Author: Mell D'Clute

I am the creator and writer of this website and blog. There are no others... Although I might add my cat in for fun.
Hero in Progress

Origin Rewritten: Becoming the Hero I Needed Back Then

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands full-body in a glowing hero’s armoury as purple and gold armour pieces assemble around her in midair. She wears a black Nightwing-inspired suit with a purple ‘M’ emblem, purple gloves, belt, boots, and glasses, looking calm and confident. Beside her sits Diana, a mostly black cat with golden eyes and a small white patch on her chest, unfazed by the transformation. The scene is warm, cinematic, and symbolic of growth and self-chosen strength.

The Rewrite Begins

Origin stories alone don’t make the hero. Sometimes we evolve and change as life forges on. Something has happened with me as of late. I’m not entirely sure where it will lead. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see where this new path takes me.

For many years, I remained stuck to the past. I obsessed about being bullied in a small town to the point that it took over too much of my life. I’m at level 50 now. It’s time to put the past where it belongs, and travel onwards towards a new horizon.

I need to become the hero my younger self needed so desperately. But becoming the hero doesn’t require time travel. It requires awareness—or perhaps self-awareness is more appropriate. This post is all about my continuing evolution into the hero I’m supposed to be, and not what others imposed on me. A hero of my own choosing.

Something has shifted as I prepare to move forward in a very literal way. Stability, clarity, and self-trust are no longer abstract concepts — they’re active choices.

The Original Origin Story (Unarmoured)

I’m certain I’ve mentioned my past before. When I turned nine years old, I moved to a small town outside of Calgary, where I wasn’t welcomed by the people there. I was different, after all. I was a geek girl, back when that wasn’t really a thing. Then I failed grade four, and that began the many years of being bullied.

As I already alluded to, I spent way too much of my time obsessing over the pain that treatment caused me. Being isolated, ignored, insulted, and being treated like an outcast brought me a lot of emotional turmoil. It introduced me to The Depression Beast, and, not long after, Dr. Anxiety. I allowed the years of cruelty to take over most of my adulthood. I wanted to prove to everyone that I would be a major success and be a big shot. That desire fuelled some really bad decisions.

I was also struggling with this little thing known as ADHD. No one knew how it affected girls when I was a kid (still don’t, really), so it wasn’t diagnosed. I had much difficulty with reading or paying attention to conversations. Many teachers assumed I had reading comprehension issues, but that wasn’t it. It’s hard to comprehend what I’m reading when my mind travels to far and distant lands mid-sentence.

But I wasn’t broken. I was merely under-equipped.

🔹 The Villains Were Never What I Thought

Honestly? The depression beast scared the hell out of me. Dr. Anxiety made me nervous. I thought for the longest time those two would rule over my life with an iron fist forever. Together, they convinced me that I was in fact a loser. If I didn’t get a good career, a good marriage, a good family, a good house, I wouldn’t add up to a big shot, and I wouldn’t be able to prove to everyone that they didn’t break me. But the thing about that is: they did break me.

They convinced me I was broken. In reality, I was reacting exactly as a human does when pushed too far for too long. Obsessing about the past as I did for too long only got in my way. Did I really need to be something huge? Most people on this planet are everyday, normal people, who just try to do the best with what they’ve got. Besides, obsessing over becoming a big shot only leads to egomania. Did I really need a marriage to be happy? Kids? A house? (I’m still not sure about that last one…) If I got those things, would I be happier?

For a while, I had a great career, but that didn’t bring me happiness. The depression beast had its razor sharp claws dug deeply within me, and Dr. Anxiety kept manipulating me to act now on [insert this impulse] before it’s too late. But… Too late for what? When is too late? When you’re dead, I suppose.

Did I really want any of that? Or was that what I thought society wanted for me?

🔹 The Rewrite: Armour Built Over Time

When I realized that the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety were ridiculous creatures to listen to, I decided to put on my superhero mantle with pride. My origin story may have forged me for awhile, but there were some truths about myself Dr. Anxiety failed to realize: I survived. I am the hero of my own story.

The past taught me some things about myself. I like who I am. I’m nice and kind, but don’t take any crap from anyone anymore. Reaching level 50, you realize some battles are worth fighting for, and some aren’t. Knowing what you can change—and just as important what you can’t change—is really the key here. The past isn’t something I can change, and neither are the thoughts, words, or actions of others. What is within my control is what I choose to say, think, and do. Boom! Mic drop.

I have learned some valuable skills over the years. I’m resilient, strong, brave, kindhearted, trustworthy, dependable, reliable, loyal, and I never surrender. There have been many instances when I felt like life might be over for me, but the fact is I’m still here, fighting the good fight.

I also finally convinced a doctor a couple of years ago to get me assessed for ADHD, and from there, got on a medication that I wish I had tried ages ago. I feel stronger and more aware of myself than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I’ve also learned the power in saying no. Being a people pleaser was tiring. Trying to prove myself to everyone was exhausting. Setting up boundaries is the only way to show oneself self-compassion. Instead of acting with urgency, I should act with intention. The armour may not be flashy, but it’s functional.

It’s time to bid Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast a final farewell.

Becoming the Hero I Needed

Who is SuperMell? What can I give myself now that I couldn’t do back then? Let me break it down for you:

  • Protection – I wasn’t able to find a protector as a kid, but I have since realized I am my own protector. There was something inside me that kept me going and protected me from serious harm. I had my armour on without even knowing it was there.
  • Patience – The last couple of years have taught me a lot about patience. Losing my job, moving into my parents’ basement, working a crappy job — it all taught me this was a temporary setback. Now that I have a better job and will be moving next week, I feel like all that effort has finally paid off.
  • Validation – It’s important for me to say this as strongly and poignantly as I can. Every emotion I have felt over the years are valid. I am valid. I am a person, and I matter. Whenever the Depression Beast would show up and growl into my ear that I wasn’t important and didn’t matter to anyone, it didn’t erase the fact that I am important and I do matter. (In fact, I just got a gift of a cup from work saying as much…)
  • Choice – This is the big one! Everything that has happened to me, that is happening to me, and what will happen to me is my choice. I can choose to act, or not act. I can choose nothing and still come out ahead. My own choices are what’s guiding me right now. I’m no longer listening to the Depression Beast, and Dr. Anxiety’s influence is also waning. I won’t say he’s gone for good as of yet. Life will continue to thrown curve balls along the way. But knowing I am in charge of my own decisions sets me free.

I’m not going to erase my origin story. What’ the point of that? It made me the person I am today. I own it, and I honour my past. Even the bad decisions taught me something about myself. Choosing to show up differently changes the path.

The Power Isn’t Perfection

I don’t want to come across as though I’m a completely evolved person who will never listen to the Depression Beast or Dr. Anxiety again. That’s naive. I haven’t arrived. That’s a myth. There is no destination.

Growth doesn’t mean you’re invincible. Things can still hurt me. I have no idea what will happen after I move. There’s a certain Dr. who is whispering in my ear about that. I’m doing my best to laugh it off, but I know with such uncertainty, anxiety will happen. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I just need to remember to slow down, breathe, and think things through thoroughly before I make a decision or act. Is this really me talking, or Dr. Anxiety?

I’m still human. I’m sure I will make mistakes along the way. No one is flawless. What I plan to take with me is the lesson any mistake teaches me. That’s what real growth looks like. I no longer care about proving myself to anyone other than me. I’m still learning.

True power lies in adaptability, not dominance. Even though I’ve proclaimed I’ve changed, it’s what into that I’m not sure about yet. I just feel different now. Maybe it’s a wisdom that comes with hitting level 50. I know as I continue to grow into the hero I know I’m capable of being, life is about progress over performance.

🐾 Diana’s Perspective

Diana is true purr-fection. All she knows is she is a happy cat, and that’s good enough for her. When she sees me sitting too much, if not joining me, she’ll pick up a random toy and fling it about, signalling to me to not take things so seriously and enjoy myself. Not to mention, it’s time to get off my lazy butt and do something. Sometimes I wonder if cats are the true masters of zen.

Final Thought

The rewrite is ongoing. There is no set time limit, and I no longer care about trying to impress anyone else. I don’t need to go back in time to change its meaning. Becoming the hero I needed back then is a necessary evolutionary change—one that I’m excited to see where it takes me. My origin story didn’t end. It evolved into something better.

Tell me something: how are you the hero of your own story? Has your origin story haunted you? Did you learn something new about yourself in the process? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Mission Logs

Why SuperMell Only Fights Today’s Battle

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell in a black-and-purple superhero suit stands on a rocky path, blocking drifting symbols of future tasks with one hand while focusing on a glowing stepping stone labeled ‘Today.’ Her black cat Diana sits calmly at her feet as distant steps labeled ‘Tomorrow,’ ‘Next Week,’ and ‘Move Day’ fade into mist.

🛰️ Mission Briefing: The Move Is Happening

Things have gotten real. In just a couple of short weeks, I will be moving into my new place. Looking around, I get a sense that I have a lot of things to do to prepare for this move. While this can be overwhelming, I have decided not to allow Dr. Anxiety to make his usual appearance. I’ve made a plan!

⚠️ The Villain: Future-Task Overload

It certainly is very easy for anyone to get attacked by Dr. Anxiety while conducting a move. This is especially the case for those of us who happen to fall into the neurodivergent label. Looking at everything, everywhere, all at once (heh-heh) can derail your focus.

For those of us who have ADHD, there can be a tendency to get swept away with all of the things we need to do. You see, my brain tends to prefer time-travel, and focuses on the big picture way too much. This causes the aforementioned overwhelm feeling to come into play, which makes Dr. Anxiety swoop in and tell you it’s pointless to try—everything must be done now!

I see you, Doctor. Not today.

🛠️ The Strategy: Assign the Days, Not the Worry

I started to hear the sinister footsteps of Dr. Anxiety approaching tonight, as I realized I have two weeks left before I move. Instead of listening to his mockery, I decided to do something different: ignore him and focus on what I can do about it.

The plan is to only do the tasks assigned for the day. I don’t want to get swept up in another task that would take focus away from what I should be doing right now. That’s another day’s problem! If it’s not on today’s mission list, SuperMell does not engage!

📅 Mission Structure: How I’m Breaking It Down

I created four new lists in my Chores Reminders app on my iPhone: one for bedroom, one for living room, one for kitchen, and the last one for bathroom. Then I created a bunch of subtasks for each room listing all the things that need to be completed for that room. After that, I decided to figure out what day would work best for each task, or when I would want to tackle a room. Not long after, I had a list of chores to do separated by dates.

After I assigned the tasks dates on the app, I checked out the items due per day, and wrote them down in My Little Book of All the Fucking Things I Need to Remember notebook for the move. I noticed the lists weren’t that long after all! These lists are very doable. There’s no need to feel overwhelmed if I just stick to the schedule for a day. And there is plenty of buffer room in case I have a low-energy day.

🧠 The Rule I’m Following (And Protecting)

I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to get everything done tomorrow. The rule is simple: Focus on what needs to be done on this day. Don’t allow future tasks to interfere with today’s. No stacking tomorrow’s stress onto today. Just trust the plan as it is written.

🐾 Diana’s Role in the Mission

As always, Diana is often the most cool/zen person I know. She doesn’t worry about what needs to be done tomorrow. The only worries she has is whether or not there’s food in her bowl. Relax, sweetie, there’s plenty of food left in the bowl… Diana is the definition of staying present. She’s also very unimpressed with future plans. She is noticing the addition of extra boxes though…

🚀 Final Thought: One Day Is Enough

SuperMell has decided to only fight today’s battles. What is the point of worrying about things to come if they haven’t come yet? Progress doesn’t require panic. Dr. Anxiety can take a hike! I don’t need to do everything today. One completed mission at a time still gets you to the final destination.

What’s one task you can assign to today, and what can wait?

The Ones Who Shaped Me

Some Stories Stay With You Forever

Mell D'Clute

A tribute to Rob Reiner and the power of storytelling

A dimly lit living room at night with a vintage-style television glowing softly with static. Warm, golden threads of light drift through the air and dissolve into the static on the TV screen, suggesting stories transforming into signal and memory.

Boy the way Glen Miller played, 
Songs that made the hit parade, 
Guys like us we had it made, 
Those were the days, 

And you know who you were then, 
Girls were girls and men were men, 
Mister we could use a man like
Herbert Hoover again, 

Didn’t need no welfare states 
Everybody pulled his weight, 
Gee our old Lasalle ran great, 
Those were the days

Ever since the tragic news of Rob Reiner‘s death hit me, I have had this song in my head, performed by Archie and Edith Bunker at the beginning of every All in the Family episode. The news that Rob Reiner and his wife Michele were tragically killed was a shock that hit me hard. Reiner’s work — from All in the Family to Stand by Me and beyond — shaped so many chapters in my life. His passing is a loss not only of a filmmaker but of a voice that helped encourage how I understand friendship, courage, and what it means to be human.

All in the Family

Some of my earliest memories of watching TV, besides Sesame Street, involve watching this show. I may have been too young to understand what the context of the show was about, but enjoyed watching it nonetheless.

A few years later, I watched the reruns and understood more clearly what the show was saying. Archie Bunker was this guy who always thought he was right to believe in whatever he believed in, and would constantly be butting heads with his son-in-law, Mike Stivic, otherwise known as “Meathead” in Archie’s words. It was older generation versus newer generation ideology. As a youngster, I could understand that.

Not too long ago, I managed to watch the series back when I had cable and it was on TV. Honestly, it still holds up today as much as it did back then. Republican versus Democrat. Left versus right. What struck me was the ongoing clash between Archie’s idea of how things were “supposed to be” and Mike’s insistence that the world had changed—and how the show often let Mike be right in the end.

The series was ahead of its time for the 1970s, and indeed some of the topics are just as relevant today as they were in the 1970s. The storytelling was what mattered. It was a great show, and I always loved how passionate Mike was about his arguments. It was the first introduction to Rob Reiner for me.

Stand By Me

Yes, the title of this post is from the movie. A tribute to Reiner would not be anything if I didn’t mention one of my all-time favourite movies, which happened to be one of his early directorial debuts. I have mentioned the movie before, in both my post about Wil Wheaton and the post about The Movies That Shaped Me.

As a child, I learned to love and appreciate a good story quite early on. One of those formative movies for me was Stand By Me. A group of four youngsters go on a quest to find a dead body, only to discover some truths about themselves and work through some of their traumas. Rob Reiner deliberately cast young actors who perfectly matched their characters, revealing how intentionally he wanted to tell this story.

I’ve spoken already about what the movie meant to me. I’ll try not to repeat myself too much here. It was the first introduction to some of my favourite actors. The story and performances captivated me so deeply that they still resonate with me today. It was a very humanistic story. You could tell Reiner had a clear direction he wanted this story to go through. Even better, is watching old interviews and behind the scenes footage of how Reiner would motivate the kids to act in this scene. He’d always end the emotionally heavy scenes with a hug.

What His Stories Taught Me

There are countless more films that were just as inspirational as Stand By Me and All in the Family were, but I don’t want this to be a body of work type of post. Stories don’t have to be flashy to be powerful. That is true for both of these examples. His stories were very human, very real, emotionally raw, and powerful.

Both of these examples showed ordinary people in ordinary situations. Basically, this let me know early on that it’s okay to be ordinary. Everyone has a story worth telling. Ordinary people matter just as much as any famous person. That is what his stories were about, and that’s why I loved them so much.

Even within All in the Family, with the constant arguing and yelling, you could tell they still loved each other. Conflict doesn’t have to be cruel. It’s even okay to have arguments in a family situation. That doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. One of the best episodes shows Mike and Archie trapped together in a cold room at the bar, where Archie opens up about his father and explains that “Meathead” was actually his father’s way of showing love. It was such a powerful scene, and you could tell it impacted Mike, expertly acted by Rob.

There’s also a sense of power in vulnerability. It’s okay to not be okay. And it’s okay to cry about things that have hurt you. It’s in fact the only way you can deal with it, otherwise you just bottle it all up, and end up angry and resentful. To think that four young twelve-year-old boys were dealing with some emotionally powerful things, and not one of them made fun of each other for crying, was, in a way, Reiner telling the audience that if kids can get this, so can adults.

Why These Stories Stay With Me

Once in a while, I pull out the Stand By Me DVD and watch it. Every so often, if I find the All in the Family show somewhere I try to watch it. These stories have impacted me in very profound ways. I think I’ll always find some joy in watching them. Whether portraying a working-class family arguing around a living room or four boys walking railroad tracks, Reiner trusted his audience to feel instead of being lectured.

The lessons from watching All in the Family in particular really shaped who I am as a person. These shows taught me empathy, reinforced the importance of women’s, racial, and LGBTQ+ rights, and showed me that most people ultimately want the same thing: to be happy.

I know it seems weird to focus on films. Some people think TV rots the brain. Maybe it does. Or maybe it teaches you something. I grew up in a generation raised on television, so these stories genuinely matter to me.

I love a good story. That’s why these two examples mean so much to me. They were good stories about ordinary people.

Final Thought

The world may have lost a Hollywood icon, but his stories will continue to endure. Great stories can long outlive their creators. It has happened before, and it will happen again.. The best storytellers don’t tell us what to think; they show us how to feel.

What was a story by Reiner that you found emotionally captivating? How did it impact your life? Which of his movies made you feel less alone? Feel free to share it in the comments.

Hero in Progress, Mission Logs

The Universe Says Yes (…But Telus Says Hold, Please)

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands at the threshold of a glowing open doorway filled with warm golden light and cosmic swirls, wearing a black and purple superhero suit with an “M” emblem and purple glasses. A phone or internet cable loosely wraps around her leg, symbolizing a small delay, while Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft playfully bats at the cord. Storm clouds part behind them as light breaks through, creating a hopeful yet humorous scene about progress with minor obstacles.

Mission Status: Clearance Granted

It’s official: The Universe says yes! I’ve passed my probation at work and am now a full-time employee. My plans can now go into motion. I have already gotten an invitation to the RRSP program to sign up for, and will soon be getting health benefits. This is fantastic news! My sense of optimism has increased threefold!

I feel like I’m finally rebuilding my life back up after the poor choices I made a few years back led to derailing my life for a time. Nevertheless, I persevered. I did what I had to survive, crawled myself out of my pit of despair, got a better job than I was working at before, and feel like I’m finally getting back on track again.

January 2nd Is Locked In

My plan to move into the new apartment has officially been given the green light. The tenancy was pending successful passing of my probation period at work. Now that I received word from my boss that it is going forward, I can officially move in.

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting my own place again—with control over my own thermostat! (Which is something I haven’t had in over a decade.) It feels absolutely terrific that I’ll be independent again. I feel just like I did when I got my very first apartment… possibly because I’ve been living at my parents’ house in a distant location from the city, which has been exhausting travelling back and forth to work. The grocery stores and malls will be much closer to me as well. Yay!

The other day I arrived in Calgary a half hour early and decided to swing by the new apartment to test how long it would take me to get to work. It literally took less than 10 minutes! Holy moly! That’s going to be a much better commute than the 45 minutes it takes me to get to work now. And I won’t have to wait for Walmart to open to get groceries first thing on Fridays anymore! I can shop whenever they are open and I’m awake. Life is finally working out for me! After everything that’s happened over the last few years, this feels like reclaiming a piece of myself I thought I’d lost.

When the Universe Aligns

For far too long, I thought my life was pretty much over and done. Being on the wrong medications, losing my job, and my apartment, moving back in with my parents, dealing with crippling depression that caused me to lose a ton of weight as I stopped eating, getting a worthless job cleaning an office for a company that didn’t seem to appreciate their workers at all—I thought this was going to last forever. I had a good career, a good job, great work environment, a nice apartment, but didn’t appreciate it when I had it.

It took me launching a complaint about late work payments to the Government of Alberta for the bad company I worked for to show me how they really are like. All of a sudden they found problems with how I was doing my job. After being treated like scum, having my hours slashed and still expected to do everything to standard in a shorter amount of time, I decided that was it. I had to act to put my life back together again. That was the first sign I needed to start putting the broken pieces of my life back together.

Ding! Come On Down!

I really do feel like the Universe has said yes to my plans. When I finally decided to get out of that toxic working situation and landed a full-time job, suddenly all the shattered pieces of my life started to fall back into place. I knew I would plan to move for January as my probation would end mid-December. That’s working out. When I had decided on a place to live but wasn’t sure about all the extra costs, I checked out the rentals website and found a gem that’s all inclusive—and cheaper. The fact that the name of the street is the same one I live at but closer to work was such a huge signal that the Universe was flashing all sorts of lights and sirens—almost as if I won a new car on The Price is Right!

Awhile ago, I had a belief that there was this Universe thing that works like a mirror. It reflects back what you put into it. I guess I forgot about that for a time, or never fully embraced it as a concept. It’s basic karma — or if you prefer science, for every action there is an equal reaction. What you put out you get back at you. I was too busy putting out “my life is over” vibes that it indeed felt that way. When I decided to let go of that pity party and actually get myself out of this situation, all the pieces started to reassemble. It might look like a different picture than I had before it broke to a million pieces, but it will still be a work of art that I will cherish.

Side Note…

This isn’t to say that I think the Universe is an intelligent life force or god or anything. I just think that whatever you spend your time, focus and energy on is what you get back. Embracing optimism was a long and winding road for me, filled with bumps and potholes, but I do believe I’ve finally gotten it. The real secret to life isn’t about how much you have or how much you are loved by others—it’s about how you treat and love yourself. Only then can you find true happiness.

Side Quest Unlocked: The Telus Saga

The only extra costs I needed to work out once the apartment got the go ahead was getting tenant insurance hooked up and internet. The tenant insurance was easy to get and put into place. The internet thing proved quite the challenge.

Choosing a Provider Shouldn’t Be This Hard

I thought I would go with Oxio, as apparently it’s a top rated service from PlanHub, but it kept saying they didn’t have service in the area I was moving to. I usually go with Telus and wanted fibre internet again, as I think cable or satellite is ridiculous that it can get cut out with a little wind. Usually I have good experiences with Telus…

Trapped in the Bot Dimension

First, trying to navigate their website with the auto things was a nightmare. Their AI system is terrible and it took me way too long to find an actual phone number to call someone and talk to a real person. I was trying to get their deal of 3G PureFibre for $95/month, but every time I went to the check-out page, the price went up to $110. It was frustrating trying to chat with their bot, so I finally found a phone number and called. More automated things on the phone, that wasn’t hearing what I was saying, so I finally said “Can I talk to a real sales agent, please?”

Victory… With a Glitch

Not only did he manage to help me sort out my issues, but he also managed to be able to knock $10 off the bill price for $85/mo + taxes, with this price locked in for 5 years. I gave him a good review.

Plot Twist — The Modem Goes Rogue

I had originally intended the service to be hooked up starting January 2nd and was under the impression the sales agent I spoke with arranged for the modem to arrive on that day. The Universe does have a sense of humour, I guess, as not only did they send me the modem to the new address early, but they used the wrong address! Oi… He put my address incorrectly so Puralator sent it to the other side of the 4-plex. I have emailed my landlord about it but they are on vacation and out of town at the moment so I have no idea if it was returned or if someone has it. Had I known all of this, I don’t think I would have given him this good of a review.

Funny thing is, even though I changed my phone number when I moved to Alberta, I noticed when trying to correct my address that Telus still had my contact number as my old BC number. You would think Telus would have updated that a long time ago… What a pain this company has turned into! It almost makes me want to try Rogers of all companies, which I would hate. (Tried them once for mobility and was charged 3 times the amount of money that was promised on the first bill—no thank you!)

I’m sure it will all work out eventually. But moves can be chaotic and unpredictable. Hopefully this is the only setback to my move.

Progress Isn’t Linear (Even When You’re Winning)

Even though the Universe has said yes to my plans, there are still hiccups that occur from time to time. I think I was starting to have some anxiety or doubts about ever finding a reliable internet provider, so perhaps that’s why the Universe threw me a curveball. As John Lennon put it: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans!”

What is life, really, if not a mix of wins and inconvenient plot twists? Things happen to test us, I suppose. I’m sure this situation with Telus will resolve itself, and hopefully I get some kind of a deal, like a free month or a gift of some kind, out of this ordeal. This is just a test to see if I really am embracing optimism, for which I almost fell back. I’ll bounce back!

Ha-ha! Nice try, Dr. Anxiety! I’m keeping an eye on you and your tricky ways!

Diana’s Perspective: Still Winning

You can learn a lot about how life works from observing a cat. They approach new situations with caution—but if you give them a treat, they are your best friend forever! Diana is a grounding force in my life that I’ll always be grateful for. She’s curiously sniffing an empty box at the moment, and wondering when I’ll actually clean my place up so I can prepare to move, which I told her would be this weekend, but so far, haven’t done anything, so yeah… She’s trying to keep me on my toes!

Final Thought: Forward Is Forward

Despite the slight hiccup to my plans, the Universe has said yes to my plans. Full steam ahead! (I’m currently watching the anime One Piece on Netflix, can you tell? Ha-ha!) We must celebrate the wins, and embrace the bumps along the way as merely learning opportunities. I believe life will work out for me. I’m not just saying this as some kind of mantra. It really is quite amazing when you embrace Lady Optimism and begin to look forward to a new life and a new chapter in the evolving story of your life.

Thanks for reading, for those who do such things. Tell me: have you had any hiccups to moving situations before? How did you handle them? What are you telling the Universe these days about your own life and how is that working out for you? Let me know in the comments.

The Ones Who Shaped Me

The Movies That Shaped Me: A Hero Forged in Stories

Mell D'Clute
A retro 1980s-style movie-poster illustration of SuperMell standing confidently at the center, wearing her black superhero suit with a purple “M” emblem, purple gloves, boots, belt, and glasses. Warm golden light glows behind her as symbolic motifs from beloved childhood films float around her: a giant metallic robot hand, a glowing red amulet, an open book radiating light, an old treasure map with a key and coin, and distant railroad tracks lit by a small flashlight. Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits at her feet, looking up at the magical symbols. The overall mood is nostalgic, heroic, and dreamlike, with sparkling cosmic light surrounding the scene.

Why Stories Shape Us

It’s probably no surprise to anyone reading my blog that I’ve always loved stories on the screen. Whether it’s cartoons, sitcoms, compelling TV, or the big screen—visual storytelling has always spoken to me. As an undiagnosed ADHD kid, watching movies was much easier than reading (hello, wandering mind). These are the movies that shaped me.

The Iron Giant — Choosing Who You Want to Be

This movie was absolutely terrific. The animation style (2D really should make a comeback!), the characters, the story—all very real to me.

A brief description of this movie:

In this animated adaptation of Ted Hughes’ Cold War fable, a giant alien robot (Vin Diesel) crash-lands near the small town of Rockwell, Maine, in 1957. Exploring the area, a local 9-year-old boy, Hogarth, discovers the robot, and soon forms an unlikely friendship with him. When a paranoid government agent, Kent Mansley, becomes determined to destroy the robot, Hogarth and beatnik Dean McCoppin (Harry Connick Jr.) must do what they can to save the misunderstood machine.

What resonated deeply with me was the unlikely friendship of a boy who had a vivid imagination with a giant metal robot who couldn’t remember anything about himself. The characters were well-thought out, and seemed very realistic to me for a time period movie.

Absolutely my favourite line in the whole movie is when Hogarth tells the robot: “You are who you choose to be.” Boom! Mic drop. That one line shaped me. It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are or your surroundings—you get to decide who you are, no one else!

And who doesn’t tear up when the Iron Giant decides to be Superman and sacrifices himself to save everyone? Certainly not me, as I continue to cry a lot at that part.

The Secret of NIMH — Courage in Darkness

I think this has to be my all-time favourite animated movie. I’ve seen it hundreds of times and still find the story and characters quite compelling. There’s no doubt Don Bluth was a freaking genius of an animator, and this was his masterpiece as far as I’m concerned.

The plot:

Mrs. Brisby (Elizabeth Hartman), a widowed mouse, must move her children out of their home in a field before the local farmer starts plowing. Unable to leave because her son is ill, Mrs. Brisby seeks the help of nearby rats, who have heightened intelligence after being the subjects of scientific experiments. She receives an unexpected gift from the elder rat, Nicodemus (Derek Jacobi). Soon Mrs. Brisby is caught in a conflict among the rats, jeopardizing her mission to save her family.

This movie began my interest in animal rights and I fully credit it for introducing me to the dark realities of animals being cruelly used in laboratory experiments. This movie started my whole mentality around animals and how much I hate how humans treat them, eventually even becoming a vegetarian for my New Year’s resolution in 1997. It still sickens me that we use them in this manner. I mean, I think—by now—we know how cosmetics affect us. What’s the point in causing rabbits to go blind by spraying it in their eyeballs? They don’t have tear ducts. It’s just cruel.

I think what I also enjoyed a lot about this movie was the voice of Mrs. Brisby. She was sheepish and not quite sure of herself when talking, but her actions certainly spoke louder than her words ever could. She’d clearly sacrifice her own life to save her children, and cared enough about the rats to decide to help them when she learned NIMH was coming to the farm. I still bawl my eyes out when she thinks she’s lost her kids to the mud. This was the most emotional movie I have ever experienced, and I deeply resonated with it.

The NeverEnding Story — Surviving the Swamp of Sadness

I know some of these movies I’ve mentioned before in some other posts. This one tops the list as one of my all-time favourite live-action movies.

On his way to school, Bastian (Barret Oliver) ducks into a bookstore to avoid bullies. Sneaking away with a book called “The Neverending Story,” Bastian begins reading it in the school attic. The novel is about Fantasia, a fantasy land threatened by “The Nothing,” a darkness that destroys everything it touches. The kingdom needs the help of a human child to survive. When Bastian reads a description of himself in the book, he begins to wonder if Fantasia is real and needs him to survive.

Can you guess why this movie affected me deeply? A kid who loses himself in books and imaginary worlds to escape the harsh reality of his life felt so deeply personal to me that it was almost like I was Bastian. He has it pretty rough: his mom died, his dad’s on his case to face responsibilities and keep his feet on the ground, he’s getting bullied, and he’s having issues with school. Except for the dead mother, this was me as a kid!

Every single time I watch this movie, I gain new insights into it that I didn’t see before. As an adult, rewatching it hits even harder. Fantasia was a direct reflection of his life at that point. Everything was symbolic. Losing Artax in The Swamp of Sadness was a direct link to him losing his mother and the depression that took place after. The Nothing was symbolic of him losing his imagination and the G’mork was essentially his father. The whole conversation between Atreyu and G’mork was the best scene:

G’mork: Fantasia has no boundaries.

(A storm grows closer to the city, slowly shaking it to pieces… Rocks fall here and there.)

Atreyu: That’s not true. You’re lying.

G’mork: Foolish boy. Don’t you know anything about Fantasia? It’s the world of human fantasy. Every part , every creature of it, is a piece of the dreams and hopes of mankind. Therefore, it has no boundaries.

(There’s a crash and more rocks fall.)

Atreyu: But why is Fantasia dying then ?

G’mork: Because people have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams. So the nothing grows stronger.

Atreyu: What is the nothing ?!

G’mork: It’s the emptiness that’s left. It’s like a despair, destroying this world. And I have been trying to help it.

Atreyu: But why ?

G’mork: Because people who have no hopes are easy to control. And whoever has control has the power.

So much symbolism in that conversation. I deeply felt connected to the story and the character of Bastian.

The Goonies — Misfits and Found Family

They just don’t make movies anymore like they used to, do they? The Goonies and various other movies of the 1980s were not only geared for kids, but adults found them equally entertaining. The Goonies is one of those timeless classics that had a profound impact on me. The story goes:

Old-fashioned yarn about a band of adventurous kids who take on the might of a property developing company which plans to destroy their home to build a country club. When the children discover an old pirate map in the attic, they follow it into an underground cavern in search of lost treasure but come up against plenty of dangerous obstacles along the way.

Full of excitement and adventure, danger and intrigue, and a sense of magic that timeless stories always seem to have. I continue to enjoy watching it to this day. It was my introduction to Sean Astin (who also played my favourite character in Lord of the Rings). I loved how this small group of misfits found a sense of community by trying to survive both the Fratellis and the various booby traps along the way. Very funny, very exciting. Always a classic and one I never fail to watch whenever I get the chance. I always wanted to be one of the Goonies…

Stand By Me — Truth, Trauma, and Growing Up

Yes, I definitely mentioned this movie before in my The Ones Who Shaped Me post about Wil Wheaton, but the movie deserves a shout out on this post as well. The plot:

After learning that a stranger has been accidentally killed near their rural homes, four Oregon boys decide to go see the body. On the way, Gordie Lachance (Wil Wheaton), Vern Tessio (Jerry O’Connell), Chris Chambers (River Phoenix) and Teddy Duchamp (Corey Feldman) encounter a mean junk man and a marsh full of leeches, as they also learn more about one another and their very different home lives. Just a lark at first, the boys’ adventure evolves into a defining event in their lives.

I don’t think this brief description I pulled from Google does this movie justice. This movie made me interested in Wil Wheaton, and his costars as well. It was interesting how very different they all were from each other onscreen as characters, but also the actors really fit their characters to a tee. What resonated with me was the character of Gordie Lachance and how he was dealing with grief, being ignored by his mother, and bullied by his father. Unlike his brother—the athlete—he was the creative kid; the writer. His father didn’t understand any of that. It still breaks my heart knowing how close Wil Wheaton’s real life was to his character’s story. Nevertheless, I can’t say this movie didn’t profoundly affect me as a kid.

How These Stories Forged My Hero Path

I have always been an empathic type. I feel things very deeply and get affected by what I see onscreen more times than I care to admit. (Seriously, why do all cartoon movies have some sad thing that happens that makes me cry?!!) Through the various adventures I have seen through these movies, I transform into a different version of myself. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the impact of these movies that I continue to enjoy to this day.

It’s true that every person you meet writes on the slate of who you are. You take a piece of them and add it to yourself. For me, I feel the same way about these stories and characters. Each of these movies—and countless others—have impacted me and shaped me in some way, shape, or form. Sometimes it’s a particular character, sometimes a line, or even the thrill of an exciting adventure—but there’s no doubt it has profoundly shaped who I’ve become.

Diana—The Fiercest Warrior Yet

I know for a fact that Diana likes to watch tv as well with me. I can always count on her laying on my lap, watching the screen with her head up. She absolutely loves cartoons—the sillier the better! I’ve seen her on more than a few occasions watching a scene with great interest. Even the last episode of Stranger Things caught her attention—she sat upright and watched with full focus. I don’t know if she likes any particular character or if any of them mean anything to her, but I do know she enjoys them as much as I do.

Final Thought

Empathy and a vivid imagination can go a long way in shaping who you are. These are just a few examples of some of the movies that shaped me. Each one taught me something about myself—that it’s okay to be shy, geeky, unsure of yourself. Despite these apparent “flaws”, you are who you choose to be. Once you accept who you are—and that you are in charge of your life—things get a whole lot easier to handle.

What are some of the stories that have shaped you in your life? Did any of mine impact you as much as it did me? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Hero in Progress

Levelling Up to Level 50: The Evolution of SuperMell

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands confidently in a black and purple superhero suit with a large “M” emblem on her chest, surrounded by glowing pixel-art icons representing her earned powers. Above her, pixelated text reads “LEVEL 50 — EVOLUTION UNLOCKED.” A warm halo of light forms behind her like a skill-tree ring. Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits proudly at her feet, next to a pixel “+50 XP” symbol. The background blends cosmic colors with subtle pixel texture, creating a nostalgic video-game level-up screen.

The Level-Up Moment

Today marks a major life milestone for me:

I have levelled up to 50!

Yes! You read that right. I am now 50. Wow! It seems like just yesterday I was turning 40. Honestly, the 40s were kind of a blur for me, as so much shitty things happened that I’m now very happy they are over and done with. Things are already starting to look up as I’m working to rebound from the terrible hit I took a few years ago. I’m hoping the 50s will be much better for me… But what do I get to look forward to? *Checks notes* Menopause… Time to get a colonoscopy… yay…?

When I was younger, I assumed 50 would officially make me an ‘old lady.’ Ha-ha! Do I feel like an old lady now that I have finally gotten there? Not really… I don’t feel as spry as I used to, and I don’t feel like an old hag either. In fact, I don’t really feel anything about 50… Which is weird, as usually I panic when I reach the milestones.

My Hero’s Origin Story (So Far)

Don’t worry… This will be brief.

From childhood, I learned to appreciate the finer things in life, like watching cartoons, playing with toys, and my vivid imagination, I found that I had a creative drive in me and really wanted to pursue something in that field—In fact, I still do!

The Depression Beast™ was introduced to me during and many years after I was bullied in a small town. (I honestly don’t like small towns. Too much gossip, and if someone decides they don’t like you, no one else is allowed to like you either.) At least that’s been my experience. I also went most of my life without officially being diagnosed with ADHD… which was the source of so many issues, particularly with school and concentrating. They didn’t know how to diagnose girls with it at the time—still don’t, really. I struggled in school, struggled with reading, and was an average student. Ritalin has changed so much for me in the last three years that I wish I had tried it so many years ago.

My adulthood was marred by the Depression Beast™, and its super-fun friend: Dr. Anxiety™. I made some very costly mistakes as a result of these monsters, including being on the wrong medications, a failed marriage, and not realizing how great I had it until I threw it all away. I’m still rebuilding from my mistake three or four years ago. I’m now on the right meds, the right dosage, and feel more optimistic about my future than I ever did before. Now I’ve got a better job than I had before, and am looking forward to moving in a couple of weeks.

For many years, that bullying haunted me. Now I’ve come to see it as my hero’s origin story. Every superhero has one. This just happens to be mine.

Plot Twists I Never Saw Coming

Dr. Anxiety is such a sinister villain. He arrives out of the blue and steers you in one weird direction or another. It seems to everyone around you like you’re impulsive and tend to make rash decisions. They don’t know how often Dr. Anxiety talks to you about it. How you ruminate on the thing for days, weeks, or even months or years.

The old Doc showed itself in my life when I decided out of the blue I wanted to get married—and didn’t seem to care who to. It told me I needed to be married by 30 or I wouldn’t prove to everyone that I’d be a success despite what they did to me. That marriage was brief and quite painful, but it made me realize a few things about myself:

  • I’m not suited for marriage, and much prefer being on my own with my cat.
  • I had some unresolved trauma that led me down that path.
  • I deserved better than this.
  • I am both the hero and the writer of my own story. I get to decide what path I choose.

At least, I thought I had learned those lessons. Dr. Anxiety and the Depression Beast showed up yet again when I turned 40, to yell at me to fix myself and my issues or I wouldn’t prove to everyone that I’d be a success. It’s when I went on the wrong medications, became lethargic, and the Trump thing really affected my mental health in not-so-good ways. I’m considering a lawsuit against him some day…

Anywho… the pressure built until the inevitable explosion, taking my job as the first casualty. Attempts to course-correct failed, even though the desire to do better was there. The losses stacked up—career, home, stability—leaving me back in Alberta in my parents’ basement, earning shit-pay and fading under the weight of the Depression Beast. Appetite vanished, pounds disappeared, and surrender felt dangerously close.

After awhile, I decided to see about getting on the right medications, and convinced a doctor to let me see a psychiatrist. This has worked out beautifully! The Depression Beast has now officially gone away on a trip hopefully far, far away. Dr. Anxiety still pops up every once in awhile to tell me things, but I’ve chosen to not care about proving myself to everyone anymore. I really am the hero of my own story.

But somewhere along the way, I met someone new—Lady Optimism™. I honestly never thought this creature existed due to the lies the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety told me. But she’s there! It’s really nice to have her in my life now.

Skills, Powers & Traits Earned Along the Way

It turns out I’ve earned more than scars along the way—I’ve collected superpowers. Through the stumbles and roadblocks, I have managed to discover some superpowers I didn’t know I had:

These are great powers to have. Sure, flying or running really fast would be cool, but how realistic are they?

What Comes Next on the Journey

I’ve decided not to get too much ahead of myself and enjoy things slowly, one moment at a time. I’ve told the Depression Beast and Dr. Anxiety to take a hike. I no longer care about having to prove to anyone that I am a success. I know I am a success. It was silly having those beliefs at all. Who cares what any of them think of me, if they even do! I haven’t seen any of them in the couple of decades since I graduated from high school, so they mean nothing to me. All that matters is what I think of me, and I’ve finally come to a point where I like me.

A real shift is taking place, and it’s nudging me toward trusting the Universe a little more—especially when those old monsters try to resurface. Letting go, rather than gripping tightly, was exactly what led to the new home appearing like a beacon in the fog. Call it synchronicity or intuition, but life seems to respond to the energy you put into it. Challenges can feel cruel… or they can be the training arcs that reveal the powers you never realized you had.

The Calmness of a Purr

Diana is just the best. She’s currently resting her head on my knee, laying beside me on the couch as I’m writing this. It’s as if she knows I’m writing about her now, as a soft, gentle purr is emitting from her. I don’t know if she knows what levelling up is, or age for that matter, but she still seems like the same sweet, playful, and destructive cat she’s always been. She and Lucy were two of the best decisions I ever made.

Final Thought

Levelling up doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, often in video games, it’s seen as a good thing. You get new abilities, or more coins, or something. I’ve chosen to view aging as levelling up. The path before me was full of zigs and zags, but each one taught me something about myself and made me more resilient. Thanks for reading, for those who do. It’s appreciated.

What are some of the major shifts that have taught you more about yourself than you ever thought was possible? I’d love to hear all about it! Share your story in my comments, or comment on a post on social media.

Hero in Progress, Mission Logs

Break in the Clouds: The Universe Just Opened a Door

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands before a glowing apartment doorway, one hand reaching toward the handle as warm golden light and cosmic swirls shine from within. Storm clouds break behind her, revealing sunlight and a distant Calgary skyline. At her feet, Diana the black cat with a white chest tuft sits confidently inside the doorway, illuminated by the glow.

There’s been a break in the clouds! It’s interesting how things can change from one week to the next. As I wrote in my last post, I decided to put the stress of moving and uncertainty about it up into the Universe to handle. Well, the Universe responded in a big way! The Universe opened a door for me — one I’m ready to walk through.

A Change in the Direction

Previously, I had hopes of renting a place close to work that checked most of my boxes, but was a little worried about being able to handle additional costs, like pet fees, parking, utilities, etc. On a whim, I decided to check out some more listings on RentFaster.ca, and found a place that worked even better. Rent price includes all utilities, garbage, snow removal/lawn care, parking, and no pet fees, and separate ensuite laundry. And it’s actually cheaper than the other place! The only extra costs I would have to pay that I am not already paying are internet and tenant’s insurance. This makes budgeting so much easier for me to handle.

The Sign From the Universe

Not only did I find this amazing place, but I got a direct sign from the Universe that this place is meant to be. When I contacted the landlord to make arrangements to view the place, she informed me of the address… Here’s the sign:

The street address is exactly the same name as the street I currently live at in Carseland, but in Calgary!

That had to be the Universe sending me a signal, am I right?!!

Last Wednesday’s viewing made everything click; the place truly felt like home. Envisioning life there came naturally. Once the application, credit check, and references were completed, approval followed—now just waiting on the probationary period ending December 14th.

A Break in the Clouds

I am genuinely excited about this new place! I have nothing but good vibes about it. This has increased my optimism and is a wonderful boost to my mood. It literally feels like the storm clouds have started to break and clear skies are peeking through.

I am looking forward to moving in to the city, closer to my work and to my brother. Even though moving itself is exhausting and stressful for anyone, I feel confident that this will happen smoothly. Most of my things are still packed away and stored in my parents’ garage, so the packing and carrying up of the items in my place now can happen around the Christmas break, as I have the 24th to 27th off and am anticipating using some of those days to move things to the garage, space and weather pending. I’ll also do a deep clean. Only the bare necessities will remain, like clothes, food, bathroom supplies, etc. I love it when a plan comes together!

The Plan: Mission Parameters Locked In

December 2nd I will meet with the landlord after work and review the terms of the lease and sign it. Once I pass my probation at work, I notify the landlord, who at the time will be out of town for a couple of weeks. When she returns on December 23rd, she will sign the lease and then my first month’s rent will be due.

Move-in date is January 2nd, which I have anticipated as all truck rental places are closed for January 1st. As that is a holiday for me as well, I plan to do my laundry including my bedding, ensure the place is clean and tidy, and pack up all that remains except what I would need in the morning. I will use the bedding my parents had on the bed for that night. Then I will go to bed early that evening as I plan to get up early on January 2nd. I would normally work on January 1st evening, but now have asked for a personal day for that day, which has been granted.

Move-In Countdown: The Steps Ahead

On the morning of January 2nd, I will plan to be at the Enterprise rental place by 9:00 a.m. Then I’ll meet the landlord at the new place to go through inspection and get the keys. At that point, damage deposit will be due. Then I head back to Carseland, gearing to move things into the truck starting by around 10:30 or so (which reminds me, I have to post a ‘helpers needed to move’ post on Facebook Marketplace or something like that). I anticipate one hour to load the vehicles and then head to the new place, arriving by no later than 1:00. That will give me 2 hours to unload the truck, as I have previously estimated I would return the truck to the rental place by around 3:00.

At that point, my first priorities will be to ensure Diana is safe and comfortably exploring while I assemble the bed first, then the other furniture and move the furniture to where it would look best. Then I’ll probably rest for the day. I can take my time unpacking, starting with bathroom and kitchen and working my way through the boxes. After all, I will have the rest of the weekend to unpack and determine optimal times for sleeping in the new place.

Diana: The Warrior Princess

I hope Diana will adjust well to the new place and moving won’t be too stressful for her. She’s done it before and rode with me as I moved from Richmond, BC to Carseland, Alberta. This is a much closer move. She’ll be safely stashed away in the 2nd bedroom of the apartment when the moving in of items happens. The only thing I need to worry about is getting her into the cat carrier and traveling to Calgary. Also, I’m sure she will miss her boyfriend a lot, so I do worry about her and how she’ll handle all of this. But with a new place, and new windows to look out of, I’m sure she’ll adjust. I named her after Wonder Woman, after all. She must have missed scratching my couch, too, right?

Final Thought

When there’s a break in the clouds and a sign that the Universe has opened a door for you, you walk through it. When all signs point towards this being meant to be, you allow yourself to feel optimistic and positive. Some people don’t understand that, but I know that’s how things work. When you put good vibes out there into the Universe, you get good vibes back. If all you do is put out negativity, chances are that will be your path. I was in a bad place for a while because I was embracing negativity far too much. It’s so amazing how fast things can change when you decide to embrace positivity.

How has the Universe shown you your path forward? Have you gotten any signs like the one I just received? If so, please feel free to share your story in my comments.

Hero in Progress

The Calm Before Big Change

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell sits calmly in a lotus meditation pose while a storm rages in the background. Lightning flashes behind her as she keeps her eyes closed in peaceful focus. Diana, her black cat with a white chest tuft, rests curled in her lap with one ear perked, listening to the distant storm.

The Calm Before the Storm

I’m currently in a holding pattern—waiting to hear whether the place I want will have a vacancy, watching other January rentals, preparing for my Lean Six Sigma exam, and biding my time until I reach level 50… which is in 2 weeks. It feels like the calm before big change, and I’m trying to appreciate it even as the uncertainty makes me uneasy. I know I should appreciate the time I have now as it will get pretty hectic once December hits, but it also has a little bit of an unsettling void feel to it. Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans, I guess.

The Storm

“The Storm” is how I’m choosing to encapsulate this uncertain time period. It could be a terrible storm, filled with lots of wind, a blizzard, a blinding fog, or all of the above. Or the meteorologists could get it wrong and it presents itself as much more tame than was anticipated. Who really knows for sure?

And honestly, the weather this week felt like a perfect mirror of my inner world. We actually did have a storm earlier this week. Rain, turned to freezing rain, and then snow, and lucky me had to drive through all of that on my way to work. It was super icy and I couldn’t travel more than 80 km/hr speed due to the car swaying too much on the frozen roads. It was like trying to drive on a frozen pond. It was scary but I made it in time for work as I left early. However, this made me question whether or not I should upgrade my tires to all weather tires… Yet another expense… Great…

Riding It Out

I’m trying not to get ahead of myself too much and stick to my weekend goals so I can calm the chaos. I’m also doing my best to practice self-care and breathing exercises to calm down my stress level so I don’t freak out. I’m pretty confident I will pass the probation period at work. I’m sure I will get it all figured out soon and get better at managing my time. My parents have decided to gift me the all weather tires for my birthday present, which is fantastic! (Thanks!) I will get the new tires on tomorrow—just in time for yet another winter storm to potentially hit on Sunday.

Things are starting to come together now. I’ve also got all my Christmas shopping done, almost finished wrapping all the gifts, and should have it ready tonight. It’s super rare for me to do anything Christmas-related before my birthday, but I decided to do a little shopping last Friday after work (as well as get my oil changed). As my birthday is in December, I have always felt like the two things need to be kept separate. But honestly? I was missing shopping. I love walking the malls, looking around, and all of that. I don’t really get to do that as often as I want to anymore with my crazy work schedule and living so far from a mall. The most I’ve been able to do is walk around Walmart, and that gets old real fast.

The Calm of a Storm

Who says storms are terrible anyway? Sure, some are, like hurricanes, tornadoes and typhoons. But there is a calmness to a storm. I love a good thunderstorm, and it was definitely something I missed while living on the West Coast. And who doesn’t love the scent after a fresh rainy day, or the sight of a beautiful rainbow to signal to us that it’s over.

It’s a very zen approach to take things one step at a time and to live in the now. What is the point of worrying about things not yet to come? It just causes too much stress on your mind and your body. Live in the moment. It is of course important to make plans in order to achieve a goal, but to take things slowly, not get ahead of myself, and figure it out as I go. Storms come and go, and so do these intense seasons of change. All things must pass…

Diana is a Master of Zen

Cats get it. They understand that time is really meaningless. All you need is food, fluids, a litter box, and some toys to make you happy. And plenty of sleep.

I have however noticed that she is constantly looking out the windows to see if her “boyfriend” is outside. (There’s this neighbourhood cat that roams around the whole town that our family has affectionately dubbed as “Boots” due to its white paws on a grey body). Diana always seems to be anticipating his approach around the same time usually. I think she actually worries about him if the weather changes, as when it was snowing earlier this week, she was looking for him with much more urgency. It will be difficult to move her away from him… Poor Diana!

Final Thought

I’m sure everything will magically fall into place. I know I’m not alone in feeling some anxiety about this calm before big change. I’m choosing to take things one task at a time, and send my stress up into the Universe to handle for me. Everything will be fine and will work out. I only have to believe it will and put those good thoughts out into the Universe.

What are some ways you deal with stress or anxiety? Share in the comments, I’d love to hear about it.

Mission Logs

Charting a Path Into Freelance Design (Without the Scams)

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell holds an old-fashioned legal scale with an uncertain expression while her black cat, Diana, sits in one of the scale’s pans and playfully bats at it, symbolizing weighing options and decision-making.

Mission Log: Chaos is Currently Reigning

After my last blog entry, I started thinking about what might be bothering me so much right now. There’s actually a lot of things going on. I turn 50 in 3 weeks, and if history is any indication, I usually panic at the decades and made some terrible decisions. When I turned 30, I suddenly decided I should get married and rushed into a relationship with someone that wasn’t right for me. When I became 40, I decided I was super depressed and went on the wrong medications that made things a hundred times worse. Looking back, I can see how those pressures pushed me into choices that weren’t aligned with who I really was. I guess I’m a little worried about what terrible decision I will make at 50.

From starting a new job, to thinking about moving in January, to finishing up my Lean Six Sigma Green Belt program (also in January), I have a lot of uncertainties going on. I don’t know for sure if I will pass the probationary period at work (though I think I’m doing okay), the costs of rent is ridiculously high and I’ve never paid that amount before so I have no idea if I can afford it. I need to study for a test also during the time I’m moving, so yeah, a lot is going on at the moment. It has me thinking about the near future and what it is I actually want. However, these kinds of thoughts has led to some terrible decisions, so I’m trying to slow down my thinking and figure out what it is I want to do.

Generating Extra Income

I do feel like I need more money to be able to make ends meet. Currently, one paycheque and a bit of the next one would be needed to make rent payments in Calgary at the place I want to rent. I would need to generate more income. That, and I am missing the graphic design aspect of my career.

I’m thinking about starting up my own freelance graphic design business, but I have no idea how to do that. I’m not what you would call business savvy. I know it may take up a lot of my extra time. which could be a good thing, but do I have the stamina to fulfill it? Also, where would I go to start one? Should I use a freelance agency? If so, which one? If not, how to graphic designers create their own freelance business? Are there resources out there from the Alberta or Canadian governments that could guide me through starting a freelance graphic design business? I have so many uncertainties, so I don’t want to make this decision lightly. I need a direction to head towards.

Never Fiverr

A couple of months ago, I tried to create a profile on Fiverr. I found the site only has scam artists asking you for your personal email address, which is against the company policy, yet everyone seems to be doing it, so clearly they don’t do much to weed out the scammers. I need a more reliable source to start my own freelance business up. I would appreciate any feedback anyone might have about this subject.

It’s Highly Competitive Out There

I also know that there are so many graphic designers out there in the same boat as me. I would need a way to separate myself from the competition and a way to stand out. I’ve never really been good at standing out…

So, yeah, my insecurities have decided to show up while I’m writing this blog. It’s always a thought in the back of my mind to do this though, so now I must seriously consider this as an option, or rule it out altogether. Could there be another legitimate way I could run a freelance business other than graphic design? I don’t know… The only thing I do know is I would either need to cut down on my expenses, which is difficult for me to do, or I have to find some other way to generate extra income that doesn’t intervene with my working or sleeping schedules.

What Am I Good At?

Here’s a brief list of the things I’m pretty good at:

  • print production
  • packaging design
  • booklet/catalog layout
  • branding basics
  • creative problem solving
  • process-driven design thanks to the Lean course

So how do I turn this into generating more income? Great question… I just wish I knew the answer.

Do I Really Need to Move?

Yes! Absolutely. After I lost my job, I had to move into my parents’ basement. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. I thought the minute I found a full-time job, I would immediately start looking for another place to live in the city. I’m annoyed with all the driving I’m doing currently. I need my own independence and to feel like I am a fully-functional adult. Regaining my independence is pushing me to think seriously about extra income streams.

Hello?!! Anxiety!

I’m realizing while writing this blog post that I’m riddled with anxiety about everything. Is it about the costs of living? Is it about turning 50? Is it about not knowing how I’m going to make ends meet? Is it all of the above? Probably. Incidentally, this is what it’s like to have an ADHD mind for women, and why I’m finding it difficult to sleep much. My old friend anxiety is paying me another visit. I hope its’ friend, the ugly depression monster, won’t be accompanying it this time around.

Diana’s Wisdom: Take a Nap!

I admire cats so much. They never worry about anything. As long as there’s food in their dish, flowing water, and a place to do their business, they are quite happy. They also sleep a lot. I’m sure if Diana could talk to me, she’d tell me to relax and take a nap. That actually sounds good right about now. She’s currently snoozing up against my lap while I’m typing this post, and it really is quite soothing. Ah, to be a cat!

Final Thought

I will figure out a plan soon, though I want to get all the urgent things done first, like passing my probationary period at work, securing a place to live, studying for the test, and move, but I think it’s good to put this intention out into the Universe to say that I intend to start figuring it out after all of these things have been accomplished. A person can only juggle so many plates at once — even a hero-in-progress. As always, I appreciate anyone who reads my blog, and I would also appreciate any advice on where to start a freelance graphic design business. I’m sure this will be a topic for discussion with ChatGPT as well, but I would definitely appreciate some feedback.

Hero in Progress

Packing Up the Past: Making Space for My Next Mission

Mell D'Clute
SuperMell stands confidently in a softly lit room filled with half-packed boxes labeled “Past,” “Dreams,” and “Next Mission.” Her black cat, Diana, with golden eyes and a white tuft on her chest, sits on one of the boxes as dawn light streams through a window overlooking the Calgary skyline, symbolizing a hopeful new beginning.

SuperMell is Ready for the Next Chapter

As I prepare for a big move to Calgary, I’ve been thinking a lot about what ‘packing up the past’ really means. It was once put to me by someone wise that I am the hero of my own story—just as everyone is. I tend to view life through that lens. If things are going great, just wait for the next daunting chapter. When life is challenging, turn the page to a new one. That perspective keeps me from getting too lost in the lows and reminds me that life ebbs and flows like the ocean. There will always be ups and downs—it’s how you carry yourself through them that matters most.

Brave Words, Am I Right?!!

Haha! Sometimes I catch myself trying to write something inspirational and find myself wondering in my mind if what I am saying is factual or over exaggerated. Take that intro paragraph, for instance…. I’m not quite sure why I wrote that in particular, but it sounded in my head like a great start to a blog post. I don’t know if it is or isn’t, but it’s made me wonder how exactly am I carrying myself as of late.

Reality Hits Hard, Sometimes…

Some things are going great for me, and some I’m struggling with—so I guess you could be the judge of how well I’m carrying myself these days.

I’ve started a new night-shift job at a Printing Place in Calgary, and I genuinely like it. While it’s not exactly the graphic design world, it feels a lot closer than cleaning offices ever did. It’s creative-adjacent, process-oriented, and oddly satisfying.

But with every good chapter, there’s a subplot I could do without… What I don’t like so much is the daily commutes, especially as the daylight is completely gone or not quite present both late at night when driving to work, and early in the morning when driving home. It’s about a 40-45 minute drive away, and it’s becoming quite the pain in the ass, especially since we just had our first snowfall of the year yesterday after I got home from work. I’m grateful I didn’t have to drive through that on my way home—only some icy fog.

The extreme dislike to the commuting is highly motivating me to start looking at apartments. I’m trying to gear myself towards moving early January. Which is great, but scary as well. Rent prices haven’t fallen and likely won’t anytime soon, so that worries me a little bit. And of course there’s the added stress of actually moving, which is always a headache. But I’m trying to imagine myself a few months from now living closer to work and in a place where I can control the temperature, which has been at least a decade.

Feelings are Weird…

I guess the stress is getting to me as I’m finding it difficult to get my lovely ADHD brain to kick into gear. I avoid housework like the plague, am great at making list of things to do, but not so great at following through with it. The good news is most of my stuff is still packed away in the garage, so I don’t have a super amount of work to do as compared to my last move. But still… Budgeting, figuring out how to make the overnight weekends work for me without making too much noise, etc., etc.,

Somehow I feel like I will be able to get my act into gear once I have all my own stuff and can do what I want on the weekends, but then again, I’ve always struggled with the task of housework, so who knows if I will be more organized. I just feel like I have missed my things a lot, you know?

The stress of moving, starting a new job, commuting, and completing my Lean Six Sigma Green Belt training is making my emotions seems quite numb as of late. It turns out, this kind of upheaval is not just ‘normal-chaos’ — according to Healthline, people undergoing relocation often face significant emotional and mental-health shifts.

I’m not sure what it is I am feeling, other than stressed out and living with some uncertainties. For instance, the place I really want to rent I won’t know if they will have anything available for January until at least late November. I do worry about the costs of living and so forth as well. When exactly will that giant sack of money fall from the sky?

Diana’s Take

Diana, as always, just patiently sits by my side as I write this blog post. She probably has no idea how stressed out I am or the feeling of overwhelm that’s wreaking havoc on my ADHD brain. I’m sure she can’t wait to be able to scratch my couch again, or crawl around under my bed as she used to do. She might miss her friend, the neighbourhood kitty we have affectionately referred to as Boots, who prowls around looking for food. She probably won’t miss my parents’ cats though… It’s been awhile and they still don’t really get along.

Final Thought

Seriously, where is that giant sack of money? Has anyone found one yet? If so, how and where did you find it? I’m dying to know! I’m doing my best to save money now, and will be able to handle things until I move, but not so sure about how to afford it when I am living in Calgary again. Time will tell, I suppose.