The Journey - Page 2 of 24

SuperMell stands confidently in the center of a creative studio coming to life with glowing purple and gold creative energy swirling around her hands. Shelves of art supplies, boxes, and instruments fill the room as it transforms from storage space into a creative workspace. Diana, a black cat with golden eyes and a white chest tuft, sits calmly nearby. In the background, a small pixie with red hair and colorful patchwork clothing—The Spark—floats on a shelf, winking mischievously as the studio awakens.

Mission Briefing: A New Wing of the Lair

The creative studio awakens!

Every hero eventually upgrades their headquarters. Even Batman will add new devices as technology advances. The key is using the unique talents a hero already possesses.

My talent is I have a creative spark within me. What was once considered a spare room or a storage space has slowly been transforming into a new creative wing of the lair.

This upgrade isn’t just about furniture placement. As I’ve been organizing everything that didn’t have a home, I started noticing categories emerging.

It’s transforming from a storage room into a space I might actually use.

The Room That Was (Before the Upgrade)

Before I used to think of the room as the spare room, or second bedroom. Even storage room seemed fitting.

It’s what I’m used to referring to the second bedroom as. You know how most people have a junk drawer in the kitchen? I tend to end up with an entire junk room.

I stored all the extra things I didn’t use on a regular basis in that room. Piles and piles of boxes. It felt overwhelming to decide where to begin when I started this phase of my home organization plan.

Of course, it had some emotional similarities to my life:

Random things all over the place reflected a disordered life.
Unfinished transitions led to the familiar thought: “I’ll deal with this later.” (Hello, Procrastinator.)
And chaos… well, I’ve definitely felt plenty of that.

Needless to say, this room has always been a challenge for me to keep in order or even find a use for. But that has changed.

The Awakening Begins

My resolution for this year was a challenge to myself: to keep a clean, tidy and organized home.

Using ChatGPT to help plan this goal has proven to be surprisingly helpful. It suggested to me to first unpack things one box at a time. Then to sort into categories. As there was limited space with all the extra boxes, I had to use part of my living room and part of my bedroom to host the piles of things. Now the whole place feels messy again, but I know it has a purpose to it.

Once the categories started to emerge and the closer I get to finishing the unpacking (only two more boxes left!), I started to see the room transform. The categories are all mostly creative things.

It no longer feels like a spare room. Now it feels like a creative studio. A room I can actually see myself going in and working on various creative projects.

Current Progress: The Studio in Development

It’s important to note this project is still a work in progress. I’m trying to finish it by the end of this weekend or early next week at the latest. While there’s still a lot of stuff left to do, it now feels like this room has a purpose other than just a storage room.

I have assembled storage racks. I’m almost done sorting through my things into category piles. Then I’ll clean the floor and assemble the desk. Once I see how much space the office supplies take up, I’ll decide where the remaining categories will live.

It’s interesting to see what the categories are. Here’s a list:

Office supplies
Art supplies
Large art supplies (paintings, portfolios)
Crafting supplies
Photos and other memorabilia
Tools and utility objects (light bulbs, batteries, etc.)
Comic books and other fandom collectibles
Piano and musical things

From seeing the piles emerge, and after some thoughtful questions from ChatGPT, the room stopped being a junk room to me and began being this creative studio.

The room has come alive!

Unexpected Side Quest: A Positive Work Update

While the creative studio is coming online, something unexpected has also shifted in the outside world.

As I mentioned in my last post, things had been stressful while I was under review at work. I’ve been working steady at trying to get quicker and quicker in doing certain tasks, and allowing a little more time for those I still find somewhat challenging.

I’m pleased to report that my efforts have not been in vain. They are no longer going to keep track of how much time I take on working on my assignments and I can now work at my own pace again.

This doesn’t mean I’ll go back to taking things slowly though, even when the workflow is slow. It means I no longer have an assigned cart with a time limit on it. I still plan on getting through the quicker jobs first and as quickly as possible, but I’ve gotten much better at multitasking and time management.

I’m already starting to feel the heaviness in my shoulders release. I feel like I can breathe again.

Why This Room Matters More Than It Looks

Transforming the idea of this room from a junk room into a creative studio is very important to me. I’ve always considered myself a creative person and love the arts.

I want to get back to doing creative things again. Whether that’s painting, drawing, sewing, or writing, a room with a dedication to it feels more like a room calling to me.

This studio represents possibility. If I have no real creativity in my work-a-day life, that doesn’t mean I can’t have it at home. It has actually excited me about the possibilities moving forward.

Of course, most of that will have to wait until this whole project of creating a clean, tidy, and organized home is finished.

Almost like magic, while unpacking the last box, I found unused and unopened multi-purpose labels. It’s like the Universe is personally approving my creative studio idea.

Diana’s Wisdom

This room is also her room, as she has reminded me so feverishly. It has a window where I purposefully have kept the blinds up and a cat tree in there so she can easily climb into the window, watch the birds and squirrels, and sleep in the sun. It also houses her litter box.

I think she’ll enjoy having a desk and keeping me company in the room—or rather me keeping her company in there. It was her creative studio first, after all.

Final Thought: The Lair Continues to Grow

Discovering a creative studio inside your own home doesn’t happen every day. As I continue working on the lair, I’m already imagining the creative projects that might come next. I’ll still dedicate time to daily tidying and weekly cleaning once the place is done by hopefully the end of March. But after the place is done, I’m anticipating using my new creative studio a lot.

When you have been organizing things, what surprise rooms or categories have you discovered? Share them in my comments. I’d love to hear your story.

Emotional Cartography

What If Everything Goes Wrong? A Spotlight on Dr. Anxiety

February 27, 2026February 27, 2026 Mell D'Clute

Square, semi-realistic comic-style illustration of SuperMell standing in a dim room, wearing a black suit with a purple “M” emblem and purple glasses. Behind her, Dr. Anxiety — an older man with wild grey hair, round glasses, and a lab coat — leans close to her shoulder. Around him float faint glowing symbols like question marks, warning icons, and clock faces. On the opposite side, Diana, a black cat with golden eyes and a small white chest tuft, sits calmly in warm light, contrasting the cooler green-blue tones around Dr. Anxiety.

The Whisper That Gets Loud

What if everything goes wrong? What if I fail? What do I do then?

These kinds of thoughts are springing up left and right this past week. I’m experiencing some personal issues lately that have made me question where I’m at. As such, I need to explore this feeling and get to the bottom of it.

The first step is to identify what it is I’m feeling. The Translator has zeroed in on one particular presence. This is Dr. Anxiety.

This is part of what I call Emotional Cartography — learning to map what I’m feeling instead of reacting blindly.

What He Sounds Like in My Head

Dr. Anxiety operates differently from Captain Rage. As the opening paragraph mentions, he sounds like those questions. The “what if” scenarios. These kinds of thoughts can be equally devastating and also helpful in some aspects. I suppose it depends on how you view them.

Some issues have cropped up. As I’ve been working on establishing my home base, I’m being evaluated more closely at work. That has me questioning my competence as well as my personal security. It has made me have these kinds of thoughts:

What if I wind up losing my job? What will happen to me then?

And then the thoughts get darker.
No one likes me. I hate my life.

It’s clear that The Depression Beast isn’t far behind. These two characters rise up all the time in my life, whether I want them to or not. When they both work in tandem, then enters The Procrastinator. I avoid some things or want to tune out for awhile. Quite honestly, it can be really exhausting.

What He’s Actually Trying to Do

I need to shift my frame of thought of seeing him as a villain, and try to understand him. What’s his motivation? Is he trying to hurt me, or is he actually trying to protect me?

No villain thinks they are the villain. Everyone thinks they’re the hero of their own story.

Dr. Anxiety wants certainty. He’s trying to make sure I do my best. He wants me to be happy, but he worries about things. Sometimes they are things out of my control, and sometimes I think he’s trying to ask me if I’m doing what I actually want to do.

Are you sure this is what you want?

Honestly, no, it’s not. But it is what it is right now. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be doing this until the end of time. It’s just my task for stability right now.

The Freeze: When Anxiety Invites Procrastination

As I alluded to before, when Dr. Anxiety and The Depression Beast work together, The Procrastinator enters the scene. This usually takes the form of checking out when I’m home. It can be countless hours wasted on watching TV, or scrolling social media feeds, or playing games on my phone. In most cases, it involves maladaptive daydreaming.

This is something that has happened with me since I can remember. I will imagine storylines of various superheroes (always DC Universe heroes) and what they are experiencing. When I examine the stories closer, I always notice some underlying emotion I’m feeling.

This week, my mind keeps returning to a “Year One” version of Dick Grayson — the moment he loses his parents. The grief. The uncertainty. The question of what happens next. Only in my version, he has a brother who also survived. (I think that was based on the Batman Forever movie where they had a brother in the act.) He’s five years older than him and is worried about being separated from him.

It’s always emotional. Sometimes it even brings me to tears. Then I think to myself: Maybe that’s the point. I’m trying to sort out my emotions in a distant way.

What I’m Learning (Not What I’ve Mastered)

If I slow down and pay attention to what my subconscious is trying to tell me, it’s clear what the underlying emotions are. I am feeling uncertain about my future. I still want to work in a creative field, and this job has zero creativity. Am I grieving my graphic design career? Was that all I could get out of it?

Grief and uncertainty about life is the theme in my daydream, so it stands to reason I’m feeling those feelings right now.

What do I do with this information? The Navigator wants to point me in a direction. Perhaps seeing this job as temporary until I land something I really want to do. Maybe figure out how to start up a freelance side business. Perhaps I could try applying to other jobs again. There are options.

I think part of the problem is I’m really sensitive to rejection, and job hunting is 99% “thank you for your interest in applying, but we’ve opted to go with another candidate at this time.” It’s hard to bounce back when you get that kind of message.

The Watcher is inviting me to pay attention to what the day dreams are trying to tell me. I’m doing my best to understand it.

Diana’s Wisdom

Diana has experienced some of Dr. Anxiety’s influence as well. She gets really nervous around people other than me. I almost lost her to another home before I got her, but they didn’t like how skittish she was. I knew that was temporary.

She was also really nervous when we moved, both from BC to Alberta, and again a couple of months ago. She doesn’t let Dr. Anxiety linger, though. After a while, she’s back to her old self again, batting toys around the place.

Maybe that’s the key. Acknowledge his appearance and what he’s trying to tell you, but don’t let him stay for too long.

Final Thought: Anxiety Doesn’t Get the Lair Keys

What if everything goes wrong? A better question to ask is: What if everything goes right? When Dr. Anxiety makes an appearance, I have two choices:

I can choose to let those thoughts paralyze me.
I can examine those thoughts and decide what’s actually in my control.

The former seems to be my old pattern. I’m starting to experiment with a new pattern.

How do you deal with Dr. Anxiety? Share in the comments. I’d love to read about it.

Hero in Progress

Establishing the Lair: Levelling Up the Home Base

February 10, 2026February 10, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell, in her black-and-purple superhero suit, stands at the center of a living room split between an unfinished, box-filled space and a calm, blueprint-like vision of an organized home. Diana, her black cat with golden eyes, sits peacefully at her side.

The Lair in Progress

Every hero needs a home base of operations. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, Batman has his Batcave. I have a home.

Since I moved into my new place on January 2nd, I’ve been busy. The move itself was exhausting and took me awhile to recover from the sheer exhaustion. For the last few weeks, I’ve been unpacking and slowly setting up systems.

It’s very important to me to have a neat, tidy and organized home now. As someone with ADHD, I often struggle with keeping places neat and tidy. I want to change that. I still have a long way to go, but I can finally see the beginning of the end.

The Work No One Sees

As I live alone, I only have myself to rely on to get things done. With my crazy schedule, I decided to turn my to-do list to a “what I feel like doing today” list. The first thing I wanted to establish was a quick daily tidy. This includes putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher (running it when full and emptying it when clean), clearing counters and living room surfaces of pop cans or garbage, and taking out the recycling when needed. For the most part, I have kept this routine, with a few meh-days mixed in when my energy was low.

One thing about me is I’m a deadline-oriented person. I can’t pre-plan things, per se, as once I do that, suddenly my mind says “that’s too much work!” and it never gets done. Remembering there will be an inspection from the landlords 3 months in, I’m realizing that that is a due date.

Last week, I wrote down all I had left to do in the living room and kitchen, and began spacing them out to certain days. As I work Sunday nights to Friday mornings, and sleep at roughly noon to 8 p.m., finding time to work is a little difficult. I save more heavier tasks for the Friday and Saturday, with some overflow to Sunday morning, and on work days, I try to add one to two tasks to accomplish in the mornings around 9:30 a.m. So far, this system seems to be working.

Living Room

The biggest thing to do with the living room was to finish unpacking, and figure out what goes on the storage racks in the big closet. I knew I wanted to have 2-3 shelves for kitchen overflow items that aren’t used regularly and I don’t have space for in the kitchen cupboards or drawers. I also have a lot of books.

I found Dr. Anxiety lurking around in the shadows telling me this task is impossible and I should just give up. The Procrastinator also made many appearances here and there, distracting me with all sorts of things. The Taskmaster was also trying to tell me all of the tasks that have to be done, and was ordering me to get certain things done by such and such a date. Unsurprisingly, I found it overwhelming.

I enlisted the help of The Navigator and The Groundskeeper to help me sort out how to accomplish these tasks. Once I wrote down the list of things left to do, and divided them into days, I decided to give myself a deadline last weekend to have the living room and kitchen completed by the end of this upcoming weekend (which also happens to be a long weekend).

I got through the books by first unpacking them and putting them randomly on shelves. Then I figured out I would need 4 of the shelves in the rack to accommodate them. I began sorting them into categories, realized stacking them like a library wouldn’t work with the spacing in the racks, and had to stack them vertically instead. After that, I organized the board games on the bottom rack on the other side, which left space for 3 kitchen shelves.

Kitchen

I had 4 boxes left to unpack that I wasn’t sure where to put things that hung around for a while. After I was done sorting through the living room shelves, it became much easier to tackle one box per day as my goal. Yesterday I went through two small boxes and one large box as I had the momentum to keep going. Today I finished unpacking the boxes.

Finishing Touches

All that’s left is finding homes for the remaining random objects, ensure items like knick-knacks and figures are positioned to where they will live, and clean the place. I’m still gearing towards finishing this living room and kitchen by Saturday. I want to take a break on Sunday as it’s a day off of work and I am planning on just relaxing.

Why This Matters More Than It Looks

This might sound like a boring thing to post about, but it is so satisfying completing a project like this. I made it my resolution this year to keep a clean, tidy, and organized home. I’m working towards that goal, one small step at a time. Keeping daily cleaning and tidying rituals is also very helpful. I find it doesn’t take very long if I do it at least once a day.

Because I have a naturally disorganized streak, the messier things get, the more overwhelmed I feel. Then I just put it off and it never gets done. When I finally do get off my butt and do something about it, it always surprises me how fast it takes to get it done. I don’t want to keep doing this.

There’s also this side of me that puts off doing other things I want to accomplish because I have to clean or organize my home first. It is so exhausting to keep putting things I want to do off.

This is part of what I call Emotional Cartography—learning how my environment affects my emotions and adjusting accordingly.

What’s Still Unfinished (And That’s Okay)

I have given myself the deadline of early March to try to have the place in order, or at least mostly in order. After I finish the kitchen/living room area this weekend (and take a day off), I will tackle the rest of my bedroom next week, and finish with sorting the second bedroom—which is a lot—for the remainder of the month.

The good news is there is an end in sight. My bedroom shouldn’t take too long to do, but I’ll tackle it like I did the living room and kitchen. I will make a list of what needs to be done and figure out when, then add it to my What I Feel Like Doing Today list for the week.

As the name of the list implies, I can change the order as I see fit if I feel like tackling something else. Or if I want to push something more difficult to a weekend night to work on. And I space it out just in case I have a meh-day somewhere in the middle of this.

A hero isn’t just born a hero. It’s a journey of thousands of small steps. As with RPG-types of video games, heroes need to level up. I finally feel like I’m about to reach a new level.

Diana’s Wisdom

Diana has two modes:

Notice the human is doing something and try to help by batting her toys around.
Go into the second bedroom window and sleep.

I’m sure she would appreciate a nice and tidy home as well. Just so long as she can still locate her favourite toys.

Final Thought: The Lair Is Live

I’m looking forward to establishing my home base as a place of comfort and relaxation. I certainly hope this renewed energy continues to show up. But if there is a meh-day in-between, I’ll simply rename it a “me-day”.

How do you keep things neat and tidy? I’d love to hear your tips or tricks, especially if you also have ADHD.

The Ones Who Shaped Me

It’s Time to Play the Music: A Hero’s Love Letter to the Muppets

February 5, 2026February 5, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell, in her black-and-purple superhero costume, stands center stage under a warm spotlight, framed by red theater curtains. Vague, shadowy puppet-like silhouettes linger in the background, suggesting creative influence and performance.

It’s Time to Play the Music

I’m really excited about The Muppet Show coming back, in a way that feels similar to when it first aired. I have grown up on The Muppets. Everything from Sesame Street to The Muppet Show helped shape who I am today. So did the movies—The Muppet Movie, The Great Muppet Caper, and The Muppets Take Manhattan—along with many later iterations.

I don’t know where I’d be without Rowlf the Dog’s constant dad jokes encouraging me to do the same. The sarcasm from Statler and Waldorf didn’t hurt either. And who didn’t love The Rainbow Connection? Such a beautiful song.

This is a post dedicated to the Muppets. Let’s get things started!

Lessons From Frogs, and Pigs, and Chickens, and Things

One of the first toys I had that I absolutely loved was a large stuffed animal of Mr. Snuffleupagus. Growing up on Sesame Street, and seeing all the interactions between people and Muppets, helped form who I am. Who doesn’t remember “a loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter”?

So my mornings were spent watching Sesame Street. One day a week they had a prime time show called The Muppet Show. It was fun to see the reporter Kermit now hosting a show similar to a lot of variety shows in the 1970s. Miss Piggy quickly became one of my favourite characters. She stood alongside Wonder Woman and Princess Leia as one of my early influences. Sweet and gentle one minute and karate chopping her way through the next, Miss Piggy was bold, unpredictable, and utterly delightful.

The movies made a huge impact on me as well. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think fondly of The Rainbow Connection. When I rewatched The Muppets Take Manhattan as an adult, I got more of the innuendos. Janice quickly became my favourite Muppet. One of her lines—about not taking her clothes off for anyone, even if it was “artistic”—made me love her instantly.

Watching The Muppets always made me feel like I was part of their world. They mostly got along well with each other, had vastly different personalities, and felt so welcoming. It was often great to see what shenanigans they would get themselves into, and how Kermit would deal with it. They made it cool to be a weirdo.

Looking back, the Muppets taught me that there’s room for everyone on the stage—even the weird ones.

What Was Sundered and Undone Shall Be Whole

I have mentioned The Dark Crystal before in one of my blog posts, maybe even a couple of posts. It was a wonderful fantasy movie that just captivated me as a kid, and once again as an adult. I even enjoyed the brief series (and really wish they’d make some more of it!)

This movie introduced the idea of a hero’s journey or quest to me. It’s why I’ve named my blog “The Journey”, and it’s one of the reasons why I have come to see myself as the hero of my own story.

The idea of Jen and Kira as child-like—or even Hobbit-like—characters really appealed to me. This movie felt more grown-up to me when I was a kid and had a lovely story to it. Some scenes were a little frightening, like when they stripped Chamberlain down to barely any feathers left. But the message of the movie was not lost on me.

What stayed with me was the idea that there is both good and evil in everyone—and that they cannot exist without each other.

The Lovers, the Dreamers, and Me

I still get excited whenever anything Muppet-related comes out. Yoda was my favourite character in Star Wars because he was clearly a Muppet and voiced by Frank Oz. I’ve watched and loved everything that has come out in the last few years that was Muppet-related. There was a time when I didn’t watch Muppets, I think in the era of the 1990s. That just means they’ll be on my list of things to watch very soon.

Now that the historic Muppet Show is back on Disney+, it has me so excited and happy. Let’s hope they do a “Pigs in Space” sketch, and so many others that were staples. Only one episode in and it feels like the show never went off the air. I watched it just before I went to work last night. Of course that just means I have had the theme song to The Muppet Show in my head ever since. Honestly? I don’t mind it. It’s a fun little song.

Then there’s the Mahna Mahna song… Which enters my mind at least every couple of weeks.

The point I’m trying to make is I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the Muppets. I’m excited to see where the show goes from here, and any future ideas. Perhaps a new Muppet movie sometime soon.

Hi-Ho! Thanks For the Memories!

This post was intended to be a love letter to the Muppets. Special thanks to Jim Henson, Frank Oz, and everyone else who has contributed to the creation of The Muppet Show. I’ll never stop loving them. I hope they keep coming back. I’ll leave this post where it began—with the opening lines that still make me smile every time I hear them:

“It’s time to play the music. It’s time to light the lights…”

Some songs never really leave you.

Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Creative Sparks and Unfinished Stories

January 30, 2026January 30, 2026 Mell D'Clute

Naming the Pull

When The Archivist of Regret shows herself, she often stirs up creative sparks and unfinished stories. She lives in the past, mostly. Whenever I get in a certain mood (slight depression, regret, remorse, etc.), I oftentimes find myself going down the rabbit hole of what could have been. This post is about unresolved issues that tend to linger, and I’ll be introducing a new character in my Who’s Who arsenal to better understand and regulate my emotional responses.

The Creature Creeps

This particular memory has to do with something that didn’t happen in high school. I was in a drama production that never got to see the curtain fall due to the tragic deaths of two of our classmates just before our dress rehearsal, one of which had a major prominent role in the play. But this post isn’t about grief of losing fellow students. This post is more about the grief of not getting closure on something.

The play was called “The Creature Creeps”. I have thought long and hard about this play that never got to see the light of day and have concluded that I don’t think the teacher got the joke of the play. I understand the humour much more as an adult than I did when I was a kid, despite not having read it since that high school year.

This often sends me down a spiral of imagining putting it on “the right way”. In it, I’m more of a director and have to explain the story to everyone so they get the joke. It’s a horror comedy/farce type of play. I see it much more clearly than I did back then.

Why Do I Do This?

It’s easy to dismiss this as something small or insignificant, especially since it happened so long ago. But I am a person who loves a good story, and I’m also one of those creative types of people. I believe the reason why I keep going through this loop is because I have an unresolved creative spark that hasn’t quite been acknowledged yet.

The Unfinished Creative Loop

I think this is a common trait amongst creative types. We do a project from far in the past, then think of ways we could do it better in the present. With age, maturity, and wisdom, comes better hindsight… and we all know how useful hindsight can be.

A cancelled play might not be what some people would think about, but I do constantly. Every so often the thoughts cross my mind. I honestly wish it wouldn’t keep coming up, but I never got closure from it as we never got to perform it. How do you resolve an issue like that?

Why Some Ideas Don’t Fade

For us creative types, we need to have that final bow, or feel like we did our best to complete a project. If we later see better ways of handling it than we did when we were younger, this creates the possibility of either a new project idea for inspiration, or a deep sense of regret for what could have been.

It’s so easy to see how the Archivist of Regret is working on opening the file, and even the Depression Beast peeking through from the shadows, whispering, “No one would get what you’re trying to say, so don’t even try to explain it. People didn’t like you in high school, and you weren’t that bright to have figured it out back then anyway.”

However, I also believe this is the perfect opportunity to introduce a new Wild Card character to my Who’s Who list of emotional characters.

New Who’s Who Entry: The Spark

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Creative energy
Primary Role: Ignites ideas and creative reinterpretation
Shows Up When: Old creative work resurfaces with new understanding

The Spark brings flashes of insight, inspiration, and creative possibility. She helps me see familiar ideas in new ways, often revealing layers I couldn’t access before. At her best, she reignites curiosity and reminds me why creating matters. When she lingers too long without an outlet, she can trap me in a loop—revisiting ideas endlessly instead of letting them move forward or rest.

How This Character Fits In: Team-ups and Tensions

Common Team-Ups

The Spark + The Archivist of Regret
The Spark often activates old creative files the Archivist has carefully preserved. Together, they revisit unfinished work with fresh eyes, searching for meaning that wasn’t visible at the time. This pairing can bring insight—or keep the past perpetually open.

The Spark + The Navigator
When balanced, The Navigator helps direct The Spark’s energy toward what matters now, rather than what once was. This team-up turns inspiration into intentional direction instead of endless reconsideration.

Productive Tensions

The Spark vs. The Depression Beast
The Spark wants movement and expression, while the Depression Beast weighs everything down. When the Beast dominates, her energy fizzles into frustration. When she’s acknowledged but not indulged, her light can soften his heaviness.

The Spark vs. The Procrastinator
The Spark ignites ideas, but The Procrastinator delays acting on them. This tension often leaves inspiration suspended—alive, but unrealized—creating guilt without resolution.

Wild Card Interference

The Spark + The Trickster
Together, they can turn creative reflection into endless mental play. Ideas bounce, refract, and entertain without ever landing. Sometimes this is joyful. Sometimes it quietly stalls progress.

Why She Belongs as a Wild Card

The Spark isn’t a problem to solve. She’s a signal.

She appears when something creative wants acknowledgment—whether that means expression, reinterpretation, or simply permission to exist without completion. Learning when to follow her and when to gently thank her without acting is part of the map.

Why The Spark Showed Up Now

Perhaps with age comes wisdom. Or maybe I’m more aware of things now that I’ve gotten treatment for ADHD.

All I know is this memory continues to pop up from time to time (though admittedly not as often as it did a few years ago). She must want me to somehow find a resolution to this project that never got to be.

As I’ve mentioned many times in my blog posts, I love a good story. If it’s well-written, the characters are well thought out, and—if it winds up being a production—if the acting is supreme, it ignites something in me. I think this Spark is also the reason why I often want to learn animation—so I can tell my own stories visually. The Depression Beast has pointed out to me that I’m too old now and can’t really draw or illustrate very well, so how could that work out?

And sometimes I find myself wondering why this is resurfacing now.

Resolution

I think what I’m actually looking for may not be resolution, but permission. Or some closure. Perhaps I could write it out of my system privately so I direct it the way I wanted it to go. Or perhaps I should just let it go as a flick from the past. That’s much easier said than done.

If anyone has any ideas how to put this particular issue to rest, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Diana’s Wisdom

I’m sure if Diana could talk, she’d tell me to relax and stop driving myself crazy over this. She doesn’t live anywhere in the past as far as I know. She only cares about having food in her bowl, water to drink, a clean litter pan, some toys to bat around, and a warm lap for cuddling.

Diana doesn’t need closure, nor does she care about what might have been. She only knows what is in front of her right now.

Sometimes, presence matters more than answers.

Final Thought

Creative sparks and unfinished stories tend to linger for us creative types. The Spark lives to inspire us to do something creative. I may never find a way to get closure over this issue, or perhaps writing about it now is the first step to acknowledging that this Spark lives within me, and sometimes she’s just begging to be paid attention to. I don’t owe every creative spark a finished product. Some only ask to be acknowledged. Sometimes the work of a Spark is simply to be seen.

Do you ever find yourself trapped in a creative loophole over something that wasn’t completed? How did you handle it?

Emotional Cartography

Mutiny on the Bridge: When Anger Runs the Ship

January 25, 2026January 25, 2026 Mell D'Clute

Illustration of SuperMell aboard a pirate ship, face-palming as Captain Rage angrily grips the helm while The Groundskeeper and The Watcher step in, with Diana perched calmly on her shoulder.

Something Was Wrong on the Bridge

Sometimes you need to take a step back to realize when anger runs the ship. I didn’t realize it right away, but looking back, the signs were obvious.

Earlier this week, I noticed tension, irritability, and overreaction to very simple changes at work. The ship was still moving, but it sure wasn’t steady. Captain Rage can in fact cause a lot of harm if I let him take the helm for too long.

Captain Rage as a First Mate, Not a Villain

Now I know what you all are thinking. You think I shouldn’t let Captain Rage anywhere near the bridge. I have often found that he has a greater purpose if he is utilized correctly. He’s not bad or evil, just lets things get to him from time to time.

He easily spots threats and can react in time to avert catastrophe. Sometimes when he runs the ship, I get more done faster and more efficiently than I would have otherwise. That’s his power. Captain Rage can be a strong ally—but only when used carefully. I need to listen to him sometimes, but he should never be put completely in charge.

How the Mutiny Happened (Without Blaming the Sea)

This was a slow week at work, which already adds some tension and uncertainty. Combine that with hormones and running out of a certain ADHD-friendly medication, which didn’t help my overall regulation that week. Well it turned into an open door for Captain Rage to walk through. I came into work and was given assignments. Normally, I choose the assignments, but not this time.

Well, that was enough to send Captain Rage into overdrive. It got to the point that my anger and frustration was noticed by others. I experienced fatigue, back pains, struggles with getting it right, and I felt pressured to be a perfectionist—something I already struggle with from The Taskmaster and Dr. Anxiety. When machines or files aren’t aligned properly either, it gets on my nerves. I want it to be perfect too, and find it frustrating when things don’t work the way they should.

In other words, I was losing control and that made me angry. The mutiny wasn’t overly dramatic, but I was venting audibly at times. Captain Rage didn’t storm the bridge, but I did leave him in charge for too long.

What Anger Was Covering Below Deck

I’m fairly certain The Taskmaster may have influenced his wrath. The Taskmaster does demand perfection. I was given tasks I sometimes struggle with. He whispered, “They’re micromanaging you now! They want you to fail! They want to get rid of you because you’re not doing a good enough job. Plus, they don’t like you very much.” I think he and Dr. Anxiety teamed up to stoke the embers and push Captain Rage beyond control.

Incidentally, this is what made me come up with my last post about naming my emotions as heroes, shadows, and wild cards. This rage I felt was overblown and it wasn’t really something to get that upset about. The Translator showed up to identify that Captain Rage was in charge of the ship. The Watcher noticed the patterns and immediately brought my attention to the matter. The Navigator carefully pointed out another alternative as to why I was given these tasks. As it’s slower at work, they wanted me to practice on things I’m not comfortable doing so I can improve.

The Groundskeeper showed up to inform me that this is only a job. It’s not my life. Just do the tasks, get it done, and move on. I need to have this job to keep my new home. I should see this as an opportunity for self-improvement, not an insult.

Stopping the Mutiny (Not Throwing Anyone Overboard)

I took a deep breath, took a lunch break, and had a conversation with my ChatGPT to find a way to stop Captain Rage from completely knocking over the table. This is incidentally when I decided to come up with the characterization of my emotions as characters in the SuperMell arch.

When I finally calmed down and listened to what the others were telling me (yes, even Dr. Anxiety and The Taskmaster), I was able to slow down my thoughts. acknowledged Captain Rage was at the helm, and asked him to step aside and let The Groundskeeper take over for awhile.

I didn’t punish Captain Rage, but recognized he also needed a rest. It wasn’t his fault he lost control of the ship. He was responding to perceived danger.

Course corrections can take time, after all.

What I’m Learning About Anger and Leadership

While Captain Rage certainly has his strengths, he really shouldn’t be left completely in charge of steering the ship. It’s great to listen to him, even to acknowledge he’s there or what he’s concerned about. In fact, not every voice on the ship should steer.

Leadership changes depending on the weather. If the skies are clear, it’s nothing but smooth sailing. But if a perfect storm is brewing, we need to put level heads in charge. Captain Rage is a lot of things, but level-headed isn’t a way I’d describe him.

It’s okay to be angry and to acknowledge that anger. Anger tells us something about ourselves. It also tends to hide the pain. Captain Rage is in fact a little overprotective of The Depression Beast. The Depression Beast has been wondering why it feels like others don’t like us very much. That combined with The Taskmaster and Dr. Anxiety’s talking points, made Captain Rage decide he needed to keep The Depression Beast at bay. In other words, he was trying to protect me from the Beast.

Diana Reminds Me to Keep Calm and Carry On

Diana seldom lets Captain Rage take over. Sometimes she huffs and snarls around the place, but I think she wants to play or something. She lets things fall as they may and tells me it’s all going to be alright.

Final Thought: Back to Emotional Cartography

It’s important that I remind myself this is a journey to gain control over my emotional cartography. As I tend to struggle with my emotions, it’s important for me to name them, acknowledge their presence, and decide whether or not they should be put in charge of running the ship. We’re still sailing. Captain Rage still has his purpose on the ship. However, moving forward, command is no longer going to be automatically given to anyone but me.

How do you handle it when Captain Rage takes over?

Emotional Cartography, Hero in Progress

Who’s Who: Heroes, Shadows, and Wild Cards

January 22, 2026January 25, 2026 Mell D'Clute

SuperMell stands on a hill beside her black cat Diana, facing a line of shadowy silhouettes representing the heroes, shadows, and wild cards of her inner world.

Who’s Who in My World

Along with myself and Diana, there are thirteen constant companions in my inner world. Some are heroes, some are shadows, and some are just wild cards. I thought it would be fitting to give each of these characters a brief bio, just in case you were curious what I’m talking about.

It’s no secret that sometimes I struggle with my emotions. While I don’t necessarily think of emotions as good or bad, some are more helpful than others. What follows are the characters I’ve created (with a little assist from ChatGPT) to try to explain them to everyone who reads this.

I’ve already introduced three of these characters. I hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The Heroes

These are the more helpful of my emotional allies:

LADY OPTIMISM

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Hope
Primary Role: Keeps morale alive during difficulty
Shows Up When: Things feel heavy, but not hopeless

Lady Optimism radiates encouragement and forward momentum. She believes that things can improve, even when the path forward isn’t clear yet. At her best, she brings lightness, reassurance, and the reminder that effort still matters. When overextended, she can drift toward denial, but her true strength lies in offering hope without erasing reality.

THE NAVIGATOR

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Clarity
Primary Role: Helps choose direction based on values
Shows Up When: Facing crossroads, big decisions, or identity shifts

The Navigator helps sort what matters from what’s merely loud. They don’t rush decisions or offer easy answers, but instead bring focus to values, priorities, and long-term alignment. When everything feels possible and overwhelming at once, The Navigator slows the moment enough to see a true path forward. Their guidance isn’t about certainty—it’s about choosing with intention.

THE GROUNDSKEEPER

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Regulation
Primary Role: Maintains routine and stability
Shows Up When: Life starts to feel scattered or overwhelming

The Groundskeeper tends to the basics that keep everything else functioning. He focuses on sleep, food, tidying, and simple systems that prevent small issues from becoming crises. Patient and consistent, he works in the background rather than seeking attention. His strength lies in maintenance, reminding me that stability is built through care, not force.

THE TRANSLATOR

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Emotional literacy
Primary Role: Interprets feelings before reactions take over
Shows Up When: Emotions are strong but unclear

The Translator helps me understand what I’m actually feeling instead of reacting blindly. He identifies the emotions beneath the surface, turning confusion into language that makes sense. Sometimes he goes offline when things are too overwhelming, but he always comes back online once clarity is possible again. His work turns emotional noise into understanding.

THE WATCHER

Type: Hero
Core Emotion: Awareness
Primary Role: Observes patterns without judgment
Shows Up When: Confusion, overwhelm, or repetition becomes noticeable

The Watcher notices what’s happening without trying to change it. They observe patterns, timing, and reactions, gently turning chaos into information. When clarity is hard to reach, The Watcher offers perspective rather than answers, allowing understanding to emerge naturally. Their presence removes shame by replacing self-criticism with curiosity.

The Shadows

Not all of these characters make things easier. Some complicate things—but they still have something to say. These are the shadows:

DR. ANXIETY

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Fear
Primary Role: Scans for danger and worst-case outcomes
Shows Up When: Uncertainty, pressure, or loss of control appear

Dr. Anxiety is always analyzing risk, forecasting what could go wrong before it happens. He presents himself as helpful and protective, even when his warnings spiral into overwhelm. At his best, he highlights real concerns that deserve attention. When unchecked, he turns possibility into catastrophe and urgency into paralysis.

THE DEPRESSION BEAST

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Despair
Primary Role: Pulls energy inward and dampens motivation
Shows Up When: Prolonged stress, loss, or emotional exhaustion set in

The Depression Beast moves slowly but with great weight, making even simple tasks feel impossible. His presence dulls motivation, flattens emotion, and wraps everything in heaviness. While deeply uncomfortable, he often signals that something has been pushed too far for too long. Ignoring him rarely works—understanding his message is the first step toward relief.

CAPTAIN RAGE

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Anger
Primary Role: Defends against perceived threat or injustice
Shows Up When: Boundaries are crossed or frustration boils over

Captain Rage reacts fast and loudly, charging in when something feels unfair, unsafe, or overwhelming. His anger often masks deeper emotions like hurt, fear, or grief, but his instinct is always protective. When channeled well, he can enforce boundaries and demand change. When unchecked, he escalates conflict and burns through energy without resolution.

THE ARCHIVIST OF REGRET

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Regret
Primary Role: Preserves memories of past mistakes and missed chances
Shows Up When: Looking backward instead of forward

The Archivist of Regret carefully catalogs what went wrong, replaying moments that feel unfinished or unresolved. She believes that remembering mistakes will prevent them from happening again, even when the cost is self-forgiveness. At her best, she offers insight and hard-earned lessons. When she dominates, the past becomes heavier than the present, making growth feel out of reach.

THE TASKMASTER

Type: Shadow
Core Emotion: Control
Primary Role: Enforces productivity and high standards
Shows Up When: Fear of failure or falling behind takes over

The Taskmaster demands action, structure, and results, often without regard for capacity or rest. He believes that constant effort is the only way to stay safe and successful. When balanced, he can drive focus and follow-through. When unchecked, he turns progress into punishment and mistakes into proof of inadequacy.

The Wild Cards

Then there are the ones who don’t fit neatly anywhere.

THE FOG

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Dissociation
Primary Role: Blurs awareness to reduce overload
Shows Up When: Things become emotionally or mentally overwhelming

The Fog softens everything—thoughts, feelings, memory, and urgency. He doesn’t cause harm directly, but his presence can be disorienting, making it hard to focus or feel fully present. Sometimes he acts as protection, stepping in when experience becomes too intense to process. Other times, his lingering signals a need to stop pushing and gently re-enter clarity.

THE TRICKSTER

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance
Primary Role: Redirects attention through humour and distraction
Shows Up When: Discomfort, boredom, or emotional tension appear

The Trickster deflects seriousness with jokes, scrolling, and sudden side-quests. He isn’t malicious and often believes he’s helping by lightening the mood. In small doses, he brings playfulness and relief. When left unchecked, he pulls focus away from things that matter, turning avoidance into delay.

THE PROCRASTINATOR

Type: Wild Card
Core Emotion: Avoidance (with guilt)
Primary Role: Delays action by downplaying urgency
Shows Up When: Tasks feel boring, overwhelming, or emotionally loaded.

The Procrastinator shrugs off urgency with a casual “later.” He soothes discomfort in the moment by postponing action, convincing me that the task can wait without consequence. Sometimes he’s genuinely helpful, creating space when pressure is artificial or energy is depleted. More often, he leaves behind guilt, regret, and the uncomfortable feeling of having let myself down.

Team-Ups and Tensions

These characters don’t exist in isolation. They react to one another, amplify each other, and sometimes work at cross-purposes. Understanding how they interact helps me recognize what’s actually happening in the moment—not just which character has shown up.