Wait, Was This a Good Week?
I’ve had one hell of a good week. Sort of.
I’m not going to say there were fireworks going off. I’m still unemployed, and The Depression Beast is still very present in my days. But, looking back over the week, I felt like I accomplished a lot of work on myself.
Sometimes when I’m depressed I have a hard time acknowledging all the good that has happened. Then there are times the depression is so bad I can’t see through the fog. In other words, sometimes I can’t tell if I have had a good week or not.
Compared to October, this past week was light years ahead of the pack. I feel a renewed sense of optimism, albeit a cautious optimism.
So, was this a good week? Absolutely.
The Beast Was Kicking My Ass
Last month was a rough one. Losing my job that I had built up so much in my mind felt like a sucker punch to the gut. I was deeply grieving the loss of the potential that job had.
The Depression Beast came out of hibernation and decided he’d have a go at steering the ship. He did this through very rough seas and rocky shores. The Navigator had issues explaining where we needed to go, but the beast just plopped his big, furry ass down on the deck, right beside the wheel, and wouldn’t let anyone else steer.
Meanwhile his friends were also wreaking havoc on the deck. Dr. Anxiety was his usual nervous self, running around, panicking left and right. The Fog made it so thick no one could see where we were heading. Meanwhile the Procrastinator took over much of the spare time by deciding to let things slide. He can be a good union rep, but when he’s at his worst, he tends to make it difficult to get off the couch.
Needless to say, there was a huge amount of depression blocking me from acting on anything. My home was getting messier by the day with little desire to clean it. I felt like sleeping, eating, and binge-watching TV. Checking my email or putting real effort into the job search felt like too much.
Looking back, I can see I was mourning the loss of that job. Rejection seems to hit me harder as I get older. Undoubtedly, I took the job loss too personally.
Look What I Got Done
This week, I decided to start off by using my white erase boards and planned out what I would try to do in a week, then divided those tasks into daily tasks.
I also thought it would be a good idea to ensure there were plenty of breaks in-between tasks, and to make the lists reasonable.
My job coach gave me a goal to have ten job applications sent per week for the next three weeks. Knowing this, one of my goals was to apply to two jobs per weekday to meet this target.
Another goal was to get the place back to a reasonable state. I often struggle with keeping the place clean, so I split major tasks into days of the week, and ensured that once an area was cleaned, to keep it tidy by tidying up throughout the day.
I intentionally kept the days light, and decided to carry over any tasks I didn’t get to work on to the next day. That process actually worked better. I still prefer to call it my “what I feel like doing” list, rather than a to-do list.
So far this week, I applied to ten jobs, and followed up on a couple I applied to last week. The kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, and creative studio were cleaned up. I only have finishing touches left, like sorting through various items on the couch or on the table, cleaning the tub, and sweeping and mopping the floors.
Remarkably, I also managed to get back into working on upgrading my skills through LinkedIn Learning. I’m currently continuing my course for Video Editing. Keep an eye out for potential videos added to my portfolio.
All in all, it’s been a pretty good week.
I Had Some Wind at My Back
Part of my success was getting the mandate from my job coach for two job applications per day. I’m reviewing far more jobs than that every day, but work on the ones that are promising. I’m really glad I’m working with my career coach because that weekly goal ignited something in me.
If you’re job hunting in Canada, you can browse postings and set up free alerts through the Government of Canada’s Job Bank.
Also, attacking the main living area on Monday was a huge relief, especially the kitchen, which had become toxic. It was messy, dishes piling up, and lots of fruit flies around. Getting that out of the way on the first day was also a very needed boost. That boost carried me through the rest of the week’s cleaning.
The Depression Beast hasn’t gone anywhere, though. I can still hear him whispering in my ear. His words are acknowledged, and I thank him for being here, but I decide to go ahead and do it anyway. There are still times I don’t get all the tasks done that I set out to do. But I’m not punishing myself for not accomplishing them. Now, I’m simply carrying the task forward to the next day. Intentionally, I also keep the weekends very light so that if I don’t get everything done during the week, I have additional time to do them on the weekend.
The wind at my back wasn’t gusty. It was a nice, gentle breeze. It was refreshing.
Diana Accomplished a lot as Well
Diana also had a very busy week. She kept me company. Supervision of my cleaning tasks was very necessary.
I also opened the blinds in the kitchen so she once again had coverage of the back of the house. Birds and squirrels, beware! Diana is watching your every move.
She even saw a rabbit some mornings right at the kitchen window.
Diana also took many naps… Sometimes inspiring me to do the same.
Final Thought: Damn, That Felt Good
All in all, I had one hell of a good week.
The place looks cleaner. I’m keeping up my daily tasks of tidying and checking my emails, and I’m applying to more jobs.
Lady Optimism even made an appearance yesterday, as I had a feeling something good was going to happen.
I’m going to continue to work on the daily goals. And I’ll keep track of what I have accomplished. This approach of acknowledging the anxiety but deciding to go ahead and do the task anyway is working for me.
What’s one small win that helped a rough week turn around for you?
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