The System Went Quiet
It has been a while since I wrote a blog post. Not because I stopped caring, and not because I ran out of ideas. The Fog rolled in. Then The Depression Beast settled down heavily in the corner. The Procrastinator found the remote and made himself comfortable.
After my last post about the Fog, I found it very difficult for it to lift. There haven’t been any important life updates. The place isn’t as clean as I would like it to be. I haven’t felt much motivation to do anything beyond the basics, though I’m still applying for jobs here and there.
Perhaps I needed a break from being online. Nevertheless, I’ve gotten back on the horse, and I finally felt compelled to write.
When Progress Doesn’t Look Like Progress
Sometimes I wish I could wave a magic wand, and poof! All my goals have been achieved. I have found a great job. There is a large amount of money in my bank account. My home is immaculate. Everything is wonderful!
Near the end of last year when I turned 50, I was actually beginning to think things were going my way. A lot has changed in the past couple of months. I lost my job. I had an interview that bombed.
Then the Fog rolled in. It’s been harder and harder to navigate the choppy waters. So I found myself feeling like I had nothing of substance to write about. Brain fog tends to make decisions feel distant. Depression makes all effort feel heavier than usual. Procrastination offers temporary escape from the mundane.
The problem is the longer the pause lasts, the harder returning to routine feels. Rest, avoidance, recovery, and shutdown seem to blur together.
Sometimes the hardest part is not doing the thing. It is returning to the thing after I have been away long enough for shame to start decorating the doorway.
The Trio in the Control Room
The Navigator has gone missing, or is taking a nap these days. The three at the helm are The Fog, The Depression Beast, and The Procrastinator. This doesn’t make steering the ship easy.
The Fog blurs the dashboard. I’m unable to see where I’m going. It often makes me wonder where things went awry. For some reason, though, I can’t even contact The Archivist of Regret either. The Fog makes it really difficult to find anyone.
The Depression Beast lowers the power level. It is almost non-existent. I feel like a cell phone where the battery power has been hovering at 1% for about a month straight, and I can’t find the charger.
The Procrastinator suggests waiting until conditions improve. I have caught up on One Piece, and even binge watched all 15 seasons of ER since my last post. I seem to have needed escape more than usual lately.
None of the Emotional Cartography characters are necessarily trying to destroy the mission. The Fog is trying to reduce overload. While The Depression Beast is making things feel very heavy, he’s not evil in his intentions. The Procrastinator is often trying to protect me from discomfort. The problem is that when they all show up together, the command centre gets very quiet.
The Myth of the Big Comeback
Part of me thinks I need a good kick in the pants to get moving again — some big comeback from the storm. But that isn’t realistic.
I don’t need a grand relaunch. Where have all the days gone? Does that really matter? I don’t even need to prove that I’m fine. I only need to restart gently.
A reboot does not begin with full power. It begins with one light blinking back on.
What Rebooting Actually Looks Like
Rebooting is not glamorous. Rebooting is not a montage. It is one small signal coming back online: the file opens, a sentence appears, and even if it is awkward, it counts. Momentum usually returns after movement, not before it.
Sometimes it’s just as simple as opening a new blog post and starting to type. See what’s on your mind. Other times, it’s just checking your email, or answering one message. It could even be as simple as drinking a glass of water. Or clearing one small surface.
If I’m stuck with coming up with something to write about, I can always count on my ChatGPT to assist me with coming up with titles or a direction. The first draft will be rough, but it’s important for me to get back into a routine again.
Sometimes just showing up is a win.
Returning Without Punishing Myself
I can’t change the past. That much is evident. What I can do is adapt my daily routines so they help me act again.. Even if it’s simply going for a walk in the mornings. There’s no point in feeling ashamed that The Fog became hard to move through. It is what it is.
Shame doesn’t make the comeback any easier. If anything, it empowers The Depression Beast. Harsh self-talk gives The Depression Beast nourishment. The Procrastinator thrives when the task at hand feels emotionally loaded. A gentler return is a better approach than a dramatic burst of action — especially when energy is hard to come by.
I cannot shame myself back into consistency. I can only invite myself back to the console.
Hero in Progress Means Still in Progress
There’s a reason why I have the category “Hero in Progress“. It’s an admission that the journey is never finished. There are always hurdles to overcome in life. As long as you keep trying, you’re still making progress.
This is what Hero in Progress means sometimes. It’s not about the victory pose. There’s no polished training montage set to an 80s song. Sometimes it simply means admitting the signal has dropped, and choosing to transmit again anyway.
Diana’s Wisdom
Sometimes it takes a cat to remind me that I shouldn’t take life too seriously. If you’re tired, take a nap. Bask in the sunlight. Bat a toy across the floor for no obvious reason. And if your human needs it, sit comfortably on their lap and purr them back into action.
Final Thought: One Signal Back Online
I am not declaring a grand comeback. There’s no promise of perfect consistency. I am simply turning the lights back on. One paragraph, one post, one small signal from the command centre: I’m still here, I’m still trying, I’m still a hero in progress.
What helps you come back online after a foggy season?
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I think about what I can change to make things better. I know I can’t change others so I change something about myself. Can you think of anything you could change about yourself to make you more marketable? Maybe your goals need some breaking down or a re- examination of what makes you happy or something like that. Please let me know if you need anything. Love mom.