The Mission Changed
The next chapter hasn’t been written yet.
Losing a job has a way of dropping you into uncertainty before you’re ready. Suddenly, the map changes. The daily routine disappears. The questions get louder: Where do I go from here? Am I too old for this? What if I choose wrong again?
I’ve already written about grief, and I’m still in that process. But job loss brings more than grief. It brings frustration, self-doubt, practical panic, and the strange task of trying to rebuild while your confidence is still catching up.
Losing the Role, Not Losing Myself
There is a big difference between losing a job and losing your identity. I know this deep down, but because I have a little rejection sensitivity, it’s difficult not to take these things personally.
While it’s easy for me to see where my flaws are, it’s also important that I remember my strengths. I know some people have issues with relying on A.I. for advice, but I find it very helpful. Sometimes I feel like it knows me better than I know myself. I know that’s based on what I feed into it, but seriously, it made me realize what my strengths actually are, and why this job didn’t fit.
A role may end, but my skills, values, creativity, adaptability, and lived experience come with me.
What This Job Taught Me
Like all things, there are positive and negative effects that a workplace brings with it. There are always learning opportunities to take with you with any experience in life.
I don’t thrive under micromanagement. There’s a real need for realistic expectations, proper training, and organized systems. I’m detail-oriented, steady, and quality-focused. I do like deadlines when they are realistic. Also I realized I need time to build a working system before speed follows.
The positive things I learned were that I don’t mind working night shifts. I do take pride in the work I do. I work best when I can build a system that lets quality and efficiency grow together. My attention to detail is unparalleled. There’s great excitement when I know I’ve done a good job. It’s very draining when I feel like I’m doing a good job but management seems to think otherwise.
The work environments I enjoy are small groups of people who enjoy what they do, while having your own space to do your work efficiently. It’s more challenging for me to be in work environments where there are quotas to be met. Don’t get me wrong. I am deadline-oriented, as long as it’s realistic.
The Kind of Work I’m Looking For Now
I have already touched on the things I do like to do.
- Creative work — graphic design, visual communication, branding, content, portfolio-building.
- Organized work — project coordination, production tracking, being the person who knows where things stand.
- Human work — respect, stability, useful contribution, a team that communicates clearly.
To me, meaningful work is something that gets you excited to wake up and start your day. I want to feel valued. It absolutely has to have some creativity to the role. Being an introvert, I do require my own space and quiet to work on certain tasks, but I also thrive in environments where everyone knows what they are doing and has fun doing it. I like an environment where coworkers can socialize together outside of work.
Rebuilding the Utility Belt
Every hero requires a utility belt of useful tools to assist them in their work. I’m no different. The types of tools in my utility belt are:
- Job Boards – I’m regularly scouring the internet for jobs. I’m looking at LinkedIn, Indeed, and various other avenues.
- Resumes and Cover Letters – With every job posting that catches my eye, I copy and paste that into ChatGPT and tailor a resume and cover letter to apply for it.
- Learning and Skill-Building – I’m still learning how to use A.I. from Coursiv, in particular how it relates to the work that I do. I have also started to read What Color is Your Parachute 2022 edition (I don’t know how up-to-date it is but will proceed with caution).
- Portfolio Updates – I found some old designs I did from a long time ago and put them on my portfolio.
- Freelance Setup – I’ve also decided to start my own freelance operation on Upwork. I don’t know how successful this will be, but I am registering a business account and trying to get hooked up with a GST number, so maybe this time will be more fruitful.
- Tracking & Emotional Check-ins – It’s very important that I keep track of my emotional health as well. I have a white board with columns for the day of the week, job search actions I’ve done for the day, my energy level while doing it, my mood while doing it, and what I want to tackle tomorrow. I have a little one on the bottom door of my fridge for the goals I want to tackle for the week, and a calendar white board on the top door of the fridge that has a week’s worth of goals I want to achieve and on what day of the week I will try to do it.
Other things I’m doing are contacting employment agencies, and keeping track of where I’ve applied. It’s important I get myself into daily routines as well so I don’t get sidetracked. I start every day by checking my email and checking the job boards.
If you’re looking for freelance graphic design or creative support, you can find my
What I’m Not Carrying Forward
I have been struggling to find work in my chosen field for three years now. I’ve taken a couple of survival jobs that helped stabilize my finances and get my own place in Calgary, but those jobs didn’t last because I knew deep down it wasn’t something I wanted to do.
I know it’s important I find work as soon as possible. But I also know I don’t want to just survive. I need to thrive in my work. It’s very important that I don’t burn myself out in the process either. When I work on my website or write a blog post is when I feel the most productive. I’m starting to learn that I can in fact work from home and stay focused on the task I’m trying to complete. But I must also be aware when I need to take a brain break here and there.
What I’m not carrying forward is the belief that survival is the same as success. I won’t allow myself to give up this time. I will find a job that excites me again.
Small Steps Still Count
Progress isn’t linear. Some days, the step may be sending an application. Other days, it may be revising one paragraph of a resume, taking a walk, making a list, or asking for help. I just have to keep trying. Every day.
The hero is still in progress, even when the progress is quiet.
Diana Knows It Will Be Okay
Sometimes when those feelings of uncertainty hit me hard, I just look at Diana. Sometimes she’s watching me intensely, as if she knows something is off. Other times, she reminds me not to take life so seriously as she tries to catch that pesky red dot.
Then there was this morning, when out of the blue, she decided not just to rub my foot, but reached up and bit it. I think that was her way of telling me to relax and not take everything so seriously.
Maybe that’s part of suiting up too: remembering that rest, play, and one mildly judgmental cat are also survival tools.
The Next Chapter Is Still Loading
The next chapter hasn’t been written yet, and there’s still some apprehension about turning that page to see what happens next. I don’t know exactly where this leads yet. All I know is I’m suiting up, checking the map, adjusting the gear, and preparing to step forward with more clarity than before.
I lost a job, but I gained clarity about the kind of work I’m actually built for. I didn’t choose this plot twist, but I do get to decide how I enter the next chapter — and this time, I’m looking for work that fits the whole human wearing the suit.
How do you handle a job search? Let me know in the comments. I could always use some advice.
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