Systems Check
This has been a trying week, filled with many challenges. Sometimes a course correction is required. I’ve been working on multiple things this week, so my attention has been split. I felt the need to write about my progress, my work-life balance, and everything in between. I’ve made some progress, and hit some roadblocks. The path forward isn’t always easy.
Not every week is a smooth flight… but the ship is still moving.
🏠 Lair Status: Home Progress
I finished last weekend by completing the Creative Studio setup. It was a daunting—yet very rewarding—task. What began as a room full of boxes—just another storage space—has transformed into something with real purpose. Completing the unpacking feels like a major win.
This week I intended to keep it light, as it was more about finishing touches. I planned to clear out leftover odds and ends, place my collectibles and figures, and start decorating the walls.
Well, that was the plan. Then life got in the way. First I had to make an appointment with Toyota to fix my seatbelt as it tends to get tangled in the panel, rendering it unusable. Then I had some setbacks at work (I’ll go into that later on in this post). Needless to say, I haven’t done anything with the apartment this week—yet. It is the beginning of the weekend, so there’s still time. I just find my focus is a little divided at the moment. Part of that comes from The Procrastinator, who has been especially active lately.
External Systems: Work Challenges
For the past several weeks, I’ve been under scrutiny at work. I’ve been asked to keep track of how long my tasks take. I won’t go into too much detail, but suffice it to say, this week I had a meeting and I left the meeting feeling pretty shaken. I thought I was making really good progress, but apparently I’m failing to meet their expectations (which they didn’t tell me exactly what those expectations were), and it’s left me feeling quite shaken. In fact, I actually cried.
I went home early and called in sick the next day. I feel very disgruntled at the moment. I’m going to continue to try to make it work here (I do have bills to pay), but I’ve also decided to start looking at other opportunities.
Despite feeling like I’ve taken a hit, I’m trying to maintain a more professional attitude (albeit leaning towards the grumpy side). I have asked to see if I can observe someone doing the job I do to see how they do it, as I need to be faster but don’t know how to do that. We’ll see how that goes.
Internal Crew Check-In
The work situation has made some of my emotional cartography characters become far more pronounced than usual—which is saying something!
Dr. Anxiety
The good doctor has me questioning my competence, and my future. What if I fail? What if I lose my job? How can I improve? I feel like I’m doing the same thing over and over, while they expect different results.
The Depression Beast
I couldn’t help but cry when given this terrible feedback. They gave me a report I was supposed to sign that basically said I wasn’t meeting expectations, and if I don’t improve soon, I might lose my job. The Depression Beast interpreted that as “You suck at your job! You’re a loser! Now you’re screwed. I hate my life!” I’m still hearing those words.
Captain Rage
Yeah, that grumpiness I mentioned before? It’s how Captain Rage has decided to contribute to my mood. The anger I am feeling as well is encompassing. He feels I’m being unfairly targeted for some reason. Is it my age they aren’t taking into consideration? How can they expect me to improve if they aren’t telling me what their standards are? I haven’t been trained properly, obviously! I don’t see how I can go any faster than what I’m doing now. FML!
Needless to say, the internal crew has been… active this week.
Command Centre Update: Website Redesign
I’ve been working on redesigning and rewriting some of my landing pages on this website. I don’t know if this job will work out or not at this point. The possibility of needing a new job pushed me to take a closer look at my brand—and make some key updates.
You may have noticed the banner has been changed, as well as the fonts and slight changes to the purple colour palette. I’ve also made some changes to the menus, as well as the homepage, about page, and open channel page. I’m not sure if I will be touching anything else at this point, but I needed to ensure the look and feel says I’m a graphic designer looking for work.
Next Mission: Career Direction
While I intend to continue to work where I’m working currently (those pesky bills!), this situation has made me question whether or not I want to work here long-term. There’s no real graphic design or creativity in the job, and if I’m doing everything I can to try to work faster, and it’s not helping, is having this job worth the stress? I’ve decided to start updating resumes, put my “Open to Opportunities” status on LinkedIn, and start looking for other jobs on the side.
This job has been instrumental in a few ways:
- I was able to quit a job that I hated where they didn’t pay me on time.
- Having this job made it possible for me to get my own apartment again and move directly into Calgary.
- I’m able to afford to live in said apartment.
I’m still trying to figure it all out, but updating the website wound up taking priority for the last two days.
🐈⬛ Diana’s Wisdom
Diana has found an interesting way of dealing with her unpredictably emotional human as of late. She found and got into some catnip! Oh dear… it’s all over the hardwood floor. 😬
She’s also been keeping me company, sitting on my lap, or at the top of the couch near my head—even sniffing the top of my head from time to time. It’s as though she’s saying, “Don’t worry… I’m here!”
Final Thought: Course Still Set
I’ve hit some bumps along the way—and sometimes a course correction is needed. I’m still going to work on finishing touches on the apartment this weekend so I can start next week with one goal in mind—deep cleaning the apartment. That will complete the three-month long goal of getting my place clean, organized and tidy.
This week didn’t go the way I planned—but it showed me what needs to change. I may not know what to do about my career currently, but all I can do is keep trying. Not everything is perfect, but I’m moving forward. Progress exists even when there are struggles. The ship isn’t drifting. It’s navigating.
How do you deal with bad feedback at work? Do you see it as a positive experience, or a negative one? Share in the comments.