Mission Log: Chaos is Currently Reigning
After my last blog entry, I started thinking about what might be bothering me so much right now. There’s actually a lot of things going on. I turn 50 in 3 weeks, and if history is any indication, I usually panic at the decades and made some terrible decisions. When I turned 30, I suddenly decided I should get married and rushed into a relationship with someone that wasn’t right for me. When I became 40, I decided I was super depressed and went on the wrong medications that made things a hundred times worse. Looking back, I can see how those pressures pushed me into choices that weren’t aligned with who I really was. I guess I’m a little worried about what terrible decision I will make at 50.
From starting a new job, to thinking about moving in January, to finishing up my Lean Six Sigma Green Belt program (also in January), I have a lot of uncertainties going on. I don’t know for sure if I will pass the probationary period at work (though I think I’m doing okay), the costs of rent is ridiculously high and I’ve never paid that amount before so I have no idea if I can afford it. I need to study for a test also during the time I’m moving, so yeah, a lot is going on at the moment. It has me thinking about the near future and what it is I actually want. However, these kinds of thoughts has led to some terrible decisions, so I’m trying to slow down my thinking and figure out what it is I want to do.
Generating Extra Income
I do feel like I need more money to be able to make ends meet. Currently, one paycheque and a bit of the next one would be needed to make rent payments in Calgary at the place I want to rent. I would need to generate more income. That, and I am missing the graphic design aspect of my career.
I’m thinking about starting up my own freelance graphic design business, but I have no idea how to do that. I’m not what you would call business savvy. I know it may take up a lot of my extra time. which could be a good thing, but do I have the stamina to fulfill it? Also, where would I go to start one? Should I use a freelance agency? If so, which one? If not, how to graphic designers create their own freelance business? Are there resources out there from the Alberta or Canadian governments that could guide me through starting a freelance graphic design business? I have so many uncertainties, so I don’t want to make this decision lightly. I need a direction to head towards.
Never Fiverr
A couple of months ago, I tried to create a profile on Fiverr. I found the site only has scam artists asking you for your personal email address, which is against the company policy, yet everyone seems to be doing it, so clearly they don’t do much to weed out the scammers. I need a more reliable source to start my own freelance business up. I would appreciate any feedback anyone might have about this subject.
It’s Highly Competitive Out There
I also know that there are so many graphic designers out there in the same boat as me. I would need a way to separate myself from the competition and a way to stand out. I’ve never really been good at standing out…
So, yeah, my insecurities have decided to show up while I’m writing this blog. It’s always a thought in the back of my mind to do this though, so now I must seriously consider this as an option, or rule it out altogether. Could there be another legitimate way I could run a freelance business other than graphic design? I don’t know… The only thing I do know is I would either need to cut down on my expenses, which is difficult for me to do, or I have to find some other way to generate extra income that doesn’t intervene with my working or sleeping schedules.
What Am I Good At?
Here’s a brief list of the things I’m pretty good at:
- print production
- packaging design
- booklet/catalog layout
- branding basics
- creative problem solving
- process-driven design thanks to the Lean course
So how do I turn this into generating more income? Great question… I just wish I knew the answer.
Do I Really Need to Move?
Yes! Absolutely. After I lost my job, I had to move into my parents’ basement. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. I thought the minute I found a full-time job, I would immediately start looking for another place to live in the city. I’m annoyed with all the driving I’m doing currently. I need my own independence and to feel like I am a fully-functional adult. Regaining my independence is pushing me to think seriously about extra income streams.
Hello?!! Anxiety!
I’m realizing while writing this blog post that I’m riddled with anxiety about everything. Is it about the costs of living? Is it about turning 50? Is it about not knowing how I’m going to make ends meet? Is it all of the above? Probably. Incidentally, this is what it’s like to have an ADHD mind for women, and why I’m finding it difficult to sleep much. My old friend anxiety is paying me another visit. I hope its’ friend, the ugly depression monster, won’t be accompanying it this time around.
Diana’s Wisdom: Take a Nap!
I admire cats so much. They never worry about anything. As long as there’s food in their dish, flowing water, and a place to do their business, they are quite happy. They also sleep a lot. I’m sure if Diana could talk to me, she’d tell me to relax and take a nap. That actually sounds good right about now. She’s currently snoozing up against my lap while I’m typing this post, and it really is quite soothing. Ah, to be a cat!
Final Thought
I will figure out a plan soon, though I want to get all the urgent things done first, like passing my probationary period at work, securing a place to live, studying for the test, and move, but I think it’s good to put this intention out into the Universe to say that I intend to start figuring it out after all of these things have been accomplished. A person can only juggle so many plates at once — even a hero-in-progress. As always, I appreciate anyone who reads my blog, and I would also appreciate any advice on where to start a freelance graphic design business. I’m sure this will be a topic for discussion with ChatGPT as well, but I would definitely appreciate some feedback.