After the Decision, Before the Drift
Choosing a direction is often the easy part. Sticking to it is where things get harder.
Once you’ve chosen a direction, it usually feels right… at first. Unfortunately, that feeling doesn’t always last. Doubt begins to creep in, and you start second-guessing yourself.
Choosing the path is one moment. Staying on the path is many different moments.
The Drift Begins
I sometimes wonder if this is my ADHD, or if everyone experiences this. You decide to take a certain course of action. But as soon as you decide to do it, you suddenly lose your momentum. Where do I begin? It seems like too much work. Oh! I know! Maybe I’ll write another blog post instead.
The Procrastinator likes to have his fun with decisions like these. What? You want to actually do something about it? That sounds exhausting. Let’s play Arkham City instead.
It’s almost as if the second I declare my intention, it vanishes. Then I have to come back and choose the path once again, only maybe take a different route. Sometimes I wish The Navigator was clearer about the direction.
I tend to get easily distracted. There’s just so much entertainment at hand these days that I find it sometimes hard to stick to my goals. Sometimes I tend to declare a “brain day” and want to relax and veg out. Sometimes it comes from not knowing what happens after I reach the goal. Or even worse, what if I fail to achieve the goal? What will I do then? That’s when the self-doubt starts creeping in.
The Navigator Doesn’t Steer the Ship
The Navigator’s job is to give me a direction to sail in. I still have to do the work. I have to show up, act, and decide repeatedly. It’s still up to me to follow through on the decision. It’s not always easy to listen to her. But I know she knows what’s best for me.
The Navigator points the way. She doesn’t hold the wheel. That’s my job.
Course Corrections Are Not Failures
Psychologists tend to frown when you speak in absolutes. They call it “faulty thinking” – when you believe in all-or-nothing thinking, for instance. I have to finish this goal completely before I can start my next one. This has been my frame of mind since I moved in and have been organizing and cleaning my home. Once I finish cleaning the home, I can declare this task done and figure out what to do next.
That is an example of all-or-nothing thinking. And it also serves as a handy excuse for why I don’t move on to a new goal. This way, I won’t try it and fail miserably at it. I know this is why I tend to stall at finishing cleaning my apartment. I’m scared of what happens next.
It’s important for me to remember that staying on track doesn’t mean I have to do it consistently. I can always pick it back up when I’m ready. Also, just because I make a decision to do something doesn’t mean that I have to do it perfectly. Sometimes course changes are required. That’s still The Navigator guiding me toward a better path. Small adjustments are part of the process.
And so what if I do drift from the goal? Does that mean I’ve failed? Of course not. I can pick it back up where I left off. I can steer this ship back on course. Even Voyager took detours along the journey home. No matter what detour they would take, they’d always find a way back to their journey home… sometimes even finding a quicker way to do it than they knew about before.
How I Stay on Track (Most of the Time)
I still go by what I feel like doing in the moment. If I feel like tackling a cleaning project, I’ll do it. If I’m tired, I listen to my energy level and rest. Sometimes I ask ChatGPT to give me a “realistic” schedule for cleaning with a specific due date, and space it out so I don’t overdo it. Like last weekend, I had two main goals to achieve, one in the morning before sleep and one in the evening after sleep. I would even set alarms to go off at the time I thought would work. I don’t always start right away, though. Sometimes I need more time to ease into it.
When I break things into small steps, they feel much easier to complete. Then I actually feel like I’ve achieved something, almost like finishing a level in a video game.
I do find it difficult to do tasks after I work though… I’m still trying to figure out that balance. But I know I’ll figure it out. I can’t do everything everywhere all at once. Who can? (That’s a great movie, by the way…)
My stardrive is still online. I get these microbursts of energy and use those to tackle a small thing with a time limit of no more than one hour.
When I Don’t Stay on Track
Of course, there are still days where I don’t feel like doing much of anything useful. But I’ve decided that that’s okay. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I already know I’m capable.
I did organize the whole apartment (except for the paperwork… but that will come later.) I thought organizing the closet racks in the living room was going to take forever, and it didn’t. It was quite intimidating to see all those boxes in the second bedroom, but I eventually crushed it and even turned the second bedroom into a room with a purpose (a.k.a. my Creative Studio).
So I know I’m capable of great things if I put my focus on it, and do one item at a time. That’s the same approach I took towards cleaning my home over the weekend. Now all that’s left is dusting the living room, sweeping, and mopping. That’s it.
It’s okay if I have a day after work here and there where I’m more inclined to sit down on the couch and stream for a while. Because I know this isn’t permanent—I always find my way back.
Diana Doesn’t Drift—She Just Chooses Again
Diana is the queen of following her instincts. If something is going on outside, she has to run back and forth from the front of the house to the back to let me know something’s afoot! (Or aflight, as the case may be…) She doesn’t overthink direction. She just goes. And if she’s decided she’s had enough bird watching and just wants to take a nap, then she follows that instinct as well. She doesn’t feel bad if she doesn’t catch the red dot. That just makes her more determined the next time it shows up. I know some day she’ll catch that thing!
Final Thought: Staying the Course Isn’t About Perfection
Choosing a direction is the easy part. Following through can be tougher to do. It’s important to be realistic in what you can achieve and schedule in lots of padded time for those days when you feel like couch surfing. I’m learning that listening to the Navigator is the right path for me to take.
Staying on track isn’t about never drifting. It’s about noticing—and choosing the path again.
How do you follow through with a decision? What’s your approach? Please feel free to share it in the comments. I’d love to hear about it.