying.


🧭 What I Am Still Holding Onto

Above all else, I am still holding onto my new relationship with Lady Optimism. I haven’t quite figured out what my emotions were trying to tell me today, but I know I will figure it out.

I’m still holding onto routines and strategies for coping with this mountain of work ahead of me. The intention is to keep working at it, even slowly, so I know eventually I won’t have to do much. I’m getting in the habit of clearing spaces, tidying up the spaces I’ve already gotten to, putting dishes away, wiping down the kitchen counter, and trying to unpack one box per day (at least). This has been a successful approach so far. When these habits no longer need to be put into my daily What I Feel Like Doing Today list and I just instinctively do it, then I know I will have succeeded.

Even if I don’t, and still need the daily lists, that’s still okay. Maintaining your mind is just as important as maintaining your home, after all.


🐾 Diana’s Approach to Non-Quests

As anyone who’s ever been owned by a cat can tell you, they sleep and rest a lot. Sure, they can get up and bat a ball around for a while, or cozy up to you, demanding to be pet, or fed, or both! Does Diana feel guilty for resting as much as she does? I doubt it. She doesn’t optimize her naps. She just chooses to nap. Watching her rest reminds me that rest is a beautiful thing, and her presence is productive in her own way.


🌱 Final Thought: Rest Is Part of the Journey

SuperMell needed to take a breather today. That just had to happen. My emotions were a little raw, and I needed space to sort through them. And honestly? Even superheroes need a break. Not every day has to have a quest or a battle. Some days exist to refill the map, sharpen the compass, or simply sit by the fire. SuperMell isn’t disappearing. She’s breathing.

Where could you allow yourself a pause? Tell me how you handle off-days in the comments.

Mission Logs

After the Move: Finding My Footing in a New Chapter

SuperMell, a superhero in a black suit with purple accents and glasses, carries a large moving box inside a partially unpacked apartment. She looks steady but slightly tired. A black cat with golden eyes peeks cautiously from behind a doorway, watching her as sunlight filters into the room.

🛰️ Mission Update: We Have Landed

Now that it’s been nearly a week since the move, I wanted to share an update on how this new chapter is settling in. I have been quite busy. I’m in my new place, and adjusting to my new schedule, sleep pattern and all. It doesn’t quite feel magical yet—but it does feel real.

Level 50 has proven to be much more difficult in finding the energy reserves I thought I had. Exhaustion has set in, making me slow down quite a bit. This post is about adjusting to the new chapter in my life.


📦 What’s Settled (Even If It’s Small)

Since the move, I have been busy trying to put the place together. I first started with setting up the bed, as the move itself kept me awake most of the night before, the physical exhaustion, and my usual sleep schedule made sleep my first priority.

Slowly over the week or so I’ve managed to get things to a respectable place. Here’s what I have accomplished so far:

  • Unpacked most of the bathroom and set up the counter and drawers
  • Set up essentials in my bedroom
  • Figured out what will live in what cupboard in the kitchen and homed quite a few things (noticing I need to figure out where to stash extra stuff, as my cupboards are full and there are still a few boxes left)
  • Moved boxes and bags to where they will live so unpacking is more organized
  • Set up my wifi with the help of a Telus technician (who was in and out within a half hour and actually helped me unpack my TV, so he rocked!)
  • Moved furniture in the living room to where they will live
  • With help from my parents, put together the couch (which proved quite the task)

So that’s quite a bit of work in such a short time frame. Perhaps predictably, I woke up quite exhausted today and could barely muddle through much of anything. My only goals today were to take a “Me Day” and relax, and to set up my computer, which I have done, as I’m typing this post on it.


🛠️ What’s Still Finding Its Place

While I have been busy setting things up, I also have quite a lot to do. My resolution for this year is to keep a clean, tidy and well-organized home. As someone who’s lived with ADHD my whole life, this has always eluded me—but it’s a skill I genuinely want to build now. I envy people who keep a good home.

As such, I have been taking time to figure out where everything in my home will live. I am not a person who believes you have to have the resolution set up from January 1st. It can take up to a whole year if that’s what it will take. But it will get done.

I have to set up the rest of the living room by unpacking boxes and positioning things around. Then I will find homes for the remaining kitchen things in boxes. After that, my next priority will be to finish the bedroom unpacking. Finally, I will set up the spare room. When all of this is done, I will then deep clean everything.

Sure, it’s a lot of work, but if anything this week has shown me, it’s that I am more than capable of handling it.


⚠️ Villain Watch: Old Voices in a New Place

Of course, with this exhaustion I am feeling today, my old foes the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety have made their presence known to me. I can see them lurking in the shadows, plotting and scheming on how to fully take advantage of this apparent weakness.

Fortunately, my new friend Lady Optimism has reminded me that there is no rush to get everything done right away. I need to remember to take breaks and rest here and there. Dr. Anxiety was ruling while my living room was so disorganized post-move, suggesting this will never end. Once I had reorganized where the boxes could go and moved them out of the middle of the floor, and also set up the couch and furniture, I could finally laugh at Dr. Anxiety’s madness. It definitely feels more livable now.


🧠 How I’m Keeping My Balance Right Now

Instead of pre-planning everything spread out over multiple days as I had done previously, I have adjusted the plan. I will be saying to myself, “What do I feel like doing today?” and give myself that task, on workday mornings. On weekends, I will attempt to do more.

I will take things one day at a time, keeping the course steady. After all, there isn’t really a deadline to get everything in place. All I have to remember is to take it easy, and take many breaks along the way, as my aching body has reminded me to do.

Rest is not something to take lightly. It’s stabilization. It keeps you sustainable. Without it, you just wind up in the shape I’m in today: physically exhausted, sore, and a little moody. This was such a good reminder to tell myself that rest is required to be added to my schedule as well. I shouldn’t overdo it. I’m no spring chicken anymore!


🐾 Diana’s Adjustment Notes

Oh, my poor little girl! Moving day scared her so much. It took awhile for me to wrangle her into a carrier, but even when we got to the new place, she spent a lot of the time hiding and laying down in her litter box. She was terrified. I felt bad for her, but once I went to bed she came out and slept on the bed with me. Over the course of the week, she got better and better, even taking time to play with random objects on the floor or a couple of her toys. I guess sometimes even your sidekick gets influenced by Dr. Anxiety, but she rebounded rather quickly.


🌱 Final Thought: Footing Comes Before Forward Motion

Getting one’s bearings after a move is the key to overcoming any obstacles in your path. Being kinder to my body means letting it tell me when to stop, when to start again, and when to take both mental and physical breaks along the way.

There’s no need to rush into the next chapter; standing comfortably in this one comes first.

What’s your post-move strategy? Please share your story in the comments. I’d love to hear how you handle unpacking and organizing.

Hero in Progress

Standing at the Threshold: One Last Night Before Launch

SuperMell walks forward in a calm, confident stride through a glowing, mystical threshold of light. She wears a black Nightwing-inspired superhero suit with a purple “M” emblem, purple gloves, belt, boots, and glasses. Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white chest patch, perches calmly on her shoulder. The space behind them fades into cool shadow, while warm golden light opens ahead, symbolizing transition, courage, and a new beginning.

🛰️ Mission Log: The Space Between

Happy New Year! 2026 is set to start with a bang for me. A brand new adventure awaits—I move into my new place tomorrow.

This chapter of my life is coming to a close. I finished my last shift before I move. I’m in the process of cleaning and packing my place. There’s still so much left to do, but I know I can get it done in a day.

This threshold isn’t a metaphor, incidentally. It’s real. It does feel like I’m about to start a new chapter in the Book of Mell.


⚠️ Status Report: Dr. Anxiety at the Edge of the Door

Yes, that dastardly evil Dr. Anxiety is starting to whisper in my ear. I can’t deny his presence. He does thrive on last day jitters, after all. And he absolutely loves liminal moments like this.

Anyone who has moved knows what I’m talking about. It’s completely normal to feel some anxiety on the threshold of a move such as this. The evil doctor is using this perfectly normal feeling to try to exert his influence. The types of messages he’s sending me aren’t very helpful.

While I can sense his presence nearby, I’m doing my best to counter his attacks. Just because anxiety is here, it doesn’t necessarily mean danger. It means there’s a transition afoot.


🧭 What’s Locked In (No Rewrites Allowed)

Nevertheless, I will move on Friday. That’s already a given. This wasn’t rushed. I methodically planned it out, step by step, task by task. I refuse to give in to his fears.

It’s not like I haven’t moved before—I’ve done this many times. This one feels different because most of my old life was still packed away in the garage. While I have appreciated having a roof over my head and am grateful my parents helped me out a lot, I have missed my things. I know it’s just stuff, but it’s part of my identity in a way.

Dr. Anxiety thinks he can use my fear of things going back to before I moved into their house. But the thing is I have changed a lot since those days. I have rebuilt my life back up from scratch. It may not be perfect or what I imagined it would look like, but my attitude is what’s changed.


🛠️ How I’m Holding the Line Tonight

The future hasn’t been written yet, so what’s the point of worrying about tomorrow? Tomorrow never actually arrives. While I’m acknowledging the presence of Dr. Anxiety, I know how to keep him at bay. Every time he whispers a doubt in my mind, I counter attack with “I’ve got this!” That silences him for a time.

For now, I’m only concentrating on what I have left to do in the next 24 hours. It’ll be busy, and I’ll take naps here and there so I can transition my sleep schedule to be up and raring to go on Friday morning. I have built some reliable systems and so far they seem to be working. I have to have faith that the Universe is guiding me precisely to where I belong.


🐾 Diana, Keeper of the Present Moment

As I prepare for the move, Diana appears to have two modes:

  1. Accompany me and knock over a few things while I’m packing (including an unopened pop can that sprang a leak and sprayed everywhere).
  2. Sleep.

She is a master of zen, after all. She may not have any idea we are moving in a day, but she seems happy to be living in the moment. Diana doesn’t recognize thresholds. She only focuses on the now. Sometimes I think she sees home as portable as she is—and that’s okay with me.


🚀 Final Thought: You Don’t Need to Leap—Just Step

The infamous line “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” is interesting. While a step on the moon can feel like a leap, it was a metaphor for all the hard work it took to get there. In some ways, I feel like an astronaut, on the eve of a new launch into a new horizon.

This launch doesn’t require fearlessness. I certainly don’t have to have everything figured out as I turn the page on my new adventure. All it will take is one small step.

Tonight, I stand here. Tomorrow, I step forward. That’s the whole mission.

How do you keep Dr. Anxiety at bay?

Hero in Progress

Origin Rewritten: Becoming the Hero I Needed Back Then

SuperMell stands full-body in a glowing hero’s armoury as purple and gold armour pieces assemble around her in midair. She wears a black Nightwing-inspired suit with a purple ‘M’ emblem, purple gloves, belt, boots, and glasses, looking calm and confident. Beside her sits Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white patch on her chest, unfazed by the transformation. The scene is warm, cinematic, and symbolic of growth and self-chosen strength.

The Rewrite Begins

Origin stories alone don’t make the hero. Sometimes we evolve and change as life forges on. Something has happened with me as of late. I’m not entirely sure where it will lead. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see where this new path takes me.

For many years, I remained stuck to the past. I obsessed about being bullied in a small town to the point that it took over too much of my life. I’m at level 50 now. It’s time to put the past where it belongs, and travel onwards towards a new horizon.

I need to become the hero my younger self needed so desperately. But becoming the hero doesn’t require time travel. It requires awareness—or perhaps self-awareness is more appropriate. This post is all about my continuing evolution into the hero I’m supposed to be, and not what others imposed on me. A hero of my own choosing.

Something has shifted as I prepare to move forward in a very literal way. Stability, clarity, and self-trust are no longer abstract concepts — they’re active choices.


The Original Origin Story (Unarmoured)

I’m certain I’ve mentioned my past before. When I turned nine years old, I moved to a small town outside of Calgary, where I wasn’t welcomed by the people there. I was different, after all. I was a geek girl, back when that wasn’t really a thing. Then I failed grade four, and that began the many years of being bullied.

As I already alluded to, I spent way too much of my time obsessing over the pain that treatment caused me. Being isolated, ignored, insulted, and being treated like an outcast brought me a lot of emotional turmoil. It introduced me to The Depression Beast, and, not long after, Dr. Anxiety. I allowed the years of cruelty to take over most of my adulthood. I wanted to prove to everyone that I would be a major success and be a big shot. That desire fuelled some really bad decisions.

I was also struggling with this little thing known as ADHD. No one knew how it affected girls when I was a kid (still don’t, really), so it wasn’t diagnosed. I had much difficulty with reading or paying attention to conversations. Many teachers assumed I had reading comprehension issues, but that wasn’t it. It’s hard to comprehend what I’m reading when my mind travels to far and distant lands mid-sentence.

But I wasn’t broken. I was merely under-equipped.


🔹 The Villains Were Never What I Thought

Honestly? The depression beast scared the hell out of me. Dr. Anxiety made me nervous. I thought for the longest time those two would rule over my life with an iron fist forever. Together, they convinced me that I was in fact a loser. If I didn’t get a good career, a good marriage, a good family, a good house, I wouldn’t add up to a big shot, and I wouldn’t be able to prove to everyone that they didn’t break me. But the thing about that is: they did break me.

They convinced me I was broken. In reality, I was reacting exactly as a human does when pushed too far for too long. Obsessing about the past as I did for too long only got in my way. Did I really need to be something huge? Most people on this planet are everyday, normal people, who just try to do the best with what they’ve got. Besides, obsessing over becoming a big shot only leads to egomania. Did I really need a marriage to be happy? Kids? A house? (I’m still not sure about that last one…) If I got those things, would I be happier?

For a while, I had a great career, but that didn’t bring me happiness. The depression beast had its razor sharp claws dug deeply within me, and Dr. Anxiety kept manipulating me to act now on [insert this impulse] before it’s too late. But… Too late for what? When is too late? When you’re dead, I suppose.

Did I really want any of that? Or was that what I thought society wanted for me?


🔹 The Rewrite: Armour Built Over Time

When I realized that the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety were ridiculous creatures to listen to, I decided to put on my superhero mantle with pride. My origin story may have forged me for awhile, but there were some truths about myself Dr. Anxiety failed to realize: I survived. I am the hero of my own story.

The past taught me some things about myself. I like who I am. I’m nice and kind, but don’t take any crap from anyone anymore. Reaching level 50, you realize some battles are worth fighting for, and some aren’t. Knowing what you can change—and just as important what you can’t change—is really the key here. The past isn’t something I can change, and neither are the thoughts, words, or actions of others. What is within my control is what I choose to say, think, and do. Boom! Mic drop.

I have learned some valuable skills over the years. I’m resilient, strong, brave, kindhearted, trustworthy, dependable, reliable, loyal, and I never surrender. There have been many instances when I felt like life might be over for me, but the fact is I’m still here, fighting the good fight.

I also finally convinced a doctor a couple of years ago to get me assessed for ADHD, and from there, got on a medication that I wish I had tried ages ago. I feel stronger and more aware of myself than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I’ve also learned the power in saying no. Being a people pleaser was tiring. Trying to prove myself to everyone was exhausting. Setting up boundaries is the only way to show oneself self-compassion. Instead of acting with urgency, I should act with intention. The armour may not be flashy, but it’s functional.

It’s time to bid Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast a final farewell.


Becoming the Hero I Needed

Who is SuperMell? What can I give myself now that I couldn’t do back then? Let me break it down for you:

  • Protection – I wasn’t able to find a protector as a kid, but I have since realized I am my own protector. There was something inside me that kept me going and protected me from serious harm. I had my armour on without even knowing it was there.
  • Patience – The last couple of years have taught me a lot about patience. Losing my job, moving into my parents’ basement, working a crappy job — it all taught me this was a temporary setback. Now that I have a better job and will be moving next week, I feel like all that effort has finally paid off.
  • Validation – It’s important for me to say this as strongly and poignantly as I can. Every emotion I have felt over the years are valid. I am valid. I am a person, and I matter. Whenever the Depression Beast would show up and growl into my ear that I wasn’t important and didn’t matter to anyone, it didn’t erase the fact that I am important and I do matter. (In fact, I just got a gift of a cup from work saying as much…)
  • Choice – This is the big one! Everything that has happened to me, that is happening to me, and what will happen to me is my choice. I can choose to act, or not act. I can choose nothing and still come out ahead. My own choices are what’s guiding me right now. I’m no longer listening to the Depression Beast, and Dr. Anxiety’s influence is also waning. I won’t say he’s gone for good as of yet. Life will continue to thrown curve balls along the way. But knowing I am in charge of my own decisions sets me free.

I’m not going to erase my origin story. What’ the point of that? It made me the person I am today. I own it, and I honour my past. Even the bad decisions taught me something about myself. Choosing to show up differently changes the path.


The Power Isn’t Perfection

I don’t want to come across as though I’m a completely evolved person who will never listen to the Depression Beast or Dr. Anxiety again. That’s naive. I haven’t arrived. That’s a myth. There is no destination.

Growth doesn’t mean you’re invincible. Things can still hurt me. I have no idea what will happen after I move. There’s a certain Dr. who is whispering in my ear about that. I’m doing my best to laugh it off, but I know with such uncertainty, anxiety will happen. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I just need to remember to slow down, breathe, and think things through thoroughly before I make a decision or act. Is this really me talking, or Dr. Anxiety?

I’m still human. I’m sure I will make mistakes along the way. No one is flawless. What I plan to take with me is the lesson any mistake teaches me. That’s what real growth looks like. I no longer care about proving myself to anyone other than me. I’m still learning.

True power lies in adaptability, not dominance. Even though I’ve proclaimed I’ve changed, it’s what into that I’m not sure about yet. I just feel different now. Maybe it’s a wisdom that comes with hitting level 50. I know as I continue to grow into the hero I know I’m capable of being, life is about progress over performance.


🐾 Diana’s Perspective

Diana is true purr-fection. All she knows is she is a happy cat, and that’s good enough for her. When she sees me sitting too much, if not joining me, she’ll pick up a random toy and fling it about, signalling to me to not take things so seriously and enjoy myself. Not to mention, it’s time to get off my lazy butt and do something. Sometimes I wonder if cats are the true masters of zen.


Final Thought

The rewrite is ongoing. There is no set time limit, and I no longer care about trying to impress anyone else. I don’t need to go back in time to change its meaning. Becoming the hero I needed back then is a necessary evolutionary change—one that I’m excited to see where it takes me. My origin story didn’t end. It evolved into something better.

Tell me something: how are you the hero of your own story? Has your origin story haunted you? Did you learn something new about yourself in the process? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Hero in Progress, Mission Logs

The Universe Says Yes (…But Telus Says Hold, Please)

SuperMell stands at the threshold of a glowing open doorway filled with warm golden light and cosmic swirls, wearing a black and purple superhero suit with an “M” emblem and purple glasses. A phone or internet cable loosely wraps around her leg, symbolizing a small delay, while Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft playfully bats at the cord. Storm clouds part behind them as light breaks through, creating a hopeful yet humorous scene about progress with minor obstacles.

Mission Status: Clearance Granted

It’s official: The Universe says yes! I’ve passed my probation at work and am now a full-time employee. My plans can now go into motion. I have already gotten an invitation to the RRSP program to sign up for, and will soon be getting health benefits. This is fantastic news! My sense of optimism has increased threefold!

I feel like I’m finally rebuilding my life back up after the poor choices I made a few years back led to derailing my life for a time. Nevertheless, I persevered. I did what I had to survive, crawled myself out of my pit of despair, got a better job than I was working at before, and feel like I’m finally getting back on track again.


January 2nd Is Locked In

My plan to move into the new apartment has officially been given the green light. The tenancy was pending successful passing of my probation period at work. Now that I received word from my boss that it is going forward, I can officially move in.

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting my own place again—with control over my own thermostat! (Which is something I haven’t had in over a decade.) It feels absolutely terrific that I’ll be independent again. I feel just like I did when I got my very first apartment… possibly because I’ve been living at my parents’ house in a distant location from the city, which has been exhausting travelling back and forth to work. The grocery stores and malls will be much closer to me as well. Yay!

The other day I arrived in Calgary a half hour early and decided to swing by the new apartment to test how long it would take me to get to work. It literally took less than 10 minutes! Holy moly! That’s going to be a much better commute than the 45 minutes it takes me to get to work now. And I won’t have to wait for Walmart to open to get groceries first thing on Fridays anymore! I can shop whenever they are open and I’m awake. Life is finally working out for me! After everything that’s happened over the last few years, this feels like reclaiming a piece of myself I thought I’d lost.


When the Universe Aligns

For far too long, I thought my life was pretty much over and done. Being on the wrong medications, losing my job, and my apartment, moving back in with my parents, dealing with crippling depression that caused me to lose a ton of weight as I stopped eating, getting a worthless job cleaning an office for a company that didn’t seem to appreciate their workers at all—I thought this was going to last forever. I had a good career, a good job, great work environment, a nice apartment, but didn’t appreciate it when I had it.

It took me launching a complaint about late work payments to the Government of Alberta for the bad company I worked for to show me how they really are like. All of a sudden they found problems with how I was doing my job. After being treated like scum, having my hours slashed and still expected to do everything to standard in a shorter amount of time, I decided that was it. I had to act to put my life back together again. That was the first sign I needed to start putting the broken pieces of my life back together.

Ding! Come On Down!

I really do feel like the Universe has said yes to my plans. When I finally decided to get out of that toxic working situation and landed a full-time job, suddenly all the shattered pieces of my life started to fall back into place. I knew I would plan to move for January as my probation would end mid-December. That’s working out. When I had decided on a place to live but wasn’t sure about all the extra costs, I checked out the rentals website and found a gem that’s all inclusive—and cheaper. The fact that the name of the street is the same one I live at but closer to work was such a huge signal that the Universe was flashing all sorts of lights and sirens—almost as if I won a new car on The Price is Right!

Awhile ago, I had a belief that there was this Universe thing that works like a mirror. It reflects back what you put into it. I guess I forgot about that for a time, or never fully embraced it as a concept. It’s basic karma — or if you prefer science, for every action there is an equal reaction. What you put out you get back at you. I was too busy putting out “my life is over” vibes that it indeed felt that way. When I decided to let go of that pity party and actually get myself out of this situation, all the pieces started to reassemble. It might look like a different picture than I had before it broke to a million pieces, but it will still be a work of art that I will cherish.

Side Note…

This isn’t to say that I think the Universe is an intelligent life force or god or anything. I just think that whatever you spend your time, focus and energy on is what you get back. Embracing optimism was a long and winding road for me, filled with bumps and potholes, but I do believe I’ve finally gotten it. The real secret to life isn’t about how much you have or how much you are loved by others—it’s about how you treat and love yourself. Only then can you find true happiness.


Side Quest Unlocked: The Telus Saga

The only extra costs I needed to work out once the apartment got the go ahead was getting tenant insurance hooked up and internet. The tenant insurance was easy to get and put into place. The internet thing proved quite the challenge.

Choosing a Provider Shouldn’t Be This Hard

I thought I would go with Oxio, as apparently it’s a top rated service from PlanHub, but it kept saying they didn’t have service in the area I was moving to. I usually go with Telus and wanted fibre internet again, as I think cable or satellite is ridiculous that it can get cut out with a little wind. Usually I have good experiences with Telus…

Trapped in the Bot Dimension

First, trying to navigate their website with the auto things was a nightmare. Their AI system is terrible and it took me way too long to find an actual phone number to call someone and talk to a real person. I was trying to get their deal of 3G PureFibre for $95/month, but every time I went to the check-out page, the price went up to $110. It was frustrating trying to chat with their bot, so I finally found a phone number and called. More automated things on the phone, that wasn’t hearing what I was saying, so I finally said “Can I talk to a real sales agent, please?”

Victory… With a Glitch

Not only did he manage to help me sort out my issues, but he also managed to be able to knock $10 off the bill price for $85/mo + taxes, with this price locked in for 5 years. I gave him a good review.

Plot Twist — The Modem Goes Rogue

I had originally intended the service to be hooked up starting January 2nd and was under the impression the sales agent I spoke with arranged for the modem to arrive on that day. The Universe does have a sense of humour, I guess, as not only did they send me the modem to the new address early, but they used the wrong address! Oi… He put my address incorrectly so Puralator sent it to the other side of the 4-plex. I have emailed my landlord about it but they are on vacation and out of town at the moment so I have no idea if it was returned or if someone has it. Had I known all of this, I don’t think I would have given him this good of a review.

Funny thing is, even though I changed my phone number when I moved to Alberta, I noticed when trying to correct my address that Telus still had my contact number as my old BC number. You would think Telus would have updated that a long time ago… What a pain this company has turned into! It almost makes me want to try Rogers of all companies, which I would hate. (Tried them once for mobility and was charged 3 times the amount of money that was promised on the first bill—no thank you!)

I’m sure it will all work out eventually. But moves can be chaotic and unpredictable. Hopefully this is the only setback to my move.


Progress Isn’t Linear (Even When You’re Winning)

Even though the Universe has said yes to my plans, there are still hiccups that occur from time to time. I think I was starting to have some anxiety or doubts about ever finding a reliable internet provider, so perhaps that’s why the Universe threw me a curveball. As John Lennon put it: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans!”

What is life, really, if not a mix of wins and inconvenient plot twists? Things happen to test us, I suppose. I’m sure this situation with Telus will resolve itself, and hopefully I get some kind of a deal, like a free month or a gift of some kind, out of this ordeal. This is just a test to see if I really am embracing optimism, for which I almost fell back. I’ll bounce back!

Ha-ha! Nice try, Dr. Anxiety! I’m keeping an eye on you and your tricky ways!


Diana’s Perspective: Still Winning

You can learn a lot about how life works from observing a cat. They approach new situations with caution—but if you give them a treat, they are your best friend forever! Diana is a grounding force in my life that I’ll always be grateful for. She’s curiously sniffing an empty box at the moment, and wondering when I’ll actually clean my place up so I can prepare to move, which I told her would be this weekend, but so far, haven’t done anything, so yeah… She’s trying to keep me on my toes!


Final Thought: Forward Is Forward

Despite the slight hiccup to my plans, the Universe has said yes to my plans. Full steam ahead! (I’m currently watching the anime One Piece on Netflix, can you tell? Ha-ha!) We must celebrate the wins, and embrace the bumps along the way as merely learning opportunities. I believe life will work out for me. I’m not just saying this as some kind of mantra. It really is quite amazing when you embrace Lady Optimism and begin to look forward to a new life and a new chapter in the evolving story of your life.

Thanks for reading, for those who do such things. Tell me: have you had any hiccups to moving situations before? How did you handle them? What are you telling the Universe these days about your own life and how is that working out for you? Let me know in the comments.

The Ones Who Shaped Me

The Movies That Shaped Me: A Hero Forged in Stories

A retro 1980s-style movie-poster illustration of SuperMell standing confidently at the center, wearing her black superhero suit with a purple “M” emblem, purple gloves, boots, belt, and glasses. Warm golden light glows behind her as symbolic motifs from beloved childhood films float around her: a giant metallic robot hand, a glowing red amulet, an open book radiating light, an old treasure map with a key and coin, and distant railroad tracks lit by a small flashlight. Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits at her feet, looking up at the magical symbols. The overall mood is nostalgic, heroic, and dreamlike, with sparkling cosmic light surrounding the scene.

Why Stories Shape Us

It’s probably no surprise to anyone reading my blog that I’ve always loved stories on the screen. Whether it’s cartoons, sitcoms, compelling TV, or the big screen—visual storytelling has always spoken to me. As an undiagnosed ADHD kid, watching movies was much easier than reading (hello, wandering mind). These are the movies that shaped me.


The Iron Giant — Choosing Who You Want to Be

This movie was absolutely terrific. The animation style (2D really should make a comeback!), the characters, the story—all very real to me.

A brief description of this movie:

In this animated adaptation of Ted Hughes’ Cold War fable, a giant alien robot (Vin Diesel) crash-lands near the small town of Rockwell, Maine, in 1957. Exploring the area, a local 9-year-old boy, Hogarth, discovers the robot, and soon forms an unlikely friendship with him. When a paranoid government agent, Kent Mansley, becomes determined to destroy the robot, Hogarth and beatnik Dean McCoppin (Harry Connick Jr.) must do what they can to save the misunderstood machine.

What resonated deeply with me was the unlikely friendship of a boy who had a vivid imagination with a giant metal robot who couldn’t remember anything about himself. The characters were well-thought out, and seemed very realistic to me for a time period movie.

Absolutely my favourite line in the whole movie is when Hogarth tells the robot: “You are who you choose to be.” Boom! Mic drop. That one line shaped me. It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are or your surroundings—you get to decide who you are, no one else!

And who doesn’t tear up when the Iron Giant decides to be Superman and sacrifices himself to save everyone? Certainly not me, as I continue to cry a lot at that part.


The Secret of NIMH — Courage in Darkness

I think this has to be my all-time favourite animated movie. I’ve seen it hundreds of times and still find the story and characters quite compelling. There’s no doubt Don Bluth was a freaking genius of an animator, and this was his masterpiece as far as I’m concerned.

The plot:

Mrs. Brisby (Elizabeth Hartman), a widowed mouse, must move her children out of their home in a field before the local farmer starts plowing. Unable to leave because her son is ill, Mrs. Brisby seeks the help of nearby rats, who have heightened intelligence after being the subjects of scientific experiments. She receives an unexpected gift from the elder rat, Nicodemus (Derek Jacobi). Soon Mrs. Brisby is caught in a conflict among the rats, jeopardizing her mission to save her family.

This movie began my interest in animal rights and I fully credit it for introducing me to the dark realities of animals being cruelly used in laboratory experiments. This movie started my whole mentality around animals and how much I hate how humans treat them, eventually even becoming a vegetarian for my New Year’s resolution in 1997. It still sickens me that we use them in this manner. I mean, I think—by now—we know how cosmetics affect us. What’s the point in causing rabbits to go blind by spraying it in their eyeballs? They don’t have tear ducts. It’s just cruel.

I think what I also enjoyed a lot about this movie was the voice of Mrs. Brisby. She was sheepish and not quite sure of herself when talking, but her actions certainly spoke louder than her words ever could. She’d clearly sacrifice her own life to save her children, and cared enough about the rats to decide to help them when she learned NIMH was coming to the farm. I still bawl my eyes out when she thinks she’s lost her kids to the mud. This was the most emotional movie I have ever experienced, and I deeply resonated with it.


The NeverEnding Story — Surviving the Swamp of Sadness

I know some of these movies I’ve mentioned before in some other posts. This one tops the list as one of my all-time favourite live-action movies.

On his way to school, Bastian (Barret Oliver) ducks into a bookstore to avoid bullies. Sneaking away with a book called “The Neverending Story,” Bastian begins reading it in the school attic. The novel is about Fantasia, a fantasy land threatened by “The Nothing,” a darkness that destroys everything it touches. The kingdom needs the help of a human child to survive. When Bastian reads a description of himself in the book, he begins to wonder if Fantasia is real and needs him to survive.

Can you guess why this movie affected me deeply? A kid who loses himself in books and imaginary worlds to escape the harsh reality of his life felt so deeply personal to me that it was almost like I was Bastian. He has it pretty rough: his mom died, his dad’s on his case to face responsibilities and keep his feet on the ground, he’s getting bullied, and he’s having issues with school. Except for the dead mother, this was me as a kid!

Every single time I watch this movie, I gain new insights into it that I didn’t see before. As an adult, rewatching it hits even harder. Fantasia was a direct reflection of his life at that point. Everything was symbolic. Losing Artax in The Swamp of Sadness was a direct link to him losing his mother and the depression that took place after. The Nothing was symbolic of him losing his imagination and the G’mork was essentially his father. The whole conversation between Atreyu and G’mork was the best scene:

G’mork: Fantasia has no boundaries.

(A storm grows closer to the city, slowly shaking it to pieces… Rocks fall here and there.)

Atreyu: That’s not true. You’re lying.

G’mork: Foolish boy. Don’t you know anything about Fantasia? It’s the world of human fantasy. Every part , every creature of it, is a piece of the dreams and hopes of mankind. Therefore, it has no boundaries.

(There’s a crash and more rocks fall.)

Atreyu: But why is Fantasia dying then ?

G’mork: Because people have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams. So the nothing grows stronger.

Atreyu: What is the nothing ?!

G’mork: It’s the emptiness that’s left. It’s like a despair, destroying this world. And I have been trying to help it.

Atreyu: But why ?

G’mork: Because people who have no hopes are easy to control. And whoever has control has the power.

So much symbolism in that conversation. I deeply felt connected to the story and the character of Bastian.


The Goonies — Misfits and Found Family

They just don’t make movies anymore like they used to, do they? The Goonies and various other movies of the 1980s were not only geared for kids, but adults found them equally entertaining. The Goonies is one of those timeless classics that had a profound impact on me. The story goes:

Old-fashioned yarn about a band of adventurous kids who take on the might of a property developing company which plans to destroy their home to build a country club. When the children discover an old pirate map in the attic, they follow it into an underground cavern in search of lost treasure but come up against plenty of dangerous obstacles along the way.

Full of excitement and adventure, danger and intrigue, and a sense of magic that timeless stories always seem to have. I continue to enjoy watching it to this day. It was my introduction to Sean Astin (who also played my favourite character in Lord of the Rings). I loved how this small group of misfits found a sense of community by trying to survive both the Fratellis and the various booby traps along the way. Very funny, very exciting. Always a classic and one I never fail to watch whenever I get the chance. I always wanted to be one of the Goonies…


Stand By Me — Truth, Trauma, and Growing Up

Yes, I definitely mentioned this movie before in my The Ones Who Shaped Me post about Wil Wheaton, but the movie deserves a shout out on this post as well. The plot:

After learning that a stranger has been accidentally killed near their rural homes, four Oregon boys decide to go see the body. On the way, Gordie Lachance (Wil Wheaton), Vern Tessio (Jerry O’Connell), Chris Chambers (River Phoenix) and Teddy Duchamp (Corey Feldman) encounter a mean junk man and a marsh full of leeches, as they also learn more about one another and their very different home lives. Just a lark at first, the boys’ adventure evolves into a defining event in their lives.

I don’t think this brief description I pulled from Google does this movie justice. This movie made me interested in Wil Wheaton, and his costars as well. It was interesting how very different they all were from each other onscreen as characters, but also the actors really fit their characters to a tee. What resonated with me was the character of Gordie Lachance and how he was dealing with grief, being ignored by his mother, and bullied by his father. Unlike his brother—the athlete—he was the creative kid; the writer. His father didn’t understand any of that. It still breaks my heart knowing how close Wil Wheaton’s real life was to his character’s story. Nevertheless, I can’t say this movie didn’t profoundly affect me as a kid.


How These Stories Forged My Hero Path

I have always been an empathic type. I feel things very deeply and get affected by what I see onscreen more times than I care to admit. (Seriously, why do all cartoon movies have some sad thing that happens that makes me cry?!!) Through the various adventures I have seen through these movies, I transform into a different version of myself. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the impact of these movies that I continue to enjoy to this day.

It’s true that every person you meet writes on the slate of who you are. You take a piece of them and add it to yourself. For me, I feel the same way about these stories and characters. Each of these movies—and countless others—have impacted me and shaped me in some way, shape, or form. Sometimes it’s a particular character, sometimes a line, or even the thrill of an exciting adventure—but there’s no doubt it has profoundly shaped who I’ve become.


Diana—The Fiercest Warrior Yet

I know for a fact that Diana likes to watch tv as well with me. I can always count on her laying on my lap, watching the screen with her head up. She absolutely loves cartoons—the sillier the better! I’ve seen her on more than a few occasions watching a scene with great interest. Even the last episode of Stranger Things caught her attention—she sat upright and watched with full focus. I don’t know if she likes any particular character or if any of them mean anything to her, but I do know she enjoys them as much as I do.


Final Thought

Empathy and a vivid imagination can go a long way in shaping who you are. These are just a few examples of some of the movies that shaped me. Each one taught me something about myself—that it’s okay to be shy, geeky, unsure of yourself. Despite these apparent “flaws”, you are who you choose to be. Once you accept who you are—and that you are in charge of your life—things get a whole lot easier to handle.

What are some of the stories that have shaped you in your life? Did any of mine impact you as much as it did me? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Hero in Progress

Levelling Up to Level 50: The Evolution of SuperMell

SuperMell stands confidently in a black and purple superhero suit with a large “M” emblem on her chest, surrounded by glowing pixel-art icons representing her earned powers. Above her, pixelated text reads “LEVEL 50 — EVOLUTION UNLOCKED.” A warm halo of light forms behind her like a skill-tree ring. Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits proudly at her feet, next to a pixel “+50 XP” symbol. The background blends cosmic colors with subtle pixel texture, creating a nostalgic video-game level-up screen.

The Level-Up Moment

Today marks a major life milestone for me:

I have levelled up to 50!

Yes! You read that right. I am now 50. Wow! It seems like just yesterday I was turning 40. Honestly, the 40s were kind of a blur for me, as so much shitty things happened that I’m now very happy they are over and done with. Things are already starting to look up as I’m working to rebound from the terrible hit I took a few years ago. I’m hoping the 50s will be much better for me… But what do I get to look forward to? *Checks notes* Menopause… Time to get a colonoscopy… yay…?

When I was younger, I assumed 50 would officially make me an ‘old lady.’ Ha-ha! Do I feel like an old lady now that I have finally gotten there? Not really… I don’t feel as spry as I used to, and I don’t feel like an old hag either. In fact, I don’t really feel anything about 50… Which is weird, as usually I panic when I reach the milestones.


My Hero’s Origin Story (So Far)

Don’t worry… This will be brief.

From childhood, I learned to appreciate the finer things in life, like watching cartoons, playing with toys, and my vivid imagination, I found that I had a creative drive in me and really wanted to pursue something in that field—In fact, I still do!

The Depression Beast™ was introduced to me during and many years after I was bullied in a small town. (I honestly don’t like small towns. Too much gossip, and if someone decides they don’t like you, no one else is allowed to like you either.) At least that’s been my experience. I also went most of my life without officially being diagnosed with ADHD… which was the source of so many issues, particularly with school and concentrating. They didn’t know how to diagnose girls with it at the time—still don’t, really. I struggled in school, struggled with reading, and was an average student. Ritalin has changed so much for me in the last three years that I wish I had tried it so many years ago.

My adulthood was marred by the Depression Beast™, and its super-fun friend: Dr. Anxiety™. I made some very costly mistakes as a result of these monsters, including being on the wrong medications, a failed marriage, and not realizing how great I had it until I threw it all away. I’m still rebuilding from my mistake three or four years ago. I’m now on the right meds, the right dosage, and feel more optimistic about my future than I ever did before. Now I’ve got a better job than I had before, and am looking forward to moving in a couple of weeks.

For many years, that bullying haunted me. Now I’ve come to see it as my hero’s origin story. Every superhero has one. This just happens to be mine.


Plot Twists I Never Saw Coming

Dr. Anxiety is such a sinister villain. He arrives out of the blue and steers you in one weird direction or another. It seems to everyone around you like you’re impulsive and tend to make rash decisions. They don’t know how often Dr. Anxiety talks to you about it. How you ruminate on the thing for days, weeks, or even months or years.

The old Doc showed itself in my life when I decided out of the blue I wanted to get married—and didn’t seem to care who to. It told me I needed to be married by 30 or I wouldn’t prove to everyone that I’d be a success despite what they did to me. That marriage was brief and quite painful, but it made me realize a few things about myself:

  • I’m not suited for marriage, and much prefer being on my own with my cat.
  • I had some unresolved trauma that led me down that path.
  • I deserved better than this.
  • I am both the hero and the writer of my own story. I get to decide what path I choose.

At least, I thought I had learned those lessons. Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast showed up yet again when I turned 40, to yell at me to fix myself and my issues or I wouldn’t prove to everyone that I’d be a success. It’s when I went on the wrong medications, became lethargic, and the Trump thing really affected my mental health in not-so-good ways. I’m considering a lawsuit against him some day…

Anywho… the pressure built until the inevitable explosion, taking my job as the first casualty. Attempts to course-correct failed, even though the desire to do better was there. The losses stacked up—career, home, stability—leaving me back in Alberta in my parents’ basement, earning shit-pay and fading under the weight of the Depression Beast. Appetite vanished, pounds disappeared, and surrender felt dangerously close.

After awhile, I decided to see about getting on the right medications, and convinced a doctor to let me see a psychiatrist. This has worked out beautifully! The Depression Beast has now officially gone away on a trip hopefully far, far away. Dr. Anxiety still pops up every once in awhile to tell me things, but I’ve chosen to not care about proving myself to everyone anymore. I really am the hero of my own story.

But somewhere along the way, I met someone new—Lady Optimism™. I honestly never thought this creature existed due to the lies the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety told me. But she’s there! It’s really nice to have her in my life now.


Skills, Powers & Traits Earned Along the Way

It turns out I’ve earned more than scars along the way—I’ve collected superpowers. Through the stumbles and roadblocks, I have managed to discover some superpowers I didn’t know I had:

These are great powers to have. Sure, flying or running really fast would be cool, but how realistic are they?


What Comes Next on the Journey

I’ve decided not to get too much ahead of myself and enjoy things slowly, one moment at a time. I’ve told the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety to take a hike. I no longer care about having to prove to anyone that I am a success. I know I am a success. It was silly having those beliefs at all. Who cares what any of them think of me, if they even do! I haven’t seen any of them in the couple of decades since I graduated from high school, so they mean nothing to me. All that matters is what I think of me, and I’ve finally come to a point where I like me.

A real shift is taking place, and it’s nudging me toward trusting the Universe a little more—especially when those old monsters try to resurface. Letting go, rather than gripping tightly, was exactly what led to the new home appearing like a beacon in the fog. Call it synchronicity or intuition, but life seems to respond to the energy you put into it. Challenges can feel cruel… or they can be the training arcs that reveal the powers you never realized you had.


The Calmness of a Purr

Diana is just the best. She’s currently resting her head on my knee, laying beside me on the couch as I’m writing this. It’s as if she knows I’m writing about her now, as a soft, gentle purr is emitting from her. I don’t know if she knows what levelling up is, or age for that matter, but she still seems like the same sweet, playful, and destructive cat she’s always been. She and Lucy were two of the best decisions I ever made.


Final Thought

Levelling up doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, often in video games, it’s seen as a good thing. You get new abilities, or more coins, or something. I’ve chosen to view aging as levelling up. The path before me was full of zigs and zags, but each one taught me something about myself and made me more resilient. Thanks for reading, for those who do. It’s appreciated.

What are some of the major shifts that have taught you more about yourself than you ever thought was possible? I’d love to hear all about it! Share your story in my comments, or comment on a post on social media.

Hero in Progress, Mission Logs

Break in the Clouds: The Universe Just Opened a Door

SuperMell stands before a glowing apartment doorway, one hand reaching toward the handle as warm golden light and cosmic swirls shine from within. Storm clouds break behind her, revealing sunlight and a distant Calgary skyline. At her feet, Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits confidently inside the doorway, illuminated by the glow.

There’s been a break in the clouds! It’s interesting how things can change from one week to the next. As I wrote in my last post, I decided to put the stress of moving and uncertainty about it up into the Universe to handle. Well, the Universe responded in a big way! The Universe opened a door for me — one I’m ready to walk through.


A Change in the Direction

Previously, I had hopes of renting a place close to work that checked most of my boxes, but was a little worried about being able to handle additional costs, like pet fees, parking, utilities, etc. On a whim, I decided to check out some more listings on RentFaster.ca, and found a place that worked even better. Rent price includes all utilities, garbage, snow removal/lawn care, parking, and no pet fees, and separate ensuite laundry. And it’s actually cheaper than the other place! The only extra costs I would have to pay that I am not already paying are internet and tenant’s insurance. This makes budgeting so much easier for me to handle.


The Sign From the Universe

Not only did I find this amazing place, but I got a direct sign from the Universe that this place is meant to be. When I contacted the landlord to make arrangements to view the place, she informed me of the address… Here’s the sign:

The street address is exactly the same name as the street I currently live at in Carseland, but in Calgary!

That had to be the Universe sending me a signal, am I right?!!

Last Wednesday’s viewing made everything click; the place truly felt like home. Envisioning life there came naturally. Once the application, credit check, and references were completed, approval followed—now just waiting on the probationary period ending December 14th.


A Break in the Clouds

I am genuinely excited about this new place! I have nothing but good vibes about it. This has increased my optimism and is a wonderful boost to my mood. It literally feels like the storm clouds have started to break and clear skies are peeking through.

I am looking forward to moving in to the city, closer to my work and to my brother. Even though moving itself is exhausting and stressful for anyone, I feel confident that this will happen smoothly. Most of my things are still packed away and stored in my parents’ garage, so the packing and carrying up of the items in my place now can happen around the Christmas break, as I have the 24th to 27th off and am anticipating using some of those days to move things to the garage, space and weather pending. I’ll also do a deep clean. Only the bare necessities will remain, like clothes, food, bathroom supplies, etc. I love it when a plan comes together!


The Plan: Mission Parameters Locked In

December 2nd I will meet with the landlord after work and review the terms of the lease and sign it. Once I pass my probation at work, I notify the landlord, who at the time will be out of town for a couple of weeks. When she returns on December 23rd, she will sign the lease and then my first month’s rent will be due.

Move-in date is January 2nd, which I have anticipated as all truck rental places are closed for January 1st. As that is a holiday for me as well, I plan to do my laundry including my bedding, ensure the place is clean and tidy, and pack up all that remains except what I would need in the morning. I will use the bedding my parents had on the bed for that night. Then I will go to bed early that evening as I plan to get up early on January 2nd. I would normally work on January 1st evening, but now have asked for a personal day for that day, which has been granted.


Move-In Countdown: The Steps Ahead

On the morning of January 2nd, I will plan to be at the Enterprise rental place by 9:00 a.m. Then I’ll meet the landlord at the new place to go through inspection and get the keys. At that point, damage deposit will be due. Then I head back to Carseland, gearing to move things into the truck starting by around 10:30 or so (which reminds me, I have to post a ‘helpers needed to move’ post on Facebook Marketplace or something like that). I anticipate one hour to load the vehicles and then head to the new place, arriving by no later than 1:00. That will give me 2 hours to unload the truck, as I have previously estimated I would return the truck to the rental place by around 3:00.

At that point, my first priorities will be to ensure Diana is safe and comfortably exploring while I assemble the bed first, then the other furniture and move the furniture to where it would look best. Then I’ll probably rest for the day. I can take my time unpacking, starting with bathroom and kitchen and working my way through the boxes. After all, I will have the rest of the weekend to unpack and determine optimal times for sleeping in the new place.


Diana: The Warrior Princess

I hope Diana will adjust well to the new place and moving won’t be too stressful for her. She’s done it before and rode with me as I moved from Richmond, BC to Carseland, Alberta. This is a much closer move. She’ll be safely stashed away in the 2nd bedroom of the apartment when the moving in of items happens. The only thing I need to worry about is getting her into the cat carrier and traveling to Calgary. Also, I’m sure she will miss her boyfriend a lot, so I do worry about her and how she’ll handle all of this. But with a new place, and new windows to look out of, I’m sure she’ll adjust. I named her after Wonder Woman, after all. She must have missed scratching my couch, too, right?


Final Thought

When there’s a break in the clouds and a sign that the Universe has opened a door for you, you walk through it. When all signs point towards this being meant to be, you allow yourself to feel optimistic and positive. Some people don’t understand that, but I know that’s how things work. When you put good vibes out there into the Universe, you get good vibes back. If all you do is put out negativity, chances are that will be your path. I was in a bad place for a while because I was embracing negativity far too much. It’s so amazing how fast things can change when you decide to embrace positivity.

How has the Universe shown you your path forward? Have you gotten any signs like the one I just received? If so, please feel free to share your story in my comments.

Hero in Progress

The Calm Before Big Change

SuperMell sits calmly in a lotus meditation pose while a storm rages in the background. Lightning flashes behind her as she keeps her eyes closed in peaceful focus. Diana, her black cat with a white chest tuft, rests curled in her lap with one ear perked, listening to the distant storm.

The Calm Before the Storm

I’m currently in a holding pattern—waiting to hear whether the place I want will have a vacancy, watching other January rentals, preparing for my Lean Six Sigma exam, and biding my time until I reach level 50… which is in 2 weeks. It feels like the calm before big change, and I’m trying to appreciate it even as the uncertainty makes me uneasy. I know I should appreciate the time I have now as it will get pretty hectic once December hits, but it also has a little bit of an unsettling void feel to it. Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans, I guess.


The Storm

“The Storm” is how I’m choosing to encapsulate this uncertain time period. It could be a terrible storm, filled with lots of wind, a blizzard, a blinding fog, or all of the above. Or the meteorologists could get it wrong and it presents itself as much more tame than was anticipated. Who really knows for sure?

And honestly, the weather this week felt like a perfect mirror of my inner world. We actually did have a storm earlier this week. Rain, turned to freezing rain, and then snow, and lucky me had to drive through all of that on my way to work. It was super icy and I couldn’t travel more than 80 km/hr speed due to the car swaying too much on the frozen roads. It was like trying to drive on a frozen pond. It was scary but I made it in time for work as I left early. However, this made me question whether or not I should upgrade my tires to all weather tires… Yet another expense… Great…


Riding It Out

I’m trying not to get ahead of myself too much and stick to my weekend goals so I can calm the chaos. I’m also doing my best to practice self-care and breathing exercises to calm down my stress level so I don’t freak out. I’m pretty confident I will pass the probation period at work. I’m sure I will get it all figured out soon and get better at managing my time. My parents have decided to gift me the all weather tires for my birthday present, which is fantastic! (Thanks!) I will get the new tires on tomorrow—just in time for yet another winter storm to potentially hit on Sunday.

Things are starting to come together now. I’ve also got all my Christmas shopping done, almost finished wrapping all the gifts, and should have it ready tonight. It’s super rare for me to do anything Christmas-related before my birthday, but I decided to do a little shopping last Friday after work (as well as get my oil changed). As my birthday is in December, I have always felt like the two things need to be kept separate. But honestly? I was missing shopping. I love walking the malls, looking around, and all of that. I don’t really get to do that as often as I want to anymore with my crazy work schedule and living so far from a mall. The most I’ve been able to do is walk around Walmart, and that gets old real fast.


The Calm of a Storm

Who says storms are terrible anyway? Sure, some are, like hurricanes, tornadoes and typhoons. But there is a calmness to a storm. I love a good thunderstorm, and it was definitely something I missed while living on the West Coast. And who doesn’t love the scent after a fresh rainy day, or the sight of a beautiful rainbow to signal to us that it’s over.

It’s a very zen approach to take things one step at a time and to live in the now. What is the point of worrying about things not yet to come? It just causes too much stress on your mind and your body. Live in the moment. It is of course important to make plans in order to achieve a goal, but to take things slowly, not get ahead of myself, and figure it out as I go. Storms come and go, and so do these intense seasons of change. All things must pass…


Diana is a Master of Zen

Cats get it. They understand that time is really meaningless. All you need is food, fluids, a litter box, and some toys to make you happy. And plenty of sleep.

I have however noticed that she is constantly looking out the windows to see if her “boyfriend” is outside. (There’s this neighbourhood cat that roams around the whole town that our family has affectionately dubbed as “Boots” due to its white paws on a grey body). Diana always seems to be anticipating his approach around the same time usually. I think she actually worries about him if the weather changes, as when it was snowing earlier this week, she was looking for him with much more urgency. It will be difficult to move her away from him… Poor Diana!


Final Thought

I’m sure everything will magically fall into place. I know I’m not alone in feeling some anxiety about this calm before big change. I’m choosing to take things one task at a time, and send my stress up into the Universe to handle for me. Everything will be fine and will work out. I only have to believe it will and put those good thoughts out into the Universe.

What are some ways you deal with stress or anxiety? Share in the comments, I’d love to hear about it.